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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you for all the kind reviews so far! They mean so much. :) 
He had to blink a few times to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. He ran through the facts in his head:

He wasn't dreaming.
It was definitely Pam.
And she was definitely not married.

Past that, he couldn't seem to process much else.

Her hair in the picture wasn't pulled up like he was used to and he couldn't seem to stop staring at it. He was overcome with an intense feeling of simply missing her. The way she laughed when he caught her off guard with a joke. The way she always seemed to know when he needed cheering up. Her warmth, her smile, her genuine kindness and concern, even for people who probably didn't deserve it.

And then the realization swung back like a pendulum and hit him again. He laid out the facts one more time as he continued to process:

She wasn't married.
She never told him.
She'd rather find someone random on an app than give him a shot.

His heart felt like steel, heavy and cold, but somehow it was still managing to pound heavily. He didn't know what to do here. Throwing off his covers, he flung his feet off the side of the bed, constantly making sure his screen didn't turn off because irrationally he feared if it blacked out, she'd be gone. He stood up and paced the floor, running his hand along his jaw as he decided what to do.

Larissa.

Larissa would know. She may be young, but she was much more familiar with this type of dating than he was, and she also knew the situation. Not to mention she's the one that got him into this mess. He started toward his bedroom door, but as he put his hand on the knob, he paused.

Larissa wanted him to move on--to forget about Pam. She wanted him to meet new people, have fun, let loose. Most likely, and he knew Larissa well, she would tell him that he shouldn't pursue it. That if she was swiping left and right instead of picking up the phone to call him, it was just best to keep that door shut.

Maybe she'd be right. Jim looked down at his screen to Pam's picture. She looked happy, and really, that's all he ever wanted for her anyway.

But he just wasn't ready to sever that string quite yet.

He backed up to the bed and sat down, his thumb hovering over the screen.

He should swipe left and move on, he tells himself.

Swipe left.

Swipe left.

Swipe. Left.


He clenched his eyes shut, and dragged his thumb to the right.

***

The next morning, he walked into the kitchen after a fitful night of sleep, his stomach tied in enough knots to make a sailor envious. Larissa was at the table with the comic section of the newspaper ("It's the only part worth reading, honestly") and a bowl of Lucky Charms that was the size of her head.

"Good morning, J!"

"Morning, smalls," he said through a yawn.

"Given any more thought to Operation Get Jimmy Halpert Out of the Dumps and Into Someone's Pants?"

Jim rolled his eyes with a half-hearted chuckle. "Not if you call it that." He poured a cup of coffee from the pot his dad had made earlier and sat down next to Larissa. "Actually," he said, taking a sip. "I looked at it last night."

"And?!"

Jim took another drink, peering at his sister over the top of the mug, wondering how to break it to her that he broke the cardinal rule of getting over Pam: attempting to date her.

"I…found…Pam…" he dragged her name out.

She slammed her palm on the table. "WHAT?! Jim, it's going to match you with people in Scranton! You were supposed to do this back in Stamford! Also…WHAT?!"

Jim pulled out his phone and navigated to Pam's profile. "Guess she never got married," he shrugged, his words laced with bitterness.

"Did you swipe right, Jim?" She looked at him with wide eyes.

He nodded slowly and all at once, the stupidity of his actions caught up to him. He'd slammed his head down on the table and groaned. Then shot right back up and looked at Larissa with terror in his eyes.

"What if she matches with me? What the hell will I say?!" He stood up and ran his hand along the back of his neck, pacing. "What if she doesn't match with me? What if she sees me and decides she dodged a bullet and doesn't want to try again? Larissa! I'm an idiot!"

"This is not news," Larissa said calmly, then took a big bite of cereal and went back to the paper.


*ding*


"Holy crap," Larissa said through a mouthful of Lucky Charms, dropping her spoon on the table. She held up Jim's phone to him.

"You have a match."

Jim stood silently still, eyes skirting from the screen to Larissa before darting toward both of them and snatching the phone out of her hands.

Pam's was the only profile he swiped right on, which meant she must have done the same for him. Which meant…

"Larissa, what do I say?!"

"Ask her why she broke your heart if she wasn't going to get married."

He shot her a look. "Please, Ris."

She shrugged. "I don't know. You guys always joked around a lot. Open with something...light. Funny. You're good at that."

Jim sat back down at the kitchen table, his mind racing. Maybe she just wanted to talk and this didn't mean she wanted to pursue anything further, but he had to try despite the fear of another rejection.

Finally, he began typing.

Jim: Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Jim. ;)

It was a wonder he didn't pass out with how little he was breathing as he waited for a reply, his leg practically bouncing a divot in the kitchen floor.

Pam: Omg it's really you!!

A giant grin betrayed his nervousness as it spread across his face.

Jim: See, I was trying to make a joke. About how we had never met…

Pam: Yeah, I don't care. :) :)


"What is she saying? You're smiling like a fool!" Larissa prodded.

Jim shrugged, completely unable to wipe the smile off his face. "Nothing."

"Oh really?"

He showed her their conversation and she rolled her eyes, but with her own smile showing through. "You're hopeless. I'm going upstairs, so let me know if you need me." She forced his gaze from his phone to her eyes. "And Jim," she said, tapping his chest with her pointer finger. "Try to protect this as much as you can, okay?"

He gave her a half-smile and turned back to his conversation with Pam.

Pam: How are you?!

Jim: I'm doing alright, how are you?

Pam: I’m good! So...are you in Scranton, then?

Jim: Yeah, I’m in town for my little sister’s birthday.

Pam: Well, welcome home!
Pam: I mean, back.
Pam: I guess it’s not really “home” anymore, huh?

Jim: Nah, it will always be home. I do have a burning question, though.

Pam: Okay…

Jim: Has Dwight been getting my faxes? Or, I guess his faxes? From the future?

Pam: YES. Omg! Some of your best work there. ;)


He was aching to hear her laugh. To see her smile with her shoulders hunched up and tongue between her teeth. To hear his last name slide off her tongue with a bite of sarcasm.

Jim: Thank you! You can’t see it, but I’m bowing.

Pam: I would like to see it, actually.


Jim stood up quickly. He glanced toward the stairwell where Larissa had gone, debating getting advice from is 21-year-old sister. Was Pam asking to meet up? Or was she just playing along with his banter? His phone buzzed in his hand again.

Pam: I just mean that it would be nice. You know, to see you. But I understand if you’re busy.

With that, he bolted up the stairs like he was in 9th grade and the cute girl in his chemistry class had just asked him to study with her. He poked his head in Larissa's room.

"She wants to meet up."

Larissa set the laptop she had on her lap down next to her on the bed. "Pam?!"

"No, genius, Jennifer Aniston. Yes, Pam! What do I do?"

Larissa chuckled. "Okay, smartass, easy." She got up and walked over to him and stuck her hand out for his phone. "Let me see the conversation."

She read it over and handed the phone back to Jim. "I don't think you should. Not yet."

"Really?"

Larissa nodded. "Play a little hard to get. You don't want to seem too desperate."

Jim shifted his eyes. "...but I am desperate."

"Well, obviously. But you don't want to show it." She shrugged. "Just tell her you have plans with me today for my birthday."

Jim was torn. He wanted to see her so badly. Not just because he still loved her, but because he deeply missed his best friend. But what Larissa said also made sense. The scars Pam inflicted were still pink and he needed to make sure he was ready to see her.

Jim: Oh man, I'd love to but I promised my sister I'd spend time with her today. Rain check?

Pam: Oh, yeah! Totally. No problem.

Jim: But...we can still chat.
Jim: If you want.


Pam: I'd like that. :)

Jim: Awesome. :) So I have another question. How fast does the average person type?




The entirety of Jim’s day was spent checking his messages with a swirling feeling in his chest. With every vibration of his phone and sight of her name popping up, he felt a surge of excitement. They were basically playing a mashed-up version of “would you rather” and “20 questions” and if he was careful, he could almost forget about that night in the parking lot four months ago. In fact, without actually seeing her, or hearing her voice, he could almost forget it was her at all. It felt like the beginnings of a new crush. They played off each other so well and their conversations were smooth, even if they were surface-level.

But then there were times where he was pulled back into his reality. She would mention Michael, or Dwight, or start a sentence with “Remember that one time…” and his heart would sink, reimagining the shine in her eyes as she chose somebody else over him. He would remember they were talking through a dating app and she was only able to reconnect with him because she stumbled upon him while searching for dating prospects that weren't him (and he had to tell himself it was just for dating and not for something less…attached).

He also kept his word and spent the day with Larissa, which helped. He still didn't want to leave the house, but she sat in his room with him looking through old picture albums and keepsakes their mom had held on to.

"Ahhh yes," Larissa sang holding up a picture and turning it over to read the writing on the back. "Halloween of '97. My favorite Jim Halpert costume."

He snatched it from her. "You were basically an infant. You don't even remember."

"But it's immortalized in the form of a photograph, so I don't need to remember."

Jim's phone buzzed with a notification. He smiled and opened the app.

Pam: What are you up to now?

Jim: Looking through old pictures with my sister. Finding all the embarrassing Halloween costumes of years past. Yikes.

Pam: Well, you KNOW I need to see these pictures, right?


Jim laughed and switched to his phone camera, snapping a picture of the photo in his hands, then went back into the app.

Jim: Wait, can I not send pictures on this thing?

Pam: Nope. I'm assuming to cut down on unsolicited and…questionable…pictures.

Jim: Oof. Noted. Well, damn. I was going to show you.

Pam: Jim…

Jim: Pam…

Pam: You still have my number, right?


Feeling grateful he could never get himself to delete her number, he drafted a text message to her.

I'm a moron. Here you go.

His heart skipped seeing the three little lines pop up indicating she was responding.

Jim. You're a basketball.

Yep.

Not even a basketball player. You're just a basketball. It looks like you cut a hole out of a basketball and stuck your head through it and then just wore normal clothes!

Yep.

I'm crying laughing!

I'm glad you're enjoying this.

Oh, I am. :) :)


Moving from the built-in messaging on the app to texting felt like a big step. Now he didn't have as much fear of her saying, "Well, it's been fun!", closing the app, and never reaching out to him again.

Curious, he scrolled up to the last time they had texted.

May 11, 2017 5:16 p.m.

Hey Jim! Just letting you know I was able to finally get those copies made for you. Stupid copy machine! I just put them on your desk. See you tonight!

Thanks, Pam! You're a lifesaver. See you tonight!


That was the night he had gambled more than just his money at the company casino night and lost. It was the last contact he had with Pam. The last time he felt even remotely himself. And on the screen, there was just a small gap between their conversation that night and the one they were currently having. In reality, it might as well have been an ocean between them--a lifetime.

They continued texting throughout the afternoon and into the evening. Before he knew it, it was 10:30 p.m. and he was laying on his bed, sorting everyone in the office into Hogwarts houses with her over text.

I think you're wrong! Oscar is FOR SURE a Ravenclaw.

He smiled to himself and responded.

Okay fine, you're right. And I think that's everyone! Well done, Beesly.

He saw the three dots appear, then disappear. That happened several times before her message finally came through.

Can I tell you something?

A chill ran through his body.

For sure.

I'm really glad you didn't delete my number.


Jim let out a slow breath, sensing that they would likely be venturing out of their safe little bubble of naivety.

Me too.

I was really worried you might have. After everything.


Everything. That was one way to put it.

Thought I better keep it in case I needed an expert's advice on jelly bean suppliers.

Ha ha. I've just missed you, Halpert.


His eyes scanned over her message over, and over, and over. But he still had questions.

You had my number too, you know.

His thumb hovered over the send button before finally pressing it. He stared at the screen, nervously awaiting her response.

Didn't think you'd want to hear from me.

His throat clenched.

What makes you think that?

I don't know.


The evasion in her response flared up frustration within him, but before he could respond, another message from her appeared on the screen.

You can say no to this, but…can I call you?

His chest tightened as he scrambled to fix his hair and straighten his pillows, seemingly forgetting she wouldn't be actually seeing him. He rubbed his hands over his face, his heart beating out of his chest, and typed a response.

Yeah, go ahead.

Almost as soon as he sent the message, his phone began buzzing and a picture of Pam that he had taken on their company mini golf outing the year before flashed on his screen.

He pressed the green button to accept the call and did his best to steady his voice.

"Hey, Beesly," he said softly.

“Jim.” He could hear the smile in her voice and it made every hair on his body stand on end.

“It’s really good to hear your voice,” he admitted, unable to help himself.

“It really is. But...your voice. You know what I mean,” she laughed nervously.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “So…”

“So…” she said with him simultaneously. They both chuckled into the phone and settled into a brief silence.

“Go ahead,” he offered.

There was an audible sigh on the other end of the line followed by another beat of silence. When she spoke, he had to strain to hear her voice.

“I didn’t get married.”

He looked down at the blanket covering his legs and picked at a stray thread. “Yeah,” he muttered. “I kind of figured.”

“Right…” She stayed quiet for a moment. “I just...I’m sorry I never called. Or told you. You were my best friend and I should have told you.”

He recoiled at her words. You were my best friend. Past tense. It felt true, but that didn’t take the sting out of hearing it. He could hear a subtle sniffle.

“Pam, are you…”

“I’m fine,” her voice trembled. “I just...I feel like I’ve done everything wrong. And hearing your voice...I don’t know. I just miss you.”

He had the overwhelming urge to hold her close. No matter how much hurt he felt, he never wanted her to feel any of it.

“Pam?”

“Hmm?”

“I know it’s late but...can I see you?”

“Right...right now?”

“Right now.”

“...yes.”

“You know that park off of Clover and 5th?”

“I think so.”

“Meet me there? Twenty minutes?”

“Okay.” It came out as a near whisper.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.”

”See you then.”

Jim hung up and stared at his screen. Looks like he was leaving the house after all.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks again for the reads and reviews! I have one more chapter planned. :) 

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