Jim:  "'How was the wedding?'  Is that a trick question?"

Pam:  "There were... some unexpected complications."

Jim points to his left cheek, which is yellow with a slowly healing bruise.

Pam:  "It's a long story.  [to Jim] Where do we start?"


It was a beautiful day in early September.  Really, they couldn't have asked for a nicer day.  Not a cloud in the sky, temperatures in the mid-seventies.  Just perfect.

Pam had stayed with her mom the night before.  She and Jim parted with a long slow kiss after the rehearsal dinner.  She wasn't sure exactly why she wanted to do it that way - it wasn't like they weren't already living together and expecting a baby, but maybe she thought it would make it more exciting when they first laid eyes on each other the next day.

They hadn't told anyone about the baby other than their parents and siblings.  Both of them agreed it would probably be more comfortable to keep it from their co-workers, at least until after the wedding.  Neither one of them wanted to deal with the barbs and the inevitable shotgun wedding jokes.  However, in recent weeks it was becoming more difficult to hide, as Pam's once flat stomach was starting to get noticeably rounded, and it was obvious she was gaining weight.  Michael had already commented about her getting fat (pregnancy never crossed his mind for whatever reason) and they knew that some of the people in the office were suspicious, but no one would come right out and ask.

They were having a backyard wedding at their house.  They were originally going to get married in a church, but since Pam was Presbyterian and Jim was Catholic there was some tension between their two families as to which church they should use, so in the end they enlisted a Unitarian Universalist minister - a friend of Bob Vance - to perform the ceremony at their house.

The ceremony itself went off without any incident.  They exchanged vows in front of their friends and family, about a hundred people total.  Jim's brothers Pete and Tom and his friend Mark were his groomsmen.  Pam's bridesmaids were her little sister Jennifer, her best friend from high school, Kristin, and Jim's twin sister Larissa.  The men wore simple charcoal colored suits and the women wore flowery sundresses.

Jim and Pam were both shaking as they put the rings on each other's fingers.  And when it came time for them to kiss as husband and wife, they almost forgot anyone else was there.  It was just the two of them, in that perfect moment.
The perfection lasted exactly one hour and eight minutes, at which point all hell broke loose.  

It wasn't like they hadn't anticipated something going awry.  After all, they did invite Michael Scott, who had a proclivity towards ruining special events with embarrassing behavior.  It was surprising, however, that Michael was not the cause of the catastrophe.  No, this was a homegrown situation.

Jim had always had a love-hate relationship with his older brothers.  Tom was five years older and Pete three and a half years his senior, so they were always old enough to be bigger than him and therefore more intimidating.  Strangely, they were nothing but protective of his twin sister, but with Jim there were constant teasings and prankings and even beatings.

Pete in particular was a bully, and this extended into their adult lives.  A successful attorney, he never missed a moment to make himself seem superior to Jim.  But on the other hand, he had helped Jim through some hard times as well, and was generally a good friend.

Jim knew he was taking a risk by having Pete as his best man.  He could be unpredictable at times, especially when alcohol was involved.  So after the ceremony, Jim casually mentioned to Pete's wife, Kim, that he sure hoped Pete waited to start drinking until after he made his toast.  Kim laughed and told Jim not to worry.

His mistake was trusting her.

Pete had other ideas and was on his fifth drink before the customary toast.  (Both Jim and Pam would later agree that the open bar was probably a bad idea.)  As he stood up he looked a little unsteady, but he took the microphone and started talking.

"I had a speech prepared but you know what?  It looks all blurry now."  He tossed the cards he was holding off to the side and laughed.  Most of the guests laughed along with him.  

"To my little brother, his new bride, and my soon-to-be niece or nephew that's hiding out under that white dress."

Jim and Pam exchanged a horrified look, and there were murmurs and whispers in the crowd.  

"Pete - " Jim stammered, but Pete continued.

"You know, Jim wasn't always this successful with his relationships.  He once dumped a girl on a boat."  A lot of oohs and aahs and snickers from the crowd.  

"I remember that!" Michael said loudly.  Pete pointed at him and nodded.

"Then you'll also remember the girl he dumped in New York City and left crying on a park bench without a ride home..."  More noises of astonishment from the wedding guests.

Jim was getting angry.  He tried to whisper to Pete, "Uh, I think that's enough - "
"... so he could run back to Scranton and hop in bed with little Pamela here."

Pam turned scarlet but tried to laugh because she didn't know how else to respond.   Jim, on the other hand, was fuming.  "This is your speech?  Really?" he hissed at his brother as he started to stand.

"Yep, he has a history of being quite the heartbreaker, my brother.  But he's not immune to it himself.  Hell, Pam caused him to try and kill himself.  She may look cute and harmless, but let me tell you, she's not above being a real bitch."

That was enough for Jim.  His fist started in a tight ball at his waist and ended making impact on Pete's jaw.  The guests let out a collective gasp.  The brothers tumbled backwards off the raised stage behind the table, obscenities and fists flying.  Pete landed one on Jim's cheek just below his eye, but Jim was on top of him and punched him square in the nose.  

At the Dunder Mifflin table, Michael sat in shock, and muttered to his co-workers, "Wait, Pam is pregnant?"

Pam herself was frozen, mouth hanging open, not processing what was happening.  She had never seen Jim hit anyone.  Ever.  She managed to feebly cry out, "Jim!" but no one heard her.

Jim's hand was in pain and bloody by that point, but he didn't care.  Tom was grabbing him from behind trying to pull him off of Pete.  Mark joined Tom, grabbing his other arm and dragging him up.

"You fucking asshole!" Jim spat.

"Dude, calm the fuck down," Pete replied, swaying on his feet.  "It was a joke!"

"Where the hell did you go to joke school, you moron!"

Meanwhile, Pam looked wordlessly out at the guests.  For a brief moment her eyes met Michael's.  He saw the shock and humiliation there, and in a rare moment of clarity he knew what needed to be done.  He turned to Dwight, who was sitting next to him, but Dwight was already up at the front, "helping" by wielding a can of pepper spray at the offending Halpert.  So instead Michael grabbed Andy's arm and said, "Do you have your banjo in your car?"  Andy looked puzzled for a second but nodded.  Michael said, "Go get it and meet me up front."

The brothers were still screaming at each other.  Jim's dad was holding Pete back and Tom and Mark were still restraining Jim.  Dwight was up there holding his pepper spray, although, thankfully, he hadn't used it yet.

Pam couldn't hold back the tears at that point and finally found her legs, getting up from the table and hurrying down the steps, away from Jim.  He saw her out of the corner of his eye and tried to shake loose from his captors.  "Let me go.  I need to get to Pam!"

Tom tightened his grip and shook his head.  "You need to calm down first."

She was gone now, inside the house.  The guests were sitting there in shock, obviously wondering what had just happened and what they should do next.
Suddenly, there was a voice over the microphone.  Michael was standing up at the head table, trying to laugh.  "Ladies and gentlemen, the Halpert brothers!  Aren't they hilarious... pranksters."

The crowd was silent.  Michael squirmed.  "Let's give them a round of applause."

No one did anything.  Michael was clapping alone.  He pleaded with the Dunder Mifflin table with his eyes.  They glanced at each other, somewhat confused but also understanding what Michael was asking.  Oscar was the first to clap.  Toby soon followed.  Eventually, the applause trickled over to the other tables.

Jim finally broke free and ran in the house after Pam.  The caterers were at work in the kitchen, seemingly unaware of the ruckus.  He called out her name.  Frantic, he raced upstairs to their bedroom.  The door was locked.

"Pam, please!  I am so sorry!  Please, just open the door!"

He was surprised when she actually did open the door.  She was obviously sobbing.
He tried to hug her but she stepped back, holding her hands up.  "Is it true?" she managed to whimper.

"Is what true?" he asked. 

"What Pete said," she answered.

He took a deep breath and swallowed.  "You know Pete, Pam.  He's an ass.  And when he's drunk, he's more than an ass.  He called you a - "

"You're not answering me."  She was glaring at him now, her arms crossed over her chest.

Jim looked at her.  "Can we sit down?"  He gestured to the bed.

She picked up a box of tissues on the nightstand and sat down.  She couldn't stop crying.  He put his arm around her as he sat next to her.  A few moments passed before he spoke.  When he did, his voice was quiet.

"It was that night.  The casino night.  After... well, everything... I went home and drank practically a bottle of vodka by myself.  I just couldn't... deal with it.  It was so stupid."  His breath caught in his throat and he tried not to let the tears fall.  "Mark was out late that night and when he came home he found me passed out on the floor in the living room.  When he couldn't wake me up, he called 911.  He saved my life, actually."

Pam was staring at him, wide eyed and trembling.

"It was pretty bad.  They say they almost lost me.  I spent three days in the hospital.  I was able to call Jan on Monday to accept the transfer.  I pretended I had the flu so I could take sick time until I moved.  I realized I could never go back after that."

She couldn't speak.  She grabbed for his hand but when she touched him he flinched.  She looked down and saw his hand was bleeding.

"Jim!  You're bleeding," was the only thing she could get out.  She got up quickly and hurried to the bathroom.  

"Pam?" he called after her, but she was back just as quickly, with a first aid kit.
"I'm okay," he said, but she was already washing the blood off with an antibacterial wipe.  "Shit!  That hurts!"

"No, you're not okay," she said quietly.  He let her continue, and silence followed for several minutes.  When his hand his firmly bandaged, she sighed heavily and sat back.  "Why didn't you tell me?"  Her voice was small.

He couldn't look her in the eye.  He tried to compose himself.  "I... Pam, it was so long ago.  It was in the past.  I didn't want to... I mean, we've been so happy... and it was the lowest point of my whole life."

"I did that to you," she stated, plainly, with no hint of a question.

"No!" he insisted.  "No, you didn't do anything wrong, Pam.  It was me.  I was stupid and I was really messed up.  It wasn't your fault.  I don't want you to ever think it was your fault."  He pulled her close and by now they were both crying.  He tried to wipe her tears with a crumpled tissue.  

"I love you.  I don't want this to change anything between us.  This is our wedding day, Pam.  And you're pregnant.  You shouldn't get this upset.  It's not good for our baby."

She nodded, burying her head in his chest.  They sat there for a long time, holding each other.

Then Pam finally spoke, "Oh my God, the guests!  What are we going to do?"
Jim smiled weakly, realizing that it was only at this moment Pam recognized their wedding was ruined.

"I am so sorry.  I ruined our wedding.  I don't know what got into me.  When he said that, I just lost it.  I've never even gotten a good punch on him before in my life.  Or anyone, really."  He put his head in his hands.

"Jim, he was drunk.  He thought he was being funny."

He shook his head.  "No, I'm never going to forgive him for this.  My whole life he pulled crap like that on me.  This is just too much."

Pam nodded silently.  

"But now I need to do damage control."  He stood up and started walking to the door.  Pam followed.  "What are you doing?" he said, lightly touching her stomach.  "You should stay here."

"No, that will look bad," she replied, reaching for his uninjured hand.  "We'll do this together.  Just let me clean myself up a little."

Five minutes later, they walked down the stairs and out the back door, hand in hand, but they were startled when they stepped into the back yard to hear... was that... banjo music?

The crowd was clapping along with Michael singing and Andy rocking out on the banjo to "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.  The hired DJ was just standing at his equipment with an amused look on his face, as, remarkably, everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Jim and Pam quietly approached the dance floor and Michael spotted them.  "Ooh!  Ooh!  The bride and groom!  Let's give them a round of applause for that hilarious prank!" 

The bride and groom exchanged a look, realizing they should just go with it. They took a bow.

Jim:  So while I wouldn't call it the best wedding reception ever - 
Pam:  The guests had fun.
Jim:  Michael saved the day.  Who saw that coming?
Pam:  Thanksgiving at the Halperts is going to be a little awkward this year though.