- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Confusingly, the canonical Pretzel Day is in mid-October. What's up with that, Billy? Also, when I first wrote the shoes-in-the-microwave prank, it was in a story called Real Friends, which takes place well before the arrival of the cameras, and the second time I wrote it in They Can't All Be Winners I set it in late Season 2. Also also, I feel like in canon Pam and Jim would have convinced someone else (Dwight? Ryan, via Michael?) to do this for them. Also also also, Belsnickel isn't real, it's just Dwight.

Also also also also, in addition to finally answering the question of how Jim and Pam make up with Stanley after the microwave prank, which I'm sure all of you have been dying to know, there are three references to two fics here that I did *not* write. See if you can spot them.

We open in the front of the BULLPEN. We scan from MICHAEL’S OFFICE, where the door’s closed and he is visible through the blinds talking animatedly on speaker phone, to the DESK CLUSTERS, where DWIGHT and PHYLLIS are hard at work, to RECEPTION, where we find… JIM????

The phone rings, and Jim picks up.

JIM: Dunder Mifflin, this is Sam. (listens) Yes, I can connect you, let me put you on hold for just… one… second. (Jim holds the phone against his head with his shoulder, presses a button, and holds the receiver back to his ear… and winces as he hears the voice again.) Yes, sorry, one sec.

Jim tucks the phone back into his neck, and tries another button. He puts his ear back to the receiver, and sighs in relief. He then pokes at the handset a few more times, until the phone rings…

…at PHYLLIS’ desk.

The camera zooms in on JIM, who gulps.

We return to PHYLLIS, who picks up.

PHYLLIS (professionally):
Phyllis Lapin. (pause) No, I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong extension. (She shoots Jim a baleful look.) Dwight is at 5332, I’ll connect you.

DWIGHT’s head snaps up at the mention of his name, and as PHYLLIS starts to transfer the call, he slaps his hands on his desk.

DWIGHT:
*Dammit*, Jim!

We return to JIM, who actually seems a little embarrassed. He gives the camera a chagrined shrug, as we…

…cut to PAM, doing a talking head while in line in the LOBBY of the SCRANTON BUSINESS PARK.

PAM:
Once a year, they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It’s really not a big deal.

We hear a scoff from behind her, and the camera turns to LEO, one of the dirtbag deliverymen from VANCE REFRIGERATION. (Where BOB VANCE works.)

LEO:
(to Pam) Really? Pretzel Day’s not a big deal? Pretzel Day???

He scoffs again, and looks straight to camera, shaking his head. Can you believe this chick?

PAM (smiles politely at LEO and turns back to the camera):
To some people it is. (beat) And I don’t know if you remember, but about two weeks ago…

We cut to a clip package from They Can’t All Be Winners: DWIGHT running out of MICHAEL’s office with the shoebox as MICHAEL shouts; DWIGHT running by JIM and PAM as they snicker at the prank in progress; DWIGHT shoving STANLEY out of the way in the KITCHEN and spilling some of his lunch; DWIGHT awkwardly tossing the shoes in the microwave by waving the bottom of the shoe box at it; MICHAEL and DWIGHT arguing while JIM and PAM try to direct their attention to whatever is happening in the microwave; DWIGHT blockading the microwave with his body while MICHAEL and JIM try to get past him and STANLEY and PAM shout; DWIGHT retrieving steaming, dripping, misshapen shoes with tongs from the microwave while MICHAEL, JIM, PAM and STANLEY cringe away from the smell, and finally a new shot: DWIGHT tossing the microwave in the dumpster while JIM and PAM watch… and then notice STANLEY glaring at them.

We cut back to PAM, in line, looking remorseful.

PAM:
So we’ve been bringing Stanley lunches from Cugino’s, but we still think he’s mad. (beat, as Pam tilts her head to the side in consideration and looks into the distance for a moment, then looks back to the camera) It’s hard to tell when Stanley’s stopped being mad.

PAM continues her lines in voiceover, as we cut to earlier that morning in the office. STANLEY packs his briefcase, puts on his coat and leaves, a sour nod his only acknowledgement of PAM’s goodbye. Quick cut to later in the day, with everyone looking up at the P.A. speaker in the ceiling as an announcement comes on… and MICHAEL sprints out of his OFFICE and out the door. PAM and JIM exchange a look.

PAM (in voiceover):
And Stanley loves Pretzel Day. If he knew the building decided to do a second one while he was out on sales calls, he’d be crushed. Or as crushed as Stanley gets, anyways. That’s where we come in!

JIM (talking head at RECEPTION):
I can make sales from the reception desk, but even Michael might notice if Pam just flipped voicemail on for no reason. So we decided I’d cover the phones for 10 minutes. (beat) That was an hour and a half ago. (beat as we cut to an annoyed-looking Pam, and pan the line to show there are a large number of people both ahead of her and behind her, and then return to JIM) People really like Pretzel Day.

We flip between the following shots:

-PAM, with her arms crossed, tapping her feet impatiently in line.
-JIM, getting another call, fumblingly transferring it, looking with trepidation at PHYLLIS… and fist-pumping as her phone rings and she picks up. PHYLLIS gives him an approving nod.
-PAM, repeatedly blowing a curl of hair out of her face.
-JIM, drumming his fingers on his desk, looking around, waiting for something to do.
-PAM flagging down a TALL BRUNETTE about her age who is walking away, pretzel in hand, and them chatting for a minute.
 -JIM, playing Solitaire on PAM’s computer, getting to the last card, and minimizing the window without winning the game.
-The WOMAN who PAM flagged down approaching her in line and handing her a pad and pen. PAM smiles brightly at her, thanks her, and begins to sketch.
-JIM, spinning around in PAM’s chair.

JIM begins to speak in voiceover over the chair-spinning shot, and we shift to a talking head at RECEPTION as his line continues.

JIM:
You know, I always knew Pam had a lot of time to kill on the days when Michael was behaving himself, but wow. I can feel my brain liquifying. I’m feeling a lot better about never making my own copies now.

JIM’s face falls as he realizes what he’s admitted, but he's saved by the bell as the phone rings.

JIM:
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pete. (listens) Mr. Hudson’s not in right now, could I take a message? (JIM grabs a pen, and writes on a pink message slip.) Okay, he should be out the rest of the day, but I’ll make sure he calls you first thing in the morning, all right? (listens) Great. Thank you for your business!

JIM hangs up, tears the message slip off the pad, and realizes it’s the last one. He looks around RECEPTION and doesn’t see a replacement, then turns around to the desk against the wall and starts opening drawers on the right-hand side, looking for more. He then opens the top drawer on the left-hand side, closes it, opens the next drawer down… then pauses, closes that drawer and starts to reopen the top one, as if he’s noticed something.

PAM (from off-camera):
Uh, can I help you there, Snoopy?

JIM closes the drawer quickly and looks up as PAM enters the shot.

JIM:
Used up your message pad making stuff to throw at Dwight. You get it?

PAM:
I got it!

She proudly displays the pretzel, salted with just a hint of mustard and wrapped in a napkin, with both hands. A sheet of paper dangles from between her pinky and ring fingers.

JIM:
Nice work, Beesly!

They high five, and JIM notices the sheet.

JIM:
What’s that?

PAM:
Oh, nothing. I got bored. Chloe from W.B. Jones loaned me stuff to draw with.

JIM takes the pretzel and the sketch as he stands up. PAM sits back down at her usual station and starts straightening up her desk. JIM looks at the sketch and the camera zooms in on it.

It’s terrific. PAM has captured the sheer enthusiasm and joy of Pretzel Day without losing the underlying sadness of wage slaves lining up for a hot, chewy roll of buttered dough like it’s the highlight of their year.

PAM (teasingly, from off-camera as JIM takes in the sketch):
Jim, you totally messed up my filing system. It’s gonna take me months to get this right again! Oh, but I see you left my Solitaire for me to finish, thank you for that.

JIM looks over to her and opens his mouth to speak, but the phone rings, and PAM holds up a wait-one-minute finger.

PAM:
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. (listens) Yes, I’ll transfer you.

She expertly connects the call without looking as TOBY approaches and hands her a fax. PAM takes it, crosses to the machine, and starts punching in numbers.

JIM watches, looking pensive. Everything’s back to normal. Pam is back where she always is… and maybe always will be.

He sighs, crosses to STANLEY’s desk, puts the pretzel in a drawer, adds a quick few lines to the message he took earlier and leaves it on STANLEY’s keyboard. JIM drops his pen, and returns to his own desk, glancing over at PAM as he sits.

We cut to later in the day. The office has emptied out, except for MICHAEL, still visible behind his blinds talking on speaker and clearly in a sugar-high frenzy. We see enough to hope JAN has wine waiting for her at home after what she’s gone through today, then pan to STANLEY, re-entering and crossing to his desk. He picks up and reads the pink message slip, cocks his head curiously, opens his drawer and finds… the pretzel! He holds it up and gazes at it in wonder, like an archaeologist who has just found the hidden treasure they’ve been searching for their entire life. Stanley closes his eyes, breathes deep to take in the smell… and smiles.

As STANLEY sits down to enjoy his treat, the camera operator walks behind RECEPTION in a continuing shot. A hand opens the top drawer of Pam’s filing cabinet on the left side, and we see what JIM might have caught a glimpse of earlier – another sketch, this one a gorgeously rendered pencil drawing of two hands clutched together on top of a desk. PAM has managed to evoke happiness out of that simple image – you can tell from the hands somehow that the people they belong to are laughing.

The smaller hand wears an engagement ring. The larger one does not.

Chapter End Notes:
364 days until the next Pretzel Day.


Seriously, this is my third fic to mention the shoes-in-the-microwave prank. What's with that?

You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans