No matter how many ways she looks at it - she comes up with the same answer.  There can't be any other cause.  There's something incredibly wrong with her and the reason must lie deep within the darkest corners of her mind. 

Some days she thinks she should just let it go.  Other days, she has an insatiable need to make sense of it.

This is one of those days.

Jan leans back in her chair, twisting the phone cord in her fingers.  “Dr. Perry, I can’t seem to keep away from him.”

She takes a steadying breath and continues.  “I appreciate your taking my call.  It’s just…I’m having a bit of a crisis.  I’m not sure this experiment is working.  I mean…how is this even possible?” 

She blows her hair out of her eyes.  “If this is really where I belong…then I just…can’t.”  She sits up straighter.  “He sleeps with a night light for God’s sake, brushes his teeth with fruit flavored toothpaste.  He’s got the attention span of a twelve year old…but then he does this thing where he actually listens to me and I just…” 

Jan glances towards the door.  Her face loses color. 

Her voice is choked as she speaks slowly into the phone.  “I’m going to need to call you back…”

xoxoxo

It hasn't been easy, keeping things quiet.  Especially when he wants to shout it from the rooftops. 

She's never been one to involve people in her personal life.  He shouldn't be surprised.  He's pretty sure he just has to wear her down.  And if at first he doesn't succeed it'll definitely be fun trying.

Still Jim couldn't believe that being with Pam would almost be more torturous than being without her.  He had been sure that once she was finally his he'd be able to sit back and relax a bit.

He has obviously thought wrong.

Throwing caution to the wind, Jim runs his hand gently along the small of Pam's back as he fills his mug.

“Don’t…” She steps back sharply as she cautions him. 

“Don’t…what?”  He asks as he turns, leaning against the counter.   He blows gently on his coffee before taking a sip.

“Jim…”  She blushes and averts her eyes.  “You can’t do that.”

He looks at her, completely taken by surprise.  “Are you kidding?  Pam, I barely laid a hand on you.”

She gives him a pointed look.

“OK.  Let me rephrase.  I’ve barely laid a hand on you since we’ve gotten…to…work.”  He clarifies. 

She sighs.  “You know what I mean.   It’s just that we agreed…”

“I know.”  He gives her a tight lipped grin and straightens when the door to the kitchen swings open.

“So…if you haven’t tried it, the Irish Crème flavor is delicious.  Do you think you can order some more?”

Pam looks from Jim to Michael and back again.  “Sure.” She says with a nod.

As she leaves the kitchen Michael gives Jim a sympathetic look.  “That’s what it’s come to huh?”

“Sorry?”

“All you can talk about is non-dairy creamer?”  Michael shakes his head, claps Jim on the back.  “Jim, Jim...Jim.  As your boss slash BFF let me give you some advice OK?”

“Please…don’t…”  Jim mutters under his breath.

Michael clears his throat.  “Now.  Brace yourself.  I have an important announcement."  He pauses for dramatic effect.  "I’m having sex with Jan.” 

The sound of the words alone is enough to make Jim choke on his Irish Crème.  “Sort of guessed as much already, Michael.”

“And she’s…well…she’s so…really, awesome.  And she’s like really sort of, how should I say this?  Really, really, bendable.

“I so did not need to know that.”  Now armed with a disturbing visual he tries to leave the kitchen. 

“So as a guy who’s got his hands full…you know my hands are sometimes full of various…womanly parts…like…boobs…"   Michael stops and lowers his voice.  "You've seen boobs right?"

"I'm acquainted."  Jim acknowledges.

"Aren't they great?"  Michael sighs wistfully and then snickers a bit before continuing. "OK then.  Glad I don't have to explain, everything.  So let me give you some advice.”

Jim shakes his head and takes another sip.  “This should be fan-tas-tic."

“Now that you're done with that Karen-girl you really just need to go for it.”

Mildly entertained, Jim decides to play dumb. “Go for what?”

“Pam.  It.  You need to do it with Pam.”

Jim bites back a grin.  If he only knew how they’d spent their morning.  Just as a very work inappropriate image of her fills his mind she's standing in the doorway again.  

"Michael?  I've got Jan on the phone for you."

He claps his hands together like a kid on Christmas.  "Yes!  Do you know if she got my Monthaversary gift?"

Pam sighs loudly.  "I don't know what that means but I know she wanted me to go find you so she can talk to you.  She sounds a little upset."

Oblivious as ever, Michael talks right over her.  "A Monthaversary Pam.  God.  Weren't you engaged once?  How do you not know this?"  He gives her the most exasperated look imaginable. "It's a celebration of how many months it's been since Jan and I…consummated our relationship.  It's been three months Pam since we "knocked boots" as they say in the 'hood - so it is our Three-Monthaversary."

Pam nods solemnly.  "That's very nice but…Michael?  Jan is on the phone, waiting…" 

"Right.  Shouldn't keep her tied up so long."  He looks pointedly back and forth between Jim and Pam.  "Ha!  Tied up.  Remember that Jim." 

"Got it."  He raises his mug in a mock salute.

She watches Michael go and then squints at Jim.   "Um.  Do you mind telling me what that was?"

"Oh that?  Nothing.  Just…Michael thinks we should have sex."  He replies nonchalantly.  "And apparently I should tie you up."

"What?!"

"I think we're obligated.  I mean - he is our boss, Pam."  He gives her a wink.

She looks at him in disbelief.  "What exactly did you say to him?"

"I said exactly nothing.  Relax. Seriously - it can't be more obvious that he has no idea."  He smiles, takes another sip of his coffee.  "But now that you've mentioned it…"

"We're not talking about this here."  Pam replies, her voice showing no hint of affection.  "And we are not having sex."

"Well sure.  Not now, but later…"  Jim chuckles.

She turns on her heel and flounces out of the kitchen.  "Don't count on it."

xoxoxo

She's just about to hang up when his voice startles her. 

"Hello, my lady love, my…love-muffin, my…sweet thang…"

"Michael."  The migraine is blooming, right behind her eyes.  She can practically see him bouncing up and down in his chair.

"So.  Didya get my gift?  Didya? Didya?"

Did she?  You could say that.  Jan's office was littered with a large collection of baby products.  A stroller, diaper bag, and a fully assembled crib.

It had been nearly a full fifteen minutes since they'd been delivered and people still hovered outside her office whispering.

She steels herself before she starts.  No matter how endearing he is you will not give in…you will not…"Yes, Michael.  Do you realize what you've done?"  She spoke the next sentence through clenched teeth.  "Everyone here thinks I'm pregnant."

"Are you?"  He asks earnestly.

"No.  Michael I am most certainly not pregnant.  I want you to listen to me.  Are you listening?"

"I am."  He promises.

Jan sighs heavily before beginning again.  "I'm trying to explain to you that although we are…public with our…relationship this was by no means an appropriate gift…"

"But see?"  He argues.  "Now you're prepared.  Man, you'd make a great mom…"

And there it was.  That thing he did.  That thing that was the reason why she was caught up in this in the first place.

"Michael…"  She whispers her voice soft and dreamy.

Unaware that he'd just dodged a major bullet he grins as he replies.  "Happy Monthaversary, Jan."

Resigning herself to her fate for the moment she couldn't help but smile widely.  "Happy Monthaversary."