“Took a deep breath in the mirror,

He didn’t like it when I wore high heels

But I do.”

Pam slid her feet into a pair of pink heels she’d found at the back of her closet. She had no idea why she owned these shoes. Some misguided shopping trip years ago where she’d briefly imagined herself as someone who wore baby pink 3-inch heels. Roy never liked it when she wore heels. He said he didn’t think she needed those shoes to look good, but now she thought maybe he wasn’t comfortable with how good the shoes had made her look.

She sighed, for the millionth time, about all the ways she’d been blind to Roy’s issues.

She turned to the full-length mirror and took a deep breath, examining herself. Hair released from its usual clip and flowing down her shoulders. A creamy, loose blouse dotted with tiny pink and blue flowers. Her best jeans, and the shoes. Lastly, she looked at her face. She’d added a little bit more makeup than usual, but that wasn’t the difference. The difference was her smile. She was finally going on a date with Jim, and that fact brought such a giddy grin to her face that she almost didn’t recognize herself.

“Turn the lock and put my headphones on

He always said he didn't get this song

But I do, I do”

Since she’d been living alone, Pam had started listening to music almost all the time. Now that Roy wasn’t around to make fun of what she liked, she played a wide range of genres and artists. She had all the mixes Jim had ever made for her, and she listened to them on repeat. So many of the songs contained hidden messages that weren’t hidden at all now. Actually, they’d never really been hidden, she’d just pretended not to see them. After he’d gone, she’d listened to every song he’d ever shared with her and alternated between crying and wanting to slap herself. The man had given her his heart, over and over again, and she’d been too scared to take it.

Now she’d integrated all of Jim’s music with her own and made new playlists for herself. She found that the music changed her mood, depending on the song. As she walked to meet Jim, she’d chosen one that always made her feel strong and sure of herself. She needed all the help she could get tonight.

Today when she’d been doing that talking head about how she and Jim never seemed to get it right, she’d been holding back tears. She knew that if he moved to New York for that job, she needed to put him in the past. Some way, somehow, she had to stop thinking that she was going to get another chance with him. Her false bravado for the camera crew was her way of trying to convince herself as much as them. When Jim put his head around the door and asked her out, the floor dropped out from under her. Never in a million years had she expected to hear him say those words. The smile she gave the camera after Jim said, “Then it’s a date” was the first real smile she’d had since the day he came back from Stamford.

When he’d called her later to make plans, they’d been awkward on the phone.

“So, any requests for dinner?” Jim had asked, and she could hear the nerves in his voice.

“No, I’m good with whatever,” Pam replied, feeling the butterflies in her stomach do circles. She’d wanted this to happen for so long, but now she was scared. What if he changed his mind?

“Hmmm…” Jim said, trailing off, and she could almost hear him thinking through the phone. She knew he had to be tired, driving to and from the city, obviously having a difficult conversation with Karen, and a job interview. It was a Wednesday, not a classic date night. Maybe they needed to keep this simple.

“So,” Pam spoke, “There’s a little cafe down the street from my apartment. It’s really cute, and it’s not too crowded at dinner.”

“Is that ok with you?” Jim asked. Then she heard him hesitate, before he said in a lower voice, “I always pictured something fancy for a first date with you.”

Pam swallowed, hard. This was real. This wasn’t just a conversation, or a maybe kind of thing. This was a date. With Jim. He was as worried as she was about getting it right. Suddenly inspiration struck her.

“Hey, this isn’t our first date!” she said brightly. “Are you forgetting our dinner on the roof? ‘Dinner and show’ I think you called it?”

There was a pause, and when he spoke, she could feel his smile, feel his relief through the phone.

“Beesley! You’re right. This is absolutely not our first date. The pressure's off! But I think you’re forgetting about the dancing. Or are you still in denial about that part?”

And just like that, they were back. This was them. This was safe ground.

“I’m not in denial anymore Jim,” she said, smiling into the phone. “I’ve changed my opinion, Swaying is definitely dancing.”

“Walked in expecting you'd be late

But you got here early and you stand and wave

I walk to you.

You pull my chair out and help me in

And you don't know how nice that is

But I do”

Pam stepped into the cafe about ten minutes early, figuring she’d have time to get settled before Jim arrived. She was surprised to see his tall figure stand up from a booth by the window and wave to her. She walked slowly toward him, not even trying to hide the wide smile on her face, because he was wearing a matching one.

God, he looked good. The short hair was...different. She wondered if the cut had been his idea or...hers. Karen’s. She still remembered how his hair had felt between her fingers last spring, and she couldn’t imagine ever wanting him to cut it. His eyes were smiling at her in a way she hadn’t seen in months, and she felt a little thrill go through her to see it again.

“Pam, hey, it’s so good to see you. You look great. You seem...taller?” Jim said, not hiding his gaze as he let his eyes run down her body. “Nice shoes!” he commented when his gaze reached her feet. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen these before.”

Pam looked down at her high heels and blushed. “Yeah, um, I never wore them to work. Guess I don’t need to be that tall there.”

He laughed out loud, and she felt her heart swell at the sound. How long had it been since she made him laugh like that?

Jim pulled her chair out and made sure she was comfortable before sitting back down. She hardly knew what to do with that gesture - no one had ever done that for her before. Was this just First Date Jim, or was he like this all the time? She could definitely get used to it.

“And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did"

Pam was afraid that dinner would be awkward. There was a lot of ground to cover, and some of it wasn’t that pretty. But as soon as they sat down, they started to talk, and it felt like old times. Well, it felt like old times in a new way. Because now there was no barrier of Roy between them, and they could both be so much more comfortable and relaxed.

Jim told Pam about his day - about Jan, and David Wallace, and the interview. And the yogurt lid. Pam looked at her lap and blushed when he brought that up, but he reached across the table and touched her hand, and said quietly, “Hey, it’s a good thing. The best thing. You reminded me of what was real.” Their eyes met and held for a long moment, and Pam felt a warmth spreading through her whole body.

He briefly talked about Karen, and Pam flinched at the idea of Jim breaking up with Karen, because she imagined how it would feel for Jim to break up with her, and her heart hurt for the other woman.

“So, why is Michael’s office painted black?” Jim asked, raising an eyebrow as if to say that he knew this had to be a good story.

Pam regaled him with the happenings of the day. When she got to the part where Dwight asked her to be the Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager, Jim leaned in and asked, “And? What did you say?”

“I said, ‘Absolutely I will,’” Pam answered, grinning at him across the table.

Jim threw his head back and laughed like a little kid would at a really good joke, and once again Pam was struck with a sense of unreality. It was so easy to make Jim laugh. She didn’t think she’d ever made Roy laugh. More often than not, she’d end up explaining a joke to Roy to the point that it didn’t hold even a kernel of humour anymore. Then Roy would say something like, “Babe, I think you better leave the jokes to the comedians on TV,” and Pam would feel a true desire to punch him. Which of course she never did.

As they talked and laughed, Pam was having trouble believing this was really happening. She’d basically given up on the idea that she and Jim would ever be together. When he’d left the office with Karen the day before, she’d felt her heart crack in two. Over the past months, she’d actually begun to wonder if maybe she wasn’t meant to find love. She’d been with Roy for so long - she’d been so sure that Roy was the person she should marry, and clearly that was a mistake. Then with Jim, she’d messed everything up. She’d rejected him, she hadn’t called him to tell him she’d cancelled the wedding, and then he’d found someone else.

She’d sat in this cafe by herself many times, wondering if she was destined to be alone forever. And now, everything was new and fresh and possible again.

“You said you never met one girl

Who had as many James Taylor records as you

But I do

We tell stories and you don't know why

I'm coming off a little shy

But I do”

When a lull in the conversation finally came, Pam changed the subject.

“So, I’ve been listening to a lot more music lately. Lots of the music you gave me, plus some stuff I had before.”

“Oh yeah? Anything good?” Jim asked.

“Well,” Pam said, “Some of the older stuff can only be called guilty pleasure music.”

“Pam, what are we talking about here? Old as in New Kids on the Block or old as in the Bee Gees?”

Pam giggled, loving the teasing tone in his voice.

“Jim! Just because it’s a guilty pleasure doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

“Pam! Are you calling the Brothers Gibb bad? Because I don’t think I can stand for that.”

Now she was laughing out loud, and he was laughing with her, and she couldn’t believe they’d ever let this go, even for a day.

“I got my mom’s old turntable from her basement, and took some of her records to my place, and I’ve just been listening to some older stuff. Like, you know, James Taylor.”

“Pam, I love James Taylor.”

“Jim! I’m serious, it’s actually really good music.”

Jim widened his eyes dramatically at her. “Pam, I know. I kid you not when I say that I love James Taylor. ‘You’ve Got a Friend’, ‘Fire and Rain’. How could anyone not like this music?”

Pam just shook her head, smiling at him. He was such a nerd sometimes.

“How many James Taylor records are we talking about?” he asked.

“Like, I don’t know, maybe 8? I think my mom was a big fan.”

“Wow Pam, this is amazing. I honestly have never met any girl who had as many James Taylor records as I do, and who actually listened to them. Impressive.”

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and regarding her with some measure of awe.

“Ok, but I’m also listening to a lot of current top 40 stuff too, so don’t start thinking I’m a music snob like you.”

He laughed again, and with a start she realized that she’d completely forgotten to be nervous, and here she was, just talking away to Jim as if nothing had changed. As if they hadn’t both shattered each other’s hearts. What if she was letting her guard down and he only wanted to be friends? What if this wasn’t as real as it felt?

She bit her lip, and Jim must have seen the fear in her eyes, because he reached for her hand again.

“Hey, what happened? You ok in there? Getting shy now that you confessed your deep love for James Taylor?”

Pam felt her lips curl upwards, despite the fact that her heart was still hammering in her chest.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just...this is so great, being with you. I missed you so much. But Jim, are we...really here?”

Jim’s eyes got soft, and the look he gave her was pure love. She could read it like a book, because she’d been seeing it for years. She didn’t even need him to speak, but being Jim, he spoke anyway.

“Pam, yeah, we’re really here. I... haven’t changed. I mean, what I feel for you hasn’t changed. We have a lot of catching up to do, and some it’s going to be less fun than this. We just need a fresh start. I think that if we play our cards right, this thing between us could be something really amazing.”

His hand held hers firmly, his thumb stroking her skin. Pam squeezed his hand and nodded at him. “Me too Jim. I want that more than anything.”

“Good,” he said, leaning toward her. “Now stop being shy and tell me what weird movies you’ve been watching lately.”

“And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up

But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches

Every single Christmas and I want to talk about that

And for the first time what's past is past”

They talked for another hour, through coffee and tea, and a shared dessert. They didn’t speak again about Karen or Roy, and Pam felt like she had to say something before the night ended. As they walked down the block toward her car, the streetlights were just coming on. The light surrounding them was dim, and she felt like the darkness made it easier to speak. She was just about to say, “Jim, about Roy…” when he caught her hand and interlaced their fingers, and all thoughts of Roy flew away from her into the twilight.

“So, it sounds like your parents have some pretty weird old movies in their basement. Any seasonal favourites down there? Halloween, Christmas?”

“Oh God,” Pam said, “My mom has this whole collection of sappy Christmas movies that she brings out and watches every year. And if I’m there she makes me watch them too. You know the kind, where the lost dog comes home on Christmas Eve...that kind of thing.”

“Yup, my family has their own traditional Christmas favourites,” Jim laughed, “But maybe a little more mainstream.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know. Home Alone, National Lampoon, It’s a Wonderful Life. When I was a kid, my parents would get us to watch one every weekend in the month before Christmas.”

“Aw, that sounds really sweet,” Pam said, imagining a young Jim in pajamas, eating popcorn on the sofa with his brothers.

“Yeah, I guess it’s kind of nice,” Jim said. “I don’t really think about it, you know? But it’s nice.”

“I've been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again.”

A light breeze rustled Pam’s hair as their voices trailed off. Jim leaned against her car and took her hands in his, and she stepped a little closer, looking up into his eyes.

“I had a really, really great time tonight,” he said softly. “Maybe the best time I ever had. Like ever.”

Pam smiled, “Me too.”

Jim bent his head toward hers. With the high heels, the distance between them was less than usual, but Pam still stretched up on her tiptoes to meet him. Their lips met softly, tentatively, both of them careful, so careful. Then Jim let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to his body, and letting his mouth completely cover hers. Pam gasped against him and she felt him smile before his lips slid against hers again. Pam felt how warm and alive he was, and she had a sudden vision of all the pain and hurt of the past months floating up and away from them, into the night sky. She’d almost given up all hope, but now she realized, they could begin again.