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Choices
It isn’t until she receives the sixth text message from him asking if she’s okay and if she wants him to come to her dorm, talk it out, make another three month plan that she realizes he's probably worried about her because she's not replying and she knows he knows she had been crying at the end of their last phone call.
They can do this, one message says. Two of the messages tell her she’s not a failure. The other three were random messages about how he burned his lip on hot coffee, that he hadn’t realized that he wore two different socks and that he wasn’t sure what to do with the knowledge Michael had given them about international travel.
The seventh text message she receives isn’t very long. It’s simple, two letters strung together, making a simple word. Hi.
It’s fall, there’s a chill in the air, and if she’s going to do this for another three months, she’s going to have to switch out her clothes, grab her coat and gloves. She takes a box, the same box he helped carry up to the dorm three months ago, and finds the note he had given to her before he left for home that first night- taking a piece of her heart with him as he strode out of her dorm room.
It said he would always be there to support her. He would be there to protect her, encourage her and guide her, that he would always love her and be proud of her. He was there when she needed him, just a simple car drive away, and the last line was a quick joke about how if she really did need him instantly, she would need to give him a two hour heads up because he lost his super powers in the rain when he proposed.
She sets the box to the side, holds the note in one hand and her cell phone in the other, with an eighth message that tells her that he’s there to listen, knows she needs her space, he loves her more than anything and will be there in a few days to help her sort things out. A ninth message follows almost instantly with a question – Puerto Rico or Hawaii for their honeymoon.
She hadn’t had a chance to plan their wedding yet, her time being too occupied with things like presentations and finals and projects and learning computer jargon.
A tenth message came a moment later.
“I know I’m bothering you and you’re thinking and trying to regroup. I’m here. I’ll always be here. Don’t make a decision because of me. Do what makes you happy. I’ll be here. Always.”
She sends him a message back that she’s okay, just getting re-settled and trying to figure out if she’ll need a new dorm room and trying to find out when she has to register again.
She stares out her window, down to the small garden in the courtyard and sees the leaves turning – bright reds and pale yellows. The need – indescribable in its innateness washes over her. She wants to paint. She wants a studio where she can put her easel on the floor, a bare white board in front of her – millions of possibilities before her on the blank page.
She shakes her head, takes the box and packs. She throws away the information about registration, puts all of the books on a shelf with a note that reads, “Free. Enjoy.”
She packs for an hour and before she falls asleep she sends him the final message of the day.
“I love you, Jim. Thank you for being so supportive. I’ll see you soon.”
She wants it to be a surprise. As she drifts to sleep with a lighter heart than she’s had in hours, she rehearses a speech she’ll give, convincing him she didn’t come home because of him.
She smiles and waits for the hours to go by until tomorrow, when she’ll close the chapter of her life in New York, map out the best time to leave so she’ll avoid traffic and she’ll go home for good to plan a wedding again to the person who changed her life, believes in her more than she believes in herself and loves her beyond measure.
She loves him beyond measure plus infinity.
She’s completely fine with her choices. This time, she means it.
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Chapter End Notes:
I have no idea where this came from, but it happened pretty quickly. I'm still working on the next chapter of my other story, haven't been able to find the time to devote all of my attention to the next chapter. But it will be on it's way soon. Thanks for reading this! Happy one week to the premiere!
Deedldee is the author of 19 other stories.
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