- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's the second chapter, 2006 written by Deedldee. This is set in season 3 so warnings for a little Karen content. A little sad but we promise it'll get better soon. Hope you enjoy! - pamelamorganhalpert

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 2 - Christmas 2006

“So, how long do we let him stay up on the roof?” Jim asked, setting his bag on his shoulder and grabbing a jelly bean.

“Oh, about as long as it takes me to get home and call my sister to send him a text message to abort the mission. I was going to send it from my phone, but I figured he’d recognize the phone number.” Pam looked up and grinned, trying to keep her excitement in check.

“That’s perfect! Wow you really thought of everything Pam. Good work. I taught you well.” Jim smiled proudly, making direct eye contact with Pam.

“Thank you! Oh, uh, before I forget. Here’s the card and the rest of your gift.” She nervously handed him a small envelope, trying to stop her hand from shaking slightly.

“Oh you didn’t have to. Oh cool an iTunes gift card! I haven’t had a chance to buy anything on iTunes in a while, but I can’t wait to use this!” He smiled and went to place the envelope in his bag, and took out a small CD jewel case that said ‘mix for Pam’ on it.

“I have a CD of some new songs I got a few months ago I thought you might like. Here you go. ” Jim said anxiously, handing Pam the CD, trying to stamp down the awkward feeling he had in his stomach.

“Cool, thanks Jim.” She smiled, stopping herself from going to hug him, instead, she placed the CD in her purse.

“Hey, are you walking out?” He asked as he picked began to put on his scarf and jacket.

“Yeah. Just have to grab my coat.” She spun around a bit too quickly, silently shunning herself for giving into the giddy feeling she was having.

“OK, I’ll walk out with you.” Jim said, as he stepped towards the door, opening it for her.

“Thanks for waiting. Oh, I had a nice time getting to know Karen today. She seems really nice, and funny.” She said, trying not to sound as genuine as possible, even as her stomach lurched a bit as she completed the sentence.

“Yeah, she is. Before she left tonight she told me that she thought you were pretty cool.” Jim looked down at his feet as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

“Oh yeah, I felt bad that Angela was so rude to her. It was fun hanging out with her. So, how was lunch with Michael? Does it beat the time you two went to Hooters?” She asked, trying to break the awkwardness that seemed to creep in whenever either one mentioned Karen.

“Hah! Maybe. He and Andy got wasted and then hit on every waitress in the place. I did get Dwight to tell us all how to correctly butcher a goose, so that was a bonus. You should’ve seen the look on the faces of the people that were sitting between us. The guy asked me if Dwight had a mental problem and the woman actually told Dwight to shut his mouth. It was the first time I’d ever seen Dwight speechless. It was pretty funny.” Jim shook his head as they walked out of the elevator and out the front doors to the parking lot.

“Oh my God, that’s hilarious! I can just picture Dwight’s face. It must have been priceless!” Pam said, smiling at the thought of an offended Dwight.

“It was. I should have taken a picture on my phone to savor the memory.” Jim replied, nodding his head and shoving his hands in his pocket, more out of nerves than because of the below freezing temperatures.

“Yeah, you totally should have! “ She said excitedly, laughter touching the corners of her voice, as she stopped in front of her little blue Yaris.

“So, this is your new car, huh? It’s so tiny! How do you fit into it?” He peeked in the windows, shaking his head and smiling.

“Yeah, it’s kind of small. But it was pretty inexpensive.” She shrugged, hiding her slight embarrassment at her matter of fact response.

“Oh yeah, plus Toyota’s are pretty reliable. I really liked the one I had last year.” He said, making eye contact, and smiling.

“Yeah, it gets me where I need to go and I have enough money to pay rent so that’s a plus.” She said, silently wishing to make the conversation less awkward.

“That’s always a good thing. Hey uh, thanks again for the gifts. That was really cool of you to think of me.” He said, fighting an urge to hug her.

“You’re welcome. Thanks for the CD. I’ll check it out over the weekend.” She smiled as she began to play with the strings on the end of her scarf.

“Do you have any big plans for the week off?” He asked, hoping that he sounded as casual as possible.

“Just going to my parents for a few days, spend time with my friends and family. I have stuff to do for class too. What are you up to?” She looked up and smiled, suddenly feeling a pang in her chest at the thought that he was going to say Karen’s name at some point.

“Oh, you know, just the usual family stuff for the holiday. I can’t wait to see my niece. For the week I’ll probably just catch up on some things I haven’t had a chance to do. Like download new music. ” He smiled, trying not to notice the relieved look on Pam’s face.

“That’s cool. Hey, thanks for walking me to my car. I better get going, gotta get Penny to send that text message soon, I don’t want Dwight to freeze up there.” She said as she inched towards the drivers side of her car.

“Yeah, that’d be bad. Well, Merry Christmas Pam.” He said, looking at her and smiled, shuffled his feet as he moved towards his car.

“Merry Christmas, Jim.” She said, as she smiled and waved to him. When he turned around, she put her head down, and let out a big breath she didn’t realize she was holding, as she tried to convince herself that the tears in her eyes were from the cold air.


Jim:

I know I’m not crazy. I absolutely know this because the other day some lady on TV was showing off her jell-o mold collection and squealing when the jell-o jiggled. So I’m definitely not crazy. But I can’t help compare what I feel like this Christmas to how I felt about something that went on in my life when I was about nine years old. My friend Jeff had this beautiful dog named Molly. Molly was great, I played with her a lot, when I was outside on my front steps she would come running over to greet me. I played catch with her, and I actually taught her to roll over. I would even dog sit when Jeff and his family went on vacation. I loved spending time with that dog so much.

I asked my parents for a dog for Christmas that year. I promised them I would take care of it, and walk it every day, that I would be completely responsible for it. It turned out that Larissa asked for a cat that same year. So my parents sat me down and told me that they were going to get a cat instead of a dog. My mom was nervous about having a dog around when Larissa was so young. I tried to understand, and I really tried to like the cat, I did. But it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t walk the cat. It didn’t do tricks. It didn’t play in the backyard with me. It was nice to pet and it was a cuddly cat, but it wasn’t the same as what I knew having a dog would be like.

That’s basically what I’m feeling right now. What I have with Karen is fine for a little while, but she’s just not Pam. I just know that if I had a chance to be with Pam, it would be perfect. I just can’t stop thinking about the times Pam and I used to hang out together outside of work, like the day we went to play mini golf, or all the times we went to lunch together. All the time I spent getting to know Pam and falling in love with her was the happiest time of my life. I mean, this girl taught me to drive a stick shift, we made up fake diseases together, and we organized an office Olympics together!

I saw this look in her eyes today, for a second she looked sad, and I pretended to ignore it. But it was there, she was looking at Karen and me exchanging gifts, I saw the look, but then the camera caught her and she made like it didn’t happen. It took every ounce of self control to not hug her tonight when we said goodnight by her car. I just know that if I had hugged her I would never have been able to let go.

I wonder what it would be like to wake up with Pam on Christmas morning, make breakfast with her, open presents with her, visit relatives with her. I wonder what it would be like to do such simple things with her, like shop for groceries, or make a fire in the fireplace, snuggle on the couch and have hot chocolate together. I wonder what it would be like to take her ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza, and see the Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall. I wonder what it would be like to do mundane every day things, like fill a dishwasher, or fold laundry together. I wonder what it would be like to have a family with her.

If I close my eyes tight enough, I can see having a family with Pam. Our kids could burst into our bedroom on Christmas morning. They’d beg us to start opening presents before we would have breakfast. We would all be laughing together and taking a ton of pictures. I can see Pam and me at the end of that day when the kids are asleep, just listening to some holiday music, dancing together in our own living room, being so in love with each other that we can’t take our eyes off of the other. I wonder what it would be like to do that. I wonder what it would be like to fall asleep holding her close to me every night. I wonder what she looks like when she first wakes up in the morning, sleepy but fresh and beautiful in the morning light. I wonder what it would be like to finally be able to tell her and show her how much she means to me. I wonder what it would feel like to hear her say she loves me. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing Pam tell me she loves me.

Now I’m reminded of what my dad told me when I wanted a dog. He said ‘one day it will happen, you’ll get that dog. You just have to wait a little bit. You just have to wait. In the meantime, get to know the cat better. You may end up loving it.’ I wonder.


Pam:

Christmas never really was my favorite time of year. It just felt like such a struggle, such an ordeal with my parents, that it never seemed worth the effort. My dad never wanted to decorate the house. He never wanted to be involved in any gift buying. He never wanted a gift from us, and anything we bought him he would have us return. But my mom was full of Christmas spirit, she did it all herself. She decorated, baked, shopped, wrapped, and cooked for us. And my dad would nitpick at everything she did, so they’d start to bicker.

Christmas morning, my mom, Penny and I would gather around the tree that we put up without my dad’s help, and open presents just the three of us. My dad would always just either stay in bed or he would be outside doing something. I know we had good times as a family, and I love both of my parents equally, but they just killed Christmas for me. If it has to be that much effort just for a little piece of joy and happiness, then what’s the point of making the effort?

I know that part of my childhood wasn’t necessarily normal, but I need to accept that I can’t go back and change my dad. I can’t make him accept our gifts, or join in on something the rest of us think is fun. My friend Isabel’s family is the complete opposite. She tells me they all gather around the tree on Christmas morning, her dad helps decorate. He even bakes cookies for them to this day.

I want something like that. I want my kids to know that whatever effort they put into a gift, that it’s very much appreciated. I want them to know the joy that Christmas is supposed to be about.

I wonder what things would be like if Jim and I were together. I wonder how different my life would be right now if I had just taken a chance and picked up the phone and told him what I was thinking. I wonder if he would come Christmas shopping with me. I wonder if he would want to go with me to the New York City to see a show or maybe to see the tree, maybe we could go ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza.

I wonder what it would be like to sit in on a Friday night eating pizza and watching a movie together. I wonder what it’s like to hold his hand while we sit and talk. I wonder what it would be like to just do regular things like pay bills together, or to make decisions together like what movie channels we want on cable. I wonder what it would be like to wake up with him in the morning, what it would be like on Christmas morning. I wouldn’t have to worry if he would open presents together as a family, I know he would be there. I can see us waking up with our kids rushing into our room begging us to go see what Santa left for them.

And most of all, I wonder what it would feel like to finally tell Jim that I’m absolutely crazy in love with him.

I wish I would have seen all of this a lot sooner, because I’m pretty sure it all just slipped through my fingers.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading, hope you liked this chapter! From now on we'll be posting one chapter a day. Just a heads up.

-pamelamorganhalpert

You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans