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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you for all the kind reviews so far! This chapter takes place during Phyllis' wedding. I wanted to do it from Jim's perspective because it seemed a little less obvious, and therefore made it more fun to write. Spent all day writing it and it definitely came easier than the last chapter.
“Whoa, slow down there, Filipelli,” Jim chuckled against her mouth. “You’ll ruin my hair.”

He and (a very handsy) Karen had decided to take a cab to Phyllis and Bob’s wedding, so they could take advantage of the open bar. Karen moved her hands from his inner thigh up to his face.

“Sorry, weddings just make me a little...frisky.”
Jim laughed. “We aren’t even AT the wedding yet. And I have a feeling you’re making our cab driver pretty uncomfortable. And the hair,” he said, giving her a playful look. “Save it for later, deal?”
“Fine,” she said with a soft smile.

He gave her one more soft kiss and sat up straight, taking her hand in his. With her head on his shoulder, he realized he was happy. Like, honestly happy. The last two weeks had been hard. Karen had kept him up talking most nights for the last two weeks. He spent most of those nights filling her in on his history with Pam and the feelings he has--or had--for her. Through all the late nights, he managed to convince Karen that the feelings he confessed to still have for Pam that night in the conference room were just stale feelings mixed with an old friendship. The joy of pranking Andy stirred those up together and made things confusing for him. But he had cleared things up and while he was convincing Karen every night, he usually managed to convince himself as well. At least until the next morning when he would walk in and see the receptionist and feel the familiar heart skip.

Even if he wasn’t always fully convinced he was over Pam, he did know one thing: Karen was good for him. And not in just a “rebound” kind of way. She was patient with him but still spoke her mind and communicated with him if something was off. She was beautiful without feeling the need to flaunt it. Driven, smart, charismatic, funny...a great kisser. The first time she stayed the night things were a little sloppy but there was definitely connection and it only got better from there. He wouldn’t go as far to say he loved her--he’s not sure how to ever feel that way about someone again--but his feelings were steady.

They pulled up to the chapel and the two of them found a group from the office walking in. He spotted Pam sitting alone in the pew and felt his heart leak out just an ounce of that old familiar longing before understanding that he would need to sit by Karen and not Pam, even if Pam looked heartbreakingly lonely. They sat down and as hard as he tried, he couldn’t help but steal another glance across the aisle at her.

-------

He was at the bar grabbing another drink for Karen when Pam showed up at his side. Man, she looked stunning tonight.

No, Jim, stop. Those are not “just friends” kind of thoughts. Karen, not Pam.

“Hey!” he said.
“Hi!”
“When are we going to see those famous Beesly dance moves?” He had gotten good at pretending they were just friends with no history or late-night, love-confessing kisses between them. But her bashful smile following his question tugged at not-too-distant memories.

“I’m such a dorky dancer!”
“I know...it’s very cute.”

Whoops.

He had been so careful since admitting to Karen that he had feelings for Pam, but that flirtation flew out before he could stop it. He took a sip of his drink, forgetting it was actually for Karen, and turned back to her.

“So, I couldn’t put my finger on it earlier, but...these decorations look pretty familiar. You okay?” He was still teetering on the fence of saying too much, not sure if he should admit he remembered her wedding plans. All those trips to her desk gave him a lot of intel on the planning.

She waved her hand. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s really fine. At least it means I have good taste, right?”

He knew her well enough to recognize the deflection in her voice. He remembered many conversations with her about Roy that were veiled with the same tone. She was upset but was desperately trying not to be. She pointed to the drink in his hand.

“You should probably get that back to Karen before it’s gone. I know that’s not your drink of choice.”
“You would be correct. Looking forward to seeing those dance moves, Beesly.”

He made his way back into the reception area, his mind still on that brown dress and those bare shoulders he never gets to see in the office. He couldn’t shake her flustered smile as he let the word “cute” slip out, or the fact that she remembered his favorite drink. Before he made it back to Karen the camera crew stopped him.

“Hey, Jim! Can we maybe snag a quick interview with you?”

He was used to this. It had been almost three years since they had started filming and he almost forgot what it was like before they were pointing their lenses at him daily. They brought him out into the hallway and made sure the sound and lighting was optimal.

Darren, one of the documentarians checked a small notepad he held in his hand and asked Jim his first question.

“How’s your night going?”
“Pretty good! Seeing a whole new side of Kevin tonight. I like it.”
“I, uh, saw you talking to Pam at the bar. You two have always been pretty close, right? I know you’re dating Karen but any potential there?”
The question caught him completely off guard.
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean, hypothetically, if she was interested in something more than friendship, what would that mean for you?”

What kind of question was this? He tried to come up with an answer.

“Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested…? No…that’s totally hypothetical…”

He walked away in an attempt to avoid any follow up questions. Did they know something he didn’t? Had she said something to them about him? Did they know they had kissed after casino night? He had a sneaking suspicion the camera crew caught way more of their lives than they even knew. But Pam had shut him down and had made it clear that friendship was the only option. Sure, she called her wedding off, but who knows if he really had anything to do with that. He knew better than anyone that her relationship with Roy was flawed at best. He felt a surge of frustration thinking about how many times he watched Roy flatten her spirits and how she chose to stay with him anyway after Jim had put it all on the line.

But...she did call it off.

The band began playing “Fields of Gold” as he made his way back to Karen. She took his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. She was looking up at him with a very serious look on her face.

“All I’m saying is that you’re wrong. Leonardo is obviously the best Ninja Turtle.”

He was always very amused by her conversation topics when she got a little tipsy. He started his rebuttal, but before he could really get into it he felt eyes on him. He looked up and saw Pam’s eyes locked on the two of them. She was wearing a facial expression that suddenly made his stomach tighten. His eyes followed her as she left the room in a hurry and in that moment all he wanted to do was chase after her.

Karen, not Pam, Jim. Karen didn’t break your heart. Karen knows what she wants. Karen is still talking and you need to pull it together or she’s going to want to talk all night again and not about Ninja Turtles.

“I mean,” Karen shrugged, “he’s the leader! How could he not be the best?”
“Ha! Yeah, okay. I concede.”
“Well, that was easy.”

All the feelings he had convinced Karen he didn’t have for Pam kept making their way to the surface as he tried to shove them down. He did that for Karen’s sake, yes, but also to protect his own heart. The scars were still fresh and right now his heart was having a hell of a time trying to escape the look Pam had just given him.

“I just think you have very good arguments, Filipelli.” He mustered a smile.

The music stopped mid-chorus and after a beat began to play “You Were Meant for Me”. An odd choice, but who was he to question Scrantonicity?

“Was Jewel a member of The Police?” Karen asked. “Did I miss that?”
“You didn’t know that? Looks like you need to brush up your pop culture, obviously.”

Then he was hit with a flashback. Pam had mentioned this song while they were going through audition tapes for her wedding band. She wanted to be sure they could play it, because it was “their song”. This had to be weird for her. Maybe he should just check on her, one more time. He leaned over to Karen.

“Hey, I’m going to grab another drink. But put your dukes up, because we’re diving into ‘best member of New Kids on the Block’ when I get back.”

He expected to find Pam in the hallway or at the bar but he couldn’t spot her. What would he even say if he found her? He decided to stop the search and finish his drink at the bar. Just then he saw her pink coat...but she wasn’t alone. She was leaving with someone.

Roy.

And just like that, he felt like the idiot in the parking lot all over again. He threw back his drink, requested another, and finished that one just as quickly.

He approached Karen at their table, grabbed the sides of her face, and threw her into a heated kiss. Subconsciously he knew he was probably just trying to shove the feelings down, to remember how Karen was good for him, to do anything to prove to himself that it didn’t matter to him. He broke apart from Karen’s lips and looked her in the eyes.

“Can we get out of here? I guess weddings do something to me too.”
“I would love to, but I kind of promised Kev I would sing the next song…”
“Wow. Okay. I guess after that, then?”

She gave him another long kiss. That was answer enough.

--------

That night, he stared at his bedroom ceiling, his hand gently caressing Karen’s bare back as she slept on his chest. He looked down at her face, the moonlight hitting her in just the perfect way. She really was beautiful. A sudden feeling of remorse came over him. This wasn’t fair to her. He had been telling her for weeks that he didn’t have feelings for Pam but if that were true, why did he want to punch Roy Anderson square in the jaw right now? Why, during one of the hottest nights he’s ever had with Karen, did Pam’s face keep appearing in his mind? And how in the ever-living hell was he back where he was a year ago?

Push ‘em down, Halpert. Push those feelings way, way down.
Chapter End Notes:
Ah, the inner struggle of Wishy-Washy Jim (You Office Ladies fans know what I mean.) I only have a couple more chapters in mind, which means I'll probably have to skip over some angsty season three stuff but we've had plenty of that, so its fine. Right?

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