How Karen befriends the new Dunder-Mifflin receptionist.
Set at the beginning of S5.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
“Dunder Mifflin, this is Ryan.”
“… Seriously?”
“Hello? Who is this?”
“This is Karen. And is this the same Ryan that used to be a crappy salesman before he got promoted, became my boss, then got himself fired and hauled off to jail? That Ryan?”
“Hi, Karen.”
He makes a move to get out his notepad to add one more name to the list.
“No wait! I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised, that’s all. Wow. Ryan Howard, receptionist extraordinaire.”
“I’m hanging up on you now.”
“Okay, okay, I’m stopping I swear,” she lets one last mocking laugh loose through the receiver before going quiet.
“Are you done now?”
“For now. Can you transfer me to Michael?”
+
“So… we crushed you in that weight loss competition. You lose.”
“We only lost by three pounds.”
“I don’t care. No body cares about the details when they’re holding the trophy.”
“This was your way of getting back at us for Jim and Pam, wasn’t it?”
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“Bitter, vindictive… Nicely played.”
“Why thank you, sir.”
+
“So how’s life treating you? Have you started wearing those frumpy little cardigans that seem to come in the job description?”
“Jim and Pam got engaged.”
A pause.
“You don’t play fair.”
+
“I feel like a show poodle.”
“Huh?”
“You know those poodles on dog shows? The ones with their fur cut into these ridiculous shapes, and yet they still follow their masters around in a big circle to get a treat? I think that’s me.”
“To be fair, the following has more to do with the leash than anything else. But it’s that bad?”
His voice drops to a whisper.
“I can’t take it. Michael’s got me right where he wants me, and he knows it. I can’t say anything. I’m basically his bitch.”
“Hm. I hear ya. You could always get out by becoming a branch manager, like me.”
“Yeah. Tried that. Didn’t work out so well, if I do recall.”
+
“What are you doing right now?”
“Playing solitaire. I’m up to 440 points and I just have to find a place to put this six of clovers and I think I win.”
“I bet you’d suck at Call of Duty.”
“I bet your mom sucks at Call of Duty, among sucking other things.”
“Says the guy that sucks at Call of Duty.”
“Actually I’m better than any of my friends.”
“Is that saying much?”
“Only when they aren’t wasted. Why? You up for a challenge? A duel?”
“You’re on.”