- Track One -

Six weeks earlier she had called off her wedding, giving Roy his ring back and going to stay with her parents. 

Five weeks earlier she had put down the security deposit on a small one bedroom apartment with big windows overlooking a grove of trees. 

Three weeks earlier she had finally stopped crying herself to sleep every night.

Tonight she had ordered Chinese take-out, and finally got around to unpacking her CD's and books to the new bookcases she had bought at Target.  She loaded 5 discs in to her new CD changer, hit the random play button on the remote, and set about organizing her collection.

When The Beatles came on, she stopped what she was doing and lied back to listen:

 Who knows how long I've loved you

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime?

If you want me to, I will 

This song always reminded her of her father.  When she was a girl, he had sung it to her each night when tucking her in to bed.  He always made sure she was safe and warm, and that the monsters under her bed had been scared away before turning out the light and closing the door behind him.  For the first few nights in her apartment alone, she had hummed that tune to help herself drift off to sleep in her scary new world.

And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know, I will 

Her thoughts turned to Jim, not for the first time that day. 

That night when she hummed the tune in bed, she wasn't thinking about the monsters that could be lying underneath.  She was thinking about who wasn't lying beside her.

- Track Two -

How could he have missed the bird funeral? 

She was still laughing about the entire affair on her way home from work.  She imagined the way their talk afterward in the break room would go.  His eyes would sparkle brightly with laughter.  Her shoulders would shake with giggles, and she would hold on to his arm as she tried to regain her composure. 

As she made her way through traffic, she listened to the oldies station on the radio.  When her favorite Stevie Wonder song came on, she turned up the radio and sang along.

Like a fool I went and stayed too long

Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong

Ooh baby

Here I am, signed, sealed, delivered I'm yours

Here I am baby

Oh, you've got the future in your hand

Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours 

Pam loved these times - when her thoughts of him left her happy and full of life, rather than the hollow feeling that she had gotten accustomed to in the past months.  She basked in that full feeling all evening, and started sketching ideas for a watercolor landscape as soon as she got home.  A field of sunflowers, overlooked by a house with a terrace on the second floor.

- Track Three -

The windows in the apartment had been the selling point.  Those big windows that let light in all day, and overlooked one of the few green spaces left in Scranton.

Tonight she sat in the armchair in front of one of those big windows, and looked at the rain as it hit the panes.  She sipped a cup of tea, too tired and wrapped up in thought to bother with dinner.  It had taken all of her energy to put the light green teapot – of course the light green one - in the microwave to boil the water.  She had a Matt Nathanson CD on repeat in the player, the volume low enough that the words came through the speaker as a whisper.

You sounded so good on the phone

All moved up and all moved on

Me and gravity, we never could agree

But I can almost see the sky

When I need to, I close me eyes

You're the only thing that's worth holding on to 

She had thought about not even picking up the phone, just letting the call go to voicemail.  Instead, she had stayed in the office until almost 7:00 talking to Jim about nothing in particular. 

Those were the times she missed the most during the day – the times where she had much more productive things she could be doing.  She could be delivering messages, organizing supplies.  Instead, she would be huddled over a bag of Sun Chips in the break room, or leaning on his desk laughing as she told him about something Michael had said in his meeting with Jan.

She finished her tea, and set the mug in the sink.  She changed in to her pajamas and climbed in to bed, thinking about their conversation tonight.  It had ended so abruptly, she didn’t know where they stood.  Pam knew she would never find the answer in her own thoughts, but how could she not replay their words over and over in her mind until she drifted off to sleep? 

Angel you sing about beautiful things

And all I want to do is believe

But I traded my dreams for this mess of memories

And they just stopped working for me

- Track Four -

Pam hated Tuesdays.  The weekend seemed hopelessly far away, and you had told all of your good weekend stories to your friends yesterday. 

Tuesdays were also weekly staff meeting days.  In the past, she would have looked forward to Tuesday's meeting as time to plot their next prank, or show Jim her newest sketches.  Now it was just an hour of listening to Michael drone on about something or other.

As she sat at a red light on her way to work, she turned on the radio, set to a Top 40 station.

Suppose I never ever met you

Suppose we never fell in love

Suppose I never ever let you

Kiss me so sweet and so soft 

Her fingers moved across her lips, and she could still feel the sweet yet insistent kiss she had shared with him so many months ago.  His lips had been as soft as the sweater he wore, the one she had taken hold of as she pulled him deeper in to the kiss. 

She didn't notice that the light had changed, and the car behind her honked.  As she stepped on the gas she shook her head, as if she could shake the thoughts of him out.  Of course, that never worked.

Suppose I never ever saw you

Suppose you never ever called

Suppose I kept on singing love songs

Just to break my own fall 

Pam thought about the text message she had sent at the Diwali festival last week, and how desperately she had wanted a response.  She had checked her phone every two minutes to make sure she still had signal, or that the battery hadn’t died. 

She hated to admit that she still checked her phone more often than usual, still waiting for a reply.

- Track Five -

It was just another Thursday morning. 

Pam sorted through the faxes that had come in during the early morning hours.  This was her favorite time of day.  Before anyone else arrived in the office, Pam started the coffee in the break room, and got her things in order before the day officially began.  She often listened to her mp3 player as she worked, and she had uploaded a new playlist the night before. 

The song in her headphones changed just as she saw it. 

A fax from Stamford. 

A fax from Jim.

She had noticed the faxes from Future Dwight several weeks ago.  Pam thought she might look forward to them more than Dwight did.  She smiled, and set the fax back in the tray on the machine so Dwight would think he was the first to see it.

She sat back in her chair and smiled at the thought of him so far away coming up with these ideas.  She closed her eyes and could imagine him leaning over her desk, flattening his tie against his chest.  He would be absolutely beaming with the greatness of his latest plot against Dwight.  She would be proud, and at the same time jealous that she hadn't come up with it herself.

All talk, no action

So what's the big attraction?

And don't tell me it's "just because"

All work, no play

Don't wanna go on this way

I wanna go back to the way it was

At exactly 8:01 a.m. Stanley went to Toby to file a complaint against Dwight.  He then went on to tell Dwight to expect a bill from his dry cleaner.  Dwight just kept saying, “You’ll thank me later.”

Before she could talk herself out of it, Pam booted up her computer and started a new email.

To: Future Dwight

C/O: Jim Halpert

Future Dwight,

Thank you for warning Past Dwight about the poisoned coffee.  Without your vigilance, we surely all would have met an untimely end this morning.

(Hopefully not too far in the) Past Pam

P.S. Watch the inter-office mail on Monday for important information.

Suddenly, it was not just another Thursday.

The next morning Pam opened a manila folder and put in a copy of the report she gave to Jan showing what Michael did each day that week, with the following note:

Mr. Halpert,

Here are the productivity reports you requested during our last phone conversation.  If you would like further clarification on this information, please let me know.

Pamela Beesley

Receptionist, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton

She also included a CD in a slim case, with the following note:

Jim,

I've been playing these songs a lot, because they remind me of you.  I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to say everything I wanted to when you were here. 

I love you.  I miss you.

If you would like further clarification on this information, please let me know.

Pam

She held her breath as she wrote "Jim Halpert - Dunder-Mifflin Stamford, CT" on the envelope and gave it to the courier.