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Author's Chapter Notes:
This one starts during Jim and Pam’s talk in the lake at the end of “Beach Games”.
They both stood calf-deep in the lake, the air thick with the things they had kept inside since Jim’s return to Scranton. Ever since Movie Monday Jim had once again retreated, as hard as he tried not to. He wished he had the gumption to tell her that what happened in that conference room wasn’t an accident. But right now all he could tell her was that he went to Stamford to escape.

“And even though I came back, I never really...came back”
“Well, I wish you would.”
“Yeah…”
They stood there in silence, the sound of the rippling lake as their soundtrack, echoing in the empty spaces they couldn’t seem to fill with words. Pam was first to speak again.
“I just really miss you.”
Jim looked down and let out a small, sad laugh. “You have no idea, Beesly.”
“Then why—-“

Jim put his hand up to stop her.

“Listen. When I left last year, I was a broken shell of a person. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear, but it’s true.” He shrugged. “ And I’ve been working so hard to patch and fill the cracks and holes, but I’ve been terrified that if I get back to how things were before I left, all those mended seams would burst right open again and I’m not sure I could take it.”
“Jim..”
“Hold on. But what I’m realizing is that by trying so hard to protect myself, I hurt someone I really, really care about and that’s worse than any burst seams. I want us to be friends again, Pam. And while I can’t promise it will be exactly what it used to be, I’m sure as hell going to try to get back there. Promise.”

She glanced up at him with a half smile and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you,” she said quietly against his cheek, “that’s all I want.”

As he took in her scent of sunscreen and the coconut shampoo she always uses, he knew friendship probably wasn’t all Pam wanted. He nearly let himself succumb to his own deeper feelings toward her but was absolutely paralyzed by his fear of losing her again. If they had to tell themselves that friendship was all they needed, so be it. He just knew that whatever they had been doing for the last year wasn’t what he wanted. He would take whatever he could get to keep her smiling, even if it was strictly friendship. Would it be painful?

Oh hell yeah.

But probably not worse than what he’d already been through. He imagined her working up the courage, nobody around, and essentially sauteing her feet across those coals tonight. Then he recounted what she had said to everyone afterward (though he felt it was directed solely at him) and how out of character it was for Pam. But he really liked it. Her newfound confidence made his heart swell with affection toward her.

Suddenly he realized he had an interview lined up with David Wallace the following day that he still hadn’t told Pam about.

“So,” he said before they went back to the beach. “in the spirit of being friends again, I think I need to tell you that I’m interviewing for that job in New York too.” He searched her face. “I left Scranton once without telling you and I feel like I ruined everything. So I wanted to fill you in this time.”

She nodded, looking into the water. She looked up at him, a faint smile on her face that he couldn’t quite read.

“You’d be perfect for the job, Jim. Like, for real. And, we will still be friends. Always.”
“Thanks. And yeah, we will. And I’m sure I’ll be back to visit my folks or whatever. If I get the job, that is. I mean, Michael is interviewing and we all know he is unmatched when it comes to productivity and professionalism. I probably don’t stand a chance.”

They both laughed together and Jim motioned back to the beach with his head and they walked back to the group. Jim wondered if he had just set his heart up for a lifetime of sadness by friend-zoning himself, but her laughter was ringing in his ears and right now he just didn’t care. He’d live with it.

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