When Michael announces The Amazing Race: Sales Edition, Ryan wonders aloud how quickly he can get himself voted off.

"That's Survivor," grumbles Stanley.

Right, thinks Ryan, then remembers that The Amazing Race is a team challenge. Two people per team. His mind flies through the math. Seven salespeople. Seven is not divisible by two.

Michael's naming the teams. "Stanley and Phyllis... Karen and Jim... Dwight and Andy..."

"I want Ryan," Dwight interjects.

Ryan holds his breath.

"No, Dwight, every new salesperson is paired with a Scranton veteran."

"Ryan's a new salesperson."

"Which is why he will be my partner."

Of course, Ryan whispers, silently cursing that he didn't manage to sprain his ankle on the way to work this morning.

Michael turns to reception. "Alright! Pam? First challenge?"

Pam hands each team a piece of paper, folded in thirds and sealed with a sticker. The one she hands Michael is the only one with a star sticker. Ryan has a bad feeling.

Michael's beaming. "Let's go, partner!"

Dwight and Andy run for the door, arguing about whose car is faster. Jim whispers something to Karen on the way out the door and she nods. Phyllis and Stanley are the only ones who use the elevator.

Michael insists on the Sebring. The reek of NightSwept hits Ryan as they climb in, and a voice sounding suspiciously like Clay Aiken blasts from the speakers when Michael turns the key.

"Whoops!" he laughs, and Andy's Xterra streaks past behind them. By the time Michael pulls out of the spot, they're following Jim.

Ryan sighs. "So... what's first?"

Michael grins and hands him the folded paper. It says Challenge #1 (Staples): prank!

"What kind of prank?"

"Something crazy! What kinda crazy stuff do you do in business school?" Michael looks like a kid who's had too much Halloween candy.

"We don't play pranks in business school."

"In college, then. What did you and your frat buddies get up to? Huh? Water balloons? Panty raids?"

"You want to make a panty raid on Staples?"

"Sure! Why not? We'll just run into T.J. Maxx, buy a buncha panties, and throw ‘em all around Staples - it'll be hilarious!"

"That's... not a panty raid."

"It's not?"

"No."

"Oh... what's a panty ra-Whoa!"

Michael throws on the brakes. Ryan grips his door and looks up to see Jim's brakelights. He and Karen get out of the car, laughing. They run around the car three times and get back in, Karen in the driver's seat.

"Chinese Fire Drill!" Michael shouts. "Brilliant! C'mon!" He smacks Ryan's leg and hops out of the car. Ryan watches him run around the car. "C'mon!" he yells again. Sighing, Ryan gets out, walks around to Michael's door, and gets behind the wheel.

Jim and Karen are long gone. He hates them both.

Michael gets back in, panting in a way that turns his grin into a grimace. "Okay," he gulps. "Let's go. Staples."

* * *

Later, she insists he recount the day, but he's put so much effort into blocking it out that this is all he can offer:

Challenge #1 (Staples). The prank consisted of moving the product shelf tags around.

"Imagine it: someone comes in, thinks they're grabbing 25 security envelopes for 99 cents, and gets charged 5.99 for 100 manila ones! It'll be chaos!"

Outside the store, in a location Michael seems to know about already, they find their next assignment. [In fact, Michael finds all of the assignments easily, and after the second, Ryan stops wondering why they haven't seen any of the other salespeople yet. He suspects he's actually been conned into The Amazing Race: Hostage Edition.]

* * *

Challenge #2 (Target): set up a wedding registry for Phyllis!

"Are you kidding? We're saving her so much time - she'll thank us when she finds out!"

Ryan tries to picture Phyllis' reaction as he uses the gun to scan 37 tubes of K-Y Jelly.

* * *

Challenge #3 (Wegman's): convince 5 customers to do a Garnier Fructis taste test!

Michael convinces one - a seven-year-old boy - before security escorts them out.

* * *

Challenge #4 (Lackawanna County Stadium): run the bases!

Michael actually manages to do this, and Ryan is impressed in spite of himself. Plus, they get to meet more security guards.

* * *

Challenge #5 (Starbuck's): stump the barrista!

As it turns out, you can get a decaf/full-sugar/non-dairy/chai/espresso/spiced cider/hot chocolate Frappuccino with blueberry syrup and a brownie blended in, even in Scranton. And it only costs Michael $14.

While Michael's choking down his concoction, Ryan's cell rings.

"Nice ringtone."

"Thanks. Hello? Hi... Oh, uh, sure, I'll be right there."

Michael frowns. The froth around his mouth is the worst kind of purplish-brown. "Who was that?"

"Pam. She says I need to come back to the office right away."

"What's the problem?"

"I dunno. She said right away."

"Oh, alright. Don't you need to drink some of this?"

"Team captains only."

* * *

When they get back, Dwight and Andy are already there. Their neckties are tied around their foreheads and they're wearing matching Ithaca Is Gorges t-shirts. They're strutting. Ryan leaves them to Michael and approaches Pam.

"Hey, what's up? Is anything the matter?"

"Follow me."

She leads him to the break room and closes the door.

"Okay, now you're making me nervous. What's wrong?"

Pam walks to the vending machine, buys two Cokes and motions for Ryan to sit. When he does, she smiles. "I just figured you'd had enough. Drink up. Dwight and Andy should keep Michael busy for a while trying to claim their prize."

A slow smile spreads on Ryan's face. He sits and leans back, takes a sip. "What is the prize, anyway?"

Pam laughs. "Who knows? Michael probably hasn't thought that far ahead." She leans forward. "So... what did you have to do?"

Ryan rolls his eyes and tells her everything he can remember. By the end, he's laughing as hard as Pam.

"He actually got into the stadium?"

"Yes! He jumped over the turnstile, and ran onto the field. They chased him all the way around the bases."

"Oh my god."

"You don't even know." Then something occurs to him. "Wait. You did know."

"What?"

"You did know. That our challenges were different, I mean."

Pam's plays with her soda can. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ryan grins and points at her. "You handed out four this morning, and ours had a different sticker than the rest... you knew."

"Okay, maybe I did. But I called you back early. That's worth something, right?"

Ryan squints at her. "Yeah, I guess. But tell me this: if you knew this morning, why did you wait five hours to call?"

Pam shrugs and smiles. " ‘Cause. Michael can surprise you sometimes, you know? I thought... well, I just thought you might actually get something out of it. Is that weird?"

"I'm not sure I even know what weird is anymore."

Pam smiles.

"What?"

Pam raises her Coke to him. "Welcome to the club."