The Big 3-0

"So what's it feel like?"

Jim's eyes fluttered open just long enough to catch his wife's cheeky grin. He shut them again and pretended to have no idea what she was going on about even as she giggled and propped her chin on the edge of the couch next to where he lay.

"Pam...this couch is soft, plush, delightful..."

"Oh, I'm sorry...I was referring to turning 30?  What's it like turning 30 Jim?...Since - you know...I have no idea."

He knew she was smiling even wider now even though his eyes were closed.  She was wearing that smile that she wore when she was just really proud of how sassy she was being.

"Yet...You have no idea yet what it's like to turn 30, Pam...but you will have an idea...in just a few short months actually.  How many days is it again until -

"That's neither here nor there Jim......And I like it when you try things first...so thank you."

"Oh you're welcome, Pam."

She sat cross legged on the floor next to her husband, reaching up to comb her fingers through his hair.  She'd never tell him so, but he was more than a little adorable when he was drunk.  Gosh...

Jim opened his eyes and turned to glance at the clock on the cable box that sat atop their entertainment console. He stretched his long legs out along the couch.

"If this is any indication of what 30 is...it means having a hangover after three beers, and your house being empty just about fifteen minutes after midnight...Oh and also, you find yourself very concerned about the amount of dishes in the sink."

Pam laughed in that throaty sort of way that still had the ability to make his thirty-year-old heart do a thumpity-thump inside his chest.  "It's because I've beaten the need to do dishes instantly - before caking - into you."

Jim laughed and then reached for his head quickly. "Ow...yes...it's true."

"Well," Pam said crawling towards his head, she got to her knees and rubbed his temples. "You don't have to do dishes tonight because until we get out of bed tomorrow morning it's still officially your birthday."

"Wow Beesly," Jim said on a sigh as her fingers worked their magic. "Still my birthday?"

"Those are the birthday rules."

"And I can ask for anything...because it's my birthday?"

"Careful Jim...If you'll recall...I did have your baby six months ago.  We're heading towards the quota. At this rate, by the time you're 32 I'll have met every wifely expectation. They'll be nothing left of me to give."

"Wow...that is terrible....So...let me get this straight. It would be unwise to ask for Birthday Sex?"

Pam pulled her mouth to one side, pretending to think critically. "Oooh...Birthday Sex? I don't know Jim. I just really want you to consider the ramifications of that carefully...I might even ask for Monday Sex if I were you."

"I'm going to have to disagree strongly. My advisor says I'm way too young to be that conservative."

"Wow..." Pam said. "You have a sex advisor? That's really something."

Jim shrugged. "Monday Sex is unacceptable."

"Tuesday Sex?"

"Seriously?" Jim said opening one eye. ."Tuesday sex is probably a worse deal than Monday Sex. We're are more tired on Tuesdays."

"Not true."

"True."

Pam sighed, knowing he was right. "Wednesday...Jim, Wednesday is Hump Day...it's intrinsically..." she started giggling. "Good."

"That's...juvenile Pam."

Pam leaned over, pulling her fingers from his temples and whispering in his ears. "Friday sex...best offer."

Jim remained stoic. "Saturday Sex Pam. Saturday Sex or...nothing."

Pam grinned and kissed his forehead. "Hard bargain...good thing I'm horny."

"Wow..."

"I know...I'm just feeling really generous Jim...if you play your cards right - after I've had  bit of a rest...who knows what will happen before we get out of bed tomorrow morning."

Jim smiled at his wife as she came to stand next to the couch, settling on the edge and then fitting herself in next to him. He brushed his fingers through her hair. "I love your Birthday Rules...And I am super happy they don't change once you hit 30."

"You know Jim...sometimes the more things change - the more they stay the same."

"That is so wise," Jim said, his voice cracking.  He pulled her close for a kiss.

Between kisses,  she spoke, "You sure you can handle Saturday Sex though?...I mean with your hangover and all..."

With his lips against hers, he said, "It's really not as bad as I thought...Something about the word horny helped make it better."

"Three beers, Halpert?...Really? What a lightweight."

"Somebody had to be the designated parent," he said with his lips on her neck.

"I didn't...drink...just that one beer before everyone got here. You're the one who -

He was the one who broke away the quickest when Cecelia interrupted their make-out session.  Their six-month-old had interrupted only once during the party, and now she cried with a vengeance. 

Cecelia Marie Halpert: Unofficial sex monitor. Set to go off anytime they were even close to being...close.  Jim and Pam were both convinced that they were witnessing some very primal sibling rivalry instincts.

Pam laid her head on Jim's chest for a short moment. "She really was an impeccably well behaved party guest..."

"Beesly she has you totally snowed. She had like five beers."

"She did? Oh my God..." Pam said as she stood up from the couch. "I'll go and get her. Meet me upstairs for Saturday Sex in twenty."

Jim opened his eyes long enough to see how tired his wife looked.  She may not have had anything to drink tonight but she'd put together a really great party for him.  She'd taken the time to send out Evites and order his favorite food, and beer, and rented a Karaoke machine...just...she was just...

She was tired.

"Pam...we don't have to. We can totally just wait till tomorrow...I'm serious."

Pam stopped mid-stride on her way to comfort their wailing baby girl.  "No way.  I think I'm suddenly really in the mood for Birthday Sex.  See you in twenty...make that thirty...she sounds fairly pissed."

"See you."

It was actually 40 minutes later, with Cecelia fast asleep and Jim nowhere to be seen, that Pam wandered back downstairs, ready to seduce her pitifully, and slightly hung over husband. 

It seemed however, that Cece wasn't the only one who'd fallen asleep.

Pam leaned against the entrance to the living room for a moment, sighing.  His arm hung loosely off the side of the couch, his head lulled to the side.  So attractive, she wryly.

She walked forward then, grabbing her grandmother's old quilt from the arm of the couch. The same quilt that ironically they'd had sex on a time or two before they were married.  She positioned herself carefully atop of Jim and did her best to drape it over them, reaching out to adjust the monitor's volume to high.

Maybe tonight they'd just have a little 30-year-old slumber party downstairs in the living room. 

Jim shifted beneath her. "Hmmm...oh...H- hey...sorry..."

"Sssh, you need your rest old man...This party took a lot out of you."

With closed eyes, Jim smiled. "Just wait...at noon tomorrow...when I've slept off this three beer hangover it's so...on...I'm gonna just...knock your socks off."

"You're gonna knock my socks off? Is that what they called it back in your day? Because I haven't heard anyone refer to it as knocking socks off. Maybe knocking boots but even that's totally dated and -

The old man pinched her ass with a great deal of vigor.

"Ow! Dirty old man...go to sleep."

"You go to sleep."

She snuggled in, laying her head on his chest. "Older men can be so sexy."

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