Jim
“We’re friends, we’ll always be friends.”
Even though I already know she doesn’t feel anything for me and I am dating someone else, it still hurts. “Right”, I respond slowly.
She gives me a small smile over her shoulder as she walks away and says, “It’s good to have you back.”
“Yeah”, I mutter. I walk back dejected. I already know she doesn’t love me, she made that clear in May and I was the one who rejected her coffee invitation, but it still hurts to hear her say that we are friends. God, is she blind? We have never been just friends. Even if we never get together at some point, we will have never been known as just friends.
I open my car door and get inside. I sigh in frustration. I try to rid my mind of thoughts of Pam, I can’t let Karen see how I am feeling, but I can’t resist looking over my shoulder at her little blue Yaris. My breath hitches. From the right angle, I can see inside her car. And I see her crying. Sobbing even. It slices my heart into a million pieces to see her like this. I want to run over there and kiss away the tears, but I know she doesn’t want me to do that. But at the same time, why is she crying? Does she have feelings for me? No, she would have told me. No matter the reason, there is nothing in this world that could stop my bodily instinct to go over there and comfort her.
So, I get out of my car and start to walk over to hers. My heart breaks into a million more pieces when I start to hear her sobbing. It is gut wrenching and heart wrenching.
I go over to the driver’s side window and tap on the glass to get her attention. She looks up, startled, a look of utter shock appears on her face. She desperately tries to wipe away traces of her tears, but to no avail. I tap again. “Let me in Pam”, I demand. She shakes her head vehemently. I roll my eyes. “C’mon Beesly, I just wanna help.” I watch her eyes battle conflict before she gives in and unlocks the other door.
I breathe a sigh of relief and walk over the other side to hop into the tiny car. When I get in, she looks at me and then starts sobbing again. I rush to my arm around her. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, It’s okay.” She turns her body and leans into me and lets me rub soothing circles on her back, hoping it calms her. I try to ignore the sensations that are coming to me even in this time of sadness for her, but it is certainly hard.
She cries for a few more minutes and then finally looks up at me. I try to speak to her in a soft and soothing voice. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
A look of utter despair appears on her face. “God, I’m so stupid”, she mutters.
“Huh?”
She looks up with an intense look of courage and something else I can’t name. “I am so freakin stupid to think that you would still be in love with boring old mousy receptionist Pam Beesly, even when you are able to spend a few months with beautiful and talented women like Karen. I get it. I really do. She is a far better catch than me. But it still hurts like hell. So please Jim, if you really care about me crying, just leave now and go to Karen and”, her voice trembles now, “do what you usually do with a girlfriend.”
I am utterly stunned. Taken back. Shocked. Speechless. Is she saying what I think she is saying? But, I don’t want to misinterpret again. So I need to ask her.
“Pam, what are you saying?”
She sighs in frustration. “God, why do I need to spell it out for you? It doesn’t even matter to you anymore, so why are you making me say it?” I don’t answer, fearing I will blurt out that it does still matter before she finishes. “I’m in love with you Jim. I have been for a long long time. I was too damn scared that night. I am truly sorry for how much I hurt you that night, and I wanted to call you after the wedding but I thought you hated me. But when I heard you were coming back, I got so giddy. I thought we could have a second chance. I even got up at 5 to do my hair just for today. And for what? God, I am such an idiot. It’s too damn late, and now just get out of the car.”
I am utterly speechless. Pam Beesly is in love with me. Oh my freaking god. I knew I was right. I didn’t misinterpret. God, I love her. And I need to tell her that.
“It isn’t too late”, I whisper softly.
She immediately whips her head up. She tries to open her mouth and say something, but fails. I smile softly at her shock. “I am still in love with you. God knows I tried. But if there is one thing I have learned from my life so far, it is that there is no possible way I can not be utterly and madly in love with Pamela Morgan Beesly.”
The widest possible smile appears on her face and tears of joy stream down her face. I smile too, and my eyes water with happiness also. “I love you so much”, we both say simultaneously. We lean forward and mold our mouths into one. It is beautiful and amazing. It is tender and full of happiness but it is also hot and gives me feelings that I will never feel with another woman. After a few minutes of making out, she pulls away.
Her beautiful curls are mussed up, and her face is flushed. She grins. I smile. “So…”.
I finish her thought, “That was amazing.”
She nods. “Yeah. That.” Her smile falls a little. “What about Karen?”
I shake my head. “It barely started. And why would I be with anyone else than the love of my life?”
She smiles, “And I also.” I smile fondly at her and lean in again, and she responds willingly. And I know one thing, all is perfect right now.
Pam
I am grinning far too much. Truth be told, I think I have the right to be. What a day yesterday was. It started as giddy and exciting and then went to depressing and then even got to sobbing. But it ended with kisses and pure joy.
But my thoughts of smiling and kisses and Jim are interrupted when Karen appears at my desk. I look up at her, trying to hide my emotions. I don’t know what Jim told her last night. She gives me a soft smile.
“Though I am disappointed, I understand. Just please realize that you are one lucky woman.”
I smile. Looking over the reception desk, I see Jim on the phone. And I know for certain that I am.
