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Author's Chapter Notes:

Thanks to everyone for reading and sharing their thoughts.

From what I’ve read in reviews there were a lot of feelings around season 9 – guess I had some deep-rooted feelings about their arc too. Feels good to speak my truth by way of this fic.

Oh by the way, Pam’s wedding rings are not silver, not platinum -- they are white gold.  Go with me here.

You, Cece, Phillip – you are my treasures. You are my Gold.

I’m sorry I forgot that but I promise never to again.

Please don’t let go.

I love you.

Jim

She read it five times before she could make out all the words through her tear-soaked eyes.

She swallowed back her sobs as she brought the yogurt lid to her chest, gasping for breath as she closed her eyes and let hot tears spill down her face.

“Now I know you are high, because that is a gold yogurt lid that you are crying over.”

She ignored Clark as she tried unsuccessfully to restrain the ugly cry that was taking over.

Uncomfortably he added, “You like shiny stuff? Here.”

He held out a wrinkled piece of silver.

“Want my old gum wrapper? It’s shiny. I also might be able to wrangle up some tin foil from the break room.”

Clark laughed awkwardly at himself and Pam swore she heard a snicker from the cameraman too, but his joke did little to lighten the mood or stop her tears.

Luckily most everyone else was still down in the warehouse watching the paper airplane contest, because her sobs got louder as the feeling washed over her that Jim was gone, off trying to make something happen in a city far from Scranton.

But it wasn’t now she was thinking of, it was a time long ago, long before they had Phillip and Cece, long before she had a ring of gold on her finger, back when the only gold connecting her to Jim was the one she slipped in his papers before he left for the interview with David Wallace.

She remembered how she felt as she collated the sales figures, sorting his from Karen’s. Emotions were high back then too. She’d told him how she felt, as best she could, having humiliated herself in the process and gained a new enemy in Karen, clearly as before the beach, Karen always made her own copies.

That day, while recalling all the fun times they had since he started at Dunder Mifflin, all the little moments they shared, all the ways they made each other better and even all the hurt they caused each other, she once again took a bold step, summoned up her courage and acted with fearlessness, having nothing more to lose and everything to gain.

She recalled how empowered she felt when she stopped worrying about Karen or anyone else for that matter and showed him just how much history there was between them, just how much she got him and he got her, just how much, she loved him.

She knew the words she wrote on the note didn’t really matter. It was the gold lid that spoke for her, reiterating everything she’d said at the beach, maybe saying even more.

She remembered also how good it felt back then on the beach, to walk the hot rocks and finally speak her truth after so long holding it in.

Maybe the therapist did know what she was talking about.

But back then she didn’t need a therapist to tell her what she needed to do.

She pulled herself together and picked up the phone. She had to know what she had done back then. She needed to hear what he lost when he spotted her gold.

“David Wallace please…”

 

~~~

He sat at the park for what seemed like hours.

That she didn’t appear in the parking lot was explainable. Who knows when she found the note. Plus, she would have no reason to believe he’d be waiting downstairs for her, although he had hoped she knew him well enough to know he would be.

That she hadn’t called in the stretch since, that was harder to swallow, even if it was just to say she loved him too.

But Pam always took her time with things. Impulsive she was not, he knew that. For as much as they had in common, that was one way they differed. While not reckless, he still tended towards action first, acting on his impulses. She on the other hand needed to look before she leapt. In many ways it made them a good team, kept them in balance.

But he foolishly believed this time she wouldn’t need to think at all, she’d just act just as she had back on the beach those many years ago.

The longer he sat, the more certain he became about his latest impulsive action.

He had forgotten how late the sun stayed out in April, having not been here to watch a sunset in a long time. They used to do it all the time but that was before the kids and busy schedules, working two jobs and daily arguments.

Quite frankly it was before they’d forgotten how important it was to take a break and let the world pass by as they sat on a bench to watch the sky fade to gold.

But he had nowhere to go anymore, he could wait for it.

If gold couldn’t bring her to him, he knew what he needed to do to find his way back to her.

~~~

David hadn’t been available when she called, but the assistant assured Pam she would have him call her back.

“Please, it’s important.”

As the hour ticked away and her phone didn’t ring, she almost convinced herself it didn’t matter.

In the silence, the little voice in her head got louder telling her it shouldn’t make a difference what David had to say.  Regardless of what she would learn now, back then he’d made a decision back that changed his life.

And hers.

Just as she was about to pick up the phone again, this time to make the call she knew she should have the minute she found the note, her phone finally rang.

It was a quick conversation. David was a bit surprised she was asking about it so many years later but he gave her the answer she’d suspected all those years ago — yes, he was prepared to offer the job to Jim. The interview was barely a formality, the job would have been his had he not cut it short and taken himself out of consideration.

Pam thanked David and hung up the phone and fiddled with the medal again.

Jim had the opportunity to be a VP. He had the chance to take a huge leap in his career, in New York where he surely would have shone as bright as the gold she held between her fingers.

But he’d given it up to come back to Scranton; to come back to her.

And now, he was finally back on the precipice of something huge, a position of importance, a level of success that already surpassed anything he might achieve as a paper company executive. This time the job was in a field he was truly passionate about, one that made him giddy with excitement much the same way it did when they goofed off at Dunder Mifflin. Only now it was the actual work that gave him the same gleeful enthusiasm he once had holding Olympics in the office, playing desert island in the parking lot and ping pong down in the warehouse.

And she was making him walk away from it.

Again.

Why was she being so selfish? What was she so afraid of? Moving from her home. Home wasn’t a place, it was wherever her family was, Scranton, Philly, anywhere. What she should be afraid of is losing him. She knew how that felt and it was the worse feeling she’d ever experienced. She wouldn’t let it happen again. She knew what she had to do.

Unfortunately, that would have to wait because Andy—who ever since he’d been back was needier than her 15-month-old—was calling for her.

“Pam, can I see you in my office, please?”

It was so much better when he was off on a boat somewhere.

Chapter End Notes:

I know I'm dragging it out now. I didn't get as much done last night as I hoped plus maybe there is a part of me that doesn't want to end this story.

By the way, adjustments were made based on previous reviews. They are helpful so please continue sharing your thoughts. Reviews are like gold to me. 


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