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Author's Chapter Notes:

I think this might fall into song fic territory. Sorry. Also, if you've never heard this song, you should.

 

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Title and lyrics by Joni Mitchell.

Clouds

 I’ve looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

It’s hard to remember sometimes, that she belongs to someone else. She touches his shoulder, his arm. She laughs, radiant, at his jokes. Like there’s no one else in the world. He takes it all, saves it all up, feels it’s like flight, above the clouds.

 

*

 

It’s hard to fool himself sometimes, when she goes home with someone else. She walks away, she hides that smile. His teasing falls flat, unanswered. Just an office friend, left behind. His stomach sinks, his heart plummets. It’s like falling from the sky, hard.

  

Love

 You leave them laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away
  

When she kisses him, it’s like love. Hope and futures and honeymoons. His head spins like a fairground ride. He’d give anything to live there. He sits down, tries to reconcile, but he’s sure this is it, for good.

 

*

 

When she kisses him, she’s so drunk. A pale shadow of how he feels. Heartbroken, careful to hide it. He makes her laugh, but it’s empty. The stools are hard, unforgiving. He hopes this isn’t forever.

  

Life

 But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they tell me that I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
 

The first day back is a triumph. He’s moved up, moved on, a winner. He’s different, but that’s good, right? He’s got the girl, she’s into him. This career wouldn’t be so bad. He can’t quite explain the relief.

 

*

 

The first day back is misery. It’s the same carpets, the same lights. It’s like he never left, evolved. The girl is not quite the answer. It’s his old life again, unchanged. He can’t quite explain the sadness.   

Out Loud 

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud


 

He’s tired of feeling half full. There’s something more, and he knows it. A life without her laugh is stale. He’s not sure how to reconnect. Perhaps it won’t be possible. Loves her still, with no illusions.

 

*

 

He’s tired of lying about love. He tells her again, with old hope. Her response is a kiss, a touch. Like they never disconnected. Everything is possible. And she’s his, just like he recalls.

 



Paper Jam is the author of 24 other stories.
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