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A/N: The following is dedicated to all of you, every single person on this archive and the message board and in this community. I've had so much fun writing, reading your comments, and discussing this show with you on the message board and off. Thank you for allowing me a place to come and try out my creativity and support my all time favorite television show and couple.


A/N 2 - Here is a series of 5 what if stories that I never could fully write into multi chapter fics, for a myriad of reasons. I figured if I put them into little snippets, the ideas would stop pestering me - at least the first 4. The last idea is courtesy of Sally, thank you my dear friend.


DISCLAIMER - I don't own anything...

5 What ifs



1 - Karen never existed


It worried him how the mere thought of getting coffee with someone he used to talk to for easily seven and a half hours a day made him feel more nervous than he'd ever been. Not in the way that he was excited about it. More in the way that it made him want to hurtle himself into the past and change his answer to a firm no when she'd asked him to grab a coffee and catch up.

Those weren't her exact words, but that was how his mind processed it. And the more he wished he could turn back time, the more the Cher song played over in his head, doing nothing for the nausea he felt in the pit of his gut.

What he really truly wondered was the merit of returning to Scranton. He distracted himself through the afternoon with the question, was coming back to the place that caused him so much pain the best idea he'd ever had? Anytime he would catch sight of her in his computer monitor, he continued to ask himself if he really gave the job market in Stamford a chance before deciding to accept the number two position in Scranton.

As he packed up his barely lived in apartment in Connecticut and drove back to his home town, he planned to keep things between him and her completely business related. He would only address her if he needed her to fax something. He would swear off jellybeans. He would sit still in his seat for a full eight hours, eyes glued to his computer screen if that was what it took to not fall into the same pattern he had so desperately tried to escape.

The second he turned on his computer at his new desk that forced him to face Dwight instead of giving him the opportunity to easily make eye contact with her, he immediately uninstalled instant messenger. The hug they had shared when he first set foot in the office for the first time in five months did too much to him too quickly, brought back things far too familiar in as little time as it took to inhale, made him too weak that a simple instant message conversation would be too much for him.

How many times can you be hit in the face before you take some kind of action to stop the pain? That was the question he posed to himself as he uninstalled the program, and it made him feel validated.

He had been completely successful at only moving the hand that controlled the mouse, never turning around, never flinching as the sound of her voice from behind him filled his ears as she answered phones.

By noon, he convinced himself that it could work, that he could continue to sell paper, avoid her, and live happily ever after.

That was until he rose from his seat, walked to the break room and pushed the buttons that would provide him with a much needed bottle of water.

If he were nimble enough, he would have kicked his own rear end for agreeing to meet after work. A million excuses as to why jumped into his mind as he watched her hug her arms around herself, the hopeful gleam that turned into complete sadness when he muttered some string of words that told her he had more unpacking to do.

It was when she tucked her head down and nodded that he caved in, turned around and said, "You know, I um, I could go for some coffee."

Her face brightened into a full grin and tears lined her eyes, and a matching grin appeared on his face, despite his efforts to stop it from happening.

He waited for her to arrive in a diner parking lot, and before he could process what was happening, which inevitably was for the better - any forethought would have had him turning his car in the opposite direction, straight back to Stamford, he was sitting across from her, grasping on to a cup of warm coffee.

The minute it took for her to say something after they had ordered and received their drinks felt like a full ten minutes of silence, with only the buzzing of other customer's making conversation as they clanged their silverware. He could have filled the silence with something, an offer of a slice of pie to go along with the coffee. More nonsense about the weather could have been talked about, the way they had as they settled into their booth.

But he refused to open the door to anything - save for the door he held open for her as they walked into the diner.

Her chest moved as she inhaled and he tried not to notice. She licked her lips and he tried not to let his guard down. She stared at him with an open mouth as her eyes searched his face and the surrounding area.

"You know," she finally spoke. "This used to be so easy."

He nodded in agreement, sipping from the mug he grasped so tightly his fingers turned pink and yellow.

Her eyes darted down toward her hand. "Remember that day when I was home sick and you called me during your lunch break and we spent the entire hour coming up with all of the crazy things we would do if either of us won the lottery?"

He nodded again. He could still remember most of the things they mentioned. He watched her features change from a fond smile to an eye roll, to a head shake and a sigh.

Being that he was the person who could always finish her sentences, he completely refused to assume where she was headed with that particular memory.

"I kind of..." She let out another sigh, "I have another addition to all of the other things I mentioned that day. Well, two, actually."

He raised his eyebrows and continued to silently observe.

"One of them is I really wish you would say something."

"Sorry," he apologized quickly, shaking his head. "Just listening. Continue."

"Okay, well, number two, um. If I won the lottery I would build a time machine."

Ignoring the irony, he questioned, "Where would you travel?"

"Backwards."

He bobbled his head slowly, inhaling, trying to ignore the hairs on his arm stand on end. "Any place in particular?"

“Um, yeah,” she took a breath, staring at him squarely. “There are a lot of things I would do differently. But this one thing, this one time just sort of sticks out. Like, I should have said something more than what I said. I mean, it happens a lot, I do it all the time – you know, like wake up days later and say, hey I should have said this this and that.”

“Right,” he agreed, trying to maintain a serious tone and not chuckle at her ramblings.

“If… if I could, I’d go back to that day when you told me you complained to Toby … while we were taking that group picture?”

“Oh, yeah. That was… that was a bad day. For everyone.”

“Yeah.”

When no follow up came, he motioned his head forward. “So, what would you have done differently that day?”

“I would have asked you why you were venting to Toby in the first place if we were friends. I was just so caught up in it, you know? Like something that I thought I wanted was finally happening, and all I saw was the finish line. But if I’d really thought more about why you would do it instead of being so mad that you did. I don’t know. Maybe… maybe that would have done something.”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

She nodded. “I’ve really missed you. I miss all the fun we used to have. We used to be friends. I’m not even sure what I expected from today, but you ignoring me wasn’t what I thought would happen.”

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” he sipped more coffee, his voice echoing into the mug, hoping to hide the edge in his voice.

She raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. “I thought this would be easier, you know? But it turns out, calling two hundred people to tell them you changed your mind after three years just three days before the wedding was way easier,” she bowed her head and shook it.

When she looked up at him with glassy eyes and moistened cheeks, he forgot how to breathe. “Pam,” he let out once his lungs begged for air.

She dried her face with the back of her hand, and before he could react, she placed a five dollar bill on the table. “I should go.”

“Wait,” he called after her, possibly too loud as he put an additional five dollar bill on the table and walked as quickly as he could out to the parking lot. “Pam, wait.”

She turned around and held her hand up. “I didn’t mean to waste your time tonight. I know you have packing to do.”

“I never said you were wasting my time,” he said as he stepped closer to her.

“You weren’t saying anything, so…” she shrugged. “And I have work for my class to do.”

“You’re taking classes?” he grinned. “That’s really great, I’m really happy for you,” he said genuinely.

“Thanks,” she sniffled and rolled her eyes.

“Wow. We really do need to catch up, huh?”

“Nah, I mean, you were right.”

“About what?” he questioned.

“You never come all the way back,” she said, her chin dimpling.

“I guess not.”

“I just need to know, would you have said anything that day if I asked you why you were complaining about me to Toby?”

“I… I don’t know. Probably not. I decided I’d go for the interview in Stamford that day, so, honestly? I don’t know.”

She drew in her lips and nodded. “Okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Just… you know, don’t forget me,” she forcibly smiled and moved closer to the driver side door.

“What?” his voice cracked. “Where are you going?”

She leaned her backside against her car and shrugged. “Nowhere. But I figure, you’ll ignore me again at work tomorrow.”

“Pam, what do you expect from me?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.

“A chance. More than five minutes to make a decision. Because as much as I loved you, I loved Roy too. It wasn’t all bad all the time. I was part of his family, I called his mother mom. His grandmother gave me a necklace that belonged to her. We were a family.”

“Did you just say…”

She nodded. “I did love you, Jim. But you never really gave me a chance. You said you had a crush, then you were over it, and then all of a sudden you tell me you love me and then you’re leaving the next day telling me good luck with everything while you’re on the way out the door.”

“You did… but now…”

“As much as I want to stop,” she widened her eyes. “I still do.”

Something inside of him cracked, his nose filling with the smell of fire – a sure sign that snow would be imminent. When he wound his arms around her and hugged her, he couldn’t help but close his eyes as he tried to memorize the way it felt to have her arms around his neck and the palm of her hand on his head.

And when he kissed her, her lips warm, soft and insistent against his, he couldn’t think of any other place or any other time in his life history that he would rather have been than right there.

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