- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam's and Jim's POV.

Pam wasn’t sure what to make of Jim’s reaction to her big revelation. She’d expected him to be…what? Not overjoyed, because he wasn’t that kind of guy, he’d be able to see she was still fresh off the break-up and hurting, even if she was the one who broke it off. But happier. More…focused on that particular issue. Instead he’d been quiet, letting her and Larissa bounce off each other for a little while and leaning back. She wondered if she should have made a bigger deal out of it? Made him wait to hear it? Or shouted it from the rooftops?

Or maybe that was the exact wrong way to go. Maybe she needed to keep downplaying it, to give him time to realize that she meant what she’d said. That she’d actually done it. Just keep being there for him as he rested and recovered.

Oh shit, his recovery. No wonder he was quiet; he’d just woken up for the first time in three days. Duh, Pam, her brain reminded her. There’s more going on here than your…whatever it is with Jim Halpert. Remember where you are. Remember why. But for all that, she was glad it was out in the open. No hiding, no running away, she reminded herself. Be here for Jim. Love him.

She blushed at that last thought, which drew a squeeze from Jim’s hand, which she realized she had grabbed in her distraction.

“Care to share with the class, Beesly?” Call me that again.

“I was just…I just…” After all that thinking about taking it slow and letting him rest, she wasn’t just going to blurt out an “I love you.” Not that she was backing away from thinking it, or feeling it, but she felt she owed it to Jim to at least let him be awake for fifteen minutes before dropping another emotional load on him.

“C’mon, Pam, spit it out.” She glanced over at Larissa, who was giving her an encouraging look, almost as if she knew what she was thinking. “Don’t make me come over there and beat it out of you.”

“Hey!” Jim objected. “Pam’s my friend. No beatings!”

“Can I tickle it out of her then?”

A cloud passed over Jim’s face. Pam wondered what memory it was that he’d recalled to bother him. Whatever it was, she could tell it had something to do with tickling—and probably with her. Oh god, when did Roy tickle me in front of him? she wondered. That has to be it. Roy always tickled me as a way of trying to jolly me out of a bad mood. He must have done it in front of Jim. This is a good reminder that even things I don’t remember meant something to him. Jim was frowning now. This just wouldn’t do. Time to make up for the past.

“Sorry, Larissa, only Jim gets to tickle me now.” She smiled down at him. “Although I think I’d prefer that he let himself heal before he tries.”

Larissa mock-pouted, as Jim stuck his tongue out at her. “No fair.”

“Sorry, Larissa, you know I love you like a sister.” Pam winked. “And I never let Penny tickle me either.”

“What does that make Jim, your brother?” Larissa was definitely pushing her, but Pam could see the twinkle in her eyes that said just say it.

“I don’t know.” She turned to Jim, who was looking between them with a somewhat dazed look on his face. Better than the shadow from before. “I don’t think I want that.”

He looked away. Oh god, he thinks I’m going to let him down again. Well, fortunately, even if he couldn’t look at her, Larissa was definitely there to provide his lines. “No?”

As she opened her mouth to speak she caught Jim glancing up at her almost involuntarily, the expression on his face spelling out his feelings as clear as day to her: I can’t handle this again. Why is she doing this to me?

Time to put a stop to that, she thought.

“No, I think I want to be more than that.” She caught his eyes and held his gaze, moving her head so as not to break it. “That OK with you, Jim?”

It was almost like he’d forgotten he could actually contribute to the conversation. “What?”

“Well, I only let my boyfriends tickle me, so…” She smiled down at him.

He returned the smile, looking somewhat dazed. “Fiancé.”

Her smile widened. He remembered how much I hated when Roy called me his girlfriend. Does he realize how perfect he is? “Sounds good to me. But one thing at a time, OK?”

He gaped. She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I’m in love with you, Jim.”

***

Jim wasn’t sure what had just happened. Scratch that. He was sure what had happened. All this so-called waking up was just a fever dream, like the weird one with the boat, or the crazy monument valley thing. Pam Beesly had not just teased Larissa about tickling him, called him her boyfriend, and joked about marrying him. That had not just happened. He was high on some kind of new drug or something, or living through his wildest fantasies—though in those Pam had a lot less clothes, he had a lot more freedom of movement, and his baby sister was not sitting at the bottom of his bed. Wait, what was that? Pam loved him? This was definitely a dream. Or the next world. Probably not Australia, but definitely not this one. He knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn’t really care. He knew there were a lot of long conversations to come, a rebuilding of trust, some kind of dang explanation for what had happened while he was out to produce this kind of change in her. But even if the conversations were hard, even if this was a dream, hell, even if he was dead, he was going to bask in this while he could. Nothing was going to keep him from enjoying the fact that Pam Beesly had just told him she loved him and kissed him. On the forehead, admittedly, but a kiss. The first time she’d done that when she wasn’t drunk and he hadn’t initiated it. And this was no Dundies kiss, sloppy and impulsive—nor a Casino Night kiss, burning into his memory with passion and, again, impulsive desire. This was a routine kiss, an I love you and I kiss you like this all the time but why not now kiss, the sort of kiss he’d seen her give Roy…actually a lot less than he’d expected now that he thought about it, but definitely the kind of kiss that signaled we’re in a relationship, and this is normal. Which it absolutely was not. Not that he was complaining. More, please, enough more to make it normal, and then he might be halfway to being satisfied.

He noticed Larissa mouthing something to Pam that looked like “told you so” (a phrase he was all too familiar with from her lips—being big brother to someone smarter than you had its drawbacks as well as its advantages, he thought) and look smug, and he wondered what that was all about, but he didn’t have the processing power in his brain left over from Pam’s declaration and kiss to worry too much about that. He grasped her hand hard and pulled her down so he could whisper in her ear.

“Took ya long enough, Beesly.”

Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to all who have read and reviewed (I know I'm behind on responding to reviews--but I did read them!). I appreciate the feedback.

You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans