She misses saying his name.
She misses how it made her throat clench with an inexplicable anger. How it reminded her of previous nights, blurry-eyed over spoonfuls of ice cream (or “comfort food” as her mother called it, to make her feel less guilty). How his name was what her heart grasped at, even if she knew that his name tied together with hers with an “and” was an impossibility.
She looks up from her desk and his eyes meet hers and her fingers grow numb and she swears everyone can hear her heartbeat and she feels silly, like she did in high school but this time with an extra pang of reality and she thinks he knows all of this but at the same time understands that if he did, he would say something.
- - - - -
He misses making her laugh.
He misses how she would throw her head back and giggle, like all was peaceful in her world (and though he never knew it, she was always in a state of calm when he was with her because she didn’t have to convince herself that what she was feeling was a mixture of boredom or truth because she just knew it by the way he looked at her). He misses how she would stifle a silly laugh when she knew others were listening or if it involved Dwight, and how her eyebrows would raise as if she was shocked that she’s never heard something so hilarious. How, in the midst of her adorable, little giggles, her eyes would hold an aura of relief and tell him a secret truth that she was really happy, no matter how she defeated she had been feeling on the inside.
He looks up from his computer and her eyes meet his and he forgets how to breathe and he can feel his face flushing pale and he just knows that Dwight is looking at him all funny and he thinks that maybe he’s actually gone crazy, that he’s hit the wall this time, that the end finally found him, but then he realizes that she doesn’t turn away and for a moment he feels hope that he’s not as crazy as he thinks and that maybe, maybe, maybe she thinks about him like this too.
- - - - -
The falsity of their love turned them around. And at this point, they didn’t know if it was for the better or for the worse, but either way, they knew that there was something between them, hovering in the open space between their moments of understanding, even if they both focused all ounces of extra energy on ignoring it.
Story Notes:
Season three, sometime during episodes with Jim back at Scranton.
Author's Chapter Notes:
None of these characters are mine, unfortunately, no matter how much I wish they were.
Chapter End Notes:
More to come!
