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I own nothing...unfortunately

Jim glanced up at Pam from his desk and smiled at her. She smiled back and he tried hopelessly to return to work once again.  

 

Good effort Halpert, good effort, Jim thought to himself. Trying to glean the answer to his upcoming question from simply staring at her forehead had been a nice try. For the 1000th time he wished he could know right now what state he’d go home in tonight. Happier than he’d ever imagined or crushed…the way he’d lived through once before.

 

Just barely…lived through.

 

He stared at his screen saver, remembering that night, but trying not to. But this was a chance to erase all that. This was going to be the best night of his life.

 

The familiar sound of an incoming instant message, snapped him out of his reverie. Jim shifted his mouse, clearing the screen. Her IM icon was a little face with huge red lips and fluttering eyelashes. He grinned as if seeing it for the first time.

 

PBeesly: What’s up?

JHalpert: Nuthin…’sup?

PBeesly: You look distracted.

JHalpert: Nope. This is my normal look.

PBeesly: No. You look like you did that time Dwight ordered deer urine, or that time that Dwight had his big blue sex ball.

JHalpert: You just said blue balls.

PBeesly: I did not…grow up.

JHalpert: I don’t think this kind of IMing is allowed on company time. I’m telling Michael that you’re IMing me about blue balls. This kind of behavior is not appreciated by me…or anyone else with balls.

PBeesly: Well the next time I see someone with balls I’ll apologize.

 

Jim looked up at her and lifted an eyebrow, nodding slightly in what could only be called unequivocal appreciation…Very nice…Very, very nice.

 

Pam scrunched her mouth in an expression that clearly said ‘Top that, Halpert.’

 

How could he not want to marry this girl? She was simply…everything.

 

Unfortunately for her…hot or not, she was going down. He wiped the smile off of his face and turned back to his monitor, his fingers poised over the keyboard.

 

JHalpert: Andy? He actually talks about his balls quite a bit. Would you like to apologize to him?

 

The response: complete silence. He propped his chin up on his fist and waited, without turning to face her.  Not a single key was typed on for at least 15 seconds…He smiled.

 

Just then, the IM sounded. He leaned forward like a child hearing about Christmas gifts.


PBeesly: No.

JHalpert: No…what?

PBeesly: You know what.

JHalpert: Not sure what you’re talking about. Let me go get Andy…

PBeesly: It will be the end of us.

JHalpert: :::sigh::: Soooo dramatic.

PBeesly: Pursue this line of thought and you will be desperately, achingly, sorry.

 

Jim looked up and made a face. One that clearly said, ‘Really? Oh come on…’

 

She only shook her head at him. The shaking became more vigorous when he got out of his chair. It was all just to stall the inevitable, Jim knew. If he concentrated on making her laugh today, then he wouldn’t have to think about the thing that he was trying not to think about. That was it. That was the key! He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before.

 

He already knew it had to be an ordinary day. That much he’d decided on long ago. No public displays, no holiday associations.  That just wasn’t who they were…but it did have to be special…unique. She had to know that he’d put a lot of thought into it…It had to fit them. No reminders of anyone else.

 

Ok, he seriously couldn’t think about it anymore or he’d die. 

 

“Andy…how’s it goin?” Jim said, patting the man on the shoulder when he came up behind his desk.

 

“Tuna get off my back.”

 

Jim removed his hand. “Whoa…just sayin’ hi. Not like…checkin’ up on you,” he said smiling. “But I did um…Well, I wanted to just tell you that…Well Pam has something she’d like to say to you…Nay, apologize for,” he said glancing backward towards Pam.

 

She shook her head slowly, but Jim’s expression remained impassive.  He was going to get it. That was a given, but it would be so worth it, just to watch how she played this off. Pam was pure magic under pressure.

 

Andy frowned. “For turning me down?”

 

“Oh…um, that I am not sure of….Probably not though. Um, you might just wanna go ask her. I mean it sounded pretty important, so...”

 

Andy sighed dramatically and lifted himself out of his chair, walking slowly over to reception. Jim grinned as he followed closely behind, glancing at the camera. He clasped his hands together giddily as he came to a stop behind Andy.

 

Pam looked up from her uber-typing. He wondered vaguely what he might have to look forward to once back at his computer.

 

“Hi Andy,” she said pasting on a bright smile.

 

“Hey Pam…BT said you needed to speak with me? Apologize for…” Andy turned and his eyes swept expectantly over Jim. “Tuna, I know she sent you over…but there’s really no need for you to watch-dog…this is between Pammy and I.”

 

Jim watched her wince and for a moment he felt bad. There was almost nothing worse than ‘Pammy.’ She’d once confided in him that sometimes when Roy had called her that, she’d wanted to shoot him.

 

Pam quickly recovered. “No, actually it’s ok Andy. I kind of…I’d actually like Jim to stay…for moral support. This is just something that I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a long time…Jim knows about it…”

 

Andy leaned forward.

 

Jim rocked back on his heels in anticipation. What would it be…what would it be…

 

Wow. Her eyes were sincere. So earnest when she spoke. “I just…I want to apologize for turning you down all those months ago. You were…so charming and so sweet, but you see I had just gotten out of this…relationship and I wasn’t really ready, but now –

 

No.

 

“I think…You know, I think I’m ready to take the leap. Maybe you and I should see each other.

 

No, no, no…

 

“Maybe we could go out…I don’t know –

 

“Hunting?”

 

“No!...I mean…no,” she said more calmly. “I was thinking more…coffee. Or a movie…scary. I like scary.”

 

Jim shook his head behind Andy. Uhuh…retreat. That’s not what I had in mind.

 

“Tonight?” Andy asked. Suddenly all suave and debonair. He let his face fall against his hand.

 

“Sure.”

 

No. No absolutely not tonight, Jim thought, shaking his head more vigorously. She only smiled up at him.

 

“Um Pam…I don’t think tonight is actually a good night, is it? I think…weren’t you telling me earlier that you had some kind of plans or –

 

“Tonight’s great,” She said ignoring Jim and looking straight at Andy. “I mean it’s been too long already, right? Will you make sure to bring your banjo? I really enjoyed that.”

 

Andy grinned and sang a little falsetto sample for her right then and there. “You are the sunshine of my life…You like Stevie?” Andy asked, pausing mid lyric. Pam nodded sweetly. “Because I play harmonica too…Anyway, I’ll pick you up – your place?”

 

Pam bit the corner of her bottom lip. “Um, how about we just meet?…You can just let me know where you have in mind…and we’ll just meet. I think that’d be best.”

 

“However you wanna play it hottie. See you ‘round.”

 

Pam grinned and waved goodbye as he walked back to his desk. “See you ‘round.”

 

Was she kidding? Jim almost had to manually shut his mouth.

 

Jim got his bearings quickly and leaned against the reception counter. He steepled his fingers and pursed his lips together. “Wow…really? I don’t think that was called for.”

 

“Challenge accepted,” Pam said looking at him with a soft smile.

 

“Uh…I didn’t actually challenge you.”

 

“I told you that you would be very sorry. In fact I believe I underlined my feelings in that regard,” she said, turning her monitor screen towards him. “I win,” she added with a shrug of her shoulder.

 

“Wow…Ok, because a date with Andy is winning?”

 

She glanced up. “No because the look on your face was winning.”

 

Jim groaned and turned around. He headed back to his desk. Why had they decided to keep their relationship a secret again? This would so not be happening if everyone knew about them. He glanced over at Andy’s desk. He had the most pleased look on his face.

 

Jim shook his head. What the hell? Not tonight! Scratch what he’d said about laughter and pranks! He needed her full attention today!

 

His IM sounded once again. He turned to glare at her and she grinned, pointing to his monitor as if everything were hunky-dory.

 

Oh they were both so pleased with themselves.

.

PBeesly: You look deeply troubled.

JHalpert: You are not a nice person.

PBeesly: Don’t worry Jim. Contrary to my previous behavior with you…I do not make out on the first date…Well…wait – what’s making out again? Is that where you kiss, but don’t let a guy feel you up? I can’t ever remember…

JHalpert: THIS PERSON IS NO LONGER RECEIVING INSTANT MESSAGES.

PBeesly: Caps Lock Jim? Really? You’re better than that.

JHalpert: I did not use Caps Lock, Pam. I kept my pinky on the shift the WHOLE TIME. Effort…EFFORT. That’s how mad I am.

PBeesly: Love you…Pinky – so cute!

 

The phone rang just then and Jim watched her pick it up. She had the nerve to smile at him as she mumbled ‘Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam’ into the receiver.

 

This wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.

*******

Later…

  

Pam chewed at her bottom lip, and chanced a glance up from her computer now and again. He hadn’t looked at her in hours. Even during lunch. He hadn’t sat in the kitchen so they could talk. He hadn’t gone up to the roof so that they could be alone. He’d simply gotten his ham and cheese and went back to his desk. She was getting the full on silent treatment ala Halpert and she didn’t like it.

 

Of course she knew what he was doing. He was deliberately trying to smoke her out. He knew she hated it when he didn’t talk to her…and so this was his strategy. He thought that if he didn’t speak to her for a bit longer, she’d call off the date with Andy.

 

Well…it wasn’t going to happen.

 

He’d been so adorable earlier. His eyes wide in shock as she’d spoken to Andy. She grinned down at her notebook of late afternoon doodles. Presently she sketched his profile. The thought bubble over his head, read: Hi I’m Jim and I’m soooooo cute.

 

“Pamalamadingdong…Almost ready for the magic hour?”

 

Pam looked up, her doodling interrupted by Andy. “Five?” she asked blandly.

 

“Right,” Andy said still grinning. Completely oblivious to the fact that she was not nearly as animated as she had been when she’d first suggested their date. “But not just 5……Fiiive. The time when two become…one.”

 

Pam’s eyes widened and she glanced just slightly around Andy, towards Jim.

 

Nothing? Not even an eyebrow twitch?…Man, he was good. She wouldn’t have been able to let that one slide.

 

And then it hit her like a Mack truck! He wasn’t waiting for her to beat a hasty retreat from her date with Andy!…No, not at all. Jim didn’t wait around for others to do things…No, he was plotting.

 

She glanced over at his desk.

 

Crap.

 

Jim had made plans for them tonight, she’d agreed to go out with Andy instead, and now…now he was going to get even with her.

 

She bit her bottom lip and tried to focus on Andy. She could handle whatever Jim had coming. She was so not afraid of Jim Halpert pranks. She new enough about him to arm herself accordingly…Seriously.

 

“Well, I certainly can’t wait for that,” she said turning her attention back to Andy. “Sounds…great. Where are we going?”

 

“I’ve decided that I am going to do you the honor of surprising you.”

 

Pam met his eyes and spoke soberly. “I’d like to know where we’re going please.”

 

“No ma’am Pam. A surprise is what you shall get, because you…” he leaned in and gently tapped her nose with his finger, “Deserve a surprise.”

 

“Do I? Really?” She asked, her voice going up a notch. “But see…in order for me to meet you somewhere, I need to know where –

 

“Shush Pam. You’ll know all in do time….Listen,” he said at her tight grin. “I know you’re anxious. It’s been a long time since you’ve gone out…and you’ve probably never actually gone out with a guy like me specifically –

 

She shook her head in absolute agreement and he smiled at what he deemed a compliment.

 

“So don’t worry. I’m taking care of things. Pam…you will be amazed at how much fun you have.”

 

Pam grinned. “Ok then. A surprise it is!”

 

“Great…see you in 30.”

 

“See you.”

 

Andy walked away and Pam stared at Jim once again….ok, so she was a little bit afraid of whatever he was planning over there. Her fingers clicked open her IM box and she started to type furiously.

 

PBeesly: Well…I’m about to go on my date with Andy now! Heeeellllooooo anyone home!? What are you doing over there? He actually wants to take me somewhere!

 

No. She couldn’t do that. She would not be the one to back down from this! She quickly deleted her words.

 

********

Jim glanced up at the clock. 4:45. He’d finally gotten the rest of his ‘work’ done today and now he could work on handling this little bump in the road…

 

He opened his IM box.

 

JHalpert: Hey, sounds like it worked. She loves surprises.

ABernard:  GOOD LOOKING OUT TUNA!

JHalpert: I do what I can…so…Where are you taking her?

ABernard: Oh I don’t know Tuna. I was thinkin’ maybe just the back of my van…Did you see the way she looked at me? Totally freaking wants me.

 

Jim leaned back in his chair, wove his fingers together behind his head for a moment, took a deep breath and then continued.

 

JHalpert: Wow. You know…I had a conversation with her the other day. I thought this might help you…

ABernard: Do tell.

JHalpert: Apparently her absolute favorite restaurants are those kinds with you know…the jukeboxes on the table. There’s one not too far from here, called Fred’s. She really, really loves music from the ‘50’s. Especially Frankie Valley.

ABernard: Are you kidding me Tuna! I do Frankie Valley.

 

Jim muttered ‘That’s what she said’ under his breath and kept typing. Too bad this date was never going to happen…he’d actually kill to see Pam’s face when they pulled up in front of Fred’s. She absolutely couldn’t stand that place.

 

JHalpert: Gold.

ABernard: Alright Jimmy. Pam and I are so there.

JHalpert: Alright! Have fun.

ABernard: Oh you have no idea…P.S. The low-cut dealio she’s wearing today – all that musta been for yours truly, Tuna. Hoooooot. (haha, I typed that and realized it could be read as “hoot” as in “hooters”…that works too, huh BT?)

 

Jim contemplated removing the pencil from the cup on his desk, walking over to Andy, and shoving it in his eye.

*******

 

Andy jogged downstairs a bit earlier than Pam. He needed to make sure his car was in optimum pimp condition. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and stopped in his tracks.

There was a note tucked under the windshield wiper, a little heart drawn on the front of it.  He grinned widely as he unfolded the small piece of paper:

 

“Hi Andy, it’s me Pam. I was thinking that maybe since I’m the one who kind of has to make amends here, that I would be the one to surprise you. So, meet me here: 5369 Foothill Rd….See you soon.”

 

Andy looked at the address once again. Familiar…he grinned as it dawned on him. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. This was not a conversation they could have inside the office.

 

When she answered the phone ‘Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam,’ he started to chuckle. “Oh you little minx…my goodness you are really somethin’ else aren’t you? How a woman like you is still single I do not know.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“5369 Foothill Road…My favorite address…Pam, I haven’t been in Scranton that long, but long enough to know where all the hot spots are…XXX Totally Nude…that’s…You are the first woman to really get it. So…do you…I mean are you ok with me getting a lap dance during the date…or, well it could be you who -

 

“Andy…you should hang up now.”

 

“Pammy don’t be ashamed. We can keep this between you and me…you like a little stripping – that’s cool……Pam? Hello? Hello?”

 

“Actually Andy…I’m feeling rather sick suddenly.”

 

“Oh…no,” Andy said shaking his head. “Well maybe next week we can –

 

“No.”

 

“How about –

 

“No.”

*******

 

Jim glanced up from his computer as she hung up the phone. “Something wrong?”

 

“That was Andy. He thought I wanted to go to some strip…” her voice trailed off.

 

“What?”

 

“You did this.”

 

He glanced around the office. The only person left was Phyllis and she was packing up. “Um…I do not know what you are talking about.”

 

“Yes you do.”

 

He shook his head. “Really don’t…but if you’ll excuse me I have like…one more thing to get done before I leave tonight and I don’t want to be late…big Fantasy Football tonight with Kevin so…you know….”

 

Pam opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Phyllis saying goodnight.

 

“Night Phyllis,” Jim said smiling up at her.

 

“Good night Jim…Pam,” she said smiling as she left.

 

Pam shook her head and tried very hard not to smile. “Seriously…what did you do?”

 

“Nothing…well, almost nothing,” he said glancing back at his monitor. “Your handwriting is insanely easy to forge, Beesly…And you have this way of making little hearts on the front of your notes…so cute.”

 

She smiled slowly. “You left him a note saying I wanted to go –

 

“A little girl on girl action…yes…Andy would have been such a happy man, Pam. It’s really sad you couldn’t…you know…open your mind a little bit.”

 

“You are so…” Pam stopped talking at the sound of a new email in her mailbox. She frowned. “Are you sure nobody else is here?” She said whispering and glancing around.

 

He made a face, stood up…looked around even as she opened her mailbox. She giggled. “What the heck are you sending me an Evite to? Fantasy Football with you and Kevin? Great…” she sighed, opening it up and clicking the link to the Evite site.

 

She didn’t understand what she was looking at immediately. She’d responded to many of Jim’s Evite’s in the past. All in reference to barbecues, his birthday, his roommate’s birthday…this didn’t look like any of those.

 

Two glasses clinked in the middle of a page done in all white with black scripty looking writing. Above the two glasses, it said: Jim’s Wedding

 

Host: Jim Halpert

Location: To Be Decided

When: November 20 (we like autumn)

 

“Wh…” Her voice faltered as she continued to read.

 

Under ‘Not Yet Replied’ the website simply read: Pam

 

She was the only guest on the list, and her options were simply to check one of the following boxes:

            I do

            I wanted a June wedding

            Jim will always be a bridesmaid

 

Her breath caught and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He stood leaning against his desk. Jim cleared his throat. “I thought about putting a ring in a teapot, or in jello…sliding it around your curling iron…I just…Anyway, I really hope you’re not one of those people that doesn’t RSVP. I hate that,” he said pointing to her screen finally. “So you know…maybe you could get to it.”

 

She got up and nearly fell over her chair in her haste to get to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards when she crashed into him.

 

His arms wrapped instantly around her waist. “Not sure what this means…Did you check a box?”

 

She could only kiss him. All day long he’d been waiting to do this? He’d had this planned for how long? Oh God…

 

When they pulled back after long moments she was breathless. “Seriously?”

 

“Well…after today? The whole Andy thing? I don’t know…”

 

She grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck again.

 

“Pam…honestly…there are certain ground rules to a good prank. You can’t just go about it willy-nilly. People get hurt!”

 

“I’m sorry,” she said pulling back. “How long did you….Were you planning this…”

 

“Originally I was going to send it to you at lunch…but then – well Pam…I couldn’t let you get away with that.”

 

“We would have been sitting on this all day long?”

 

“Well we could have told.”

 

She grinned. “Yeah…That would have been good. Could you imagine Dwight’s reaction? Michael’s? He’d swear he knew already.”

 

Jim looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then back to her eyes. “What exactly would he think that he knew?”

 

Pam smiled. “Well obviously…that – you’re going to be a bridesmaid for the rest of your life, Jim…It’s sad.”

 

Jim shook his head. “That is sad Pam…mostly because, well…you won’t get to wear this little number,” he said then, pulling a small black velvet box out of his pocket.

 

She gasped and covered her mouth with a shaking hand as he started to lower himself to one knee. “Oh my God!”

 

“Oh…well yeah…this isn’t a going steady ring, Beesly. Jeez…,” he said grinning.

 

Cliché or not, no one had ever made such a grand gesture for her. She couldn’t think of any other moment in her life when she’d been as happy as she was right that second.

 

Jim took her hand and held it in his own. “Beesly……Pam,” he amended. “I’m in love with you.”

 

She started to cry in earnest now even as her grin widened.

 

“That being said…” Jim said, sniffled. “Again…” he said and then laughed. “Will you just RSVP already?”

 

“I do.”

   

The End

 



LoveFool is the author of 48 other stories.
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This story is part of the series, Baby Talk. The previous story in the series is Just Another Night at the Bowling Alley. The next story in the series is Pick Up Lines.

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