The drive to the beach was anything but comfortable. For the trip, Michael had rented two run down vans with noisy air conditioning and broken seat belts. Jim was wedged in between Kevin and Dwight, courtesy of Michael's attempt at a 'boy's van'. Behind him, Ryan sat between Stanley and Creed. He had never ridden in a car with Michael to prior to this trip, but he was hardly surprised to discover that he was a less than competent driver. Every few minutes, the tires would squeal and the whole van would lurch forward as Michael hit the brakes without warning or attempted to beat a changing stop light. He could almost hear Angela yelling when the speeding tickets inevitably ended up at the accounting department. The combination of body heat and a strange smell wafting from the back of the bus only made the ride worse. Jim attempted to scoot further away from Dwight without cuddling Kevin.
"Uh, what's that smell?" Jim asked.
"Mung beans," Ryan responded with disdain.
Jim turned to see Creed with his head tipped back and mouth open as he dumped a cup of mung beans into his mouth, stray beans landing all over his jeans. When Creed made eye contact with him, he shrugged and extended the cup toward Jim.
"Want some? They smell like corpses but they keep me feeling like I'm twenty," Creed offered.
"I'll pass...," Jim said quickly, exchanging a glance with Ryan.
"Mung beans are overrated and for farming amateurs. Beets take far more skill to cultivate and grow properly, as well as having far more health benefits," Dwight interjected.
"Argh! Can you guys talk about something less boooooring?" Michael groaned.
"Agriculture is not boring Michael. You said that you wished you knew how to-," Dwight began.
"Just, just shut it Dwight. No one cares about your beet farming," Michael interrupted.
"Uncultured swine," Dwight muttered.
"What was that?" Jim raised an eyebrow.
"Is your hearing as inferior as the rest of you?" Dwight smirked.
The sound of a phone ringing interrupted them.
"Kelly," Ryan offered meekly, holding up his phone before lowering it to his ear.
Jim cringed as Ryan abruptly pulled the phone away from his ear; he could hear his coworker's exasperated bubbling from here, and she definitely wasn't on speaker phone. The van fell silent as Ryan vigorously clicked the volume button.
"That's great... Wow... I am excited... You don't have to yell... No, I'm... Okay I'm going to hang up if you don't... We're not going to talk about that!.. You agreed!.. It was one time Kel... No I'm not saying it... Can we please talk about this... Whatever...," Ryan finished before turning off his phone, causing an awkward silence to ensue.
"Gal probs! Am I right?" Michael broke the silence.
"Yeah!" Dwight chimed in.
"You don't even have a girlfriend," Jim pointed out, to which Dwight simply smirked. "Neither do you Michael."
"But he and Jan had sex," Kevin giggled.
"They just made out," Dwight interjected.
"Well I heard they made out and had sex," Kevin said, drawing out the last word.
"What about you Jimbo? How's Katy these days? Having lots of hot sex?" Michael asked.
"Oh, uh we actually broke up a few months ago," Jim muttered.
"Was it the sex? I mean with those bodies-," Michael began.
"No! We just didn't really have a... connection,"Jim interrupted.
"That was one hot girl. If she's not your type, then what are you looking for?" Ryan asked. If Jim hadn't known Ryan, he might've mistaken his tone for sincerity.
"So how are things with Kelly?" Jim countered, letting sarcasm infuse his words.
A loud snort from Stanley caused everyone to turn to face him. Head back against the seat, he was sound asleep.
"Man overboard! Code blue!" Michael yelled. "No sleeping on the party express!"
"Oh Samson here has been dead for three years," Creed announced, prompting confused glances from everyone else.
"What? Anyway who wants to play some games?" Michael enthused.
"I vote spin the bottle," Jim responded.
"You're so gay," muttered Dwight.
"No! Gay is not a declaratory term to be thrown around," Michael defended.
"I think you mean derogatory," Jim offered.
"How about I Spy?" Ryan suggested.
"I spy the girls bus," Jim pointed.
"There's the gals!" Michael yelled, leaning on the horn.
"Hey girls!" Dwight yelled out his now open window.
"Dwight! Close that window!" Michael yelled, turning to look back at Dwight with his whole upper body out of the car.
The van swerved violently as Michael jerked the van back into their lane.
"Eyes on the road Michael," Jim insisted. "Dwight, get your head in!"
"Dwight! What are you doing?!" Michael turned around again.
"Stop light!" Kevin exclaimed, the whole van came to a screeching halt, throwing everyone against the seat in front of them and Dwight further out the window.
"What the hell Dwight!" Michael yelled.
A series of honks chorused around them.
"The light's green Michael!" Ryan called.
The van sped forward abruptly, throwing everyone back in their seats.
"Dwight! Put your head in! There's a policeman right beside us!" Michael yelled.
"I'm stuck!" Dwight hollered.
"Jim! Get him back in!" called Michael.
Jim reached around Dwight to push the window further down, but it wouldn't budge. He grabbed onto Dwight's waist and pulled as hard as he could, but to no avail.
"Oh no no no!" Michael yelled as he spotted the blue and red lights flashing in his rearview mirror followed by a siren.
"Hey Kev, can you give me a hand?" Jim asked, wiping sweat from his brow.
The two positioned themselves on either side of Dwight.
"1, 2, 3!" Jim and Kevin pulled as hard as they could.
Dwight went sailing onto the bus floor.
"Michael, pull over!" Ryan called.
"I can outrun him!" Michael insisted.
A car flew past their drifting van, and Michael swerved violently onto the side of the road where the police car was waiting. Seconds later a policeman tapped on their window, which Michael rolled down.
"I've got you down for speeding, fifteen miles over the limit as well as reckless driving and some guy hanging out your window. Let me see your driver's licence," he demanded.
Jim sighed as Michael began to protest. He only hoped that Pam and the other women of the office were having a ride more smooth than his own.
Toby rummaged desperately through his backpack in hopes of finding the noise cancelling headphones that he was positive that he had packed, but appeared to be missing. Kelly constant blabbering had not ceased since they had set foot in this man almost two hours ago. Despite all the hassling he recieved from Michael, he quite liked most of his coworkers. He and the guys of the office actually had a lot in common and he got along well with the women of the office, but he couldn't help feeling upset when he and Oscar were banished to the girl's bus for being 'a pathetic excuse for a man' and 'basically a girl.' He liked the women of the office, but it was just demeaning. Plus, it meant he was stuck listening to Kelly ramble about whatever her heart desired. It was amazing to him how little she thought before blurting anything that came to mind. At this point, he was starting to wish for Michael's insults.
"Oh my gosh Pam! How excited are you for your wedding? Only four more months! You must be, like, so excited! I'm so psyched just thinking about it! You and Roy are, like, so romantic! Michael's kind of an idiot, but he was so right! You guys are like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! You guys have been together forever and now you get to marry him! On a scale of one to ten, how excited are you? 'Cuz I'm, like, an eleven!" Kelly rambled.
Pam shifted in her seat. "Yeah, it's been a long time coming."
"Are you registered anywhere yet?" Phyllis leaned forward from the back row to ask.
"Um, no. I'm still waiting for a free weekend when Roy and I can go together, but there's not really a point sending until we send out all the saves the dates and stuff," she responded.
"You are inviting all of us, right?" Kelly asked.
"Oh yeah," Pam glanced over at Angela, "Of course."
"Thank God because I totally already bought a dress because there was a super cute one on sale and I totally knew you'd invite me anyway because you're, like, a really nice person," Kelly smiled.
"Thanks Kelly," Pam said, letting herself smile lightly.
Pam had been a bit disappointed that she and Jim wouldn't be riding together, but the ladies of Dunder Mifflin were nice enough and she got along with all of them. It wasn't bad, since she had learned to look past Kelly's bubbling. Her only concern was the large styrofoam cup resting in the cup holder beside the driver's seat, which Meredith leaned over to sip frequently.
"I don't get all the fuss about weddings nowadays. When I got married, it was basically just an excuse to get off the charts drunk, and no one could say anything 'cuz it was my wedding," Meredith added, taking another long sip.
"I'm not surprised that it didn't last," Angela muttered under her breath, quietly enough that only Pam could hear.
"So, how are things with you and Bob?" Pam turned to face Phyllis, eager to change the subject.
"Better than ever, sweetie," Phyllis' demeanor seemed to light up at the mention of his name.
"Well, I'm glad you two are happy," Pam smiled.
"We are. Just between us girls, I think he's the one," she blushed.
"Oh my gosh! That is, like, so romantic!" Kelly squealed clapping her hands together.
"Blah, blah, blah. What's he like in bed?" Meredith hollered.
Phyllis flushed bright red. "I'm pretty happy in that aspect too," she giggled.
All of the women laughed while Angela looked at them in disapproval and Oscar shifted uncomfortably.
"Aw guys we're leaving out poor Toby and Oscar over here. Why don't we play a little game? I know a few that could be fun!" Phyllis suggested.
"Something appropriate," Angela added.
"Yeah! I always beat Ryan at road trip games! It's almost like he doesn't even try!" Kelly bubbled.
Pam exchanged a knowing glance with Oscar.
"I was thinking Never Have I Ever?" Phyllis suggested.
"Nothing dirty," Angela interjected.
"Shut up Little Miss Priss! Let's get our freak on!" Meredith hollered.
"Ooh I'll go first!" Kelly volunteered. "Oscar, would you rather date Michael or Creed?"
"I'm going to have to go with Creed. He wouldn't be that hard to get away from. Michael on the other hand...," Oscar answered. "Okay, Toby, would you rather have hands for feet or feet for hands?"
"Hmm, I don't think hands for feet would be too bad. I could probably get used to it I guess," Toby responded. "Uh, Pam, would you rather... honeymoon in Europe or Mexico?"
"Europe for sure. Roy wants to go to Mexico, but I would choose Europe if it was within our price range. I've always wanted to see that part of the world," Pam said, her face lighting up. "Um, Angela, would you rather have to get rid of all your cats but have them replaced with twice as many or just keep the cats you have?"
"I would keep the cats I have now. My cats and I have a special, irreplacable bond," Angela said with smile.
"That's what all the lonely ones say," Meredith retorted.
"Hey! Meredith, would you rather go sober or give up your life of promiscuity?" Angela asked.
"I would give up alcohol, Angela, because you know what's more intoxicating than vodka? My org-," Meredith began.
"Ahh, nope, nope, you're not going to... okay good answer Meredith! Why don't you just go ahead and ask someone else," Pam interrupted.
"Angela, would you rather have hot, filthy sex all night with Michael or Dwight?" Meredith sneered.
"If I was married, I would rather sleep with Dwight," Angela answered quickly.
Pam thought she saw her blush.
"Phyllis, would you rather have a large wedding or a small, intimate one?" Angela asked.
"I know a lot of people say they want a small wedding, but I've always dreamed of a big, extravagant one. Bobby and I have a lot of friends that we would have to invite, and I love planning parties and weddings!" Phyllis smiled.
"Oh my gosh! You're totally going to marry Bob! Is marriage really in the cards?" Kelly squealed.
"I would like to think so," Phyllis blushed.
"We're here!" Meredith announced.
As they pulled up to the hotel, everyone looked up.
"... Oh my gosh," Oscar whispered.