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It had been three minutes since Dwight had left Pam alone in the hallway, and the passing seconds seemed to slur into the next.  Every time Pam thought she had composed herself well enough to go back into the warehouse, something inside of her just broke down again.  She did this.  She convinced Jim living near Karen was a good idea.  She just let Jim walk out of Dunder Mifflin on casino night, telling him she didn’t love him.  She didn’t marry Roy, and she let herself fall in love with Jim.  All of this was her own fault, and that made her feel even worse.

 

“It was terrible.”  Dwight said, shaking his head.  He was talking to Angela in hushed tones, but not quiet enough.  Jim walked past them when he went to grab another drink.  He froze when he mentioned Pam’s name.  “She was crying, I had to comfort her.”


Motionless.  Jim stood there, thinking of Pam.  There was no way that Pam was in the hallway, crying.  It seemed almost as absurd as Dwight comforting her.  It was just not possible.  Still, he couldn’t let the idea go.  She had been there when he was freaking out about Karen living so close.  It was like things were normal between them.  For once.

 

“Where you going?”  Karen asked, her voice raised with curiosity.  She had finally cheered up, now that their fight was over.  Jim didn’t know what to say.  He thought of some phony excuse, about a sale or something.  Karen bought it, and Jim walked in the hall.  The cameras followed, and Jim wasn’t sure what to expect any more.

She heard footsteps down the hall.  Thoughts of hiding came flashing before her, but a wave of sadness hit her as she tried to move.  Why was she doing this?  Jim was happy.  Crying over him wasn’t going to change any of that.  She just buried her head in her hands and let out one final sob.

 “Pam?”

 

 Jim stood two feet away from her.  Pam looked up, sniffling and still clutching Dwight’s now-soaked handkerchief.  She immediately wanted to run away.  She didn’t want him to see her like this.  Not now.  Now he was so happy with Karen, just watching lonely old Pam crying in the hallway seemed like such a downer.  Too late.  He’s already seen her.  There’s no escaping.

 

He took a few more steps towards her.  With one deep breath, she attempted to pull herself together. An idea that seemed plausible in theory, but impossible in reality.

 

 “Hey… Jim.”  She said, standing up.  Feigning normalcy.  But with her swollen eyes and running mascara, it was not happening.  Jim got even closer.  Each step he took made her skin melt off in anxiety.  His warmth was undeniable.  When he was close enough to reach her, he just put one hand on her back.  Her sweater was soft, and he fingered the knots in her back.

 

 “Are you okay?”  He asked, not sounding sarcastic or anything.  He sounded so concerned, and Pam tried not to break down again.  The feeling of his hand on her back was enough to make her knees buckle.

 

 “I’m fine.”  Pam lied, stuffing Dwight’s token of concern in her sweater pocket.  It was another reminder of how much she had been crying.  Crying tears over Jim.  The man standing right next to her.

 

“You sure?”   He repeated the line she’d only uttered a couple hours ago.  Now it seemed backwards.

 

“How did you find me?”  Pam asked with an uncomfortable chuckle.

 

“Dwight was talking to Angela.  It’s not really important.”  Jim shrugged it off, and looked with wide eyes into Pam’s.  He didn’t want to admit it, but he could read her like a book.  Just by looking in her eyes.  He saw sadness and anger.

 

“I’m sorry.”  Pam said, pulling away from Jim’s comforting touch.  Knowing the jig was up, she pulled out the kerchief again, and wiped away a couple remaining tears.

 

“For what?”  Jim scoffed.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”  He paused, licking his lips.  “I’m the one who should be sorry.  I dragged you into my mess with Karen.”


“Jim…”  Pam interrupted before Jim could divulge any further.  She didn’t want to connect him with her.  Karen was so nice.  But it was Jim.  Her Jim.

 

They both sat down, merely inches away from each other.  The closeness used to make him crazy, but now he was just calm and collected.  She still excited him, but he was able to control himself now.

 

“So do you want to talk about it?”  Jim asked, putting his hand on her leg.   Instant sparks.  Pam felt them falling down her leg, and she hoped that Jim was feeling the same.  That meant that things hadn’t changed between them.  “I mean, is the image of Michael doing that with Jan getting to you?”  Pam laughed the way people do when their crying--loud enough to convince themselves the tears have stopped.  Of course, she knew that they weren’t.  They hadn’t stopped on Christmas morning, when she woke up all alone.  They hadn’t stopped when it turned 2007, and she didn’t have someone to kiss.  They certainly weren’t going to stop now.

 

One deep breath.  That’s all it took for Pam to realize what she had to do.  You’re going to have to fight for something sometime. His words were so relevant now.  One deep breath, and the words began to come out so fluidly.  “Is this what it was like for you when you… were in love with me.”

 

Stunned.  A million words filled Jim’s head, and the only one that seemed relevant was no.  No, because it was worse.  No, because the situations were different.  No, because it’s not past tense.  Still.  Still in love.  It still is.  But still, nothing seemed to come out right.

 

"Oh my God.  I can’t believe I said that.”  Pam said, her face burning.  The embarrassment was going to kill her.  Jim had just moved forward with his relationship with Karen, and she was professing her love for him.  Instant regret: it was not a feeling she liked.  Just as she was about to walk back into the warehouse, Jim stopped her.

 

 “Don’t.”  He said, looking every which way but at Pam.  “Don’t… just don’t.”

 

“But…”  She stammered, interpreting his reaction as an ‘I’m over you’ glance.  Jim silenced her.

 

“The reason…”  He swallowed hard.  “I asked Karen out was because I was afraid.  I was afraid that if I had to come back to Scranton alone…”  He trailed off.  A loud, resonant breaking sound could be heard through the halls.  It was both Pam and Jim’s hearts, quickly breaking.  “Do you know how hard it was getting over you?”  Pam took one more deep breath.

 

 

"I’ve made such a mess of everything.”  Pam said in a panicky tone.  It was the one that she had heard non-stop since she realized she wasn’t going to marry Roy.  Jim stood up, and put his hands on her shoulders.

 

“Stop, Pam.”  He said in a confident tone.  He looked meaningfully in her eyes.  “This isn’t your fault.  I shouldn’t have…”

 

 “I broke up with Roy because of you.”  Pam blurted out, the words shocking Jim.  He looked at her, silently, for just a second.  “The second you left, I realized that marrying Roy was a huge mistake, but I couldn’t bring myself to telling him… until a couple… days before.”  Her voice slowly trailed off the longer she spoke.  Jim took a step away from her, putting his mouth in his hands.  Another wave of regret fell upon her.  They both looked at each other, waiting for the next word to come just by staring at each other.  Pam sighed.  “Is there… some way I can fix this?” 

 She spoke in mousy tones.  “I need you in my life.  You’re my best friend.”

              

 “I…”  He began, but stammered off into silence.  He looked at Pam, and instantly remembered what he loved about her.  When she was passionate about something, there was a light in her eyes.  The past couple of months, he’d noticed the light seemed to be less bright.  Now it was blinding him. 

               

In that moment, right then and there, he wanted to kiss her.  He wanted to pull trembling Pam Beesley in his arms, hold her so tight that they became one.  And he wanted to feel that passionate kiss that he wanted at casino night.  He wanted to forsake all others, and only have eyes for Pam Beesley.  But he knew that he had Karen now.

               

 “I can’t.”  Jim finished his thought, thinking of how ironic all this had become.  Less than a year ago, he was standing where she is now.  Desperately in love with someone that just… couldn’t.  Those words nearly made him want to burst out into laughter, at how hypocritical it all sounded.  “I can’t do that to Karen.”

               

 “I know.”  Pam said looking down.  Embarrassed that she almost tried to steal a friend’s boyfriend.  Jim stepped closer, bringing Pam into his arms.  The feeling was warm, and wonderful.  She didn’t want it to end.  Ever.

 

“Give me time.”  Jim said softly, resting his chin on Pam’s soft hair.  “I need to give her a chance to get over me.”  She took in one deep breath, inhaling every little detail about Jim.  “Give me time.”

 

 “Okay.”  Pam said, leaning in on Jim’s chest.  And even though her heart was still slowly breaking, she had a glimmer of hope.  Things weren‘t over with Jim.  Not yet.  “I can wait forever.”



WildBerryJam is the author of 18 other stories.
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