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Story Notes:

Disclaimer: I own nothing, apart from my collection of The Office inspired t-shirts and a gift voucher from winning a The Office themed trivia night (which may just be the highlight of my life to date). Any lines of recognisable dialogue are adapted from the show. The title is taken from the song Perfect Mess by Josh Jenkins. 

Author's Chapter Notes:
Part 1 of 2 

Jim swallows his relief at Dwight’s call. They’re halfway out the door when his phone trills and he shouldn’t be surprised as Dwight states matter of factly that the party is off –

“David Wallace is indisposed. Michael poisoned him.”

“No, no, no! Shut up, Dwight!” Jim hears Michael interject in the background. There’s a tussle and Michael’s voice echoes in his ear, louder now, having clearly taken possession of the phone. “It’s store bought. The store poisoned David Wallace.”

Jim doesn’t have to be there to see Dwight shaking his head as he barks, “I told you not to leave it in the car all day.”

“Dwight,” Michael groans. “Give me back my shirt.” Jim’s going to leave that one alone. “You don’t deserve it.”

“Fact. Potato salad contains mayonnaise. Mayonnaise needs refrigeration or it curdles. It’s basic food hygiene one-oh-one,” Dwight scoffs.

“Just don’t come, Jim,” Michael sighs. Jim knows these people too well – case in point he knows that Michael is furrowing his brow and glaring at Dwight by the tone of his voice.

“Thanks for the heads up,” Jim replies courteously. “See you tomorrow.”

He’s already hanging up as Michael’s, “have a good one, Jimbo,” floats over the line. 

Of course Michael has unwittingly gifted their boss food poisoning with day old potato salad. Jim can fill in the blanks, he doesn’t need Dwight and Michael to spell it out. There will be no cocktail mixer with the corporate bigwigs after all – not with their host currently bowed over porcelain ridding his body of Michael’s well-intentioned gesture. It’s rude to show up to a fancy cocktail party empty handed after all… It’s Michael Scott manners basics. Jim muses that Wallace probably would have preferred for Michael to have missed the memo on that one.

He relays the conversation to Karen, who has caught most of it anyway. She rolls her eyes and mutters curses under her breath at the news before lighting up with an idea –

“We’re already dressed up. Let’s not let it go to waste. Let’s go out for dinner,” she beams.

Jim hopes his wince is imperceptible. He catches the scowl before it forms and aims for casual indifference instead. He’d really rather not. He thought he’d grow into this more adult persona he’s been projecting, but he finds the more he lives like this the more he hates it. He wants to put on a ratty tee and sweats and hang out on the sofa.

He rubs the back of his neck surreptitiously… “or, we could head to Poor Richard’s. I promised Kev I’d come see his new band sometime and they’re playing tonight, so…” he trails off, not bothering to clamp down on the tinge of hopefulness colouring his words.

Karen groans. He levels his best puppy dog eyes in her direction. “Fine,” she relents. “But you’re buying, Halpert.” He shrugs and flashes her a wide smile. He’ll take his wins where he can get them these days.

He feels her patience with Scranton and its cast of characters – one particularly stands out – is wearing thinner each day. She’s on the cusp of an ultimatum, he’s not blind to it looming in the wings. Her time in Scranton is finite. Maybe his is too?

Now isn’t the time to ponder possible futures though, it’s the time to embrace the parts of Scranton he still unashamedly enjoys, like his quiet, steady friendship with his somewhat bumbling, but larger than life colleague. He knows that Kevin is going to be delighted that he made it after all. He clears his mind and focusses on the drive instead.

 

Entering the bar, his heart plummets from its home in his chest to the floor to find Pam and Roy seated at the counter. He curses Michael and his tainted potatoes.

Pam and Roy back together was one thing. Having to actually witness Pam and Roy back together was a whole other thing… Quite frankly, he couldn’t stomach it. Even the thought of it filled him with a rage he wasn’t sure he possessed.

He wondered how obvious it would be if he suddenly backflipped on the plan that moments before he had been so keen to bring to fruition? She would notice – she always seemed to notice when it came to Pam now. He decided his best approach was to sullenly suck it up and press on.

In one way, it was a silver lining that he barely talked to Pam now, it meant he wouldn’t have to fake small talk with Roy. A nod and maybe the briefest of hellos and that would be the extent of their interaction. Karen would silently stew if he so much as said hi, but that he could deal with.

He clasped Karen’s hand in his and pretended he didn’t notice the way it was too angular and sharp in comparison to that one time ice skating on Michael’s birthday and a different hand had slotted to his like a missing puzzle piece, bulky gloves and all. He took a step closer to the bar, their entrance still unnoticed by his colleagues.

Another step brought him close enough to hear Pam softly addressing Roy – “remember that casino night, about a month before we were supposed to get married?”

Jim’s feet froze. It was a night he was having a hard time forgetting, no matter how much he willed it away. Karen stumbled into the back of him.

“I kissed Jim.”

His lungs stopped drawing air. Karen tugged his arm impatiently.

“What?” whistled from Roy.

“He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too and we kissed.”

The bile rose in his throat. Karen’s gaze flickered from Jim to the back of Pam’s head, brow furrowing in confusion.

“Jim came onto you?” Roy’s tone indicated that he wasn’t a fan of this titbit.

“Just listen,” Pam entreated.

Jim was listening. He’d never listened this hard in his life. Karen was listening too. He could feel the steam rising.

“No, I am listening… and that’s the problem I’m listening,” Roy hissed.

Pam recoiled slightly. “Don’t yell,” she murmured.

“Don’t. Yell.” Roy leant forwards, slamming his hand onto his glass and sending it shattering into the back of the bar.

“This is over,” Pam stated fiercely, getting to her feet.

“Yeah. You’re right, this is so over!”

Pam spun sharply, eyes wide with fear – widening further still as she stumbled into Jim. The feel of her flush with him brought him back to life and he sucked in a sharp intake of air, his limbs unsticking. He reached out and caught her by the shoulders, ignoring the waves of disapproval rolling off of Karen.

“Jim,” she breathed, the shock of her gaze shifting to something softer before catching Karen in her periphery and the downcast mask that she wore so often lately floating back in.

“Are you kidding me Pam. C’mon,” Roy bellowed. He grabbed another glass off the counter and hurdled it into the wall. He rose unsteadily to his feet to reach for the next glass. Another crash echoed moments later, sending shards of glass shooting haphazardly around the bar. He turned, eyes black and breath coming in short exerted puffs.

He locked eyes with Jim.

For a split second the world stood still.

“I’m going to fucking kill you, Jim Halpert!”

Everything moved.

 

Roy plunged towards him. He tried to spin Pam behind him, but she stood firm, twisting in the cove of his body to face the coming thunder. “Pam,” he hissed frantically, nudging her to move. She gripped his wrist tightly and positioned herself between him and the incoming fists.

“Roy,” she ordered firmly. “Stop.”

Kevin materialised beside them, Oscar flanking him. “Yeah man, chill out,” Kevin drawled in cautious warning.

“Pammy. Move.” It was more roar, than words.

She stood firm. Jim tried to step around her, but she held her arm out stopping him. Her other hand flew to press resolutely against Roy’s chest. “No,” she growled. “It’s my fault, not Jim’s.”

Roy vibrated with anger, it reverberated through Pam, Jim could feel it shaking the hand pressed into Roy to the one steadying him. Or maybe she was trembling?

“It’s my fault,” she repeated decisively. “I called off the wedding for a lot of reasons,” she sighed. “You know that,” her eyes were locked with Roy’s, pleading.

“He fucking kissed you,” Roy seethed.

“Yes, and I kissed him,” Pam stated matter-of-factly. “And I wanted to do it again, so I called off the wedding.”

Roy staggered forward, driven by the weight of his rage. Beside them, Kevin straightened to his full height and angled his shoulder between Pam and Roy. Her hand dropped and Kevin floated further between them. Roy’s brother stumbled to his side and squared his shoulders, pressing closer to Pam and Jim.

“I think you should go, man,” Kevin muttered to Roy. “It’s not worth it.” Roy levelled him with one final glare, his eyes drifting to Pam and then Jim. He caught Karen in the periphery and snorted derisively.

“I can’t believe you’re throwing your life away for this loser and he has a fucking girlfriend.”

Jim didn’t miss the way Pam’s face fell further still at Roy’s parting shot.

 “I told you she was a slut,” Kenny offered loud words of comfort as they retreated. Jim felt his fingers unconsciously twist to form a fist and he half-stepped towards him. Pam’s small hand locked around his wrist and steadied him.

“He’s really not worth it,” she murmured.

 

As Roy left, so did the confident, braver side of Pam. She started trembling in earnest, sinking on folded knees towards the less than sanitary floor. Jim caught her under the elbow. At his touch, she gasped, and levelled him with watery eyes. “I’m sorry,” slipped from her lips, barely a whisper. “I just thought that it wasn’t fair that he didn’t know the truth.”

“That was quite a show,” Karen’s sharp words cut through the tension like a knife – only serving to divide the air around them into two tangibly separate sections of uncomfortable and awkward. Her gaze withered on Jim’s hand, still clasping Pam’s arm. “We should go.”

“Don’t go yet,” Pam spoke softly to Jim’s chest. They could both sense Karen bristling at her words. “Neither of them can drive. Roy can’t afford another DUI. They’ll still be waiting for a cab in the parking lot,” she clarified quietly.

Jim wasn’t ready to leave anyway. He was too lost to his thoughts.

He replayed the past several minutes in his mind. He couldn’t seem to get past that moment at the beginning. Pam had said feelings, right? I guess I had feelings too. He mentally berated himself. He was misinterpreting things again. He’d misheard or misunderstood or something…

Her words from the parking lot last May taunted him. They were friends.

Karen groaned. “Fine. But I need a drink.”

Oscar slipped his arm around Pam’s waist and led her to a booth. She went without protest, but her eyes stayed wide and unfocussed on Jim. She shuffled clumsily onto the bench seat. He tried to ask her wordlessly, are you okay? Her slight headshake only gutted him further.

We kissed, his memory roared, not he kissed me. Did that mean something?

Beside him, he heard Karen ask the bartender for a white wine and a beer. The bartender paused from picking up chunks of glass to serve her. Jim continued to gape at Pam. She continued to gaze at him.

The bell on the door tinkled slightly. “Hey Halpert,” Roy roared as he strode back in. In the time it took Jim to turn, Roy’s fist connected with his jaw with a sickening thud.

“Roy. No, Roy!” Pam screamed, already on her feet. Oscar grabbed her arm, holding tight.

Jim’s instinct was to clutch at his face. Roy wound his fist back and struck again, Jim doubled over as the hit sunk into his stomach. As Roy pulled his hand back to go for another shot, Kevin encircled him, pinning his arms to his side. Toby appeared from Jim had no idea where and helped Kevin push a struggling Roy out the door. “Don’t make me call the cops, man,” Kevin threatened, blocking the doorway with his bulk.

With Roy’s exit, Pam shrugged Oscar’s grip and fell to her knees beside Jim. “Jim,” she pleaded, eyes wide with unshed tears. “I’m sorry,” she gasped.  

Karen abandoned the drinks on the counter to reach for him. Her hand brushed his shoulder and he flinched. She pulled back abruptly. “I’ll get you some ice,” she murmured. Jim nodded mutely in response, tensing as the movement flexed his aching jaw.

The bartender anticipated her move, handing Karen a handful of ice wrapped in a tea towel. “Can you guys let me know if this is gonna be a regular occurrence so I can get security in on a Thursdays as well as the weekend?”

He was met with a tired sigh. “Let’s hope not.”

 

Pam’s hand rose to wipe at the tears that had begun to spill down her cheeks. Somehow instead of dropping back to the floor, it floated over to him. She brushed at his jaw gingerly with the tips of her fingers. Jim’s eyes slipped shut and he found himself canting towards her touch.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

He shook his head, gasping a sharp intake of breath as the movement pressed her fingers into the rapidly forming bruise encompassing the side of his face. “Don’t,” he hissed, part pain, part annoyance – because it wasn’t her fault, but at the same time everything to do with Roy was somehow her fault in his mind, she was the one who left Phyllis’ wedding with him…

Despite the tears, her tone was suddenly serious, sincerity painting each word in careful, painstaking clarity. “I need to clear something up,” she worried her bottom lip between her teeth and levelled him with a gaze that broke through the carefully constructed walls he’d been living behind since the casino night. “I lied to Roy before. I told him there were a lot of reasons to call off the wedding, which was true enough, but I need you to know that none of those reasons mattered until I met you.”

The pain echoing through his physical body dulled. A new hurt spread through him that felt an awful lot like regret. Not that he’d told her how he felt on casino night, although he’d certainly spent some time regretting that as he faced an empty existence in Stamford. No, this was a new regret, a screeching painful regret that informed him that he hadn’t given things time to fall into place. He’d made declarations and then disappeared. He’d left her with no time to digest. He’d left her with no time. He’d left her. He’d left.

A new thought struck him, something he’d never stopped to consider before… The possibility that maybe he held a share of the blame as to the heartache that had been his life for the past few months. Pam had called off her wedding for him? And where was he?

He wanted to say something.

He met her eyes and hoped that they managed to convey more than his lips were capable of forming. She locked her gaze with his and he recognised a newness to her stare, a steely determination that radiated from her.

“Pam,” he tested her name out like he was saying it for the first time.

“Jim,” she replied so gently that it ached. Her hand rose and cupped his jaw again. He leaned further into her touch, her cool hand a welcome relief to the throb.

A throat cleared behind him and Pam’s hand dropped with a guilty glance over his shoulder, but as her eyes drifted back to his, he saw that the fierceness remained. Fancy new Beesly indeed.

It took him far longer than it should to register that the throat clearer was Karen – his girlfriend. A fact he had to remind himself as she pressed a carefully wrapped handful of ice into his palm. He clutched it to his tender jaw.

“Let’s go.” It didn’t sound like a question.

Kevin less than subtly swung his head around the carpark before giving Jim a bright thumbs up. It appeared the cab had hustled Roy and his brother away and the coast was clear.

Jim shot Pam a pleading final look that he hoped communicated everything left unsaid, especially that they weren’t done with this conversation. She gave him her best nervous smile in response, her lips twisting in much the same way they had when she’d whispered me too on the casino night and for a split second he’d thought maybe everything he was hoping for would eventuate. The pang of regret floated through his awareness and settled firmly into his mind.

Karen nudged him forward and his feet obediently followed. His thoughts bucked the trend and remained firmly in the middle of the bar, lost to that little smile of Pam’s.


Chapter End Notes:

Part 2 is 90% written and should be up in the next day or two… Thanks for reading! 


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