"Pam!"

It was barely 9 o'clock and she wasn't awake enough to respond with as much enthusiasm. "Hey Kelly," she said.

"Did you see American Idol last night?" Kelly said, leaning over Pam's desk, her blue robin's egg coat still on.

Well, at least she wasn't talking about Ryan. In fact, it actually made Pam perk up. She was going to like this conversation. "I totally did. OK, was Paula high on something last night? Or was it just me?"

"It was not just you. Did you notice how she tried to compliment everyone, you know, how she usually does? It all came out with this nasty tone to it."

Over Kelly's shoulder, Pam saw Ryan walk in the door and then walk right out again. She didn't want to get involved with whatever was going on in that relationship so she kept her mouth shut. "She sounded meaner than Simon," Pam said.

Kelly leaned over Pam's desk, her voice getting lower. "On another note, I have gossip for you. What are you doing for lunch?"

"Um...the break room. As usual."

Kelly looked around suspiciously. It was like watching a female version of Dwight and it was creeping Pam out. "No way! We're going to that new deli down the street. I heard their salads are awesome!" Kelly's awesome sounded sing songy, even if she as she was trying to be super sneaky.

"Um...OK. So why can't we do it here?"

"It has to be away from the office because it's about someone in the office!"

This was making Pam more interested. "Really?" she said, a smiling forming on her lips. "Who?"

"Karen!" Kelly eyes opened wide as she said the name, but whispered it in a way that made it sound like she was using all the energy in her body to not scream.

Pam could feel the shock on her face, but she quickly hid it as she saw Jim and Karen walk through the door. "So just give me that paperwork by noon and I'll fax it on to corporate before the deadline today."

"What?" Kelly said, before realizing that Jim was standing next to her, hanging up his coat. "What...um...what did you say the deadline was?"

Pam was glad she quickly recovered. "Noon. So why don't you bring them by and then we can go to lunch after that."

"Sounds good," Kelly said, quickly walking back to the annex with Toby. "Oh, and remind me that I have to tell you the latest about what happened to Britney Spears," she added, giving Pam a very exaggerated wink.

As Kelly walked away, Pam watched Karen give Jim's arm a quick squeeze before going over to her own desk. Pam had no idea what Kelly knew, but it was going to bother her until lunch.

The morning stretched out for what seemed like forever.  Pam kept trying to distract herself with Sidoku, Free Cell, Mindsweeper -- anything to keep her mind off whatever this secret about Karen was.  She couldn't stop thinking about it.  Every time she glanced across the office, her eyes settled on Karen.  What kind of secret could she have?  And why would she have told Kelly, of all people?  Even Karen had to know by now that Kelly couldn't keep a secret to save her life.

Pam had made that mistake, once, about three years ago.  The camera crews had just started filming in their office.  She'd admitted the secret at lunch that day, and by two o'clock in the afternoon, everyone in the office knew that Pam thought Jeff, the head cameraman, was "kind of cute."  Jim had been pouty for the rest of the afternoon, but he wouldn't admit why.  She suspected it had to do with her "secret," but Pam didn't like to think about that kind of stuff back then.  Back when she was happily "engaged."  Back when the biggest worry she had was whether she would make sloppy joes or baked chicken for dinner.  Back when everything was simple.  Easy.  Uncomplicated.

Sometimes she wished she could go back to that -- take back her confession to Roy, take back the kiss and the "me, too," take back the "I think I am."  But then she'd remember Roy smashing the mirror.  The feel of Jim's arms around her waist.  His lips pressing against hers.  And suddenly, it wasn't that easy anymore.

If only she hadn't been so stupid -- why hadn't she just said it?  "Yes, Jim, I have feelings for you.  Yes, I broke up with Roy.  Yes, I want to be with you."  Why was it so difficult?  

She found her gaze drifting towards Karen again.  Beautiful Karen.  Polished, professional Karen.  Perfect Karen.

What was so interesting about this secret that Kelly couldn't tell her in the office?  And how had she found out?  

Pam started as her eyes came into focus.  She realized Karen was staring straight back at her with an odd expression.  Pam forced a smile, and quickly turned back to her computer.  She glanced at the computer clock.  10:32 am?  Damn it.  This morning was never going to end.

 ===

"Hey, Pam."  

Pam looked up to see Karen standing over her.  Karen grabbed a small handful of M&M's and leaned against the countertop.  

The irony, Pam thought.

"So," Karen said.  "I hope this doesn't sound rude, but -- is there some reason you've been staring at me all morning?"

"What?" Pam asked, startled.  "What do you mean?"

"I mean, every time I look up, you're staring at me.  I mean, do I have something in my teeth, is my hair messed up?  What is it?  It's just... kind of weird."

"Oh," Pam said.  She forced a smile onto her face.  "Well, um, I don't know -- sometimes I just stare off into the distance when I'm thinking, and -- I don't know.  I guess you're just in my line of sight."  She made a face.  "I'm sorry."  

"Hm," Karen said.  "Okay."   She didn't sound wholly convinced.

"Well, that, and -- I don't know.  I guess I was thinking about something else, I mean..."  Pam thought quickly.  "I overheard that you and Jim saw Zodiac this weekend.  How was that?"

Karen's demeanor immediately changed.  "Oh, pretty good, actually.  It was really scary -- have you ever seen Seven?"

"Yeah," Pam said.  "Roy made me watch it.  I couldn't sleep at all that night."

"Oh my God, that's such a good movie!" Karen said.  Behind her, Pam noticed Jim turning around to look at them.  He raised an eyebrow at her.  It took everything Pam had not to smile, or make a face.  "Anyway," Karen continued, "this movie was so good -- I think I left a mark on Jim's arm, y'know?"  She rolled her eyes, glancing over at Jim.  

Pam's face immediately fell.  "Oh, yeah?" she said.  "Wow.  Well, I'm glad to hear it was a good movie."  She turned back to her computer, opening up a spreadsheet she was working on for Michael.

"Yeah," Karen said, turning back to look at Pam.  "I guess ... I should let you get back to work, then."

"Yeah," Pam said quietly.

 ===

Twelve 'o clock finally rolled around.  Pam's coat had been on for the last ten minutes, and she'd spent the last five minutes experimenting with different ways to tie her scarf.  Kelly finally passed through the kitchen a minute after twelve.  By the time she came to the front, Pam was almost out the door.  

"Wow!" Kelly said.  "You must be really hungry, Pam."  She winked at her as they went through the doors.

"I'm starved," Pam said, knowing the camera crew was watching them leave.  She hoped they weren't going to follow them to lunch as well.  They usually didn't, but then again - maybe one of them had overheard Kelly talking to Pam earlier.  She tried to remember if she'd noticed the crew watching them.  Oh, well, she thought.  It wasn't like they would be able to say anything to Karen, even if they had heard about it.  Right?

Pam found herself lost in thought as they stepped out into the cold air.  She shivered as they both stopped in front of the door.  

"Who's driving?" Pam asked.

"I'm almost out of gas, so we'll have to take your car.  Do you have seat warmers?" Kelly asked.

"No," Pam said.  That was part of a $1500 option package she couldn't afford when she got the car.

"Mine has them," Kelly said.  "They're awesome, Pam.  You totally should have gotten them, Pam, but.  Oh, well."

 ===

Pam had immediately asked Kelly about the secret as soon as they got in the car, but Kelly insisted that she didn't want to talk about it until they got to the deli.  "Trust me," she'd said.  "You'll want to be sitting down when you hear this."

"I am sitting down," Pam had said, but Kelly wouldn't reveal any more.  

They arrived at the deli on Main Ave.  It was some spawn off a famous New York deli, and featured freshly sliced meats, cheeses, and a relish bar.  The place was packed as well, probably due to their half-off grand-opening special.  

"Okay," Pam said.  "We're here.  When were you going to tell me?"

"When we sit down, Pam.  Seriously."  She looked at Pam oddly.  "You've never really been that into gossip before.  You're totally in love with Jim, aren't you?  That's why you want to know."

"What?" Pam asked, her cheeks immediately starting to burn.  "I ... um..."

"Seriously, Pam.  Everyone knows.  Probably Karen, too.  That's why you're just going to die when you hear this."

"Kelly," Pam said, touching her hands to her cheeks to cool them down.  "How did you get this information, anyway?"

"A little bird told me," Kelly said, winking.  "Just ... trust me.  You won't believe it."

"You're killing me," Pam said, as they stepped up to the counter.

 ===

Every second that passed seemed like an hour.  They grabbed their drinks, but the sandwiches took a few minutes.  Then Kelly had to linger over the relish bar for several minutes.  "Have you ever seen so many different types of relishes?" she squealed.  

Pam felt ready to kill someone.  "Are you doing this on purpose?" she asked.

"Doing what?" Kelly asked.

Pam sighed, walking over to the table by herself.  Well, if Kelly was going to be like that, Pam could at least start eating.  Maybe it would calm the nerves in her stomach, she thought.  She had just started to take a bite of her sandwich when Kelly sat down.

"Okay," Kelly said excitedly.  "I can't hold it in anymore."

"Thank God," Pam said.

"So, yesterday, I was talking to one of the girls who works at the New York branch, and..."  She trailed off suddenly.  

"And -- what?" Pam asked.  She tapped Kelly's arm.  "Kelly.  Kelly.  Earth to Kelly?"

"Unbelievable," Kelly said.  

"What?"  Pam asked.  She noticed Kelly looking in the opposite direction.  She turned her chair around to see Karen and Jim walking into the deli, two tables over from where they were sitting.  

"Hey!" Karen said, noticing the two of them.  She tapped Jim, who looked over, nodding.  He smiled at them.  They walked over towards Kelly and Pam.  "Guess we're not the only ones who had a craving for a real sandwich.  I heard this place was good.  How is it?" Karen asked.  

"Mmm," Pam nodded.  She had just taken a huge bite before turning around.  She swallowed, feeling the too-large chunk edge down her throat.  She took a large sip of soda.  "Um, yeah.  It's good," she finally said.

"Can we join you, then?" Karen asked.

"Oh, um..."  Pam paused, looking at Kelly.

"Sure!" Kelly said, moving over to the chair next to Pam.  

Are you kidding me? Pam thought.  What were the chances?  She'd waited all this time, and now...this?  Pam waited until they walked away.  "Kelly," she said, leaning towards her.  "Can you tell me now, before they come back?  I mean, seriously, I waited all morning for this."

"No way," Kelly hissed back.  "If I told you now, you'd never be able to make it through lunch with a straight face.  Seriously.  I'll tell you after we leave."

"I hate you," Pam said, sitting back in her chair.  

 ===

Pam knew this was going to be the longest lunch of her life. Not only was she in a hyper state over the big secret Kelly kept dangling in front of her imagination, but now she was going to have to share the tension with the two people she already spent way too much time thinking about. She continued to take small bites of her sandwich, telling herself that it hadn't tasted like sawdust until she realized she and Kelly were not alone.

When Karen and Jim sat down at their table, Karen was quick to grab the chair next to Pam. A little too quick, Pam thought sourly. Heaven forbid Jim be allowed to sit next to her anymore. But as they all settled in, Pam was grateful that at least she could sit and look at his face, not the back of his neck she usually had to settle for. She might draw his face a million different times when alone at home, but it couldn't beat being able to look at the real thing. He seemed to be in a good mood, and her spirits lifted every time he directed a genuine smile in her direction. More than once their eyes met and his green eyes held her gaze a little longer than strictly needed. She wondered what he was thinking, and what had changed that he was being so warm to her again. Her habit of self-dismal told her he was just being polite because they were out with others. A little voice of hope wondered if it had anything to do with the secret Kelly had promised to tell.

“So Karen,” Kelly said, sipping her diet coke, “I was talking to a friend in marketing on the phone the other day. I had not idea you knew Bernadette!”

Karen looked up from her soup quickly. “Oh, yeah, of course I know Bernadette. We both went to the same college. I haven't seen her in ages - how is she?”

“She's doing really well. She got engaged last summer and she's in the middle of planning a huge wedding that's going to take place Summer 2008.”

“2008?” Jim replied, his eyes searching out Pam's in wonderment. “Who plans a wedding that far ahead?”

“Everyone, Jim,” Kelly replied, rolling her eyes. “These things take time to get right.”

“And everything gets booked up so quickly,” Karen added. “I mean, the best places do.” She reached out and put her hand on his forearm. “Honey, we'd be planning for a 2008 wedding if we got engaged right now, because of where I want the reception.”

Pam thought she was either going to barf her sandwich back up immediately, or lean over and choke the life out of Karen. In the end she just rolled her eyes. She couldn't bear to hear Karen addressing him in that sickeningly sweet voice she sometimes used; nor hear him called “Honey”; nor imagine the two of them engaged. She was completely embarrassed when she looked over at him and saw him staring. She could tell immediately that he'd caught her reaction. What she couldn't tell was if his reaction to it was amusement or enlightenment.

As they all got up to leave, Karen excused herself to go to the restroom. Kelly decided to join her, which left Jim and Pam to walk out of the deli and wait outside on the pavement. They stood their silently, Pam pushing her hands deep into her pockets for warmth. She wished it wasn't so hard to talk to him these days. Lord knows she had plenty to say.

“So you aren't a big fan of taking two years to plan a wedding?” Jim said, surprising her out of her reverie.

She shrugged. “Seems like a lot of time and money wasted on just one day.” She realized that might sound like a slam against Karen. “But I guess if you have the money to spend....”

“It's still a waste of time and money for just one day.” He stepped closer to Pam, looking over her shoulder into the deli window to look for signs of Karen and Kelly. “If I wanted to marry someone I wouldn't be willing to be engaged that long. Too much can happen if you stay engaged for too long.”

“Good to know,” Pam nodded, staring down at her shoes and wondering why he would say such a that to her. If she didn't know better, she would think he was referring to her broken engagement. But that wasn't a subject she thought they were allowed to discuss. Slightly irritated at his tone, Pam said snidely, “Better make sure Karen knows that before she books the hall for Spring of 2009.”

She heard him snort. “That is not something I need to worry about.”

“And why is that?” The question was out of her mouth before she even realized she'd said something. She looked up, a bit embarrassed but too curious to find out the truth. His eyes searched hers again, and he bit his lip as if trying to hold back his reply.

She heard the sound of Kelly's laugh behind her as the deli's doors opened. She turned around to face her returning companions, and as she did Jim bent down, his response a harsh whisper in her ear. “If you don't know, then there's nothing I can tell you.”

He walked over to Karen, car keys in hand. “We'll see you guys back at the office,” he said cheerfully, as they left for his car. Pam could only stare, wondering what in the hell had just happened.

Pam followed Kelly silently back to their car, and got in, her mind playing over and over the little scene outside the deli. Her thoughts were interrupted by Kelly's squeal as she started the car.

“So are you ready for the secret???”

Pam turned toward her. “Yes, please. Take me out of my misery!”

Kelly took a deep breath. “Now I know this is going to sound unbelievable, because I did not believe it myself when I first heard. But I had it confirmed from not one but two people down in corporate. One was Natalie, who is in HR and is NOT supposed to divulge company information to anyone, not even other members of the company, but she and I have been friends since like forever and she just had to tell someone and that someone was me. Well, it was me and two other girlfriends who don't work for Dunder Mifflin but were there when we were out one night drinking watermelon margaritas and were looking out for cute guys. Well, I wasn't because of course I have Ryan, but he didn't come with us and there's no harm in looking, right?”

“Kelly...” Pam was starting to wonder if she'd ever get to the secret.

“I know - I'm just about there. Anyway, Natalie first told me the secret, and then I had it confirmed by Bernadette - that girl I mentioned in the deli that knew Karen back in college. Well, not that Bernadette called her Karen back in college.”

“Please....what is the damn secret?”

“Get ready for this: Karen used to be a guy!!!!!!!!!”