Brrrinnng. Brrrinnng. Bleary eyed from sleep, Jim pushed himself awake to look at his phone. It was 2:00 in the morning and Pam was calling. Pam, who he spilled his heart out to. Pam, who was his best friend. Pam, who rejected him. Pam, who married her highschool sweetheart earlier today. Pam was calling.

He knew he shouldn’t answer the phone. He knew it would just hurt him. But he couldn't ignore that tiny bit of hope that twisted stupidly at his stomach.

“Hello?” He scratched out, the sleep not fully out of his system yet.

“It’s Jim!” Pam yelled happily in response, loud enough to cause a screeching feedback that bit at his brain and soured his already borderline mood. With a wince Jim moved the phone away from his ear. “Oh my god, everyone, It’s Jim!” She squealed in excitement. Thumping music, clinking glasses, and a cacophony of voices echoed in the background.

As much as he wanted to hang on to it, any frustration at the timing of the call or who it was from disappeared from him in that instant. She was so incredibly cute. Especially when she was so obviously drunk.  

“Hi Jim!” She loud whispered, the background noise disappearing into a low hum, “I forgot I’m not supposed to be talking to you.” With that, the spell was broken. She had gotten married today. To Roy. She was probably at her reception right now, dancing around, looking happy and flawless in that classic white dress she had shown him. Of course she shouldn’t be talking to him.

“Pam, Give me that phone.” A familiar-ish voice called out in the background. Isabel maybe? He had met her a couple of times, most recently when Pam introduced her as her Maid of Honor.

“I got this!” Pam yelled, causing Jim to pull away again. “Jim? Jim? Jim?” She paused for a moment. “Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. Your name is weird. Are you there?”

“Are you as drunk as you sound right now?” He asked, a smile flickering across his face despite himself. How could he not smile, with her saying his name like that. When his remark was met only with awkward silence, Jim knew he had misstepped. He meant it as a joke, but it came out as an accusation. The bitter part of him spoke up. So what? He was tired and she was not exactly his favorite person right now. And yet, he admitted to himself, she was exactly his favorite person ever, further complicating the issue. “Pam?” he spoke tentatively breaking the silence between them.

“Do you -” after suddenly finding herself, she was angry. Great. “You don’t even know how drunk - You don’t even know how what drunk is!” She stumbled on defensively.

“Pam? What are you doing?” He leaned forward in exasperation, running his fingers through his hair.

“I called you.” She offered as though it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Yeah? Why? It’s your wedding night.”

“I know, right?” She switched back into bubbly happy Pam, practically gushing to him over the phone. “And I’m fine! Like, I’m happy!” She paused and said, so honestly and quietly that it shattered the remainder of his heart in to dust, “I’m so incredibly happy, Jim!”

“Yep.” he breathed, desperate not to cry again. “I should go.”

“No! No, no, no, Jim!” Desperation filled her voice, “Don’t go. You can’t go. Please don’t go. Please Jim. Plea-”

“What do you want from me Pam?” Had she called to brag? To strike back up a friendship? To convince herself that rejecting him was the right choice? That they weren’t meant for each other? Was there any point to this little drunken exercise of hers?

“I dunno… I just…” Her breath hitched. She was crying now, or at least about to. “I thought you’d be happy.”

“Of course I’m happy you’re happy,” and he was, that was the worst part about the whole unrequited-love thing. The tears he had been blinking back now rolled unchallenged down his face. “But I can’t pretend - you can’t pretend - on your wedding night?” Jim’s voice caught in throat as he almost doubled over from just the ache of it. “It rips my heart out, Pam. Knowing… you and Roy… are married?” he sniffed quickly, pulling himself together, mistaking numbness for strength. “You shouldn't’ve called.”

“Jim, wait -” She called out, but Jim had made his decision and slammed the phone shut, silencing it so that he could get some sleep.

There weren’t a lot of days Jim had allowed himself to sleep in since leaving scranton. It was too easy to just sleep the day away, hiding from the fact that Pam would never love him back. But the day after her wedding? He allowed himself that luxury. He followed the same, basic waking up practices he always did: yawning, stretching, sitting up, stretching, laying back down, remembering the girl he loved called him drunkenly in the middle of the night and he had been too focused on self preservation to not be a complete asshole. Fuck. Fourteen voice mails. Shit.  And even more missed calls. Dammit. He pressed play on the newest one.

BEEP

“... stupid idea. HE LEFT.” came the same woman’s voice from earlier, still distant and far off as though she was speaking from across the room.

“I don’t care.” Pam mumbled slurring her words a bit.

“What happened to fancy new independent Pam?”

“I don’t care.” She slurred again.

“He made his decision.”

“I don’t care.” She sounded physically pained.

“He’s not going to answer. It’s time to move on.” A sob interrupted her friend’s encouraging words. “Aww, c’mon, Pam, what happened to happy?”

“He’s gone.”Oh, no. Roy left her? She called him because Roy left her?

“It’s okay. Let’s get you to bed. Give me the phone.”

“Than-”

BEEP - The message ended.

He rubbed his face before hitting play on the next one, heart hammering, not letting himself consider what he just heard. The next few were just garbled sound and maybe a little crying. His heart broke. He listened to another.

BEEP

More crying, sobbing this time. He was about to move on when he heard her voice through the speaker.

“I thought - but it’s too late.” More crying “I lo- I miss you.”

BEEP

He was going to be sick. He was overjoyed. He was just very dizzy. It could be a wrong number. She could have called him by accident. He could not afford to jump to any conclusions, at least not again.

BEEP

“You know what Jim?” Well at least he knew that one was for him. “Fuck you.” He cringed at the malice in her voice. He had never heard her swear like that before. “I don’t have to apologize. Isabel was right. You should have given me time to think about it. You shouldn’t have left so soon. You should have been there for me when I left him. You were my best friend. I need my best friend.”

BEEP

Well if that didn’t make him feel terrible, he didn’t know what would. Had he been cruel? Was it selfish to just disappear like that? If he had stayed, given her time to think, would she have chosen him? A horrible acrid thought entered his head. What if she only chose Roy because he put her on the spot? If he had just kept holding her and kissing her, would she have realized what he had always known? Bile worked up the back of his throat as he considered all the possibilities. He need more information. He played the next message. Just more garbled noise. On to the next.

BEEP

“Jim?” Her voice cracked, “Please pick up. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But it was so hard. Ten years. I was with him for ten years. It took time. I know I didn’t give you the answer you hoped for right away, but I don’t know why you hate me.” Her voice dissolved into a sob, tears choking her as she whispered, “please don’t hate me.” the pain and desperation in her opened up the floodgates and jim found himself crying along as he listened to the rest of the message. “It’s not- I never wanted to hurt you, but I was scared. So so scared. I’m so-” another crack, followed by a sob, “I’m sorry.”

BEEP

There would be no point in wiping the tears from his face, there would be no stopping them anytime soon. He had been wrong when he thought nothing could hurt more than her telling him off. Hearing her heart break, begging him not to hate her- Jim hated himself right now, but he could never hate her. He just felt like the worst person in the world for hurting someone as unbelievably amazing as Pam. There were only a handful of messages left.

BEEP

“Jim? Why won’t you answer the phone? I know it’s late, but please. Answer the phone.”

BEEP

“Jim? Just call me back, okay. I know it’s a lot, but just, call me back.”

BEEP

“Give me back my phone! Dammit, Isabel!”

“You’re not in your right mind right now. You can have it when you sober up.”

“Give it to m-”

BEEP

“You have to know, Jim, you have to know. I called off the wedding.”

BEEP

Fuck. Everything finally sank in. She had left Roy. She was calling him to tell him she left roy and she was happy. She wanted him in her life. She might even love him. And all he did was hurt her. If he had been a friend, if he had just heard her out. Shit, he should have realized something was up. Who calls an ex on their wedding night just to brag? Not that he was even an ex, but Pam would never do that. And he was supposed to be her best friend. And he abandoned her. He hated himself. He got up, washed his face, got dressed and started the long drive to Scranton. Maybe it wasn’t too late to fix this.

Pam awoke on Isabel's couch, head spinning, still wearing her dress from last night, face crusty with dried makeup and tears, and hangover hitting her like a truck. She had vomited the night before as Isabel held her hair back. Body aches, nausea, and a pounding headache made her want to hide on the couch forever, but she needed to go home and face what she did last night. The events of it all were fuzzy, but she remembered most of it. Isabel had taken her out to get drunk, which was why she was still wearing a dress far too tight and too low cut for her to ever be comfortable in. They went to a bunch of different bars and clubs, trying to fight the guilt and grief over a failed relationship when her drunken mind had latched on to deeply buried emotions and ran with it. She had tried so hard not to think of that night, of his kiss, of the way his arms encircled her. She couldn’t, not when she was finally going to marry Roy. But now? She was free, independent, strong. But her drunken brain forgot that independence and strength and found some sort of foolish bravery instead. She had made a terrible mistake.

She had called Jim, even though Isabel and all her friends told her it was a bad idea. She had called Jim, even after he left town without a word to her. She had called him, repeatedly, throughout the night, from 2 am to 6, sobbing like a desperate mess. Even after he was rude to her on the phone, she still called him at least 100 times at different points in the night trying to tell him how she felt. He never picked up. She was pathetic. And a complete mess. She couldn’t remember much of what she said, but she knew she left voicemails. Fuck. She left voicemails. She yelled and cried and spilled her heart and he’s going to listen to it all and pity her. He has moved on and now she throws herself at him? He’s going to hate her.

Now was not the time to dwell on her mistake, on her broken heart, or any of the other churning feelings inside her. She needed to get out of this uncomfortable, revealing, and disturbingly sparkly dress that Isabel had put her in, get home, get showered and focus on recovering for work tomorrow. No one could see how badly she was really doing, especially not Roy. He might think he had another chance. Luckily, before she had more time to contemplate her disaster of a love life, Isabel walked through the door with hot coffee, breakfast sandwiches, and enough positivity to help her push through the morning to make her way home and recover.  

After changing into her favorite smiling breakfast food pajamas, grabbing a large glass of water, tucking herself in on her couch in her new apartment, and putting on a crappy romantic comedy that Jim would most definitely disapprove of. Even now, after last night, after him leaving and her moving forward with the wedding for nearly three weeks, she still couldn’t get him out of her head. Ever since he left everything reminded her of him, the possible jokes he’d make, the looks he’d give her in response to just about everything. How he’d tease her for ordering french toast out at dinner or for watching The Princess Bride and cry for the fifth or sixth time this week. She felt both physically and emotionally worse than what seemed like any point in her adult life. Pam dozed off to a sappy movie, disappointed that the emotions she tried to drink away had come back even stronger.

The pounding of her head was only made worse by the non-stop pounding on the door, driving her once again from sleep. Roy was probably back to drunkenly beg her to reconsider one more time. It made perfect sense that he would stick around. Jim had run off, Roy stuck around. The exact opposite of what she wanted every time.

“GO AWAY, ROY.” Pam yelled from her spot on the couch. “WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.”

Silence, followed by a soft muffled voice, “Umm… It’s Jim.”

“Jim?” she breathed to herself, heart suddenly going a mile a minute. Jim, whom she had poured her heart out to last night was here. Jim, who told her he loved her and asked her to call off her wedding but then disappeared - had driven from Stamford to Scranton to talk to her. Jim, her best friend, or maybe former best friend, was standing on the other side of her door while she had crazy hair, tear streaked makeup, and was wearing embarrassing smiling egg and waffle pajamas. Would he still want her when he saw how much of a mess she was? Was she even ready for another relationship, especially a long distance one? Oh, God. What if he didn’t want her at all and was just here as a friend, or worse, to let her down easy? How did he even know where she lived? “I’ll be right there, just give me a minute.”

“You okay in there?”

“I’m fine. I just have to-” Pam crashed into the end table sending the books, keys, an empty glass of water, and other odds and ends crashing to the floor. “Just give me a few, I’ll be right there.” She dashed into her new bedroom, pulled on some comfy, yet form fitting jeans, and a peach colored, striped work blouse before cleaning off her face and pulling back her hair. She didn’t look great. Nothing could get the frizz out of her hair at this point and the dark makeup that she had been wearing had stained under her eyes, giving the appearance of her being much more tired than she actually was. A quick swipe of mascara and some lip gloss brightened her up a little. Better, but still not great. She rushed to the front door.

“Hi,” she breathed, looking up at him.

“Hi,” he all but whispered back, looking deep into her eyes, frozen on her doorstep.

“Would you, um, Do you want to come in?” She offered, opening the door wide for him, still looking up at him. Had he always been so tall? He looked about the same, his hair a little longer, but his eyes just as green and his boyish face just as handsome. God, she missed him.

“Sure.” He smiled such a heart-felt, hopeful smile that she couldn’t help but let her heart soar. “I got you something.” He pulled a small bouquet of small, pink roses and baby’s breath out from behind his back. “It’s not much, but I thought…”

“I love them.” She grinned, holding them up to her nose and breathing in their sweet scent. Her cheeks flushed with joy and anticipation for what was to come. Embarrassed of her pink cheeks and racing heart, Pam muttered, “I’ll put these in water,” before awkwardly turning to the kitchen. Just as she started her hurried steps to the kitchen, she was pulled back by Jim’s hand on her shoulder, falling back into him at the sudden change in momentum. Her skin felt on fire where her back met his front and she tried not to let herself just melt into him. There was too much to think about to do that.  

“Sorry. There’s glass,” he said, gesturing at the ground but maintaining intense focus on her eyes as she turned to look at him.

Pam’s whole body hummed, electricity surged between them where they touched, even stronger than during casino night. It was everything in her power not to pull him down and kiss him right then and there; she needed to keep a level head. They had a lot to talk about: Roy, him moving, her rejecting him, how they lived nearly three hours apart. Jim, it seemed, did not hold the same reservations and closed the distance between them.

For as quickly as he swooped down, his lips were hesitant, barely touching hers, looking for confirmation and for her to take the final step. Everything she had longed for all last night lie in front of her, easily taken with just a few millimeters of movement. Unable to behave rationally with his breath at her lips, she pushed up on her toes, moving her lips against his and wrapping her arms around his neck. The kiss began gentle, as tender and sweet as when he had held her on casino night, exploring and enjoying the feeling of being so close. As the rush of that closeness built up in her system, Pam couldn’t help but press harder, biting gently at his lower lip, running her fingers through his hair, exploring his neck, arms, back, and even chest with her hands, kissing him deeper until she was nearly too dizzy to stand from breathing the same air.

When she finally pulled away to catch a breath, she hazarded a look at his face. Still bent over a bit from kissing, Jim’s eyes were closed, which only added to the dazed, angelically sweet, happy look on his face, as though he had been chasing after her kiss. When his eyes finally fluttered open and caught the ridiculous smile of her own, his face dissolved into the biggest grin she had ever seen.

“Pam-” he sighed, rubbing his nose against hers lovingly. “Is this a dream?”

“Jim, I- the flowers. I dropped the flowers.” she muttered needing to say something as she tried to clear the euphoria from her mind. “How did you find my apartment?”

“Hmmm?” he hummed, nose buried in her hair, lips still dancing across her cheek.

“I moved in less than a week ago. How do you know where I live?”

“I…” He pulled away, his face turning a bright red, “I don’t mean to be creepy. Oh, God, I hope I wasn’t creepy.”

“Maybe a little creepy.” she giggled, resting her head on his chest.

“You, you weren’t answering your phone so... “ he scratched the back of his head with a cringe, cheeks still pink with embarrassment, “I called Dwight.”

“He knows my address? How does he know my address?”

“He keeps an updated list of all the addresses and phone numbers from the files in HR. I figured if anyone would have it he would.”

“Hmmm,” she sighed, before blurting out, “Why did you leave?”

“I’m so, so sorry, Pam. I was heartbroken and I knew I had no chance of being with you. I tried for years to get over you, but I… can’t,” his eyebrows pulled together as his eyes willed her to understand. “I just knew that no matter how hard I tried, every time I saw you I would just fall in love with you even more. I should have been there for you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Pam whispered. “I couldn’t give you an answer then. Not a real one. I- I was so scared, but I should have been brave. I should have told you how I felt right then and there. After I rejected you, I thought you’d hate me forever. I’m so sorry Jim.”

“I could never hate you. I love you, Pam.” He took a deep breath, gazing intently into her eyes, his words slow and deliberate, “I’m in love with you. Is there a chance that now- that you love me too? Or even just that you want to be with me?”

“I wanted to tell you that night, in the office. I wanted to so badly. I love you too. I-” Pam’s words were stopped as Jim’s lips crashed into hers, his mouth moving passionately against hers as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, as though she were the only thing keeping him anchored to the earth. Her hands found themselves on either side of his face, stroking his cheeks as they were once again overcome by passion. Jim still loved her and she loved him but there was still far too much to worry about.

“How is this going to work with long distance?” she pulled back, holding her hands to her chest, terrified that this small beautiful happiness they shared would crumble apart.

“It doesn’t matter.” Jim murmured in her ear, pressing an adoring kiss onto her cheek before taking her hands in his. “It will.”

“I just got out of a nearly ten year long relationship.” She worried, clutching his hands for support.

“It doesn’t matter. We can take it slow.” he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed the corner of her mouth.

“The office will talk. Roy will be so mad.” Pam’s hands traveled up Jim’s chest, coming to rest around his neck as she clung to him.

“It doesn’t matter.” he pulled her close once again, kissing her lovingly before looking deep into her eyes. “I love you.”

He was right, it didn’t matter right now, not as long as they loved each other. “I love you.” She responded emphatically, finally unafraid, and pulled Jim down to meet her once again.