Disclaimer:  These characters are the property of NBC and the show's creators and are not mine.   Of course I wish they were, but don’t we all? I am regrettably not associated with the actual owners or creators in any way and no copyright infringement is intended.  So please don’t sue me.

It had been a bad day.  One of the worst days Pam’s had since the day Jim left for Stamford.  It was even worse than the day he came back and told her he was seeing Karen.  Today she realized for the first time that he had moved on, that he wasn’t pining for her, that maybe she uprooted her life for nothing.

Of course she didn’t leave Roy for Jim.  She tells everyone, including her mom, that she and Roy were over years ago, and Jim just helped her see that.  Of course, Pam and her mother both know Jim played a bigger part in the break up than she lets on.

Maybe she could tell Michael that she is sick and leaving early.  She has been battling this cold for the last few days, and today’s foray with a stripper and Ben Franklin had really taken its toll.  It wasn’t really the strippers that bothered her, it was Karen and the way she said, “It was just a kiss.” 

“What does she know?”  The words came out bitterly under her breath before she could think not to say it out loud 

“What honey?”  Elizabeth the stripper asked, while she picked through the Jelly Beans, “Did you say something?”

“No, I never said anything,” Pam replied, thinking that was probably the understatement of the year.  “I’m not feeling well, so I’m going home.  Eat all the candy you’d like.”

And with that Pam left Michael a voicemail saying she was leaving.  She gathered her purse and coat and left before anyone could say anything to her. 

She knew she was running away.  Running from the look Jim gave her when she was trying, unsuccessfully, to flirt with him.  Running from the sound of her voice saying “I’m not into Jim” when she is so into Jim she is drowning in him.  Running from his adorable look when he asked whether she and Ben Franklin had hit it off.  Running from the reality that she may be too late.  As she put the key in the ignition of her car, she thought running is better than facing the fact that she’s lost Jim.

Jim leaned into the drink machine; he was having a harder time that usual concentrating on his work. He was tired and his thoughts kept drifting off to a certain Pamela Beesly.  This is nothing new for him.  When he is alone he thinks about Pam.  Of course, truthfully, he thinks about Pam all the time, even when he’s with Karen. 

He can’t help but notice that something seems different about Pam these days, something that has him confused about their relationship, if he can even call it that now.  He has to admit that their conversations today have felt awkward.  In a way she seemed nervous to talk to him.  Since when is Pam nervous around him?  He smirks a little at the way she gave him such a beautiful smile this morning while they talked about sleep patterns.  He hasn’t seen that smile this week, not since their prank on Andy.  He loves that smile. 

But then he is brought back to reality remembering that she asked Ryan to set her up with one of his business school friends. 

“Why not me?”  He mumbled under his breath.

 “Halpert, how’s your afternoon going?” Jim spun around to see Karen coming into the break room. 

“Honestly, kind of strange.  How’s yours?”

“Decent, listen have you seen Pam today?”  Karen asked tentatively. 

She wasn’t sure why she had to tell him about her conversation with Pam, but something in her needed to see how he responded to Pam’s reaction.  Despite their nightly talks, she couldn’t shake the feeling like he was slipping away from her.  So much so that she had become quite clingy today, and that was unusual for her. 

“I saw her earlier – but I think she’s gone for the day?  Why do you ask?” Jim was going for nonchalant. 

“Just wondering if she mentioned that we talked?”

Jim felt a lump in his throat, “You talked to Pam?” 

He could feel the sweat starting in the palms of his hands and the pit forming in his stomach. He tried not to let her hear the annoyance in his voice. 

Somewhere in her mind she knew that she had crossed one of the million invisible Jim boundaries, like that one that requires a new girlfriend to live more than two blocks away.  She tried to keep her voice firm but casual.

“Yeah, I just wanted her to know that I knew about the kiss, and that it was no big deal.  Pam and I are friends and I didn’t want her to feel awkward since you and I are a couple.”

Jim wasn’t sure he could handle this.  He was hardly prepared to talk about that night at all, and he especially didn’t want to discuss it with Karen.  She had forced his hand last night, but he regretted telling her anything about the kiss.   The kiss was special, despite the fact that Pam rejected him.  He cherished the memory of how it felt to hold her, to feel her lips against his, her hands in his hair.

“So how did that go?”  Jim couldn’t hide the slight twinge in his voice.

“She said she was glad we were together, it was fine.  She said that she wasn’t into you.” 

Karen didn’t mean for it to come out so bluntly, but that was sort of her curse in life.  If she was looking for an answer about where she stood with Jim, the look on Jim’s face was all the answer she needed.  The sadness in his eyes spoke volumes about the feelings he still had for Pam.

“She said,” he paused a beat, “....she said that huh?  Wow…um…. good then.”

Jim couldn’t hide the disappointment that he felt.  It wasn’t bad timing, she just didn’t want him, didn’t love him.  He felt dizzy and like he might throw up.  Worst of all, it seemed he had misinterpreted her actions again.

“Jim, are you okay?”  Karen started to feel this overwhelming sense of dread.  She knew that Jim still had feelings Pam, but up until this moment she thought it was possible that it was all over.  That he might love her one day, that the kiss really was nothing.  At least she thought, with all their late night talks, that they were making some kind of progress.  That she hadn’t been foolish moving to Scranton to be with him.  Seeing his face now, she knew none of it was true.  She was going to have to face it, they were right back where they started. 

“Jim?” 

Karen knew that all hope was lost and they would never be the couple she wanted them to be.  Now that she could see the truth, she refused to be his consolation prize.  It was clear Jim would never love her like he loves Pam.

“No matter what I do, I’m not her.  And in the end, that’s why this can’t work, right?” 

Jim shifted uncomfortably on his feet.   If he had to admit it, he felt an odd combination of fear and relief because she was giving him a way out.  He raised his eyebrows and looked up at her, but couldn’t think of what to say to her.  Just like that fateful day at Oscar’s party, he just nodded, but it was all the answer Karen needed this time.

Karen’s face went pale and she turned to walk away. 

Jim still wasn’t sure what to make of all this, shocked at the sudden turn of events.  He thought to himself that he should just stay out of the break room altogether – weird things seem to happen in this room.  And the parking lot.  And the conference room.  And his desk.   Maybe he should just get a new job altogether. Perhaps he could find a job where there were no women.  Because if there were no women, maybe there would be no jelly beans, no jinxes, no grilled cheese sandwiches, no searching for potato chips over the phone, no fake grenades, and best of all no confusion.  Maybe there was an opening at the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania?  Maybe he should ask Ben Franklin. 

Just then Karen turned back to him and said something that sent him over the edge.

 “By the way, not that you deserve this, but Pam seems to be a nice person.  So, I’m gonna help you out Halpert…. when Pam said she wasn’t into you, she was totally lying.”

With that, Karen turned away from him and went back to her desk to pretend that everything was fine until she could go home and indulge in a pint of ice cream and some kind of hard liquor.  She brought up the Dunder Mifflin website and looked for openings in the corporate office.  She may be willing to give Jim a clue, but she wouldn’t stick around to watch him figure it out.

Jim stood completely still in the break room for a while and then walked back to his desk with his head down. 

“Are you alright Jim Bag, you look a little green?” Michael asked, popping his head out of his office.

“I’m not feeling great.”  Jim said tersely. 

“Wow I hope there wasn’t any foot on his steak,” Michael said under his breath.

“What was that?” said Elizabeth from her perch at the reception desk. 

“Nothing.”  Michael responded with his patented salesman smile.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Jim stopped off at the store for a six pack of beer on his way home. He couldn’t shake Karen’s last words to him,

“When Pam said she wasn’t into you, she was totally lying.”

He kept hearing those words all afternoon, missing countless opportunities to ridicule Dwight about whether the Ben Franklin in their office was the real Ben Franklin.  He kept turning around to talk to Pam, but she wasn’t there.  In fact, he could have sworn that stripper was wearing one of Pam’s old shirts.  “Get a hold of yourself Halpert, you’re starting to hallucinate Pam everywhere”. Course, he already had flashes in his mind of Pam doing a striptease behind the desk.   

As he walked into his apartment, he couldn’t decide whether he should get drunk, or call Pam.  Maybe he should get drunk and call Pam.  If Karen was telling the truth, there is a chance that Pam really does have feelings for him.  Six months ago he would have killed for that kind of hope.  But right now, all he felt was fear and confusion.

Looking back on the last few months, he can’t tell whether she’s been trying to show her interest in him, or just trying to maintain their old relationship.  If she were interested why didn’t she call him after he left?  Why did he have to hear about her cancelled wedding from Phyllis?  Of course, when they finally did talk, it was just like nothing had ever come between them.  And maybe there was something more in her voice, but was that all in his mind?  He wished she knew that it had taken hours for him to come down off of the high of that call.

When he came back to Scranton, she looked beautiful and she hugged him so tightly.  He wondered if she had done her hair in those loose curls just for him.  Probably not, but he definitely noticed.  And come to think of it, she did ask him out to coffee, but then she reverted back to acting like this was just a casual friendship.  Wasn’t she at all upset that he was seeing Karen? 

She did help him get through his first real fight with Karen, helping them stay together.  Would she have done that if she wanted him?  Of course he did that when she and Roy were fighting, and he loved her the entire time.

But why did she ask Ryan to set her up on a date?  What the hell did that mean?  Was she trying to get his attention, because if that was her intention it totally worked!  It felt like a punch in the stomach - It felt like “I can’t” all over again. 

He wondered if she still would want that date if she knew that he and Karen broke up? 

He kicked off his shoes and settled down on his couch with the whole six pack on his coffee table.  He needed for Pam to make the first move.  Frankly, he couldn’t risk her rejection a second time, it nearly killed him the first time.  He stared at his cell phone feeling the familiar itch in his fingers to dial her number.  He can’t risk telling her how much he loves her, but maybe he can force her to tell him how she feels.

Pam sat on her couch across town staring at the news but not really listening.  She hadn’t moved from this spot since she got home earlier this afternoon.  Her eyes were puffy from crying and she had an urge to throw something at the TV.  How could she have been so foolish?  She thought that their kiss would still be haunting him like it was haunting her.  But apparently the only thing haunting his nights these days was Karen.

How dare he?  He'd turned her life upside down in a moment, with his lips, his hands, and the tender emotion in his voice.  He destroyed her life with Roy – she could barely look at him when she got home that night, and when he moved to touch her she pretended she was asleep.  She knew that she rejected Jim and she knew that she had hurt him.  But she also called off her wedding.  How could he not know that was because of him, because of what he made her feel?  Does he have any idea how hard it was for her?

Why had she turned him away? When the moment came, she panicked.  She had been struggling with her emotions all last spring, going back and forth as to what she wanted.  She hadn’t been ready to admit her feelings to herself or to Jim.  Most of the time, she rationalized that it was just the newness of him, versus the routine of her life with Roy.  It wasn’t really love; it was just friendship.  It was pre-wedding jitters.  But the closer she got to her wedding day, the more she realized that her feelings for Jim were about more than that.  Apparently that realization came a little too late.

Did she really miss her only chance? Why couldn’t he have waited for her to work through all the emotions?  If he loved her so much, why was it all or nothing on that one night?  Could he not hear her love for him when they talked? Could he not feel how much she had longed for him when they embraced?  Why couldn’t he tell how much she missed being his partner in crime; how much she wanted to be his partner for everything?  How could he have moved on so quickly?  The tears streamed down her face again when she heard her cell phone ring.

 “Pull yourself together Pam!” she muttered as she reached for her phone.  Her heart froze when she saw the name “Halpert” on the caller id.  She paused to decide if she should answer it.

She steadied her voice and said, “Hello?”

“Beesly.”  He dragged out each syllable like he was savoring the fact that he was addressing her.  “You left early today. I just wanted to call and make sure that you’re okay?”

“Hi,” Pam sniffled a little, she was congested from that last bout of crying.  Luckily, she could play it off as part of her illness, “I’m just battling this head cold.  Today really wore me out so I decided to leave early.”

Pam sounded like she was exhausted.  Jim felt tired too, worn out by this emotional rollercoaster he’s been on the last few months.  He wondered if she could be weary for the same reason.

“Too much Michael, huh?”

“Too much of a lot of people.”

He paused, was he one of those people?  He shifted forward uneasily and put his elbows on his knees.

“Pam, um, do you need anything?  Juice, Nyquil, those Kleenexes with the lotion?”

She paused for a moment trying to figure out what his motive was in asking.  Her voice trembled slightly,

“No I’m good, thanks.  I’m not sure Karen would like to spend her evening bringing me Kleenex.”

She clearly wasn’t doing a great job hiding her jealousy, she felt like her voice betrayed her every emotion.  She didn’t really want to talk to him while she was so vulnerable, although part of her was enjoying just hearing his voice.  He really had such an amazing voice, and she unconsciously curled up cradling the phone.

Jim did fear rejection from her, but he feared going slowly insane over her even more.  He had to know if Karen was right, so he pushed on.

“Hmmm, about that, I had a long talk with Karen….” 

 “Yeah….so you said.  Five of them.”

He called her at home while she was sick to give her a Karen – Jim play by play?  She was a basket of nerves and emotions for Jim and she worried that at any moment they might come spilling out.  

“Anyway, we kind of broke up.”

“Oh…….I’m sorry to hear that.”  She sounded very far away to Jim, like she was distracted somehow, like she was holding back.

“Are you?”

She snapped back to attention.  “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know Pam, you tell me. Why would you be happy that I’m no longer involved with someone?”

She could not figure out how to respond.  He wasn’t seriously suggesting they talk about this was he?   Tonight?  Conversations on the phone were dangerous, she might get too comfortable and say too much.  And what if she misinterpreted his meaning, which was obviously easy to do when you couldn’t see each other.  She would stall.

“Jim, this may not be a great conversation to have over the phone.”

“Agreed, but I think we really need to talk.  I….I could come over.”

Pam felt her heart pounding in her chest.  She wanted to see him, and she wanted to clear the air, but she was terrified.  He would actually be in her apartment.  He would be looking at her things, her art, her old photographs.  While he would be on her turf, surrounded by her, could she be in control?    This conversation was tremendously important to her, and promised to be emotional.  She was terrified to do this tonight, but couldn’t endure another day like today.

“You really wanna do this now?  You just broke up with Karen…..”

He sighed and he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Pam, this conversation is years overdue, and  I don’t want to wait anymore.”  He sounded absolutely serious and the intensity in his voice frightened and exited Pam.

“Jim.”  Pam pleaded into the phone.

“Please let me come over.” 

Her stomach tightened at the tone of his voice.  She had to learn from her mistakes, she wouldn’t let this chance pass again.

“Okay.”

Disclaimer:  Still don't own 'em, still wish I did.  No copyright infringement intended.

Pam frantically scurried around her apartment picking up this week’s discarded cardigans, a few stray glasses and the tissues she had strewn across the living room.  She picked up her sketchbook from the floor and sat it on the coffee table.  Maybe it would catch his eye – she really wanted him to see her work.

She went into her room and changed into jeans and a pink tee shirt.  Without thinking, she smoothed out the sheets on the bed.  “Get a grip Pam, he’s not coming over here to inspect your sheets.”  She blushed when she heard what she just said to herself.  “Okay, I’m not pathetic.”

She went into the bathroom to finish getting ready.  She looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror and just shook her head sadly.  Her nose was red, her eyes were puffy and frankly her hair was out of control.  She pulled her hair back into a pony tail and washed her face trying to do something about the crying jags across her cheeks.  “That’s great Pam, invite him over when you look like crap and have less than 15 minutes to fix it.” 

She still had not figured out how to answer his question - how did she feel about him breaking up with Karen.  What should she say?  Would she finally be brave enough to tell him the whole truth?

The knock at her front door startled her.  She sighed, “That was incredibly quick.  Ok Pam, you can do this.”  She took one more deep breath as if encouraging her reflection to go open the door.  She turned and went to let Jim in.

“Hey.” 

“Hi.”  His voice was warm and tender and reminded her of a conversation they had a long time ago.

“Come in.”  She twisted a tendril of hair between her fingers as she led him into the living room.  Jim noticed she looked nervous because she was fidgeting.  Is nervous good?

“So this is the new Beesly abode?”  He felt awkward trying to make small talk with her, especially with such important issues to be discussed.

“Yeah this is it.”

“Nice.”

“Thanks, I painted the walls myself this summer.  I had a lot of free time.” 

He examined the cheerful yellow walls like they might tell him what to say next.  They both knew they were avoiding the real topic of conversation.  They were talking about nothing and needed to talk about everything.  She didn’t make eye contact with him and consciously kept several feet between them.  Jim looked around her living room while Pam went and got two waters from the fridge.  He picked up her sketchbook and started to thumb through it.  He couldn’t believe how good her drawings were; she definitely had a lot of talent, and she seemed to be getting better every day.  He shut it as she came back in.

Jim put his coat on her armchair and sat down on the couch.  “So…..where were we?”

“You broke up with Karen.”  Pam sat on the opposite end of the couch facing him.

“And I was wondering what you thought about that?”

 “Honestly Jim, it’s not really my place to say.  I mean it isn’t my business.”  

“It isn’t?  You aren’t even a little interested?”  Jim began to worry that he came over for nothing, except to embarrass himself in person.

“Well I’d be a pretty terrible friend if I were happy that your relationship ended.  I mean were you “happy” when I broke up with Roy?” 

Was this a trick question? He didn’t really expect her to still be dodging his questions.  After all she did let him come over and it was definitely time to stop hiding from each other.  It frustrated him to be playing the same old games with her, and he couldn’t help letting out some of that frustration as he said,

“Pam, since you didn’t call to tell me about that, and I heard about it from Phyllis, I didn’t really know to be happy or sad until well after the fact.  If you HAD called me, I might have felt some relief ….for you.  Roy was just …so wrong for you.”

His voice had a sharp edge to it.  This was much bolder than he planned on being.  He was never that bold when it came to discussing Roy.

Pam hardly noticed what Jim said about Roy, all she heard was that he seemed to be mad at her for not calling him last summer.  Maybe it was a fair point, but couldn’t he see her side? 

“You’re mad at me for not calling you?”

“Well I do think I deserved to hear it for you.”

“What?  Seriously Jim, you can’t sit here and be mad at me for that.  I didn’t just break up with someone, I called off my wedding!  I really wasn’t up to calling everyone to explain!”

“Yeah, but I’m not everyone Pam!”  

Jim had never yelled at Pam, and frankly he didn’t like the feeling.   

Pam looked down for a moment.  But something inside her snapped and she looked up at him, and said forcefully, “No, you’re right. Everyone has asked how I’ve been doing since breaking up with Roy.  In fact, everyone seems to care about me and my well being, except you.”

Jim could hear the rawness of emotion in her voice.  Maybe if they couldn’t figure out how to calmly tell each other what they were feeling, they could scream it at each other. 

“Oh, give me a break, you really think I don’t care about you?  Well, right back at you Beesly.  I transferred to Stamford because you broke my heart and you never once called to ask if I was ok!  Even ‘just friends’ do that.”

He got up off the couch and walked to the fireplace, leaning his forearms on the mantle.  Pam felt as if his words had physically hit her.  Her mouth felt dry, her eyes did not.  She tried to blink away the tears.  She wanted to hit him, or maybe shut him up by kissing him, the urge was familiar and confusing to her.  Instead she punched the pillow in her lap and threw it back on the couch.  She got up and stood with her back to Jim.  After several tense moments she turned around quickly and started speaking, slowly at first as if she was trying to find strength she didn’t think she had. 

“I wanted to call, but you left without saying goodbye.  You made it clear that the kiss that night was a one time offer that apparently expired at midnight.”

He turned to face her as her voice built in volume and intensity.

“You didn’t give me a chance to catch my breath, to think it through.  Did I have second thoughts?  Yes.  Did you give me a chance to act on them, NO!”   

It was years of frustration uncorked.  Years of being subservient to Roy.  Years of battling her emotions for Jim.  Truthfully years of unrequited love.

“You left me confused and alone.  I lost you that night, I lost Roy a few weeks later!  So excuse me if I didn’t have the strength to call YOU to find out if YOU were handling it all ok!” 

Pam was screaming at him, with tears running down both of her cheeks.  She couldn’t stop until she got it all out. 

“By the way, I don’t see what you are so upset about.  According to Karen you said it was ‘just a kiss’ anyway.  No big deal.” 

She did the quotation marks with her fingers, just to emphasize her point.

Now they were getting to the heart of the matter. Jim slowly started walking to her, but she turned away from him again.  She didn’t want him to see her cry for him.

“She told you about that?”  He hadn’t wanted Pam to know that he had said that.  He put his hand out to touch her, but brought it back to his side.  He spoke softly, deliberately, almost pleading with her, “Pam, I… I didn’t mean that.  I just said it to make her feel better.  It wasn’t just a kiss to me, you know that.”

She turned back to him and the look on her face tore at Jim’s heart.  All the hurt, anger, jealousy was right there for him to read in her eyes. 

“How would I know that, Jim?  And I’m glad you could make Karen feel better!  Cause hearing her say that you thought it was just a kiss nearly destroyed me!”

She backed away from him, needing the physical distance from him.  She tried one last time to explain to him,

“I’ve tried to let you know as best I could that I missed you.  I didn’t want to push you because I knew that I hurt you that night.  I’ve tried to approach you, I’ve even tried in my own pathetic way to flirt with you, but it’s as if you didn’t even want to see that.  Ok, so I can’t admit my love for you in a parking lot, but I am doing the best I can to tell you that …..   that I want more than that too.”

Jim teared up understanding for the first time how hurt and alone Pam had been after he left, how much he had hurt her, and how much she was still hurting.  He wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her.  He looked at his shoes, replaying her words in his head, when he heard it, “I want more than that too”.  More than that.  A faint smirk appeared on his lips.  She had been trying to flirt with him.  She did want to be with him.  Despite the fact that she was clearly angry with him, he felt hope and excitement for the first time in a long time.  In fact he felt like the whole apartment was spinning a little.

He reached for the kleenex and handed her a tissue, which she took from him.  For a split second their fingers touched, and he felt nothing short of electricity coursing through his veins.   He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at her with a mischievous smile. 

“You know, you did get my attention today when you told Ryan to set you up on a date.” 

She twisted the kleenex in her hand, “I didn’t think you noticed that.”

“That’s because you left without turning around to see the look on my face.  I tried to play it off, but I still looked like you kicked my puppy or something.”  He replayed his saddest Phyllis face, trying to get her to smile at him.  She couldn’t help but give him the smallest smile. 

 “There was one thing I couldn’t figure out.”  He took a cautious step closer to her to take her hands in his. 

“Which was?”  She looked at his hands on hers and felt her heart pound in her head and her chest. 

“If you were ready to date again, why not date me?”

She looked up into his eyes, and her heart stopped.  Of course he was her first choice, her only choice.    

She smiled a little.  She said quietly, but playfully, “Um hello, earth to Halpert – he who has a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, remember the start of our conversation Beesly?  He who HAD a girlfriend.”

 “Oh, yeah.  You did mention that didn’t you?” 

She drew out the syllables in each word, trying to figure out what do here.  Would kissing him be an option?  She stepped closer to him. 

“Listen Pam, I know that I could have handled this whole thing better.  We both could have.  Without question I haven’t been much of a friend to you lately.  But I’m tired of not saying what I really mean and…,” he paused to decide whether he should go one step further, “I miss having you in my life.” 

He rubbed his thumbs on the back of her hands, and thought that he never felt happier – and he was just holding her hands.

“Me too.  I’ve missed you everyday, even the days when you were sitting right in front of me.”  She allowed her tone to be serious and earnest, and she daringly held his gaze.

They stood completely still lost in the enormity of the moment, truly afraid to move for fear that it would all disappear.  Jim rocked on his feet a little and broke the silence.

“So what do you say Beesly?  I’m not in business school or anything, but how about we go out to dinner tomorrow night?”

Pam noticed that she actually forgot to breathe for a moment.  Could this really be happening after all this time?  She wiped the tears off her cheeks and said,

“Dinner is good.  I could make you dinner.”

“I would truly love that, but I think you’ve made enough dinners for people.  How about I make you dinner?  I’ll cook, you bring wine.”

She smiled and the happiness reached her eyes for the first time in a long time.  She felt this incredible wave of love as she realized that after all they had been through and after all the changes, he was still Jim.  He still put her first, in a way no man had before. 

“What kind of wine goes with grilled cheese?”

“I can make other things Beesly.”

“Really?”  She said it flirtatiously and playfully.  “I think we have probably have more to talk about.  Are you up for that?”

“Well talking is my best thing these days, ask anyone.”

Pam giggled, “I’ve heard that.”

Jim smirked a little, “Well, it’s not my best thing.” 

Pam looked down to hide the blush on her cheeks.  She wanted him to kiss her, right now. “That’s true, you do seem to have other skills….”

“What!”

His jaw literally dropped and he dipped his head to the side to make eye contact with her.  He couldn’t believe she just said that, and frankly it thrilled him.  He laughed nervously and he stepped into her so that his arms were around her waist.

“Well I can think of one other thing you’re pretty great at…” 

She looked up at him hopefully, biting at her lips to try to keep from smirking. 

“Selling paper?” 

He raised his eyebrows as he pulled her tightly against him.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah that’s exactly what I meant…”

He leaned down and paused for a moment to search her eyes.  To Pam it seemed that this moment lasted forever.  In an exquisite instant his lips were on hers.  It was soft and gentle but it did have a hint of urgency.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.  She opened her lips slightly and he took that as an invitation.  He deepened the kiss and she made a small noise in the back of her throat.  Jim felt his whole body respond to that noise, to her.

They kissed like teenagers.  She ran her hands up and down his back, enjoying the feel of his muscular build beneath his shirt.  He took down her hair and ran his fingers in the long curls, how long had he wanted to do that?  They finally had to break apart for air, both nearly gasping for breath.  Pam stepped back and put her fingers up to her mouth as if to remind herself that it was all real.  Jim looked at her and could only muster,

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow.”

Jim looked down at his feet and smiled. 

“What is that smirk about Halpert?” Pam loved that she could tease him again.

“I’m just feeling a little silly.  I mean all these months of not talking, and instead we could have been doing ….that.”  He gestured at the space between the two of them.

“Yeah,” she sighed and looked at the ground.  “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

“Indeed we do Beesly.  Indeed we do.” 

Jim flashed an incredibly warm smile as he pulled her to him again and held her in his arms.  Pam smiled into his neck breathing in his familiar scent.  She finally felt like all the pieces of her life had fallen into place.

Disclaimer:  I still don't own 'em, but I wish I did.  Sigh.  No copyright infringement intended.

Pam hung up her coat and put her purse away under her desk.  She knew it was early – but she didn’t see the point of lying awake alone in her bed any longer.  The sooner she got here, the sooner she would see him again, be near him again.  She’d been in the habit of getting here early for this exact reason for the last few months.  Once he was back and she knew that she could sit near him for eight solid hours, she found that she usually couldn’t get to the office soon enough.

Today was different from all the other mornings, today was the first morning after the conversation.   Jim had stayed with her until the wee hours of the morning, but in the end he went back to his apartment.  It was strange to her that despite the fact that it had only been a few hours since she was holding him, she still woke up with the familiar need to get here to be close to him.  The world had tilted on its axis last night, the wonderfully unthinkable had finally happened.  Finally, they had just said what they felt and what they wanted from each other.  No hiding or lying or misinterpretation.  Everything was different now.  Yet, as she looked around the office, it felt just the same. 

When Jim came over last night, she was deathly afraid that she was too late to love him, that she wouldn’t be able to make up for all the mistakes that she had made.  She was a little afraid that he wouldn’t be sorry for all the mistakes that he had made, that maybe he wasn’t who she thought he was.  But of course, he was sorry.  He was Jim after all and she knew him very well.

She picked up her teapot and went into the break room to make a much needed pot of tea.  She yawned as the water ran into the pot.  Wasn’t she the one who just yesterday argued for the necessity of eight hours sleep?

Last night had been intensely emotional for her.  She had screamed at him, he had screamed at her.  And to be honest, Pam thought it felt pretty good.  Not the yelling at the love of your life part, but the getting it all out in the open part.  And once they had cleared the air, they weren’t yelling anymore, they were kissing.   The kissing……..Pam felt herself blush at the very thought of all the kissing, and how good his lips felt on hers.  It was even sweeter than she had remembered.  A single kiss from Jim was more sensual and arousing for her than years of full on sex with Roy had been. 

“Pamela Beesly?  Earth to Pam?”

Pam looked up and saw Michael standing there. 

“Are you planning on turning off the water one day there Pam-e-la?  Your teapot runneth over as they say, literary type people that is….”

“Oh, yeah, sorry I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”  Pam smirked at her toes, she didn’t want Michael to catch on because she really didn’t want a bevy of his inappropriate questions.

“Me neither, me and J -,” he stopped and looked sheepishly at Pam, “I was just up late shall we say,” and he winked at Pam and nudged her elbow.  When she didn’t respond with any questions about his sex life and instead just gave him a deadpan glare he walked out. 

She thought,  “So the world has tilted on its axis, but Michael is still the same.”

“Morning Jimbo!”  Pam could hear Michael from the main floor, “Must be something in the water, everyone looks tired today!”

Pam had to smirk at herself again, and tried to stop the blush that she knew was rising in her cheeks.  The very idea that Jim was tired made her very happy - He was tired from being with her all night.  She really wanted to scream that piece of information off the rooftop, but of course she wouldn’t.  She and Jim had decided to keep their relationship quiet at this point, so she tried to pull herself together so that she could nonchalantly greet Jim on the way back to her desk. 

Once the water was hot, she walked out and saw that Jim was settled in checking emails.  He looked up at her and smiled a little, and she was back to smirking at her toes. 

“Same old Jim and Pam,” she thought, “but so totally not.”

Feeling the excitement from that thought in her soul, she went to her desk, poured a cup of tea, and she turned on her computer.  Slowly everyone filed in for the day, happy that they were one day away from the weekend.  She stared at his back and his neck and felt her heart beat faster.  Being nonchalant was going to be hard.

Jim watched Pam walk by him and give him the barest of smiles.  He thought that nothing could be worse than sitting in this office day after day wanting to touch her but knowing that he couldn’t.  In fact, it was way worse wanting to touch her and knowing that he could!

“This is going to be a very long day.”  He said under his breath.

He got up to get coffee from the breakroom.  As he walked he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and loosened his tie slightly.  Pam nearly knocked her tea over.

After a long morning of longing glances and little smiles, Pam felt that the whole office probably knew something was going on between her and Jim.  But surprisingly, no one seemed to notice anything different.  She decided that it was probably safe to watch him as he walked back in from lunch.  He had to run errands during lunch, which Dwight said showed a lack of dedication to the office.  Jim argued that he was running a secret reconnaissance mission to scope out a new client.  Pam knew he was just getting ready for their date tonight and the whole thing was adorable to her.

“Pam!”

“What?  Oh, hi Kelly, sorry I was lost in thought.”  Pam tried to bring her focus back to reality from the pink in Jim’s windblown cheeks and his tousled hair, “What’s up?”

“Well, I know you said that you were ready to be set up with someone, and I have the perfect guy.  Maybe we could double date this weekend?”  Kelly beamed at her, practically bouncing on her toes.

“Um Kelly, I don’t know about that.”  Pam fumbled with her words, not sure what to say to Kelly without spilling the beans about her and Jim.

“Seriously come on, it’ll be so fun!”

Jim turned in his chair and just looked at Pam for a moment as if to see what she would do.  The nervousness and vulnerability in his eyes said it all to Pam and gave her all the courage she needed.  She was ready to let him know that she wasn’t going anywhere.

“I really appreciate that, but the truth is I met a guy last night.”

“Oh yeah? You must give me details!”  Pam was relieved that Kelly was just as excited about this development as the blind date.  This would make it easier to get her to give up the idea of setting her up.

Pam responded with a slight lilt in her voice, knowing that she had more of an audience than just Kelly. “He’s an old friend of mine, and we ran into each other last night.  We talked for a long time and he’s totally amazing.  In fact we’re having dinner tonight.”

“Oh my gosh, it’s not Roy is it?”  Kelly said the last part in her fakiest of whispers.

“No, he is most definitely not Roy. And I think it’s gonna be pretty serious with this guy.”

Pam looked at Jim out of the corner of her eye and saw that he had heard every word.  He had a genuinely warm smile across his face that Pam could tell he was rather unsuccessfully trying to contain.  He turned back to his desk for a moment.

“That is so great!  Tell me all about it Monday!”  Kelly bounded back to her desk.

Jim walked into the break room for a moment to get a Coke and then he walked back over to Pam’s desk.  Pam immediately noticed something was different, and she literally looked around to see if anyone else could tell.  Jim leaned on her counter as he picked a few jelly beans out and popped them in his mouth.  He looked relaxed for the first time in months and had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows.  “It’s the old Jim,” she wanted to scream to the office, “he’s back.”  But then she realized that to everyone else, he looked the same way he always did, there was nothing special happening here, at least nothing that hadn’t happened a million times before. 

But this was special and different, although completely familiar.

“So Beesly, hot date tonight I hear?”

Jim gave her a playful sidelong glance.

“Oh yeah, really hot I think.” 

She felt butterflies in her stomach and thought she may have to jump over the counter at him.  Instead, she leaned towards him.  They just looked at each other with long intense glances, they didn’t need words to communicate what they were thinking.  She looked around again and no one really seemed interested in their conversation, verbal or otherwise. 

“Well make sure he treats you right,” he winked at her and drummed his fist on her counter as he went back to his desk.

“He always does,” she said brightly, and then she said under her breath, “He always will.” 

As she packed to leave, Pam marveled at the day.  When she came in she was sure that everything today would be strange and new, but the truth was, it wasn’t.  Sure she didn’t have a hole in heart and she didn’t feel like crying.  But whereas she thought that she might have it branded across her face, Jim and I are in love, no one seemed to notice anything different.  The only difference was that now the meaningful looks, meant something, something they both understood.  The flirting was building to something.  She knew that she wouldn’t have to spend all day longing for him only to leave frustrated.  She could long for him all day, and love him all night.

Perhaps the reason no one noticed the difference in them today was because it wasn’t the first day that she and Jim were in love.  Their relationship had been there all along, and their love showed in almost everything they did together.  Now they could build on it, and explore it, but it was the same wonderful, funny, loving friendship they always had, but now it was even more.

Jim waited and walked out with her, and they stepped into the elevator together.  He looked down at and her and then back at the doors.  She looked up at him.  Then she grabbed his hand and interlaced their fingers.  He looked back down at her and smiled. 

“So my place in an hour Beesly?”

“Absolutely Halpert, I'll be there.”

Everything was the same, but gloriously different.