Pam always thought dying was supposed to be a peaceful transition from the real world to a place of light and beauty. She thought that she would die an old woman in the arms of her husband, not right after hearing her child cry for the first time.
Death was abrupt and shocking. One moment, she was on the hospital bed, seeing her husband’s face completely light up at the sound of their baby crying and then Jim’s green eyes widened in terror, he said her name and she was suddenly here.
She was lying on an old fashioned bed, covered in a quilt. The room was decorated with huge, antique furniture and golden sunlight shone through the lace curtains. Pam sat up in bed, looking around, confused.
“Pamela?” She jumped at the sudden voice from the doorway. An older woman smiled at her and smoothed out her dress. “Hello dear.”
“Uh, hi?” Pam said slowly, trying to figure out who this woman was. “Where am I?”
“You don’t remember me do you?” The woman smiled. “I don’t think you would, you were only four years old.”
“Wait, where’s my baby? Where’s Jim? What’s going on?” Panic began to overwhelm her and she pushed back the quilt. Pam stood and almost tripped over the long, white nightgown.
“Sweetheart,” The woman said soothingly. “I’m your Grandma Julia.”
“That’s impossible,” Pam laughed. “My grandmother died when…I was four…oh my God. Am I dead?”
“Pamela darling, calm down,” Julia walked over and rubbed her back. “You’re in heaven dear. There were complications with the labor and I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” Pam’s mind went blank and she slowly sunk to the ground in shock. Julia’s hand remained on her back and she sank down next to her granddaughter. “I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!”
“Pamela I know,” Julia pulled the sobbing woman to her, holding her tightly. “No one ever wants to die and I know nothing I say will make this any easier for you.”
“What about my baby?” Pam gasped, tears staining her face. “Oh God, what about Jim?”
“They’re both fine,” Julia said soothingly. “Would you like to see them?”
“Can I?” Pam asked, wiping tears from her cheeks.
“Follow me,” Julia took her hand and led her through the old farmhouse. There were pictures of her entire family on the wall and even her and Jim’s wedding portrait.
The front door was huge and as antique as the house was. A bright light shone from the edges and when Julia opened the door she was blinded.
When Pam’s vision came back she was standing in the hospital that she had been in less than ten minutes ago.
“Jim,” She breathed seeing her husband sitting in a chair lining the hallway. He was dressed in grey sweatpants and a blue t-shirt that he had thrown on as soon as her contractions had started early in the morning. Jim was trembling violently and barely contained tears flashed in his eyes. He completely ignored her and locked his eyes on the door right behind her.
“He can’t hear you dear,” Julia said softly. “You fell unconscious soon after you had the baby and he was rushed out of the room. He’s been here since then.”
The door opened and Jim shot up, hands shaking. A middle-aged woman in scrubs walked out and led Jim to the side of the hallway.
“Mr. Halpert,” She started, speaking softly. “Your wife experienced extremely heavy bleeding after the delivery. I’m so sorry, but she didn’t make it.”
Jim’s breath hitched in his throat and he fell against the white wall behind him, letting out a sob. His hands flew up to his face and he let out heart wrenching sobs. When the doctor tried to comfort him slightly by laying a hand on his shoulder he violently jerked back, slamming himself back into the wall.
Pam watched with wide, teary eyes as her husband broke down right in front of her eyes. Julia rubbed her shoulder and hugged her slightly.
“Can I see her?” Jim asked brokenly, voice cracking from the tears. “Can I please see my wife?”
The doctor paused for a moment before nodding. She led the still trembling Jim back into the room where a still figure was covered by a sheet.
“I’ll just be outside,” She said. “Let me know when you’re ready.”
When Jim was finally alone in the room he took a few shaky steps towards the covered body and reached out to pull back the sheets, pausing several times before finally pulling them back.
Pam let out a gasp at the sight of her body. She was pale and still, eyes closed and hair still sweaty from the labor.
“Oh Jesus,” Jim moaned, legs giving out. He held himself up on the bed and sobbed harshly, tears dotting the white sheets. He stroked back her sweat-soaked hair and laid his head next to Pam’s. “What am I supposed to do? Oh God.”
Pam sniffed back her own tears and tried to place her hand over Jim’s. It passed through as if it was nothing more than air and Jim did not even acknowledge it.
Jim sat in the room, holding his wife’s limp hand for as long as he could. Eventually, the doctor stepped into the room.
“Mr. Halpert,” She said gently. “I’m so sorry but we have to move her.”
Jim nodded, stood and kissed Pam gently, running his hand through her hair again. The doctor stood aside and let him past.
“And the baby?” Jim said suddenly, turning abruptly. “Is the baby okay?”
“She’s fine,” The doctor said with a smile. “You can come see her if you want.”
“A girl? It’s a girl?” Jim and Pam breathed at the same time. They had agreed that they would wait to find out the sex of the baby and that they would name the baby together when they saw it.
The doctor led Jim to a private room and after a few moments, a small baby bed was brought in and a tiny form wrapped in pink squirmed.
Jim lifted the baby and again, tears flashed in his eyes. Pam took a look at her newborn daughter and felt her breath catch. She was stunning. There was a small patch of brown hair on the top of her head and when she opened her eyes they were the bright blue of newborn babies.
Jim stared down into the face of his daughter as if in shock. He took in a shaky breath and gently stroked the side of her face.
“God Pam,” He whispered. “You should be here.”
“I am,” Pam whispered back, tears filling her eyes again. She tried to touch her daughter and was shocked when she could actually feel the newborn. The baby opened her eyes and looked at Pam.
“She can see you,” Julia said softly. “As people grow older they grow blind to angels. Their eyes are clouded by doubt, fear, guilt, and sorrow and they aren’t able to see the ones who move on. But children can clearly see everything.”
“Mr. Halpert,” A tall man in a white coat came in holding a piece of paper. “I’m filling out the birth certificate and was wondering if you had a name for her yet.”
“Uh, yeah,” Jim looked down at his daughter and smiled. “I want her full name to be Eleanor Pamela Halpert.”
Pam’s breath caught in her throat. When they had discussed baby names she had mentioned the name Eleanor. Jim had rolled his eyes and said he would think about it when the baby was born.
“You look just like your mommy Ellie,” Jim whispered, gently bouncing her. “God you’re beautiful.”
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali