No matter how many ways she looks at it - she comes up with the same answer.  There can't be any other cause.  There's something incredibly wrong with her and the reason must lie deep within the darkest corners of her mind. 

Some days she thinks she should just let it go.  Other days, she has an insatiable need to make sense of it.

This is one of those days.

Jan leans back in her chair, twisting the phone cord in her fingers.  “Dr. Perry, I can’t seem to keep away from him.”

She takes a steadying breath and continues.  “I appreciate your taking my call.  It’s just…I’m having a bit of a crisis.  I’m not sure this experiment is working.  I mean…how is this even possible?” 

She blows her hair out of her eyes.  “If this is really where I belong…then I just…can’t.”  She sits up straighter.  “He sleeps with a night light for God’s sake, brushes his teeth with fruit flavored toothpaste.  He’s got the attention span of a twelve year old…but then he does this thing where he actually listens to me and I just…” 

Jan glances towards the door.  Her face loses color. 

Her voice is choked as she speaks slowly into the phone.  “I’m going to need to call you back…”

xoxoxo

It hasn't been easy, keeping things quiet.  Especially when he wants to shout it from the rooftops. 

She's never been one to involve people in her personal life.  He shouldn't be surprised.  He's pretty sure he just has to wear her down.  And if at first he doesn't succeed it'll definitely be fun trying.

Still Jim couldn't believe that being with Pam would almost be more torturous than being without her.  He had been sure that once she was finally his he'd be able to sit back and relax a bit.

He has obviously thought wrong.

Throwing caution to the wind, Jim runs his hand gently along the small of Pam's back as he fills his mug.

“Don’t…” She steps back sharply as she cautions him. 

“Don’t…what?”  He asks as he turns, leaning against the counter.   He blows gently on his coffee before taking a sip.

“Jim…”  She blushes and averts her eyes.  “You can’t do that.”

He looks at her, completely taken by surprise.  “Are you kidding?  Pam, I barely laid a hand on you.”

She gives him a pointed look.

“OK.  Let me rephrase.  I’ve barely laid a hand on you since we’ve gotten…to…work.”  He clarifies. 

She sighs.  “You know what I mean.   It’s just that we agreed…”

“I know.”  He gives her a tight lipped grin and straightens when the door to the kitchen swings open.

“So…if you haven’t tried it, the Irish Crème flavor is delicious.  Do you think you can order some more?”

Pam looks from Jim to Michael and back again.  “Sure.” She says with a nod.

As she leaves the kitchen Michael gives Jim a sympathetic look.  “That’s what it’s come to huh?”

“Sorry?”

“All you can talk about is non-dairy creamer?”  Michael shakes his head, claps Jim on the back.  “Jim, Jim...Jim.  As your boss slash BFF let me give you some advice OK?”

“Please…don’t…”  Jim mutters under his breath.

Michael clears his throat.  “Now.  Brace yourself.  I have an important announcement."  He pauses for dramatic effect.  "I’m having sex with Jan.” 

The sound of the words alone is enough to make Jim choke on his Irish Crème.  “Sort of guessed as much already, Michael.”

“And she’s…well…she’s so…really, awesome.  And she’s like really sort of, how should I say this?  Really, really, bendable.

“I so did not need to know that.”  Now armed with a disturbing visual he tries to leave the kitchen. 

“So as a guy who’s got his hands full…you know my hands are sometimes full of various…womanly parts…like…boobs…"   Michael stops and lowers his voice.  "You've seen boobs right?"

"I'm acquainted."  Jim acknowledges.

"Aren't they great?"  Michael sighs wistfully and then snickers a bit before continuing. "OK then.  Glad I don't have to explain, everything.  So let me give you some advice.”

Jim shakes his head and takes another sip.  “This should be fan-tas-tic."

“Now that you're done with that Karen-girl you really just need to go for it.”

Mildly entertained, Jim decides to play dumb. “Go for what?”

“Pam.  It.  You need to do it with Pam.”

Jim bites back a grin.  If he only knew how they’d spent their morning.  Just as a very work inappropriate image of her fills his mind she's standing in the doorway again.  

"Michael?  I've got Jan on the phone for you."

He claps his hands together like a kid on Christmas.  "Yes!  Do you know if she got my Monthaversary gift?"

Pam sighs loudly.  "I don't know what that means but I know she wanted me to go find you so she can talk to you.  She sounds a little upset."

Oblivious as ever, Michael talks right over her.  "A Monthaversary Pam.  God.  Weren't you engaged once?  How do you not know this?"  He gives her the most exasperated look imaginable. "It's a celebration of how many months it's been since Jan and I…consummated our relationship.  It's been three months Pam since we "knocked boots" as they say in the 'hood - so it is our Three-Monthaversary."

Pam nods solemnly.  "That's very nice but…Michael?  Jan is on the phone, waiting…" 

"Right.  Shouldn't keep her tied up so long."  He looks pointedly back and forth between Jim and Pam.  "Ha!  Tied up.  Remember that Jim." 

"Got it."  He raises his mug in a mock salute.

She watches Michael go and then squints at Jim.   "Um.  Do you mind telling me what that was?"

"Oh that?  Nothing.  Just…Michael thinks we should have sex."  He replies nonchalantly.  "And apparently I should tie you up."

"What?!"

"I think we're obligated.  I mean - he is our boss, Pam."  He gives her a wink.

She looks at him in disbelief.  "What exactly did you say to him?"

"I said exactly nothing.  Relax. Seriously - it can't be more obvious that he has no idea."  He smiles, takes another sip of his coffee.  "But now that you've mentioned it…"

"We're not talking about this here."  Pam replies, her voice showing no hint of affection.  "And we are not having sex."

"Well sure.  Not now, but later…"  Jim chuckles.

She turns on her heel and flounces out of the kitchen.  "Don't count on it."

xoxoxo

She's just about to hang up when his voice startles her. 

"Hello, my lady love, my…love-muffin, my…sweet thang…"

"Michael."  The migraine is blooming, right behind her eyes.  She can practically see him bouncing up and down in his chair.

"So.  Didya get my gift?  Didya? Didya?"

Did she?  You could say that.  Jan's office was littered with a large collection of baby products.  A stroller, diaper bag, and a fully assembled crib.

It had been nearly a full fifteen minutes since they'd been delivered and people still hovered outside her office whispering.

She steels herself before she starts.  No matter how endearing he is you will not give in…you will not…"Yes, Michael.  Do you realize what you've done?"  She spoke the next sentence through clenched teeth.  "Everyone here thinks I'm pregnant."

"Are you?"  He asks earnestly.

"No.  Michael I am most certainly not pregnant.  I want you to listen to me.  Are you listening?"

"I am."  He promises.

Jan sighs heavily before beginning again.  "I'm trying to explain to you that although we are…public with our…relationship this was by no means an appropriate gift…"

"But see?"  He argues.  "Now you're prepared.  Man, you'd make a great mom…"

And there it was.  That thing he did.  That thing that was the reason why she was caught up in this in the first place.

"Michael…"  She whispers her voice soft and dreamy.

Unaware that he'd just dodged a major bullet he grins as he replies.  "Happy Monthaversary, Jan."

Resigning herself to her fate for the moment she couldn't help but smile widely.  "Happy Monthaversary."

Jim lives for the weekends, especially now that he shares them with Pam.  Keeping his distance all day has him anxious with anticipation for the moments he has her all to himself.  They've settled into a kind of routine.  Friday nights, they pretty much stay in, order pizza and watch a movie.

Or to be more accurate, pretend to watch a movie.

He sets his cell phone to signal quitting time.   It's almost over, just one half hour until...

"Jimmerino."

Shit.  He looks up and catches Pam's eye.  She ducks her head and chuckles.

"What can I do for you Michael?"

"Funny you should ask.  I do need you to do something for me."  He sits on the edge of Jim's desk and folds his arms across his chest.  "I need you to join Jan and me for dinner tonight."

Pam's eyes lock with his and she shakes her head desperately.

"Oh, you know what?  I'd love to but the thing is I've already got plans."

"Hmph."  Michael shrugs.  "So cancel them."

Desperate, Jim glances over at Pam who is frantically trying to tell him something with her eyes.  He bites his lip and tries again to turn him down.  "They're pretty important plans."

Undeterred, Michael insists.  "This is a pretty important dinner and I hate to pull the "boss" card but I am your superior, your monarch, your sire if you will..."

If I will?  Um, pretty sure I won't.  Jim thinks with a sigh.

"And as such, it is my royal decree that you join me and my mistress as we dine in our castle."

Jim decides to cut to the chase.  "Why is this so important, Michael?"

"I need you to meet with someone very important.  It's potentially a long term client and as my number two, I need you to watch my back."

"Is this client dangerous in any way?"

Confused, Michael replies.  "No.  Why?"

"Because I really think you and Jan should be able to handle it.  Remember when you two closed the Lackawanna County deal?"  And I sorta had a date with Pam...just like tonight?   Jim crosses his fingers under his desk.

"I need you on this ol' buddy, ol' pal. See - this "client" is a woman.  A very attractive, young, vibrant woman..."

Pam's spine stiffens as she overhears every word.

Michael leans forward and lowers his voice.  "And if you won't go for it with P-A-M, I think you might find her to your liking."

Jim can't believe this is even happening.  "Michael...I..."

"We'll leave right after work.  The show starts at 7:00."

"Show?"

"Medieval Times my friend.  Jousting at its finest..."

Oh.  NO.  This can't possibly get worse.

"We'll depart shortly my noble knight..." Michael bellows as he saunters into his office.

"Michael."  Jim shakes his head as he watches him go.  "MICHAEL..."

In seconds, Pam is at his side.  "Jim."  She pleads at him with her eyes.

He gives her an identical look.  "What did you want me to do?"

She can't even believe he needs to ask. "Tell him no."

Exhausted and annoyed, Jim's voice is clipped when he replies.  "Hey.  I could have told him what my plans were for tonight if someone would let me..."

Her face floods with color and anger flashes in her eyes.  "Jim..."

It's not what he had meant to say at all and he can see he's in serious trouble.  "OK - let's not do this right now."

"Yes.  Let's not."  Pam snaps as she walks away.

Jim hangs his head, a beeping sound rousing him from his misery.  It's amazing how quickly things can change.  Instead of being ecstatic, he couldn't be more miserable.

Fantastic.

xoxoxo

Jan stands in the parking lot, pulling her coat tighter around her.  Once again she can't believe she's even here.  She catches sight of him walking towards her and her stomach flutters.

You're here simply because he asked.

Damnit.

She opens her mouth to speak but Michael's lips muffle her voice.  She sighs in spite of herself as she kisses him back. 

"You look beautiful, my lady fair."  He whispers as he pulls away.

"Thank you."  She straightens the lapels of her coat and smoothes her hair. "Hello Jim."  She looks to him then back to Michael again.  "This is a surprise.  I didn't expect to see you."

Jim's expression indicates he didn't expect to be here.

"Didn't I mention this? "  Michael looks at her quizzically.

She blinks at him in disbelief before she responds.  "No. I'm pretty sure you didn't mention Jim was joining us on our date." 

A look of panic washes over Michael's features.  "Jan.  This is not a date it's a business meeting."

"What?"

"There's a special client I want Jim to meet..."

Jim suddenly suspects things are not at all as they seem.  "Michael, is this really a meeting?"

"Yes."  Michael answers as insincerely as humanly possible.

Jan smiles at Jim sympathetically.  "Why don't we go inside and discuss this?"

"Yes.  Let's.  Spectacular idea."  Michael opens the door with a flourish.

Jim hangs his head and despite his better judgement follows them through the door.  As he does, he feels his cell phone buzzing in his coat pocket.

He smiles as he retrieves a text message from Pam.

I'm going to kill Michael.

He begins to reply when suddenly the battery goes dead.  Shit.

Terrific.  Jim moans silently.  This night cannot get worse.

As they stand in the bustling lobby Jim clears his throat to get Michael's attention.  

"Michael.  Seriously.  If this isn't really a client thing I think it's better I just let you and Jan have your evening alone..."

"It is a business thing."  Michael insists. 

Jim shoves his hands in his pockets looks around.  "Where's this important client then?"

"She should be here by now.  I should call and check on her."  He says as he fumbles for his phone.  "Excuse me for a moment."

Jan nudges Jim as she moves to stand beside him.  "Sorry about this..."  She whispers apologetically.

"Nah."  He shrugs.  "It's fine.  I just don't understand..."

She sighs heavily.  "Me neither, but I've had to get used to that a lot lately."

"Yeah."  Jim regards her closely, curiosity overwhelming him.  "Do you mind?  Can I ask exactly how..."

The rest of his question is left unsaid.

Just then the door swings open to reveal a very annoyed looking Pam clutching a manila folder.  She is dressed in sweats and Keds with her hair thrown up in a knot on the top of her head.

Jim thinks he's never seen anything so adorable, even if he's never seen anyone look so incredibly pissed off.

At least it seemed now she wasn't pissed off at him.

"Hey.  What are you doing here?"  Jim asks trying to hold back his smile.

Pam thrusts the folder at him.  "Michael needed this for your meeting."  She takes a deep breath and gives Jan a little nod.  "Hi Jan.  Sorry.  I didn't mean to be so rude.  I'm just..."

Jim resists the urge to try and console her a bit.   He notices a smear of charcoal on her cheek and realizes all at once that Michael must have interrupted her drawing.  No wonder she is pissed.  She has a show in a week and has been working non-stop, every free minute she has.

He couldn't be more proud of her.

Jan holds up a hand to tell Pam her apologies are unnecessary.  "It's OK Pam.  Thanks for coming out here for - whatever reason Michael has to drag you from home on a Friday night..."

"Oh great.  You're here!"  Michael called out.

As she catches sight of him, Pam's eyes are lethal.

Jim decides to step between them before it gets too ugly.  Why he can't actually say but it seems like the right thing to do. 

"Pam brought this file for you Michael." 

"Excellent."  Michael takes the folder and tucks it under his arm.  Disappointment fills his features as he scans Pam head to toe.  "What the heck are you wearing?  I wanted you to look hot.  Even what you wear to work is hotter than...this.  I thought I told you this was an important meeting."

"And I thought I told you it wasn't okay for you to call me at home."

"It's a good thing I'm doing this."  He says with a shake of his head.  "There is no way you will you ever get a date on your own if you don't put any effort in it at all."

Jan realizes all at once what's going on.  "Michael."

"Michael, who I date or don't date is none of your business."  Pam replies bitterly.

"I beg to differ.  I am your boss and as your boss it is my duty to make sure you are happy."

"I was happy at home Michael."  Pam sighs.  She glances over at Jim and as her eyes latch to his he can read her mind.  I'll be happier when we're both there.

He gives her a look that says, "Agreed."

"Well.  Now you can be happy at work and home.  SURPRISE!"  Michael says excitedly.

"Excuse me!?"  Jim gives him a suspicious look.

Michael is positively giddy.  "See here's the thing.  I'm playing Cupid - except - well.  I don't know how to shoot arrows, and I don't wear a diaper. Thank God.  Diapers are gross."  He glances at Jan and swiftly tries to change gears.   "Except for baby diapers.  Because babies need diapers.  Wait.  Was Cupid actually a baby?  That's so weird.  Who'd give a baby arrows? They're dangerous..."

"Michael."  Jan rolls her eyes.  She can't have a discussion about babies now.  Her reputation is already in tatters as it is.  She needs to retain some sort of dignity.  She decides to get back to the topic at hand. "Are you saying you tricked both Jim and Pam into coming here tonight?"

"What?"  Pam gazes at him open-mouthed.

Michael gazes at Jan adoringly.  "What's wrong with that?  I'm happy.  I've found my true love and it's an incredible feeling.  And I just want to spread it all over the place, like..."  He struggles for the words and then a proud smile breaks out over his face.  "...peanut butter.  That's it.  Love is like... peanut butter.  It's sticky and if you are not careful you could find out you're allergic to it and die."

Jim shakes his head.  "What a lovely sentiment Michael."

Jan sighs loudly and tries again.  Though he's endearing, he's infuriating.  "Michael..."

"Jim loves Pam.  He told me.  He also told her."  He points at Pam accusatively.  "Twice."

Pam's eyes are suddenly wide as saucers.  A wave of guilt washes over her.  Things must have been really bad for Jim to confide in Michael...again.

"See?  It's true."  Michael continues.  "I know these things.  I am his compadre.  His confidante..."

Jim is desperate to put an end to this conversation.  "Listen Michael.  You don't have to do this. Really. Pam and I have worked it all out."

Michael dismisses him immediately.  "Obviously not.  You two are still sulking around and I won't have it.  As Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton I hereby decree..."

"OK."  Jan snaps.  "That's enough."  She turns to Michael and grabs him by his shoulders as she levels her gaze.  "Listen to me carefully.  You have no authority over the love lives of your employees.  You can't possibly decree anything."

"Thank God." Pam mutters under her breath. 

Michael concedes reluctantly.  "OK - but I do have authority over the love lives of my friends."

"No."  Jan insists.  "You don't."

He will not be deterred.  "Well I have authority over this evening and I'm saying we're all going in there and learning what it was like for our forefathers..."

"I don't think our country was founded by medieval knights."  Jim comments.  "Actually - I'm sure it wasn't..."

Michael talks right over him.  "We are going inside so that you can see what it's like in the times where things like courtship and...chivalry meant something.  When men were men and women were wenches..."

"If we say we'll go inside will you stop, Michael?"  Jan interrupts.

"YES."  He replies.  "And maybe once you see how true Lords and Ladies behaveth you'll all be singing a different tune."

Jan ushers Michael in the door and pleads at Jim and Pam with her eyes to follow. 

A few months ago if someone told Jan she'd be sitting at a jousting match on a Friday night she'd have said they were incredibly mistaken.  But looking at Michael, seeing how happy simple things like this could make him makes her almost jealous.  There is something to be said for just enjoying yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks.  The next time someone asks her why she's with Michael, she's sure she'll remember this moment.

Pam turns her face up to Jim's and gives him an apologetic look.  "I'm sorry.  I've been a pain in the ass lately haven't I?   I'm just so annoyed with myself.  How did I not see this coming?" 

Jim chuckles in reply.  "Not so much of a pain.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  He totally got me too.  This just goes to show you Beesly - we're severely off our game."

"Seems like it."  She shakes her head.  "I don't get it though.  Honestly, what is Jan thinking?" 

Jim smiles softly as he links his fingers with hers.  "I don't know.  She calms him down.  It's kinda sweet actually." 

She gives his hand a squeeze and decides it's not so bad after all.  Despite that fact that she is indeed woefully underdressed at least they'll get to spend their Friday together, and she can stop worrying that Michael is trying to fix him up with someone else. 

Maybe this will finally give her the courage to admit to everyone else what she already knows.  That she loves him.  Always has.  That no matter what he does or how he sometimes drives her crazy she always will.

Which - ironically - must be what keeps Jan with Michael.  She thinks with a sigh.  So crazy, but maybe that's what love is. 

Still there's something making her reluctant to take their seats as she sees the servers plunking down little pewter pots filled with soup it dawns on her.  

"Jim.  You know you don't even use forks for this dinner.  I don't think I can stomach watching Michael chomping on half a chicken."

"I'll block your view."  He promises, smiling as he watches her tug the band from her hair, her curls cascading over her shoulders.  He can tell she's feeling self-conscious so he leans close and whispers. "Stop worrying.  You look beautiful."  

He gazes into her eyes as he rubs his thumb gently across the smudge on her cheek.  She blushes and smiles as she takes her seat.

Michael watches out of the corner of his eye, proudly adjusting his cardboard crown.  He slurps his soup loudly and then stands and calls out to Jim.  "Let the games begin!"

She hears the sound of candy hitting Lucite before she hears his voice.

"What is that?"

Pam looks up and wearily meets Jim's gaze.  "This?  This is Michael's book, Jim."

"Michael wrote a book?"

"Apparently.  And even better.  It's sort of a self-help book.  He's making me edit it."

"Please.  Stop."  Jim begs.

She is merciless.  "I'm sorry.  If I'm going down this road you're coming with me.   Listen to this.  Rule number 117 - ‘In order for condoms to be an effective form of birth control simply buying them is not enough.  You actually need to wear them'."  She gazes up at him with a blank expression.

"Well.  That certainly explains Jan's pregnancy..."

Pam's complexion becomes decidedly green.  "I thought we agreed..."

"I'm sorry."

"It's a simple thing Jim.   We do not make any reference that has to do with Michael doing anything remotely like that with Jan..."

"I'm sorry."  He gives her an apologetic grin.  "Let's just stop discussing it then.  Are you ready for lunch?"

She glances at the clock.  "I can eat really quick and then I have to go out and buy lollipops."

"And here I thought jellybeans were working so well for you.  Switching allegiances Pam?"

"They're Preggie Pops."

"E-excuse me?"  He chokes out, his heart pounding.  "Got some news for me Beesly?"

"Oh.  No.  Don't look at me."  She blushes crimson and then gazes at him dreamily, the mere thought making her giddy.  "They're for Michael.  It's some sort of candy that helps with morning sickness."

"Where the hell do you even find something like that?"

"Well, Jim - I'll tell you.  You can order them online - but if I do that it'll mean he'll come in every day hounding me waiting for them to ship.  So.  I convinced him you could get them at Rite-Aid.  I'm buying a generic bag but I have an empty tin to put them in."  She gives him an impish grin.  "I even made a label."

Jim peers over the desk and sees what she's created.  It looks completely realistic.   She really is amazing. 

"You're brilliant.  You know that?"  He smiles at her, admiration filling his voice.  "C'mon.  Let's have some lunch before you have to leave."

Pam's whole face lights up as she stands and follows him.  "That sounds nice."  She sighs as he takes her hand and leads her to the kitchen.

xoxoxo

"This whole book thing has got me thinking."  Pam says wistfully as she hands Jim the sandwich she'd packed for him.  "I cannot believe Michael - of all people - got married before me."

"It is pretty unbelievable."  He busies himself with unwrapping his lunch.

"When do you think..." She begins.

"Hmmm?"

"When do you think I'll get married?"

He laughs and takes a sip of his soda.  "I don't know Kelly.  As soon as Ryan asks you?"

When she doesn't reply to his obvious joke he glances back at her.  She looks crestfallen.

Concern fills his voice as he sets his sandwich down and reaches for her hands.  "Hey..."

Pam links her fingers with his and squeezes gently.  "I'm sorry.  I don't know what's wrong with me today.  I'm being completely ridiculous."  She shakes her head.  "I want you to know- I'm so not that girl..."

"You don't need to explain anything to me."  Jim promises.  "I know exactly who you are Pam."

She nods and pulls her hand from his.  "I should probably get going."

"What?   Pam - you didn't even eat."

She shrugs.  "I'm not that hungry anymore."

There's more to it and he knows it.  Suddenly he's desperate to fix it.  He stuffs the other half of his sandwich back in the paper bag.  "Just wait a sec.  I'll go with you..."

She shakes her head at him.  "No.  Don't.  That's OK.  I don't think I'll be too long.  Actually, I might take advantage of getting out of here and just meet you at home."

He gazes at her intently.  "Are you sure you're OK?"

"I'm fine."  She promises as she leans forward and places her hands on his cheeks kissing him softly, but lingeringly.  "I love you, you know?"  She whispers rubbing her thumb along his bottom lip as she pulls away.

He stares into her eyes, searching for an answer as to what's going on with her.  "I know.  I love you too."

Since they'd revealed their relationship to the rest of the office they were occasionally affectionate on company time.  Even so, typically he'd be lucky if she let him throw his arm around her shoulders as they sat in the break room.  But it seemed something was different today.

She kisses him again quickly before she moves to leave.  "I'll see you later."  She calls back over her shoulder.

He sits there, the scent of her shampoo hovering in the air around him as he watches her go.  He didn't believe a word she said.  Something was definitely up with her and he suspects it won't be long before he figures it out. 

He thinks he probably already has.  

The whole conversation they'd just had was ironic - actually - because, at this very moment he just happens to have a print-out of a diamond buying guide in his back pocket.  It was not a matter of if - it was absolutely when and the problem wasn't whether or not he wanted to ask her - never that.  It was that he was torn about what kind of ring to get her. 

He'd talked to his mom about giving Pam the ring that used to belong to his grandmother, but  once she'd given it to him he'd realized it was rather old fashioned and frankly, kind of small.  There was a smug, self satisfied part of him who wanted to give her a ring that put the one that Roy had given her to shame. 

Two months salary.  Really?  He smoothes the creases out of the paper.  As he did he made some mental calculations.   Pam is sentimental enough to really appreciate his grandma's ring.  Maybe he could buy her a set of earrings instead.    As a wedding present.

Not a bad idea he thinks as he retrieves the rest of his sandwich from the bag and takes another bite.

"Ugh.  I'm so bloated."

Jim's head snaps up to see Michael, pressing a hand to his stomach. 

"Not sure I can help you with that."

"Pregnancy is a bitch, Jim.  Really..."  He starts sniffling.  "You have no idea what these hormones do to you."

"You do realize Jan is the one to actually carry the baby don't you?"

"I know that - Jim."  Michael says exasperatedly.  "I'm having what they call emprathy pains."

"Or empathy."  Jim corrects him under his breath. "...and I don't think that's really even possible..."

Michael cuts him off as he sinks into the chair beside him.  "Can you put that sandwich away?  I can't even look at ham lately..."

"You do look a little tired.  Maybe you should go lie down."

"Don't tell me what to do."  He snaps back.

There are just some things that are above and beyond Jim's job description and dealing with Michael's phantom pregnancy symptoms pretty much top the list.

"OK, then.  By all means.  Stay here."

Michael's eyes focus on the printout Jim has spread on the table.  "Are you buying diamonds Jim?"

Jim could kick himself.  Pam was right.  It was so much easier when they pretended at work that  they weren't involved. 

"Thinking about it."  Jim says as he polishes off the rest of his sandwich, knowing that this is his cue to leave.

Of course, it's not exactly that simple.  "Some advice.  And I devote a whole chapter to it in my book - The Rules of Love: 132 and a Half Ways to Meet Your Match by: Michael G. Scott..."

"A hundred and thirty-two and a half?"

"It's the half that makes all the difference Jim.   That's why Jan and I plan to have 2.5 kids. Now seriously.  This is so exciting.  Does Pam even know you're going to pop the question?"

"We've been talking about it and Michael."  Jim's voice lowers and he makes sure that Michael is looking at him as he continues.  "I'm sure you understand I want to keep this as a surprise to her."

"Of course."

"I'm discussing this with you because you are my...friend."  More importantly because you caught me.  Damnit.  "It's very important to me that you don't discuss this with anyone else."

"Not even Jan?"

Jim concedes.  "Jan is OK.  But not anyone else here.  Do we have a deal?" 

"Yes Jim.  God.  Yes.  We do.  I can keep a secret better than anyone - you should know that."  Michael promises, rolling his eyes.  "Can we get back to my advice now?"

Not in the mood to debate Jim simply replies.  "Sure."

"You're not planning to buy her a ring on QVC are you?"

"Didn't even occur to me." 

"Because Jim - let me warn you.   They're a bunch of crooks."

"Really?"

"Yes.  Especially that Paula Abdul.  She always looks kinda shifty on that American Idol thing and now I know why."

"Michael - what are you talking about?"

"Jan's ring."

Its times just like this he wishes Pam were here to witness the insanity. 

This explains so much.  "You bought Jan's ring on QVC?"

"Yeah."  Michael shakes his head.   "Jim do you know that a Diamonelle is not an actual diamond?"

"I think the fact that it's called Diamonelle gives you a clue..."

"Well I didn't.  To me - a Diamonelle sounds much more sophisticated than a stupid old regular diamond."

"So.  Let me guess.  Jan figured it out."

"Yes!  And let me tell you - I don't understand the big deal.  Because to get a diamond that big is ridiculously more expensive.  Like...thousands and thousands more.  In the end she wound up with one half the size."

It's so sad but the thought hits him before he can even blink.  That's what she said. 

"Well - I'm sure she appreciated the thought."

"Not really.  It was pretty bad - but I wound up giving the other one to my mom.  She loved it - even if it wasn't a Joan Rivers original."

Man.  Jim thinks with a shake of his head.  There must be something in that book that explains why Jan is with Michael - because...seriously.

"So.  Here's my advice.  Forget those QVC bastards and get Pam a cubic zirconia instead."

"Michael."

"I know."  He continues in earnest.  "You wouldn't think something with a name like that looks anything remotely like a diamond - it doesn't even have the name diamond in it - but it looks just like one.  You seriously can't tell."

There's a small pause before Michael continues.  "At least she hasn't been able to...yet."

"Michael.  Are you telling me you replaced Jan's original fake diamond ring - with another fake diamond ring?"

"May-be."  He whispers, so low Jim almost can't hear.  "I might have."

"Unbelievable.  And yet...not."  Jim shakes his head as he pushes back his chair and moves to stand.  Poor Jan.

Poor world.  He thinks with a new level of horror.   Jan better be having a girl.  For her own sake more than anyone else's.

It's completely insane - but none the less true.  The possible arrival of Michael G. Scott, Junior is imminent.  

xoxoxo

Jim's keys jingle in the lock as he makes his way into the apartment.  He can hear the strains of music playing and smell the scent of something delicious wafting from the kitchen, but can see no sign of her.

"Pam?" 

"Yeah?"  She stands in the doorway to their bedroom, looking well, simply adorable.  Her hair is loose about her shoulders and she's changed into an oversized sweatshirt and leggings.  The sleeves are so long they cover her hands completely.  She fists the fabric in her fingers.

"You've been busy."  He says as he shrugs off his coat and makes his way over to her, brushing his lips across hers.  When he pulls away he sees the same worry as before filling her eyes.  "OK.  So.  Now that we're both away from that asylum we call work - what's up with you?"

"I don't know what you mean."  She replies as she slips past him and moves towards the kitchen.

Slow, Halpert. He cautions himself.  Don't rush her.  God knows that got you nowhere fast the last time.

He loosens his tie and nudges his shoes off, his eyes never straying from her.  "You just seem out of sorts."

"I sort of am."  She says softly.

"OK.  So.  Talk to me."

She opens the oven door and then shuts it quickly.  "I would - but you're...kinda the problem."

That is not what I was expecting.  "Me?"

Pam takes a deep breath and walks to an overstuffed armchair, curling into it like a cat.  "I don't want to make this a big deal - 'cause it isn't.  I mean.  I don't want you to think that all I do is think about this because I don't..."

"I promise."  He places a hand on his heart and sits across from her.  "No conclusions will be jumped to.  Just tell me what's going on."

"I love living with you..."  She begins, averting her eyes from his, her hands fidgeting with her sweatshirt again.

He smiles widely.  "I love living with you too."

"But - I don't know."  She gives a little shrug, starts picking at the upholstery  "I've been thinking lately.  I mean.  What's actually keeping us from making it...you know...more official?"

"More like...legal?  Less like...living in sin?"

"Exactly."

Looks like it's going to be today huh?  Jim thinks as his pulse quickens.  Good thing I've got that ring handy. 

He takes a minute, lets it sink in. "Pam.  How many times do I need to tell you?  You can't let Angela get to you..."

"Jim..."

"Didn't we pretty much decide she and Dwight have formed their own religion?  Worshiping both Jesus and J. R. R. Tolkien equally?"

Pam laughs and then finally looks at him.  "Stop.  I'm trying to be serious here." 

"Me too."  Jim smiles back at her.  "Pam - I want nothing more than to make it official.  I've wanted that for a really long time."

Her face brightens as she holds his gaze.  "Me too."  She whispers as she rises from the chair.  She walks to him and sinks down onto his lap.

He reaches up to brush her hair off her face, leaning close to kiss her softly.  "You really only needed to say the word - you know."  He rests his forehead against hers.

"I know.  I'm sorry."  She murmurs, shifting to kiss him back.  "I'm still trying to get used to this."

"Used to what?"

"This. Having someone pay attention to me and my...various moods I guess.  It was never like that...before."

He gives her an incredulous look.  "Well. C'mon Pam.  What do you expect?  I'm quite an upgrade."

"You certainly are."  She agrees as she threads her fingers through his hair, kissing him again.

She eases back and stares into his eyes.  "So we can start talking about it?  Really?"

"I think we just did talk about it."  He hooks his arm under her knees and stands, taking a moment to make sure he doesn't drop her.  She bobbles at bit as she curls her arms around his neck.

"What are you doing?"  She laughs as he heads towards the bedroom.

"Making it official."  He replies, once they get there, setting her gently on her feet and moving towards his dresser, opening and shutting a drawer quickly.

"Jim?" 

"I don't know if this is what you were hoping for - or what you were expecting - but...I thought that it might bring us good luck."  He says as he turns to face her again, his hands fisted at his sides.  "My grandparents were married for almost sixty years."

She sniffles as realization washes over her.  "That's a long time."

"It is."  Jim acknowledges with a small nod.  "And all those years, she never took this ring off.  Not once - even after he passed away."

"That's very sweet."   She can't help crying now as she tilts her face up to his. 

"It is."  He gazes down at her, tears swimming in his own eyes.  "So.  I was just wondering..."  He says, his voice shaking nervously.  "Actually, I was hoping you'd want to do the same."

"Wear that ring for over sixty years?"  She says with a smile as she catches a tear on the back of her hand.  "I don't know Jim.  I thought being engaged for four years was a long time..."  

"Pam." 

"Oh.  I'm sorry."  She laughs as he takes the ring out of the box, which he then throws in the general vicinity of the bed.   He holds her trembling hand in his own equally unsteady one.  "Are you asking me a question?"

There is no possible way I can love you more than I do right this second.  "I am.  Are you giving me an answer?"

The look in her eyes tells him the feeling is mutual.  "Yes."  She nods.

She's driving him crazy.  "Yes you're giving me an answer or yes is your answer?" 

He slips the ring on her finger and she clasps his hand in hers.  "Just ask me Jim..."

As usual, he can refuse her nothing.   And so, he does. 

"Marry me?"

xoxoxo

When he thinks back on it later, he's not actually sure he heard her say the word, but he knows that the way she threw herself in his arms and kissed him was all the answer he needed.