There was this moment...and that sounds really stupid, I know, because obviously I had feelings all along, but...OK, um. See, I was just trying to be a good friend, you know? Jim was sitting there in the breakroom and he looked upset, and I asked him if something was wrong. He said "no," but he was...I mean, I know him. I could tell something was wrong. And it turns out that he was fighting with Karen, and I was trying to be a good friend and I gave him advice. I gave him honest advice that would help him solve his problem with her and...heh, and let them live closer together. Fantastic.

And I knew it shouldn't bother me, because we're just friends now, but it did. But I said it and then I changed the subject and it was OK, I mean, not great, but OK...until she thanked me. She thanked me. And we're kinda friends and she's nice and pretty and he isn't fighting with her and they're going to live on the same street now.

And it was like, I couldn't breathe. I just realized that...oh, my God. What am I doing? I left Roy, I'm living by myself, I've changed everything but I'm still not...you know, in some ways it's like nothing has really changed because even though he's back, he sits right there, it might as well be a million miles. And I put those million miles there, first because of Roy and then because I was scared. And no stupid new clothes or...art classes, God, can help because I did this. I lost him. And all I could do was cry because I'm so stupid and it hurt so much to know...I told him we were just friends and now we're just friends. But we're not...because I love him. I love Jim.

I love Jim.