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Author's Chapter Notes:
“Hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, OK?” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance, Dunder Mifflin Infinity

The Monday after the diversity training fiasco, Pam has a hankering for Indian food.

“What can I say? Michael inspired me,” she says. “Actually, Kelly is my real inspiration.”

He’s just lost a quarter of his commission for the year. He desperately needs to cut back. But when he tries to pass, she says “oh” in this voice that he’s heard her use with Roy way too many times, and he ends up suggesting they get McDonald’s just to put a smile back on her face.

He probably shouldn’t be dropping money on fast food, either. But he’s done way stupider things than splurge on a Big Mac to make Pam happy.

---

It’s one of the first nice days of spring, so they take their burgers to go and eat at a little park by the river. It’s a fantastic call, as far as Jim’s concerned – Pam intends to enjoy the sun, and she sheds her cardigan, unbuttons the top button of the shirt she’s wearing beneath and tilts her head back to take it in. He doesn’t get too many chances to unabashedly stare like this.

he’s warm in a way that has nothing to do with the weather. (He imagines the noises she’d make if he kissed the smooth skin of her throat.)

“So do you not like Indian?” she asks, still basking, eyes shut. “I don’t think I knew that.”

“No. I mean, who doesn’t like a nice googi-googi?” She snickers at that, and he takes a deep breath. Suck it up, Halpert. “I lost an account last week. Need to watch my spending a bit until I work out how I’m going to make up for it.”

“Because of one account?”

Jesus, this is embarrassing. Which is stupid, because it’s not like Pam cares if he’s good at his job, right?

“Well, it was about a quarter of my annual commission, so…”

She snaps to attention. “Deckerd bailed on you? Why? They love you over there.”

He’s suddenly extremely interested in the exact amount of ketchup he’s getting on his next French fry. “Turns out they just like me. What they love is saving money, and Dwight gave them a deep discount.”

“Dwight,” she says flatly.

“Yeah, it was dumb. I was trying to get it done on the day we had the diversity thing, and I kept getting screwed up or pulled away partway through, and by the time I got to them signing on the dotted line Dwight had already closed it.”

“Dwight. Took 25% of your annual commission.”

“Yep. It’s gonna be a good year over at Schrute Farms. Bet Mose will be sporting the finest overalls and straw hat in all Lackawanna County come summer.”

“Dwight stole your sale. While you literally in the process of completing it.”

Jim has been lining up his remaining fries by size and trying desperately to think of a way to change the subject. So it’s taken him a moment to realize she’s absolutely furious.

“Yeah, I guess.”

She’s so pretty when she’s angry. Not even when she’s angry, just when she’s intense about something. He can’t get enough of that. It’s way too rare a sight. (He can’t get enough of her.)

“He can’t do that.”

“He can, apparently.”

“Jim, that is so screwed up.”

He sighs in resignation, although admittedly he’s a little less eager to segue to something else with her this amped up. And at least she’s focused on the Dwight part, not the money. “Look, I mess with him all the time. He was probably due for a win.”

“He didn’t spill syrup under your desk to attract ants, Halpert! He’s basically stealing money out of your pocket.”

“Sure, but that’s just because the ants’d be under his desk, too.”

“Jim,” she’s looking at him impatiently, but she’s speaking softly all of a sudden. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugs, because what’s he supposed to say? “I don’t want you thinking of me as something other than a reliable provider, which is ridiculous, and honestly it wasn’t so bad, because that day you fell asleep on my shoulder and I could pretend for a few minutes that was a perfectly normal, everyday thing for you to do, and that’s all I’ve been thinking about. And now you’re outraged over me getting screwed. I should lose a big client every week.”

“It’s just not a big deal, Beesly. I’ll figure out something. We might not be able to get you your palak paneer fix for a while, though. And I might actually have to work for a change, which is pretty terrifying.”

She smiles at that, but she’s not ready to let this go.

“We have to do something about this.”

“We will. I’ve been thinking about trying to convince him he’s committed murder.”

Pam chuckles. “That’s not what I had in mind, but… really, Jim? Murder? You think you’re that good?”

“I think Dwight’s that gullible.”

She looks at him skeptically, but she’s trying not to laugh again, so maybe they’re almost through the awkward part.

“Come on, Beesly. You know you want to hear what I’m planning. Besides, I’m going to need you to pull this off.”

She rolls her eyes. “Okay. Start from the top, leave out no details, and I’m warning you – I will try to pick this apart.”

“I expect nothing less.”

They spend the rest of lunch in increasingly animated strategizing for what will eventually become The Great Bloody Glove Caper, which she makes approximately 1200 times better. She doesn’t bring Deckerd up again. But he catches her with that gears-are-turning look in her eye enough to know it’s still on her mind.

He stops her right before they walk back into the office and tells her again that everything’s going to be fine.

“I know, Jim. I’m not worried about that part. You’re great at selling when you’re not too busy stealing my jelly beans to actually do it. It’s just… not right.”

He shrugs. “The paper business is cutthroat, Beesly. You know that better than anyone.”

God. He loves the way she laughs.

---

It turns out it really is nothing to worry about. By the time the documentary crew packs up for the summer (because apparently they got the funding to come back in the fall somehow?), he’s well on his way to making up for what he’s lost.

Well, not well on his way. And they’re still doing fast food over real restaurants when they leave the office for lunch. And replacing the Corolla has officially been delayed another year. But he’s definitely confident he’s going to be able to make up for it eventually, and that’s the important thing. All it’s taken is him putting his back into client contact for once, and an unexpected uptick in new business calls.

It doesn’t occur to him just how strange all the new business is until the week after the cameras leave, when he finds out there was nothing strange about it.

He’s just made Dunder Mifflin Scranton the official paper supplier of Bertelli & Grossman: Attorneys For The People when Dwight charges out of the breakroom and makes a beeline for Pam’s desk. And he’s pissed. Jim actually stands up in case he’s going to have to get between them, and briefly wonders how serious Dwight’s karate training really is.

“Pam, I have not received a single client from new business calls since the beginning of April,” he bellows. “Stanley and Phyllis have just informed me that they’ve had no such issues! Why am I not getting my fair share of new business?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Dwight! I know you just picked up the Deckerd account, and I remember Jim saying that they take a lot of attention,” Pam says. Even without this misinformation, Jim would’ve been able to tell she’s up to something. Her innocent act is so well-practiced that she might as well have a halo and wings, but he can spot it a mile away.

Dwight seems taken aback, somehow. “Deckerd doesn’t… that doesn’t have anything to do with this! We distribute new clients evenly! Company policy is supposed to guarantee us all a fair shot at any new business!”

“Again, Dwight, I am so sorry. I will definitely make sure you’re in the rotation. Honest mistake. I really thought you might be too busy with Deckerd, I was just trying to help you out. I wouldn’t want you to end up losing them.”

Jim finds himself looking around for a camera to raise an eyebrow at. That’s getting to be a real bad habit.

“But of course you’re absolutely right,” Pam says. “We should be following company policy. Corporate knows what it’s doing when it hands these things down, after all.”

Dwight is rendered speechless by this for no reason that Jim can fathom, opening and shutting his mouth like a goldfish in a tank. “Well… that’s right. We should be. As assistant regional manager…”

“To the.”

“…I expect you to do so from now on. Don’t let it happen again.”

And he just… sits back down at his desk. Like Pam had won. He doesn’t even threaten to write her up.

Jim is totally lost as to what just happened. But he does know that Pam looks ridiculously pleased with herself.

JIM9334: uhhh
JIM9334: what was that about?
Receptionitis15: for the last couple of weeks every time his turn comes up in the rotation for new business calls I’ve been directing them to you
Receptionitis15: 😉

Jim has to read her message a few times before he fully grasps what she’s saying. Because if she’s saying what he thinks she’s saying, it’s one of the few things that even Michael wouldn’t be able to ignore Dwight freaking out about. And he’s seen World Series winners chug down champagne with less enthusiasm than Pam has eating her mixed-berry yogurt right now.

JIM9334: beesly
JIM9334: jesus
JIM9334: you could get fired for that

Pam gives him her patented “get ready to bow to my greatness” smirk.

Receptionitis15: i really can’t
Receptionitis15: for me to get fired, dwight would have to complain
Receptionitis15: if he complains, i explain why i started doing it
Receptionitis15: and corporate’s starting to crack down on poaching clients
Receptionitis15: turns out you can learn a lot if you read the memos before michael throws them out

Well. The smirk warned him. He is impressed. And pleased. And his heart is definitely beating a little faster.

JIM9334: and dwight knows that?
Receptionitis15: dwight knows that
Receptionitis15:
point
Receptionitis15: set
Receptionitis15: match
Receptionitis15: BEESLY

Jim turns to gawk at her. She responds with quite possibly the dorkiest version of a touchdown dance he’s ever seen – performed without leaving her chair, yogurt spoon waving from side to side above her head. He doubts he’ll ever forget it, but he still wishes for a second the cameras were here.

And just for a moment, he lets himself wonder.

Chapter End Notes:
This is the chapter that came to me first. The rest of this story sorta spiraled from there.

Seriously, though. I know Jim’s pretty rough on Dwight, but it is worth noting that when Dwight wins one, he tends to win a) big and b) in ways with real life consequences, like risk of serious injury or loss of income. Does anything Jim does to Dwight for the rest of the series come close to “taking a quarter of Jim’s annual commission”?

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