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Author's Chapter Notes:
To be honest, I'm surprised I got "Junior Salesman" done as quickly as I did.  My assumption is that I'm getting the hang of trying to adapt these episodes, but there's not a whole lot I changed in that entry.  I added a bunch of deleted scenes stuff, which I do in various episodes when it positively influences the plot, but yeah.  I didn't change much because it's Dwight-centered.  And it's an unwritten rule of mine to leave those plots alone because they're too good.

“If Jim has bedbugs, that means theyre everywhere. I cant risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200-year-old mattresses.” — Dwight Schrute


Andy is still on his boat trip.  It’s Week 9.


—————————————————————————————————————————————

 

If there’s one word that best describes Meredith Palmer, it’s “unfiltered”.

 

She knows exactly who she is, what she wants, and how she wants to live her life… and doesn’t give a damn what you think.  She drinks.  She parties.  She sleeps with so many guys, she’s afraid she’ll start looking like one.  She loves her son, of course, but once he was in high school, she figured he’d be fine on his own.  (She was proven wrong with the face tattoo.)  She says, does, and dresses in whatever she wants.  God, remember when Casual Fridays were casual?  She lives how she lives, and screw anyone who judges her for it.  You only live once.

 

It’s proven when her disheveled form walks in.

 

“Oh, hey Meredith!” Erin greets.

 

Actually, it’s Angela, wearing a long coat, a hat, and a scarf, “Pardon?”

 

“Oh, sorry, Angela… yikes.”

 

She just looks annoyed and walks to her desk.  This isn’t normally Angela.  Instead of her usual style of clothing, she’s only wearing whatever she picked out in her closet.  This won’t be the last time she embarrassingly comes into the office like this.

 

“The Senator’s been spending many days on the road for his campaign, and it’s certainly been challenging,” Angela tells Brent, “Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse.  I found out Phillip has lice, which is a very different beast than cat fleas.  So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house.  I’m exhausted.  But don’t tell the Senator.  He’s as stressed enough as it is.”

 

“No, I did not join the Senator on his campaign trip, obviously,” Oscar tells him with an awkward chuckle, and then admits, “...but I would have appreciated an invite, at the very least.”

 

Later that day, a terrifying discovery is found.

 

“Hey Meredith,” Pam asks her, “I need your supplier requests today.”

 

“Jeez H. in the morning,” she responds, “Will you stop your nagging already?” 

 

She starts scratching her head more and more, and Angela looks on, eyes widening.

 

“Can you just fill out the form, please?” Pam asks.

 

“Yes,” she responds.  As Pam walks back to her desk, Erin notices what’s going on.  

 

“Oh come on,” Angela responds to Brent, “it’s nothing, I’m sure she’s just confused.  Besides, she already acts like a primate, so of course, she’d scratch like one, too.”

 

Erin summons Meredith over, and after putting her foster care expertise to use, announces the obvious, “Alright, pencils down everyone, we got lice!”

 

Angela is freaking out inside.  This is the one thing she was trying to prevent.

 

“Oh God, Meredith, lice?” she asks incredulously, “Did you not sign a pledge to shower?”

 

Jim and Pam look at each other, scared.

 

“We disinfected the house, right?” Jim whispers, frightened.

 

“I’m sure we did, why wouldn’t we?” Pam asks back.

 

“Look, if you don’t mind calling Cece’s daycare and—”

 

“What?  LICE?” a distraught Dwight shouts, entering from the kitchen.  Angela points at Meredith, making sure everyone knew it was her.  “Oh my God,” he continues, “Lock the doors, we are on full quarantine!” 

 

“Dwight, it’s just lice!” Pam says.

 

“Possibly,” Jim adds.

 

“Maybe.”

 

Just lice, Pam?” Dwight asks her like it’s the stupidest thing she’s ever said.

 

Dwight says to Brent that he got lice once when he was seven, and he’s been a social outcast ever since.  Those are some vindictive lice.

 

Dwight is all clear, and then sprays them all with his aerosol shampoo.

 

Angela’s next to get checked, “Geez Meredith, you know, this is an office not one of your bean bag orgies.”  Denial and deflection.

 

“Alright, let’s give her a break,” Pam defends, “We don’t know for sure this is Meredith’s fault.”

 

Oscar looks at Pam and just says, “Pam, really?  Come on.”

 

“Hey, what do you want?” Meredith adds incredulously, “I know who I am!  Nobody’s takin’ Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen.”  As much as she doesn’t care, her being blamed for anything involving infestations or the like pisses her off.

 

Angela looks at Oscar with daggers once again.  He’s the reason this happened, not her.  He’s the one to blame.  Hell, Meredith would have brought them here sooner or later, so she might as well have done it!

 

Erin checks everyone out.

Stanley?  “Ooh yabber, lice!”

Pam?  “Yikers, lice.”  “Jim, relax.”

Oscar?  “Oh yeah, big time lice.”  “Ehh!”

Jim?  “Wowza, that’s some lice.”  “S***.”

 

“I wash my hands at least six times a day,” Oscar informs Brent, “Toilet seat covers?  Yes, thank you, even when I pee.  Apparently, none of that is protection enough.  Not when it comes to Meredith.”  He knows he’s trying to overcompensate since what he’s doing is much more disgusting than lice.

 

Dwight, sporting a HAZMAT suit, directs Darryl, Nellie, Phyllis, and Kevin to the warehouse since they don’t have any HAZMAT suits of their own (“Uh, renters.”).  The ‘infected’, meanwhile, hang out in the office and deal with the situation.

 

“Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith,” Pam sympathizes, “This has got to be hard for her.”

 

“Oh, no no no no no.  I have not yet begun to shame,” Angela presses, denying and deflecting.

 

Erin jumps on Stanley’s back to prevent his departure, noting how serious the situation is.  She’s a foster child, she knows.

 

“Maybe it was Meredith,” Angela pushes to Brent, “Maybe she brought in lice that are completely different from the lice that I got from Phillip.  ‘Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.’”  She can tell he’s not buying it, so she relents quietly, “Fine, I’ll tell her it was me.”

 

“Hey, Meredith I need to tell you—” Angela asks Meredith but is interrupted by suddenly witnessing the woman shaving her head in front of her.  “Oh my God, Meredith what are you doing?!”

 

“Baking a cake, what does it look like I’m doing?” she responds, “Getting rid of the lice.”

 

Angela was getting desperate, “Meredith, I can explain every—”

 

“Oh, can you hold that thought?”, Meredith interrupts, “That’s my wax.  You know, I think these critters migrated from down south.”  This elicits a groan from Angela.  “What were you saying?”

 

“...Nothing, carry on,” Angela responds as quickly leaves.

 

“Listen,” she says defensively in front of the camera, “The Senator and I will compensate in any way we can for this little… mishap.  A new wig, a makeover, proper hygiene.  That is the right way to do this.”

 

While Dwight is fear-mongering everyone, Erin takes control and tells everyone that all they need is mayonnaise in their hair to help kill them off.  This is to prevent anyone else by looking like Meredith who walks in proud of her new non-do.

 

“Shaboom!  How do you like me now?!”  Everyone just groans.  “Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith,” she retaliates, “But I’m the only one with the balls to show them lice who’s boss.”  She sits next to Angela, who gets up and moves across the room to avoid looking at her because she’s disgusting… and it’s her fault.

 

Erin presses that they need mayonnaise now.  “I’ll go,” Pam offers.

 

Angela’s the only one in the room that doesn’t thank her as if she doesn’t feel guilty enough.

 

“No, no, it’s not a big deal, please,” Pam says, “Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I’m at the store, candy, or… or one of those stylish turbans?”

 

“Thanks, Pam!” Meredith responds happily, “I’ll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.”

 

“Done,” Pam says smiling.

 

After she returns with the mayonnaise (and Dwight shrieking in fear having busted his HAZMAT suit), Erin tells everyone to buddy up to apply the mayonnaise.  Meredith was exempt for obvious reasons.

Jim is buddied with Pam,

Erin is buddied with Pete,

Creed is buddied with Stanley (Creed will give him a five-dollar tip if he unclogs his ears),

And Angela… is buddied with Oscar.  Per her request.

 

Oscar is, wisely, terrified.

 

She practically slaps the mayonnaise on his head, purposefully hurting him.

 

“Ow!  Angela,” he complains.

 

“You don’t want bugs, you know?” she says snidely, “Who knows where those bugs will end up?”

 

He just lets her have this.  He deserves it, anyway.

 

About an hour later, an infuriated Angela, while sitting on her desk, gets a call from her nanny.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hello, Mrs. Lipton, its María.  It turns out little Philip still has lice.”

 

The whole office hears this and stares her down.  Meredith is especially angry, not about the shaved head, but about the fact that she let her take the fall.  Little Miss Priss who’s more of a prude than Pam with an ass so clenched she can’t sit properly… she brought in the lice.  And she accused Meredith of bringing it.  It was her.  It was all her.

 

Little Miss Priss is, indeed, royally screwed.

 

“What, no,” she scrambles, “That can’t… I don’t…”

 

“Now, dont worry, dont worry.”  At this point, Angela is picking up tissues so she can hang up the phone.  “Were on our way to a physician, but you might have lice too.  You know, lice can be very tricky.  I remember when my son got—” Angela succeeds in hanging up with her elbow.

 

Pam just looks at her and says, “It was you?”

 

“Shave her head,” Meredith snaps at her, with righteous indignation.

 

Angela needs to try some damage control.  “Alright, let’s calm down—”

 

“Shave… her… head!” Meredith stresses with gritted teeth.

 

And soon enough, everyone was yelling at Angela, the camera panning over to Jim, still at his desk, head in his hands.

 

“Everyone, listen!  The Senator’s gone, which means I’m having to do a lot of things myself—”

 

“Yeah Yeah, Princess Fancy Feast letting Jane 12 Pack over here take the fall,” Meredith replies.  Angela just sighs.

 

Oscar, unwisely, steps in, “Angela, you need to take responsibility for—”

 

“Don’t you DARE talk to me about responsibility!” Angela loudly chastises, pointing at him.  He’s cowering in fear.

 

“He’s right, Angela!” Pam says, turning her around, “Yes, it was an honest mistake.  But you point out everything we do wrong all the time.  And the one time you mess up, you pin it on someone else.  That’s not right.”  This manages to get Angela thinking.

 

“They’re right, Angela,” Dwight added through his megaphone from the Regional Manager Office.

 

“Damnit, Dwight!” Jim exclaims, “Is there a volume knob on that thing?”

 

“Yes, Jim, theres a volume knob on that thing!”

 

And with that, everyone goes back to their desks… except Meredith, who’s starring Angela down.

 

She can’t run anymore, “Meredith, I meant to say something earlier.  I just—”

 

“Just?” Meredith responds dejected, “Just what?  Just forgot?”

 

Angela just looks down and just delves into her work.

 

Meanwhile, Dwight, attempting to combat the lice, accidentally drops an insecticidal grenade in the Regional Manager’s office and counts down from ten; Erin’s surprised he got to purple.

 

“Who’s the one who didn’t bring lice into the office?” Meredith later brags to Brent, “Meredith.  Sure, I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Years.  But I didn’t bring the lice in.  That was all Angela.”

 

Speaking of which, she’s still on his passive-aggressive streak towards Oscar when she bumps him on the head with the coffee pot after it’s filled with water.

 

“Ow!”

 

“Sorry,” she curtly responds.  She then practically waterboards him.  When he calls her out on it, she simply responds “Oops.”

 

Pam, hair already washed and dried, walks out of the ladies’ room to see all this.  With an annoyed “Oh my God,” she walks over and grabs the coffee pot from Angela, “I got you, Oscar.”

 

“Thank you!” he shouts in response.

 

Pam just looks at her, “Haven’t you done enough?”

 

“Hey,” Angela stresses, “I’m not the one who made Meredith into a monster.  She chose to save her head.”

 

“That’s not the point!” Pam stresses, “You need to stop blaming others for what you’ve done.”  She returns to washing Oscar’s hair.

 

Angela just looks down and walks to the ladies’ room herself… and Meredith notices her doing so.

 

It’s near the end of the day, and Angela’s on the phone, “Hey honey, it’s me.  Just trying to catch you before heading home.  I hope the campaign is going well.  Love you.”  At this point, she’s starting to tear up.

 

“Hey,” Meredith gets her attention, “You good?”

 

Angela sighs, “I’ll be fine.  I can’t apologize enough.”

 

“Eh, forget about it,” she accepts, “what are you doing right now?”

 

“Ugh, about to head home,” Angela responds, “My nanny’s been watching Phillip all day.”

 

“Let her stay another hour,” Meredith offers, “Found this karaoke bar, seems up your ally.”

 

“Meredith, I don’t go to those kinds—”

 

“Don’t be such a prude, Ang.  Have fun for once.”

 

She considers it, “Alright… I accept your invitation.”

 

“Let’s go, you’re buying,” Meredith says, laughing and hitting Angela’s chair on the way out the door.  Angela joins her, a smile forming on her face.

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————

 

“Me and Val were going nowhere,” Darryl informs Brent, “and if I’m gonna be working in Philly, I’m gonna need my freedom.  So, I convinced Val to break up with me.  Here’s how you do it: You say, ‘What are you gonna do, break up with me?’ like as a joke, and then you gain a lot of weight.”

 

Ever since he met Val, he was smitten.  He loves her to death but knows this needs to happen.  Philly, Athlead, all of it is his dream.  He’s not in yet, but he has to cut any loose ends before he ends up hurting others, including Val.  He sees the Halperts and thinks how awful it would be for them to constantly be separated when he’s working part-time.  He can’t do that to Val.

 

As they embrace one last time, Darryl gives an elated smile over her shoulder to the camera.

 

Later on, as Nellie, Kevin, and Phyllis enter the warehouse, Darryl lays some ground rules.

 

“Alright, we’re going down to my warehouse.  That means we’re playing by my rules.  No messing with the baler and be cool in front of me and Val.  We just broke up.”

 

“You got dumped?” Phyllis asks, sympathetically.

 

“Yeah, she ended things.”  She technically did, yes.

 

Nellie tells him that shepherd’s pie and Brandy (the singer, not the drink) got her through her split, and Kevin even offers him his chocolate.

 

Seeking an opportunity, he decides to gain pity points from his coworkers.  This will be his downfall.

 

The three of them see Val walk up to Darryl while they’re working, and he hams it up, talking about how his late grandmother used to make a chocolate cake.  He knowingly smiles brightly at the camera.

 

“Aw, poor Darryl,” Nellie sympathizes, “I can’t bear to see him suffer like this.”

 

“I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake,” Kevin quotes Darryl. 

 

“Mmm, this won’t help him,” Phyllis says while eating the chocolate muffin she was saving for lunch, “it’s a muffin, not cake.”

 

“Listen,” Nellie posits, “let’s try and get Darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most.”  Athlead.

 

They agree to get Darryl Val.

 

The next thing Val knows, all three workers are in her office.  “Can I help you?” she asks.

 

They explain that she made a big mistake in breaking up with Darryl; Val appreciates the concern but is then interrupted by Nellie starts describing what it really means to be a single woman.

 

“The men dry up, and the nights get lonely,” she begins, “The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore.  You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter’s soccer games, and make a scene.  You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, you’re all you need.  One day, you’re alone, tired.  At your feet, a dying bird.  But where did it come from?  Why did you kill it?  Is it because in some strange way it is you?”

 

And at this point, Val is very frightened, “Thank you all for your concern, but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, okay?”  She’s not taking Darryl back, but Kevin asks her out.  It’s demotivating.

 

Later on, as Kevin is breaking the baler by shoving bubble wrap in it, Val walks up to Darryl.

 

“Okay,” she says emphatically.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Let’s give it a shot.  Let’s make it work.”

 

Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, “Oh, no.  I mean, I want to, I just...I don’t want to force you into something you don’t want to do.”  That’ll work.

 

“You’re not,” she says heartwarmingly, “I believe in us.”

 

 “But—” And with that, Val kisses Darryl.  They’re back together.

 

Yaaaaay…

 

While watching this from afar, Phyllis cheers them on, Nellie takes a cordial bow, and Kevin demonstrates what will happen in his bedroom later that night.

 

————————————————————————————————————————————— 

 

Erin and Pete have gotten close, especially after the Die Hard viewing with Clark at Jan’s apartment.  They talk a lot, have common interests, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.

 

And they’re totally falling for each other.  Neither of them is aware of it, but they are… according to Kelly.  Erin stresses that they just get along and make each other laugh, and Kelly’s like “whatever” but that’s bullcrap, because why would Andy ditch Erin for three months?  And Jamaica?  Please, it’s so overrated anyhow.  Rio is where it’s at.  It’s just like the time Ryan ditched her for the job at corporate and he didn’t even bother to say goodbye and just accepted it without even talking to her about it first?  And ugh, he’s such the jealous type.  Like she dated Darryl for a while and Ryan was so pissed at

 

It doesn’t help that, when they had to pair up to apply the mayonnaise, Pete pairs up with Erin.

 

“I only chose Erin to get away from Creed,” he tells Brent, mayonnaise already applied, “Something tells me there’s more on his head that’s alive than just lice.”

 

“Oh, there most certainly is,” Creed confirms to Brent later.

 

In the annex, Erin sits at Clark’s desk as Pete applies the mayonnaise.  “How’s that?” he asks.

 

“I feel it working,” she says with a bright smile.  He’s used to washing dogs all the time; he worked at a PetSmart before starting at Dunder Mifflin.  But this was different, because… it’s Erin.  She spins in her chair as he’s applying it, challenging him on how good he is if she’s moving.

 

After she’s all mayo’d up, he decides to give his hair a little curl at the front.  “Look… I’m Donkey Kong!”

 

“You are!” she exclaims, “But I think I can be a better Donkey Kong than you.”

 

“Is that another challenge?”

 

She gives herself that same curl on her head, and they both imitate Donkey Kong’s pose from the classic arcade game.

 

Later on, he says happily “Oh, I’m gonna see if I can give myself antennae.”

 

“Oh!” inspiration strikes as she takes as much hair as she can and straightens it up to a point, “Eiffel Tower!”  He giggles.

 

They later inform Brent about the dangers of Facial Posterioritus, aka Butthead Syndrome.

 

Unfortunately, after a while, the mayonnaise makeover had to end, and after Angela and Oscar are washed, Pete is the next to get his hair cleaned off.

 

“You’re up,” Erin states.

 

“Yeah, I’m kinda sad to see this baby go,” he jokingly laments.

 

“You do kinda look like Elvis,” she says, “but we should probably wash all the dead lice out.”

 

“Okay,” he sits down and she gets the faucet running.

 

“Is that too cold?” she asks.

 

“Nah,” Pete reassures, “it actually feels kinda nice.”  He can’t help but smile at how good it feels.  She can’t hide her smile either. Soon enough, it’s her turn.  He admits that he only has experiences with dogs to her, but she doesn’t mind.  And who’d have thought?  It feels just as good for her as it did for him.

 

But this is wrong, right?  Yeah, this is a necessity for getting rid of the lice.  But she can’t enjoy it that much, because the last thing Erin wants is to think about Pete and not her boyfriend Andy, especially considering he’s had to deal with so much.  He’s been sending her emails twice a week after Dwight’s Christmas party, but never bothers to call; he never even reads her replies, he instead sends new emails of pictures of him and his brother living it up in Jamaica.  She’ll email him about the lice, and she hopes he’ll respond.  He won’t.  But she has to be there for him.  She has to be.

 

She’s selfish if she’s not.

 

It’s after 5:00 and Erin needs a ride home.  She doesn’t want to be around Pete.  Not because she’s scared of him, but because she doesn’t know how to be around him anymore.

 

“Hey,” Erin approaches him nervously, “Andy’s car is in the shop, I need a ride home.”

 

“Oh, sure, no problem,” he agrees with a smile.  She shyly smiles back.

 

“I like Erin a lot.  As a friend,” he admits to Brent before he leaves the office, “A lot of that is because… she’s the only person I can be myself around.”  And that person is a total dork.

 

They both end up being thankful for the lice later in life.

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————

 

“Mark is meeting Dr. J today,” Jim tells Brent, “otherwise known as Julius Erving, famed 76er and my own personal hero.  And… God, I wish I was there and not here.  But hey, it’s not that bad, knowing Pam she would rather be go-karting with John Stamos than be here, so…”

 

Jim has been talking about Athlead during the talking heads a lot.  And a lot of it won’t end up in the doc.  Honestly, they just let him because it just allows him to vent.

 

And, in a year, none of that footage would matter anymore.

 

Thanksgiving was hell on earth.  Tom and Pete Halpert knew about Athlead, and kept teasing about him being in Dunder Mifflin and not there.  Jim has always had a strained relationship with his brothers, but this was beyond the pale.  Jim asked them in private and not during Thanksgiving dinner (thank God) to please, just lay off.  Of course, they didn’t, much to Pam, Betsy, and Gerald’s chagrin.  It took Larisa to step in on Jim’s behalf; she’s the youngest of the Halpert children as well as the smallest, but when she’s angry she manages to put the fear of God in them.

 

At this point, Pam knew something was up.  At first, it was just him trying to do his work and do it well, but then it became an obsession.  After that client dropped him, he tried to get into his work, getting himself overly-stressed in the process.  This was why she was so adamant on getting him to stay during the Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas, she wanted him to know that he doesn’t have to constantly focus on work and let loose.  Christmas Day was the one day he’d let himself have a reprieve, but as soon as January rolled around he’s only gotten worse.  The other day, he left because he hurt himself biting his lip.  That’s, like, a sick day.  He’s been making less and less sense.

 

And today was no different.  He flipped out about the lice but just kept wanting to work.  He wasn’t in the conference room; Dwight’s megaphone was loud enough anyway.

 

While Pam’s grabbing her stuff from her desk in a hurry, Jim’s still at his desk, typing away.

 

“Hey,” she says to him, “I’m going for the mayonnaise.”

 

“Yeah, I heard,” he said emotionlessly, “I don’t need anything, I’m okay.”  He’s not.

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yyyup.”

 

“Okay, love you.”

 

“Love you.”

 

They peck each other on the lips, and she’s off.

 

As she returns to the mayonnaise, he asks her over the phone, “Got everything?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Need any help?”

 

“Nope,” the moment she says that he could hear two mayonnaise jars splatter on the ground, “Yup.”

 

He sighs and rolls his eyes, annoyed, “On my way down.”

 

Later, he’s applying mayonnaise on her hair as she looks up at him, upside down.

 

“You know,” she says with a smile, “That mayonnaise makes you look like James Bond.”

 

He smiles lightly in response, then sobers, “This whole thing has gotten me shaken and stirred.”

 

She rolls her eyes, “Nice.”

 

“Did you call them?”

 

She gets out of his seat and perches on his desk. “Yup, good news!  Called Mom and the daycare on the way to the store.  It’s not us.”

 

“Oh, thank God,” he loudly sighs in relief, getting back in his seat.

 

She pauses, hesitant, but this needs to be addressed, “Hey, I was curious about something.”

 

“Hm?” he asks.

 

She’s afraid of how he’s gonna react, but he needs to hear this, “You think… you need to talk to someone?”

 

“Like… a professional?” he asks observantly.

 

“Yeah.”

 

His face begins to display annoyance, “Pam, I’m fine.  I don’t know what—”

 

“Are you working late again tonight?” she promptly asks, knowing the answer.

 

“...Well, yeah, but—”

 

“Jim, this is not healthy.  You’ve been eating lunch at your desk, you’ve been coming home later and later, and you say you’re fine but you’re clearly not—”

 

He rubs his temples as she speaks and then just says “Pam, please, just… lay off, alright?”  It was a lot more stern he meant it to be.

 

Her face displays worry, and he notices this.  “Um, you wanna ease up a little bit?” she asks, clearly annoyed.

 

He sighs, noticing what he’s done, “I’m really sorry.  I didn’t mean to act like—”

 

“I know you didn’t,” she laments, “And that’s what scares me.”  She walks off to the kitchen, downtrodden.  He responds by turning his office chair back in front of his computer screen, continuing to pour everything into his work, trying to recover from all the chaos.

 

After Meredith and Angela leave, Nellie and Pam approach Jim.

 

“Nell, I cannot thank you enough for this,” Jim says.

 

“Oh, not a problem at all!” she responds.

 

“Has your driving gotten better?” Pam asks.

 

“Indeed,” she proudly states, “Yours truly only ran over two mailboxes in the past month.”  This response garners a concerned Jim look to the camera.  She grabs her coat and walks off, “I’ll warm it up, Pam!”

 

“Okay!” she responds.  She then smirks at Jim, “You know you sentenced me to death, right?”

 

“Hey, at least it’s not Dwight,” Jim responds with his own smirk.

 

The air becomes tense, as she begins to worry once again.  She crouches in front of him, “Please just get home soon, okay?  The kids… they miss you.”

 

Jim can tell she’s worried, and he wants nothing more than to see those smiling faces again.  He so desperately wants to leave that chair and go with her, but… he needs to stay.  He needs to.  For her.  For them.

 

He holds her hands in his, “Pam… I know this is really weird, and it’s really hard.”  Thats what she said.  “But I think I’m making progress.  So I’m really sorry that I have to stay, but let me keep at this.  Okay?”

 

Pam nods.  She wants so desperately to believe him, but she can’t.  And she hates that she can’t.  “Okay,” she replies meekly.

 

After they kiss and say goodnight, he gets back to work.  As she turns to leave, she looks back at him, longingly, before heading out.

 

—————————————————————————————————————————————

 

A poorly done karaoke rendition of ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper plays throughout the bar.  Meredith, bald and proud, looking as motivated as ever, dances.  Angela, meanwhile, stands behind her, the mic in both hands, looking like a deer in headlights.

 

“This is for all you ladies out there,” Meredith shouts during the intro, “who’ve had to deal with some bullcrap today and just need a load off!”  The audience claps along with her.  “Here we go!”

“I come— Dammit, come home, in the morning light,

My mother says, When you gonna live your life right?

 

A distraught Pam is crying on the steps of her front porch.  Nellie takes a seat beside her, wrapping her arm around her for comfort.  She leans in to tell Pam he’s gonna be okay, and Pam responds with a sad, small nod.

“Oh Momma Dear, were not the fortunate ones,

And girls, they wanna have fu-un

Oh, girls just wanna have fun”

 

Meredith confidently dances, pushing Angel a forward with a “Sing it, bitch!”  Angela glances at her annoyed before turning to the prompter and awkwardly starts singing herself.

“The phone rings in the middle of the night

My father yells, What you gonna do with your life?

 

Val kisses Darryl on the lips as she turns to her car.  He smiles, but the moment her back is turned, his face sobers.  He heads to his car and contemplates what to do next.

“Oh Daddy Dear, you know youre still number one

But girls, they wanna have fun

Oh, girls just wanna have”

 

Meredith then wraps her arm around her as they sing the chorus together.  Meredith’s having the time of her life, and Angela smiles, getting into it.

“Thats all they really waaaaant

Some fuuuuun”

 

Pete pulls up to Andy and Erin’s place and Erin, out of nowhere, gives him a peck on the cheek.  They both freeze, not knowing what to do next.  She hurriedly gets out of the car and briskly walks to the front door.  Pete is left shaken as he begins to drive home.

“When the working day is done

Oh, girls, they wanna have fu-un

Oh, girls just wanna have fun…”


Chapter End Notes:

For those unaware, I switched the "lice-bringer" from Pam to Angela; Jim was with Dr. J at the time and she had to do it herself.  This was a real challenge for me, taking someone's dialogue and applying it to another character, but I think I'm getting better at it.

Replacing her with Angela heightens the struggle she has with her marriage with the Senator on his "campaign" and Oscar facing the brunt of her ire.  Plus, I thought it'd be neat to pair her and Meredith together.  They are the complete antithesis of each other, so having them bond was fun to write.

Obviously the JAM section here is the biggest departure.  Again, if Jim was home the lice wouldn't have been an issue for Pam, he's a good father.  His struggle is only gonna get worse, but it'll only be for a couple more chapters.  After that is the complete AU shift.  And as for Dr. J?  Jim'll meet him one day.  He deserves it.

NEXT TIME: Clark's back!  As Jim gets more and more absorbed into his work, Dwight and Clark sell to a family business, Erin deals with some pens, Pam goes with Darryl to Athlead, and everyone else tries ALL 16 flavors of Nespresso.


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