Pam couldn’t help but grin as she read over the email in front of her. She felt proud of herself. And sneaky. It was quite the solution to the awkward “how to tell Jim the news?” dilemma.
As she pushed send, she nodded in satisfaction. There. That was a… casual, completely light-hearted, non-obvious way of informing him. Plus, she really had to share with him about the other things that had happened that day. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to keep this up for his entire vacation though, if only because she didn’t think she’d be able to restrict herself to only emailing him twice a week. Especially since she figured she could count on a response from him as soon as he read this one.
To: JHalpert@dunder-mifflin.com; jim.halpert@gmail.com
From: PBeesly@dunder-mifflin.com
Date: Thursday, June 8, 2006, 6:42 p.m.
Subject: The Bi-Weekly Scranton Update
Dear list member,
You are receiving this message as a new subscriber of the bi-weekly update of Dunder Mifflin Scranton news for our interested parties overseas. If you believe you are receiving this message in error, please reply back with the subject heading of “Please unsubscribe me.”
This issue, June 8, 2006:
A lot can happen in one day
Jim Halpert wasn’t in today, as he left early this morning on a trip half-way across the world. We wish him well on his journey…
Dwight K. Schrute was witnessed purchasing seasons one through three of Felicity on DVD over the internet. When questioned, he explained that it was ‘a gift for his girlfriend’. This reporter is skeptical…
The Anderson-Beesly wedding scheduled for this upcoming Saturday has been cancelled. The only explanation so far has been cold feet, the bride explaining that “[she] just started having some doubts about what [she] really wanted for [her] future.” No comment has been made by the groom to date, as this reporter hasn’t been inclined to ask him for a statement…
Michael Scott has, once again, made it his mission to bring this branch ever closer to being downsized. Frustrated at Stanley Hudson’s constant need to work rather than showering his boss with attention, Scott confiscated Hudson’s phone for the day. Expecting Hudson to sit grumpily and glare at everyone all day, other office members were pleasantly surprised to find him compensating by actually being friendly and social – with everyone except the Regional Manager responsible…
Is Ryan Howard finally making steps toward a commitment? Kelly Kapoor walked into the office today wearing a lovely new pair of earrings which were reportedly from the temp in question. Kapoor reported that it was “the best present [she’s] gotten from a boyfriend, like, ever.” Howard could only shake his head and press his face into his hands, his overall demeanor screaming “What have I done?”
We hope you have found this bi-weekly update informative. Stay tuned for more news in the June 12th issue.
P.S. (Just being Pam now) Does bi-weekly mean every two weeks or twice a week? I always get that confused. Anyway, obviously I meant twice a week, since you’re only gone for two weeks.
P.P.S. Hope you had a good flight… or flights? Say hi to the kangaroos for me. I know that was cheesy. But seriously, I’ve been doing a little Australia-informational reading today, and stay away from those kangaroos! One kick from one of them could put you into a coma.
P.P.P.S. Wasn’t sure whether to send to your work or personal address, so I sent to both. Let me know which you’ll probably be checking more often while you’re there. Or, you know, you could play by the rules and reply from the other address with “Please unsubscribe me”. ;)
To: jim.halpert@gmail.com
From: PBeesly@dunder-mifflin.com
Date: Monday, June 12, 2006, 4:47 p.m.
Subject: The Bi-Weekly Scranton Update
Dear list member,
You are receiving this message as a subscriber of the bi-weekly update of Dunder Mifflin Scranton news for our interested parties overseas. If you believe you are receiving this message in error, please reply back with the subject heading of “Please unsubscribe me.”
This issue, June 12, 2006:
Teddy bears and dead birds and extinct giraffes, oh my!
It was Phyllis Lapin’s birthday today, and if you thought Bob Vance (Vance Refrigeration)’s deliveries on Valentine’s Day were impressive, you should see the amazing collection of gifts decorating her desk today, including a more practical-sized, and adorable, teddy bear that says “I love you! I really do!” when you squeeze it. This guy’s obviously a keeper, folks…
Dwight K Schrute has some new additions to his desk décor: a stuffed pigeon and a very, very large bag of peanuts. This reporter is uncertain with how best to use that to her advantage without her partner in crime around to help her plot…
Pam Beesly has been hunting for a new place to live to accommodate her new single status, and as of yesterday, seems to have found a winner (It’s amazing. Really. You have to come see once I’ve moved in.)…
On Friday, Michael Scott felt it was his duty to hold a seminar to educate his employees on the importance of recycling. According to Scott, if you don’t recycle, numerous species of animals will go extinct within days, particularly the giraffes in the Sahara. That’s all that was retained in the memory of this reporter, who’s still recovering…
We hope you have found this bi-weekly update informative. Stay tuned for more news in the June 15th issue.
P.S. Shut it. A gossip column format is a perfectly legit way of keeping people informed. And you know you love it.
P.P.S. Thank you, really, for your concern, but I’m actually doing fine. Really. Do you ever get out of a situation only to realize later that you were a lot unhappier while you were in it than you realized?
P.P.P.S. Well, snap out of the jet lag, sleepyhead! You didn’t go all that way just to nap through your whole vacation!
To: jim.halpert@gmail.com
From: PBeesly@dunder-mifflin.com
Date: Thursday, June 15, 2006, 3:02 p.m.
Subject: The Bi-Weekly Scranton Update
Dear list member,
You are receiving this message as a subscriber of the bi-weekly update of Dunder Mifflin Scranton news for our interested parties overseas. If you believe you are receiving this message in error, please reply back with the subject heading of “Please unsubscribe me.”
This issue, June 15, 2006:
All Quiet on the Scranton Front
Not much really happening the past couple days…
Pam Beesly has signed up for two art classes at the local community college and is very excited about them…
Creed Bratton made his first appearance at the office today at 2:27 p.m. When his extreme lateness was brought into question, his only defense was, “Really? All of the clocks in my house said eight when I left.” What’s left unclear is whether all of the clocks in his house were wrong, or if it took him six and a half hours to get from his house to work…
We hope you have found this bi-weekly update informative. Stay tuned for more news in the June 19th issue.
P.S. Oh, my God! Your idea of what to do with Dwight’s pigeon was inspired! So much better than what I wound up doing, which I’m too ashamed to even admit here. I let you down, Halpert. And it’s too late now. He’s removed that and the peanuts, and his bobble heads(!!!) and will be keeping them tucked away safely at home until he decides it’s okay to bring them back in without fear of foul play. Paranoid, much?
P.P.S. I can’t believe you got to do all of that in one day! I’m so jealous. You’re really out there, experiencing the world. And I’m stuck here. I hate you. :-P
To: jim.halpert@gmail.com
From: PBeesly@dunder-mifflin.com
Date: Monday, June 19, 2006, 11:42 a.m.
Subject: The Bi-Weekly Scranton Update
Dear list member,
You are receiving this message as a subscriber to the bi-weekly update of Dunder Mifflin Scranton news for our interested parties overseas. If you believe you are receiving this message in error, please reply back with the subject heading of “Please unsubscribe me.”
This issue, June 19, 2006:
Is it June 22nd yet?
Meredith Palmer fell asleep at her desk this morning, and woke up covered in crap. Not actual crap, of course, but you know, the kind of crap Michael keeps on his desk and finds amusing to stick in the hair of his snoozing employees…
On Friday, Pam Beesly walked in on a very, very uncomfortable discussion between Michael Scott and Roy Anderson. Her stand on the issue is that she felt like mentioning it even though she doesn’t really want to talk about it, which she accepts might be annoying to some readers of this mailing list. (Sorry)…
This reporter apparently missed out on one of the most exciting things that happened in the office recently, as she was in the break room when the explosive fight broke out among the office accountants. No information yet on what the issue was, but Kevin Malone keeps snickering, Oscar Martinez keeps shaking his head and rubbing his temples, and Angela Martin hasn’t come out of the bathroom in the last forty-five minutes. Interesting…
We hope you have found this bi-weekly update informative. Stay tuned for more news in the June 22nd issue.
P.S. This has been one of the hardest Mondays ever to get through. I’m serious. I’m this close to hiding in the bathroom with Angela and eating my hair. I wasn’t planning on writing this email till later, but it’s the only thing keeping me sane!
P.P.S. Yay, I know! I actually took the first class over the weekend, and it was just as awesome as I’d hoped. The other students in the class are all way more talented than me, but hopefully this’ll help me improve.
To: JHalpert@dunder-mifflin.com
From: PBeesly@dunder-mifflin.com
Date: Thursday, June 22, 2006, 8:32 a.m.
Subject: The Bi-Weekly Scranton Update
Dear list member,
You are receiving this message as a subscriber to the bi-weekly update of Dunder Mifflin Scranton news for our interested parties overseas. If you believe you are receiving this message in error, please reply back with the subject heading of “Please unsubscribe me.”
This issue, June 22, 2006:
Back to Normal, Thank God
Today, Jim Halpert returns to Dunder Mifflin after his vacation to Australia…
P.S. See you soon! Actually, considering the time that I’m sending this, you’ll be seeing me before you read this. Which is why I didn’t put up much of an effort for this particular edition.
Only two minutes after she pressed send on the final (and least informative) bi-weekly update, Jim arrived.
She looked up to find him walking towards her desk, wearing a little bit of a smile and a lot of apprehension. Without a word, he leaned forward on her desk, so familiar yet slightly different than usual, and dropped his gaze down to her left hand. It was as if he’d been waiting two weeks to see irrefutable proof, with his own two eyes, that she was no longer wearing a ring.
Apparently that was all he needed, because when he looked up to her eyes, he flashed her that mega-watt smile that she’d been missing so much lately. “Hi.”
She grinned back. “Hey.”
It was going to be a good day.
