"Are you happy?" Jim recalled his conversation with Pam as he sat restlessly on his chair. He had not spoken to her since he found her near tears outside the warehouse. After trying to comfort her, he went back inside as she wished to have a moment alone. As he reclined further on his chair, he could not help but feel defeated. He thought it was going to be a good day for him, a fresh start from the emotional roller coaster that had taken place from the moment they started taking couple's therapy. He believed that by leaving his other job, they would be able to finally leave all the pain and worry in the past.
"So congratulations Jim, you win because apparently I’m the one who’s holding you back!" He thought of their argument in the car before he left for Colorado. He grew increasingly frustrated over the idea that everything that he had done so far to make things right with his wife had gone to waste. He began to wonder where it all went wrong and if he fooled himself into thinking that Pam would eventually trust him again.
“Jim, I love you … but I really feel like you’ll resent me if you choose to stay," he then recalled the latter part of the conversation. He realized today was the second time that Pam mentioned that he might resent her for staying. He thought he finally made her realize that choosing to love her would never be a hard decision.
His eyes then wandered over to a picture on his desk. It was a candid picture of him feeding Cece mushed carrots. He grabbed the frame and looked at it intently.
"You're framing that? Really?" Pam laughed as he was printing the picture behind reception hoping no one would see him.
"Yeah, why not?" he shrugged as he looked cautiously at his surroundings. He didn't want to get into trouble for using company property to print a colored personal photo. Only Stanley seemed to look at him but he just rolled his eyes and went back to work.
"Jim, it's just a picture of you feeding Cece. What's the big deal?"
"I don't know Pam. I just like looking at it. I mean…we made that Pam. We made that happen," he smiled as he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her on the side of her forehead.
"I guess we did, didn't we?"
"Yeah, plus she now seems to like my carrots better than your boobs so…" he shrugged and looked amusingly at her. She tried to look unimpressed at his joke but she couldn't help but break into a fit of laughter as she whacked him with the paper she was holding.
Jim could not believe how fast his daughter had grown up. To him, it felt like yesterday when he was holding her in his arms in the hospital. He recalled how much fun he had spending time with her and Phillip at the lake. He was not able to tell Pam how much he cherished that particular weekend because playing and goofing around with their children was not something that he was able to do a lot of while he was away in Philly.
"Daddy?" He mind went back to the night after their argument when Cece went to his room.
"Hey sweetie, what is it?"
"Why sad, Daddy?"
"Oh no, I'm not sad. It’s just, I haven’t seen your dance yet”
He then remembered watching Cece's recital numerous times with Pam before he felt her crying on his shoulder. He contemplated whether he should have already told Pam that night. He wondered if everything would be better if he had tried to get to her earlier.
"Hey Jim?" he turned around as he heard the cameraman call out his name from the conference room, "Got a second?"
"Sure thing, man," Jim replied as he stood up and went inside. He did not feel like doing an interview but figured he needed to be distracted while waiting for Pam.
"So…what's up with you? How was your day?" the cameraman started his questions.
"I don't know," Jim replied while fidgeting with his wedding ring, "I've definitely had better days."
"You want to talk about it?"
"You know…not really but I'm already here, right?" he looked behind him and saw that Pam was still not back at her desk. "I mean, I thought it was going to be a good day today. It's my first day back and I left my other job. I messed around with Dwight today. Like old times right?"
He paused for a few seconds, stared at the camera, and let out a huge sigh before continuing, "I just… I really thought I was doing what was making her happy. I let her know time and again that nothing else matters besides her and the kids. And it's really driving me insane because I thought I finally got through to her, you know? I really thought the time away would make us stronger."
"Why do you think she feels that way?" the cameraman asked.
“I really don’t know, you tell me man, I mean…" Jim replied as looked down on the floor for a moment before looking into the camera again, "Not enough? I don't know how else to explain it to her, so…"
He looked outside the window and an idea suddenly popped into his head. He contemplated whether he should push through with his decision but before he could contemplate any further, he told the cameraman, "You know what, I know it's against the rules but I'm gonna need a favor from you guys."
Jim waited for a reply, hoping that the documentary crew who had spent years of filming them while completely invading their privacy would grant his one simple wish.
"Okay, you got it man," the cameraman finally spoke, "What do you need?"
"Alright, I need you to make a video of our moments together, like from when you first started filming us. Start it with a message from me, I'll write it down. Give me a second," he said as he stood up and exited the conference room. He grabbed a piece of paper from his desk and started writing.
You think I'll have regrets.
I asked the doc crew to help me show you why I won't…
He went beck inside the room and handed over the note to the cameraman. "Here you go. Okay, I'll leave it up to you on how to fill in the video with footage since you probably have more than I am aware of. But, I need you to start it with the time we had our diversity training and she fell asleep on my shoulder."
"Alright, let me just take note of that"
"I know it's a weird memory to start with but she does that a lot with me. When we got married on the boat, when we went on Dwight's bus to get her pies. You know, even when we had that huge fight in our car, she still leaned on my shoulder after. And it all goes back to that first time so…"
"Yeah, no worries, it's actually really sweet. We were secretly rooting for you when she was still engaged to Roy. I mean, we couldn't tell you that before but we're about to wrap up filming so just… thought you should know."
"Thanks," Jim smiled at the thought that a documentary crew followed him on his entire journey of falling in love with Pam, "Alright, next just show a ton of footage of us goofing off and having fun."
"Alright, no problem on that. We have countless footage, we could actually make a movie."
"Okay, so next…" Jim thought of what else he could include in what could possibly be his grandest gesture to his wife, "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have footage of us when we did that casino night thing, would you?"
"Oh, the one where you told her you loved her? Yup, we have that. The tension was just… you could hear a pin drop. Do you also want use to include the time you kissed after?"
"Oh you have that? Sure, throw that in," Jim was excited but at the same time wondering about how much of their private moments were captured on film, "Okay, then I don't know what else you have…"
"We have footage of you proposing to her…"
"How do you have that? You weren't even there."
"We have our ways, you would not believe how much footage we have of Dwight and Angela having—,"
"Okay, moving on," Jim interrupted, "You probably know which clips to select but I need all of our big moments. Finding out she's pregnant, getting married, becoming parents all that."
"Done, done, and done."
Jim let out a small chuckle before continuing, "You know, I'd be really creeped out by all this but wow, I cannot tell you how much you guys are helping me right now."
"It's an honor, Jim. So how do you want it to end?"
"Okay, I need you to end it at Christmas seven years ago, when I gave her the teapot?"
"Really, you're ending with that? Doesn't it seem a bit anit-climac—" the cameraman paused and looked at Jim, who had a big smile on his face, "No way… you're finally gonna give it?"
"Yeah, seven years and I still never gave it to her. Crazy, right?"
"What's in the letter?"
"Nope, not gonna happen," he replied, "So is there any way this can be done this afternoon?"
"Yeah, sure no problem."
"Alright, thank you so much man," Jim said but before he could stand up, the cameraman spoke, "Hey, Jim"
"You don't know my name, do you?"
Jim froze for a few seconds and laughed nervously, "What? Of course I do….it's Cam right?"
"Cam? Really? Because I'm carrying a camera?"
"Alright then," Jim stood up and awkwardly smiled at the cameraman, "I will see you… later. Thanks…champ."
He closed the door and saw that Pam was already at her desk, "Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good," she replied, "You were in there for a long time"
"Yeah, they had a lot of questions about how it felt to have a new assistant," he smiled goofily at her before continuing, "So…I actually have to grab something from the house. Do you need anything?"
"Nope, just come back soon because I don't know how many excuses I can come up with for Dwight,"
"Alright then, I am heading off," he then kneeled in front of Pam and whispered, "Hey… I love you. You know?"
He kissed her on the cheek before standing up and walking towards reception. Pam looked at the camera with a smile on her face. She wondered why the cameraman was smiling back at her. Embarrassed, she focused her attention on her monitor and went back to work.