Something was wrong with Pam. Jim could tell, and he had been trying not to pay attention to her lately. Since he was transferred back to Scranton, he had acted friendly yet distant towards her. It hurt, and he could tell he was hurting her, too. But he couldn't go back to the way it was. That wouldn't just hurt his heart, it would break it all over again.
But today he couldn't help notice how when she walked by his desk she shuffled her feet a bit. How every now and then he would hear a sniffle coming from her side of the room. Jim almost broke his neck trying to keep it from snapping to the right to sneak a glance Pam's way.
Jim bit his bottom lip and concentrated hard on staring at the paperwork on his desk. He knew this was something important he should be filling out, but the whole thing looked like a big white blur to him. He couldn't fill this out when he heard little sighs drifting into his right ear.
By two thirty, he couldn't take it anymore. He could either stare at his desk, Dwight's face, or the column straight ahead. Plus his neck was really hurting. He turned to his right, and his face fell when he saw Pam.
She looked horrible. The look in her eyes made her age about twenty years. She was sporting dark circles and he bottom lip looked red, as if she had been biting it all day. He knew the feeling, he thought as he ran his tongue along his dry lips.
Swallowing hard, he stood up and made his way over to reception. Jim tried to make those five steps into twenty, but it didn't work. Pam watched him come over, with a look on her face that could only be described as horror mixed with confusion. He knew this was a bad idea.
“Uh, hey.” He said, leaning on the counter in front of him. Suddenly his mind raced with images of doing this exact same thing, about a hundred different times. He saw Pam look up and smile at him a hundred different ways. Right now, though, she looked like the last thing she wanted was to see him here, doing this again.
“Hi.” She said, turning to her computer and typing something. “Did you need something?”
Jim bit his lip again, stopping himself from answering that question truthfully. “Not really. Just wanted see what's up. Bored, ya know.”
Pam forced her lips into a thin line that he thought was trying to be a smile. “Yeah. As always.” She turned back to the computer screen, her eyes red and watery.
Jim tried to find the courage inside himself to say what he wanted to say. He thought this time it wasn't so bad. There's no way this was worse when he told her he loved her. Nothing was as wonderfully bad as that.
“Is... is something wrong?” He choked out.
Her head snapped up. She blinked a few times. “What?” She said quietly.
“I mean... Are you okay?” He lowered his voice, and tried to brace himself for the worst. She would say everything was fine, he would nod and say “Okay” and then walk away. His first shot at talking to her since he came back would be over, and he could go on with his day knowing at least he tried.
Then he saw her eyes start to water and damn it, she bit her lip again. And that was it, Jim knew those months in Stamford had done nothing to extinguish the feelings he had for Pam. Because all he wanted to do at that moment was take her in his arms and ask her if there's anything he could do.
“No... I've been freaking out lately...” She said, quietly. She reached over and grabbed a tissue. “I need to stop, the last thing I need is Michael coming over here asking me if I want to come into his office and lay down, or talk about it with him.” She forced a small smile.
Jim grinned. At least she still had her old humor. “What have you been freaking out about?” he asked, realizing too late what the answer was.
Pam looked into his eyes and opened her mouth to speak. But all she did was shake her head, close her mouth and brushed the stray hairs out of her face. “Just stuff. Thanks for asking. I need to...” She gestured at her desk.
Jim nodded, and started to back away. But something stopped him. As if he hadn't tried hard enough with her, what could it hurt to try one last time?
“Are you busy tonight?” He asked quickly. He figured blurting it out was a good idea before he lost his nerve.
Pam looked up again, startled a bit. “Um, no. Why?”
Jim smirked, trying to look charming but feeling like he was fourteen again, asking a girl out for the first time. “I have your address, just be bored around seven, alright?” He winked at her.
Pam looked confused, but smiled for what he thought might be the first time in a while.
“Okay.” She replied. Music to his hears.
Later, as he stood in front of her door, he felt like he was going to throw up. And he hoped that she wasn't home, because that would mean he wouldn't have to deal with seeing her in her new apartment, without Roy, without anything to stop him from just kissing her and holding her and... Except for of course, the thought in his mind that she didn't want that. So he wouldn't.
He also hoped she would open the door soon, because he had knocked twice and he thought that was enough. Jim didn't think she'd want to have to deal with him hurling all over her door.
Suddenly he heard the lock come undone, and he watched as the door opened to reveal Pam standing there, in a plain white t-shirt and pajama pants. Her hair was down, and some of the soft curls fell into her face. She smiled at him and he thought he might just pass out.
“Hi. Um, why are you here?” She said. The words alone sounded a bit rude, but hearing them come from her voice he knew she was just genuinely wondering and teasing him a bit.
He held up both hands. In one was a plastic bag that had “Blockbuster” in bright blue written across it, and in the other was a brown paper bag from the Chinese place down the street. He smiled a big, goofy smile. “I thought you might want to actually see 28 Days.”
Pam's head tilted to the side, and he saw her start to cry again. She looked to her left, into her apartment and away from him.
He knew he had blown it. She wasn't ready for this. For them to be friends, or hang out. He braced himself for whatever she was going to say, so he could just go home and watch the stupid movie by himself with a beer.
Suddenly he felt her body pressed against his, and her arms around his neck. He tried his best to hug her back, what with the bag in one hand and the Chinese food in the other. She smelled like fresh air and her hair tickled his cheek.
“I really want to see it, thank you Jim.” She whispered in his ear. She pulled back, taking both bags from him and walked into the apartment. “Come on in, but it looks like crap right now.”
Jim laughed and shook his head. “No problem, Beesly. No problem.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the first Jam fic I've written in a while, and I do think it's a bit rusty. But I needed something to start the creative juices flowing again! (That's what she said!) Hope you enjoy it, though!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Office or it's characters, silly.
katrina87 is the author of 14 other stories.
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