As Jim bundled up and walked out to his car on a chilly December morning, he suddenly remembered what was planned for today: The infamous Christmas Party.
He didn't mind parties. Jim found himself surprisingly cheery during his ride on the elevator. But all that was soon to change when he strode through the doorway of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton.
The office was beautifully decorated, with colored lights and holly everywhere. But a quick glance at the Reception desk quickly brought back haunting memories from Christmas parties past.
"Are you sure you don't want the teapot?"
"Well, I mean, it's an iPod..."
The heartbreak and disappointment of that December night ultimately led to a newfound hope as Pam gave up her iPod to trade back the gift he picked out for her, the gift that he had spent too many nights thinking about.
Does she still use it? Were the inside jokes too personal? Too revealing? Does my yearbook picture still make her laugh? he wondered, the bittersweet memory coming to life again, a year later.
His memory came to an abrupt halt as Dwight paraded in the office, loudly proclaiming a Christmas miracle. Somehow, Jim was not too interested, the memory still holding him in its cold grasp. Jim was kind of in a daze the whole day, still transfixed by the teapot and the card. The card he took away. He wondered how lame it was to be obsessing over a teapot. He dismissed the thought, not wanting to think about it anymore.
He was quickly pulled out of his daze as Karen came up and sat on the corner of his desk.
"Merry Christmas, Halpert."
Karen had taken a liking to calling him "Halpert". He wasn't so fond of it. Maybe because Pam called him that, before that night...The kiss changed everything. Jim snapped himself back to attention. You have a girlfriend, Jim. Pull yourself together.
"Merry Christmas to you as well." he replied, giving her a halfhearted smile. He turned around. "What is going on in Michael's office?" He heard the door slam as Carol stormed out, followed by a strain of what he was pretty sure was James Blunt.
"I have no idea. Michael is just weird." Karen replied. After a prolonged silence, she got up and returned to her desk.
Jim's natural instinct was to pull a prank on Dwight, or better yet, go get some jelly beans from Pam's desk and gossip about Michael's latest antics, but he nixed both ideas quickly. Things just weren't the same. He wondered if they ever could be. He decided that no, Casino Night changed everything forever. He and Pam could either move on with their relationship or stay in a standstill, wanting to move on but not knowing how.
Not that she would ever want him back. He remembered her exact words. She "can't." Those words had been ringing in his head ever since she uttered them in the parking lot on that breezy summer night. She can't, can't, can't. But he clung on to the hope that formed at the question in her words. She said it like "I can't?" Of course, now, she technically could. She wasn't engaged anymore. He desperately wanted to know why.
"Psst. Jim?"
Her voice, from behind him, rescued him from his thoughts. He was elated and surprised that she was talking to him, much less giving him a Christmas present.
"For the past few weeks, I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA." He laughed, somewhat surprised that she'd initiated a prank herself. Usually, he was the mastermind and she the accomplice. But then again, this is the Fancy New Beesly, he thought.
"Are you serious?" he laughed, pleased with her handiwork.
They continued talking for a while, but a sinking feeling set in the pit of his stomach as she smiled, proud that he was impressed.
I can't do this. I can't fall into her trap again, as pleasant it may be. I need to move on. I need to move on.
He made up a lame excuse about his promotion, although his position at Dunder-Mifflin had absolutely nothing to do with this. He needed desperately to move on.
He felt something in his heart break as he watched her face fall with disappointment.
I can't do this anymore.

Pam loved Christmas at the office. Everyone was so cheery, and it was an altogether good time. Knowing that she wouldn't have to do much work today helped her roll out of bed and put some tea on her favorite teal teapot. Her beaming smile fell as she remembered what happened last year at the Christmas Party.
She still beat herself up every day for causing so much pain to Jim...At the time she had had no idea how personal his gift was.
Pam, that was a year ago. Things have changed so much. I'm sure he barely even remembers last year's party. Right?
She forced herself to stop thinking about Jim, (a common occurrence these days) sat down, and opened her mail that she didn't open yesterday. She was opening this year's Christmas card from her mom, which had read Pam on an off-white envelope. Nothing to get emotional about. But this card reminded her of another card. Her hands started shaking as she remembered the card stuffed in that very teapot a year ago. The card that represented everything left unsaid between them. The card that served as a metaphor for the endless optimism between them. The card he took away.
She unceremoniously dropped the card on the table, half-opened. As she went upstairs to get changed, she tried to ignore the sick feeling she got in her stomach as she looked on her desk, seeing an old yearbook picture that used to make her laugh hysterically, but these days served as a bittersweet reminder of happier days. She couldn't help but chuckle when she saw it, however. That picture always seemed to lift her spirits.
When she got to work, she settled in, ready for a light day when Dwight waltzed in and plopped a dead goose on her desk as if it was a fax she needed to look over. She voiced her disgust and was relieved when he took it to go clean it in his car, with Toby's reluctant approval.
She sat through the rest of the day putting up with Michael's antics, and trying to eavesdrop on Michael's conversation with Carol. She really didn't mean to. But it was more interesting than her faxes. The rest of the day seemed to go by so slowly, which wasn't helped by the Party Planning Committee Meeting. That didn't go well at all. But she was so excited to give Jim his present. She knew he would love it.
Pam was caught off-guard when Karen came over and sat on the edge of Jim's desk, clearly flirting with him. That's when she decided to embark on an engaging game of Sudoku, just so she wouldn't have to see them.
Oh, come on, Pam. He's your best friend. You're happy for him. Right? ...Right.
It was these pep talks she gave herself whenever he was around that made her realize that maybe she wanted more from their friendship. Jim's voice, choked up and hoarse, rang in her memory so vividly...
I want to be more than that.
"Psst. Jim." She leaned over her desk and smiled when Jim turned around, his brown hair more disheveled than usual. She was so excited to give him his present. He was going to be proud of her, initiating her own prank! She smiled as he leaned over her desk and grabbed a jelly bean, just like the old days.
"For the past few weeks, I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA."
As she saw him laugh, so pleased with her handiwork, she felt an odd feeling in her stomach. One she hadn't felt in a long time.
Hope. That's what it's called. Hope...
Her smile begin to fall as she saw him politely refuse her present. She was caught off-guard, not ready for this reaction. What had she done wrong? "Oh, that's fine...No problem...I understand." she said hastily. She had planned every other reaction of his out in her head, most of which were certainly wishful thinking. But never had she even thought that he would refuse her gift.
She immediately thought of a Christmas party so long ago...
"Well, I mean...it's an iPod."

"Oh, that's fine...No problem. I understand."



I can't do this anymore...