Forewarning from Pam: The thing about schemes.

See, the thing about schemes, is that you never know who has them. You might think you're the one controlling a situation, and that everything is going according to your master plan, but you could be wrong. Oh yes, my friend you could be very, very wrong. And no one is immune. Even the best of pranksters can sometimes be the victims of other people's plots. Luckily in my case everything worked out in the end, well, almost everything, but now I'm getting ahead of myself...

Note from Jim: The following document was comandeered at great personal risk by Jim Halpert and then transcribed word for word for your benefit by Pam Beesly (but only because she can type faster), so most of the credit should still go to me.

Property of Andrew David Bernard

In keeping with the advice of my most excellent empowerment mentor, Marci, I, Andrew David Bernard, hereby begin my emotions journal. Marci has told me that writing out my feelings is better than keeping them all bottled up like the fizz in a champagne bottle that someone keeps shaking and shaking and shaking. So that's what I'm going to do.

Tomorrow is my first day back at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton since the incident. I realize of course that everyone will have missed me, possibly some more than others, and I too am excited to see my old friends. Although I'm sure they don't suspect me to be very different I look forward to proving them wrong.

You know, when I first came to Scranton I was determined to push my way to the top no matter what the cost. But no more. I have learned that people do not respond well to being pushed. People must be nurtured, like little sprouts. And from now on I intend to nurture everyone I meet. Dunder-Mifflin Scranton, prepare yourself for the new Andy Bernard. Actually, let's make that Andrew Bernard. I feel like a new person, and a new person needs a new name.

9:03 am  

Life at Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton has never been better. Everyone was so excited to see me. Pam looks happier than I've ever seen her before, except for that one time when I was singing her that song after work. I feel like my relationship with Pam may have had some bumps in it so far, but I'm now confident that I can put my superior emotional skills to the test and win her back. In fact, I've decided to put Operation win-Pam's-heart-back aka Operation Love Train into action in the very near future. Of course, Big Tuna will be helping me out on that one. Speaking of whom, I should probably just say that the Tuna has never looked so worn out. Clearly, he's been feeling my absence more than I expected he would. But now I'm back and we're ready to roll. Andy, I mean, Andrew and the Tuna are going out on tour baby!

10:16

Excellent news. Operation Love Train is right on track! Details to follow. They would follow now only Michael's giving me this weird look, and I don't think he understands how vital this journal is to my emotional well-being. So all I'll say for now is that it turns out Pam was even happier to see me than I thought.

10:44

Dwight totally just Schruted this huge assignment. I pointed that out to Michael though and he basically kicked me out of his office. Looks like Dwight has completely taken advantage of my absence to force himself on Michael. Or maybe he's been hypnotizing him. Either way he's a jerk. I'm feeling pretty screwed over right now. Marci said when I feel like this I should write it all out, but this is taking too long. I don't think it's working. Instead I think I'm going to focus on a new strategy for getting in with the boss.

11:47

Well, the Tuna and I might not be going out on tour just yet, but we are going to lunch. I cannot wait to give Big Tuna the low-down on my hot plans for tonight. Plus I will definitely be needing his help if this evening is going to go the way I've planned.

***

Jim was a little surprised when Andy asked him to go out to get some lunch with him, but since Andy was offering to pay, he thought, eh? why not? Besides, anything was better than sitting at a table in the break room with Karen. Everything between them had been strained lately, and he was starting to wonder why he was even trying to make it work. By the time Andy was ready for lunch Jim was actually starting to think he might enjoy their outing. Andy was still Andy (or rather, he was Andrew now as he kept insisting everyone call him by his full name) but that anger-management training had actually seemed to help a little. So far in the 3 and a half hours he'd been back Andy hadn't once tried to fish for Tuna or sung any of his annoying little songs. Jim had noticed him bugging Pam awhile ago and worried that Andy might have just transferred targets, but as far as he could tell Pam hadn't been hurt by the exchange, and actually she'd come out of it smiling, so whatever that had been about, it couldn't have been too big of a deal.  

***

Lunch was remarkably subdued. Andy kept asking questions about Michael and Dwight and what had been happening at the office, so Jim really wasn't prepared for what he was about to hear.

"So Pam and I seem to be moving along nicely." Andy remarked. Jim swallowed his drink a bit too quickly and had to cough a little to cover his surprise.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" he asked.

"Me. Pam. Together. Duh! Where have you been bro? I mean, come on, it's like completely obvious that she's got a thing for me." Jim couldn't decide whether stunned disbelief or giggling like a little girl was the correct response, so he just did his best to keep his expression neutral. 

"Really? I, um... I hadn't really picked up on that."

"Are you kidding me? It's totally obvious! I mean, before I left she used to spend hours staring at me at work, and she seemed totally into that song I played for her. Which reminds me, I should really thank you, Tuna, without your help our relationship never would've made it past a one-night stand."

Jim's eyes nearly came out of his head at the thought of anyone having a one-night stand with Pam.  But then he noticed Andy giving him a weird look, so he stuffed some more steak fries in his mouth and tried to continue talking normally.

"Um..." it was kind of hard to talk around the fries, "wasn't that, I mean, not to, well, I'm just surprised, I guess. You and Pam are... in a relationship?" 

"Uh, yeah!" Andy replied, still looking at him like Jim was the crazy one in this conversation.

Jim took a deep breath.

"Wow. Okay. Hey, uh, so... when exactly did all this happen? Because, I gotta tell ya, I've seen you guys together and you really don't seem like you're...together." It was the best he could manage after being side-lined by this.

"Well," Andy paused, "nothing has really happened yet, per se, but I'm taking her out tonight, so that should be pretty "exciting" if you know what I mean." Andy winked at a speechless Jim. For his part, Jim was pretty sure he was about to throw up. The thought of Pam having sex with anyone (well... almost anyone) was utterly disturbing, but sex with Andy!!! Tonight!!! 

***

Less than 30 seconds later he was in the tiny hallway next to the bathrooms, his cell phone up to his ear.

"Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam."

"Oh good you're there."

"Jim?"

"Yeah, listen I just need you to answer one quick question."

"Okay...shoot." There was a long pause. "Jim? Are you still there?"

"Uh-huh. Um..." Jim's face was screwing up with that same pained look he'd tried to keep at bay throughout his conversation with Andy "look I don't really know how to ask this, but are you by any chance going out with Andy tonight."

"Um... yeah actually I am." There was another long pause as Jim registered about 500 emotions all at once. Shock. Disbelief. Jealousy. General ickiness at the thought. Finally Pam asked, "so... is that it? Or did you need something else?"

"Oh, no...no. Bye Pam." Jim got off the phone as quickly as possible, turned to go back out to the table, thought better of it, and decided to buy himself some time in the bathroom... maybe splash a little water on his face. Pinch his arm a few times. Bang his head against the tiles. Anything to get himself to wake up from this horribly wrong nightmare.

***

"Bye Jim."

Pam hung up the phone and smiled. Maybe she was taking this a little too far, but then again sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to get the things you really want. 

2:12

Back at the Dun-Mif. Lunch was awesome. Big Tuna seemed totally on board with Operation Love Train. He wanted to know why I'd named it that and I explained to him that it's because Love Train sounds like Soul Train, and Pam is practically my soul because she's in my heart... so... Anyways, the Tuna and I cooked up some HOT plans for tomorrow night. I don't want to give it away, because who knows who might be reading this behind my back (yes, Phyllis, this means you! Now stop reading. This is private property!!) But let me just say that Scranton will be sizzling with Saturday Night Fevah by 9 o'clock tomorrow. 

2:49

Dwight's in Michael's office. He's been there for at least 12 minutes and I can't come up with a reason to go bust up their little meeting. Marci told me I should try to take a fifteen minute cool-off break between when something upsets me and when I take action, but I think she probably underestimated Andrew Bernard's ability to deal with things calmly and rationally. Most people might need 15 minutes, but I think 12 is already way more than what's necessary for me. Time to go see what's going on in there.

2:56

Turns out Michael did need me for something. He sent me out to go make sure there was still air in his tires. And then he asked me to patrol the parking lot for half an hour or so just to make sure those guys from Vance Refrigeration don't try to punk us again. So now I'm out here on security detail. I told Michael not to worry since Andrew Bernard is on the job.

2:58

Man, it's cold out here. Should've brought a jacket.

3:55

Back at my desk. Less than an hour until I'm going home to prepare for my first official date with Pam. Not that I'm worried, I mean I already know she likes me, even in my work duds, but wait till she gets a look at Andrew Bernard, the suave romantic date-man. In other Dunder-Mifflin news Angela is really starting to freak me out. I'm trying to remain calm and practicing my breathing techniques like Marci told me to, but if I see her looking at me like that one more time... 

5:17

Writing from inside the car wash. The Xterra and I are going to be squeaky clean tonight in honor of Ymay Airfay Adylay Ampay. I'm thinking we'll start with dinner and then maybe a movie or something. It's a Friday night in Scranton, I'm sure we'll find something to do. And then, of course, I'll invite her over to my place and we'll just... see how the evening progresses.

***

The "date" was an utter disaster. Not that she'd been expecting it to go well, of course. Pam was still calling it a "date" (quote marks included) in her mind, because to actually call it a date would've been way more than she was prepared to handle. She had to keep reminding herself that it was only one date, and that it was all for a good cause. And that's when Andy sprung it on her.

"You know, I was talking to Jim at lunch today and he thinks it's great that we're finally getting together."

"He said that?" the disbelief was clear in her voice, but somehow Andy didn't notice. Instead he just shrugged.

"So I told him we should double date sometime. Doesn't that sound like a blast? It'd be just like old times, I mean, if we had known each other in old times, like in high school or college or something. Hey by the way, did I ever tell you about this one time when I was in college? I went to Cornell, you know, and--"

"Yeah, Andy, hold on. You told Jim we should double date?" 

"Andrew, Pam, the name is Andrew now. I'm pretty much a whole new man since the training, you know?"

"Oh, right, sorry. Um... but, so what did Jim say?"

"Oh, he said we should definitely do it. In fact, we kind of already set something up for tomorrow night. I wasn't going to tell you because it's supposed to be a surprise. Don't you just love surprises?" He smiled at her from across the table and Pam had to consciously work to keep the look of completely grossed out off of her face so that it didn't give her away.

"Tomorrow night, huh? Wow that's, uh, soon..." she had no idea what she was saying, but Andy didn't seem to mind. Actually he'd been pretty good at keeping up the conversation single-handedly all through dinner. So she just let him keep on talking about whatever bizarre college memory he was now elaborating on for her benefit while she processed this information. Double-dating with Karen and Jim??? Tomorrow night??? This was definitely not part of the plan!  

***

Jim shut the door behind him, dropped his bag on the floor and fell flat onto the couch. He'd spent the entire afternoon on high-alert trying to look like he was working while simultaneously keeping one eye on Pam and one eye on Andy, and of course there were the usual tasks of fending off both Michael and Dwight, not to mention keeping Karen from getting suspicious. All in all it had been completely exhausting afternoon. Some time that felt like 5 minutes later but was actually closer to 40 he realized he was still face down on the couch and that his phone was beeping in his bag, indicating that he'd missed a call.

"Hey." he said

"Hey." Karen replied with a tone of unveiled boredom that matched his own.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Oh." The line was silent for a few seconds.

"Did you want something?" she asked suddenly.

"Uh, no. I just thought maybe you'd want to get together. I mean, it's Friday night. And you, I saw you called me, right?" Jim replied, not really sure why he was bothering to bring it up.

"Oh yeah." there was another pause "Well, so what do you want to do?" Karen asked. 

"I dunno."

"Yeah me neither." Yet another pause threatened to linger.

"So..." he began

"Hey Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"I think maybe I'd rather not do something tonight. I mean I'm just kinda worn out right now. Do you mind?"

"No, no, not at all. I'm actually feeling the same way."

"Okay, well maybe we can get together tomorrow or something." she said, noncommitally.

Crap! Tomorrow. Tomorrow night was their stupid double date with Andy and Pam that he'd completely forgotten to tell Karen about. He hadn't really meant to take Andy up on that offer, but somehow Andy seemed to have settled it all by himself and Jim had been too distracted by the idea of going on a date with Pam, well, with Karen, but with Pam there too, that he'd just sort of nodded along. He didn't really think he could tell Karen that though, at least not the part about Pam. 

"Yeah. Actually, I hope you don't mind, but I kind of already made plans for us tomorrow. Tomorrow night, that is. Is that okay?"

"Oh. Sure, I guess that's fine. What are we doing? Or is it a surprise?" He winced as Karen suddenly sounded a lot more interested in the conversation than she had to this point.

"No it's not really a surprise. I, uh, I told Andy that I'd go on a double date with him, you know, for moral support. It's a guy thing."

"You what!" Karen's tone clearly implied that she thought Jim was certifiably crazy. "Wait. Andy has a date? With who?"

"Uh..." Crud. Well, she was bound to find out sooner or later he thought. "with Pam actually."

"Pam? No! What? Okay first of all wow! Secondly, yes we are definitely going because there is no way I want to miss out on this. I mean what in the world could've possessed her to..." Karen kept talking, but Jim wasn't really paying attention 

All of a sudden he couldn't wait to end this conversation. The last thing he wanted to talk about was the possibility of a relationship between Andy and Pam.

"Okay. Well, I think the plan is to meet at the restaurant around 7, so I'll pick you up at 6:45. Okay?"

"Oh, yeah, that's fine or we could get together earlier if you want." 

"Um... I don't know, I'll just call you tomorrow okay?"

"Sure." Karen's tone was suddenly back to normal. Which, lately, for them, meant it sounded a little like she was talking to someone she'd just met. 

"Night Jim."

"Night." 

***

When Andy reached her doorstep it was clear what he was expecting. In fact, he'd been dropping none-too-subtle hints all through dinner about heading back to his place afterwards, but fortuneately Pam had come prepared for that exact problem with a whole slew of excuses ranging from an early-morning art class to her non-existent dog's pregnancy. The doorstep on the other hand, was harder to avoid. Luckily she managed to escape with only a quick hug, but half an hour later she was still squirming with disgust by the way his hand had moved down her lower back as he had released her. More than anything though Pam was trying to figure out what was going on with Jim. Her plan had been to shock him and not only was he apparently not shocked but he was actually planning a second date?!? Did he really believe she had accepted Andy's offer because she liked him? Or was he more serious about staying with Karen than she'd thought?

Whatever the reason, she was stuck with Andy for at least one more night, which was double the amount of time she'd planned on having to spend with him! And this time she'd be doing it in front of a rapt audience.

Well, fine! If that was how Halpert wanted to play then that was just fine! He probably couldn't resist the opportunity to laugh at her to her face. But no matter what he was planning she wasn't about to be humiliated in front of him or especially in front of Karen. Two could play at this game and after all, they both knew she was the better bluffer.  

12:18

I've spent the whole morning coming up with ways to get Michael back on my side. Dwight has been ruthlessly undermining me when I wasn't here to defend myself, so I think it'll be twice as hard to get myself back in with the boss. Basically, my reputation has just been laying there in the dust the whole time I've been gone so now it's all covered with dust bunnies and besides that it's been writhing in pain every time Dwight squishes it with those freaking spiked vampire-slaying boots he brought into work once! I hate Dwight!

2:32

Okay, Andrew Bernard has come up with a plan to win back my rightful place as Michael's number two. It involves door-bell ditching, and some oreos, and some beers, and if that doesn't work I'll move on to phase B.

3:55

You know what the problem is with door-bell ditching? You never get to see the person's reaction. I drove around the block a few times and on the second lap the stuff was gone, but how do I know if he really liked it? Oh. Wait, I just thought of an even bigger problem. How will Michael know that stuff was from me? What if he assumes it was Dwight or something? Maybe I should just call Michael and ask him if anyone left him anything and then see what he says. Yeah, that could work.

6:15

Michael's still not answering his phone, and now I have to go get ready for tonight's encore date. I guess I'll just have to check up on him tomorrow. In the meantime, lookout Pamelassie, Andrew Bernard is on the prowl!

***

Karen glances at the microwave clock from her position on the couch.

"What am I doing?" she mutters to herself. "It's almost 3 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon and I haven't been out of the house yet? This is just sad." The old Karen never would have lain around all day feeling sorry for herself and watching movies on Lifetime. But the old Karen wouldn't have moved to Nowheres-ville, Pennsylvania either. And all for some stupid guy.

The thing is, though, that Jim isn't just a stupid guy. She had moved here thinking she knew what she was getting into. But it seems like every day she's found out something new about Jim and his past that make her think she must not have known him at all. And now, she just feels like she's stuck. She likes Jim, of course she does, he's such a great guy and sometimes everything between them is so amazing that she can't imagine how she'd lived without it for so long, but those times are starting to become so infrequent that she just isn't sure it's really worth it anymore. She often finds herself thinking What am I even doing here? Is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?

With a sudden jolt of energy she sits up on the couch and reaches for her laptop. Pulling up a couple of job search sites, she decides there's no harm in just looking. At the very worst, it will only make her more willing to put up with the job she already has instead of getting all frustrated trying to find a new one.

Location? The search page asks. Karen thinks for a minute. She knows where she really wants to be, and it isn't Scranton. Well, you might as well go all out, if you really want to know, she decides. She types in New York City with a 30-mile radius. As she scans the listings she can feel the beginnings of a smile on her face and she wonders again how she's let herself get so far off track.

***

Jim rolls over one more time determined to sleep longer. He isn't even really tired anymore, but if he gets out of bed then he'll have to go... do things, and deal with people, and stand up. He can't really remember much after his conversation with Karen last night, but he knows there was some scotch involved and maybe some whiskey and whatever that other kind was that he'd found in the back of the pantry. He vaguely remembers moving from the couch to his room at some point. All he really knows is that his head is pounding and he definitely didn't drunk enough, because he can still remember the fact that Andy and Pam went on a date!! Why? and how? and what? What had gone on there? He had been in love with Pam for years, and he'd been her best friend for longer than that and he'd still never gone on a real date with her (and okay, okay, she'd been engaged at the time, but still!) Andy? Andy went on a date with Pam before he did? One thing is certain. The universe has a very sick and twisted sense of humor.

About an hour later he finally gives up trying to fall asleep again and decides to spend the afternoon running errands. He figures this will keep him too busy to think about tonight's date with Pam and Andy (which he is sincerely dreading despite the chance it will give him to see Pam on a date) and as an added bonus running errands will give him the perfect excuse not to do something with Karen if she calls.

For the most part it actually seems to work. Of course, he can't help thinking of Pam as he puts on some jeans and a T-shirt because he just happens to pick the same shirt he wore to play basketball in at work and now he always thinks of her when he wears it, and how cute she had looked trying to trash-talk their team.

And of course he can't possibly be expected not to think about Pam when he drives past Chile's on his way across town. That had been such a great night. One of the very few times when she had just let herself go. And of course he had been right there with her to keep her from making a complete fool of herself. Well, or maybe just to make sure she didn't get in over her head. He had loved taking care of her like that. The fact that she would trust herself to him in such a way made him feel needed and loved, even if it was just the love of a good friend. And then, of course, there had been that kiss...

Sighing at the inevitable, he pauses as he picks out fabric softener at the grocery store. Apparently his plan to run errands hasn't been any more successful than any of the other methods he's tried to get him to stop thinking about Pam over the years. He isn't always quite this obsessed of course, but today he really just can't seem to stop thinking about her. 

***

It's 6:35, and she hasn't even gotten in the shower yet. Last night she had been determined not to let Jim's bizarre behavior get to her. She would stick to her plan. She would play along, and at some point he would break. But she had just spent the entire day rethinking her strategy. Was it really worth it? She isn't even sure what she's doing anymore.

Originally, the plan had been to shock his system. It would probably have been more effective if she'd used Dwight, but Pam happened to know that Dwight's mystery girlfriend would never have approved that, so she'd gone for the next best thing.

She groans aloud as she remembers that she actually has to go through with this for another night. Then she picks up her hair clip and trudges toward the bathroom. 

Pam is very aware of the fact that both she and Jim have a tendency to just let things go. In fact, they've already been doing that for years. She had stayed with Roy and she and Jim had stayed best friends and everything had just gone on and on like that for so long. That's why she's so worried. She's noticed Jim's relationship with Karen deteriorating and she knows he's doing it again. Technically, he is still with Karen, but only because that's the status quo and far be it from him to mess with that.

Of course, she's just the same. She'd even gotten back together with Roy for that very reason. It was easy. It was comfortable. It wasn't right, but it was good enough. Sometimes doing the right thing was just too much effort, and sometimes it was a lot harder than you would have expected it to be, and other times it was flat-out terrifying. At least, that was what she had told herself up until that night when Roy started smashing things at Poor Richard's.

She's spent a lot of time thinking about her relationships since then. And after several nights of lying in bed with her fists balled up in frustration at herself and her situation she'd come up with a plan. Actually, The Plan. The plan to shock Jim, and herself, out of the rut they were in.

Granted, shock and awe aren't really Pam's strong points, but at first her plan had seemed to be working. At least, judging by that phone call she'd gotten from Jim at lunch yesterday.  Standing in front of the mirror she surveys herself with another sigh. Forget the shower; this is plenty good enough. I mean it's not like you're actually trying to attract someone. Well, okay, it's not like you're actually trying to attract your date, she thinks, feeling a little guilty. She isn't used to being this under-handed, at least not all by herself, and she certainly isn't used to using someone else like this. But Andy is, well... he'll get over it. And besides, it's not like this will be going on much longer. "Whatever happens tonight," she thinks "this is my last date with Andy Bernard." And with that comforting thought she reaches for her deodorant.

6:42

On my way over to pick up the Pamster. I'm still a little worried about Michael. I hope he's all right. He hasn't been answering his phone all day. I would go over to check on him, but tonight I have more important business to attend to. Tonight is all about Andrew and Pamela gettin' it on. Oh. Light's green. Gotta go!

*** 

This place was nice! She'd have to remember it for the next time her parents were in town. But even the beautiful setting couldn't make up for the lousy circumstances. The mood at the table was tense. Andy, of course, was blissfully oblivious to anything going on beneath the surface of the conversation. Karen was alternating between blatant boredom and feigned interest with occasional bouts of possessiveness towards Jim. As much as Pam had been dreading this double date, she hadn't expected it to be this bad. She was doing her best to keep up the charade, as she was determined not to be the first to crack, but it was getting more and more difficult by the minute as Jim's face got harder and harder to read.

"So, Andrew, what were you telling me about your frolf tournament, last night?" Pam asked with a demure smile.

Andy's mouth was full of noodles, so there was silence at the table for a minute as everyone waited for a reply.

"That was back at Cornell, but I've been meaning to set up a new league here in Scranton. I think there's some real potential for break-out stars to emerge. Michael told me once, that he'd never really been in a frisbee golf game, but don't you guys think he'd be great. And of course we'd be needing support from the ladies on the sidelines," he enthused, glancing meaningfully at both Pam and Karen.

Pam was glad she had paused right before taking a sip of wine, because that glance from Andy definitely would have interfered with her ability to swallow correctly.

*** 

He couldn't take his eyes off her. They were sitting less than three feet away from each other and he was doing his best to direct his attention toward Karen who was on his left, or occasionally to Andy on his right, but there was no escaping her smirky little smile and the way she was looking at Andy like he was the best thing that ever happened to her. What was wrong with Pam? She couldn't... There was just no way. She didn't seriously like Andy? Right? No. That wasn't possible. Was it? He was starting to wonder if hypnosis or some other kind of brainwashing was going on, when he noticed she was watching him too. She was being subtle about it, but he realized that every time she said something to Andy or even gave the slightest suggestion of flirting with him, she'd sneak a glance at him to see his reaction.

And there it was folks. Incredibly, Pam had somehow managed to mastermind this whole event just to see if she could still make him jealous. Wow. She was even better at this than he'd thought. He just couldn't believe he'd been that stupid. Clearly she was still only interested in tormenting him with something he could never have. And he'd fallen for it. Again.

His mood got darker and darker as he watched her join Andy in his rendition of that song from the six flags commercial. She hated that song. But apparently it was worth it to her to make him keep suffering like this. She'd sunk this low just to kick him in the gut when he couldn't do anything about it? He wouldn't have believed it from the old Pam, but he knew she had changed while he was in Stamford and now he was witnessing the the result. If he could have he would have reached across the table grabbed her by the wrist and demanded to know what else she wanted from him. As it was he could only sit there and try to keep his face from turning to a blatant scowl.

*** 

"So then after college how did you wind up at Dunder-Mifflin?" Pam asked, still trying her hardest to make it look like she cared. She glanced over at Jim again to see how he was taking it.

He met her glance, inexplicably frowned at her and then sat up suddenly from his slouch with a look of determination.

"Pam? Can I? I'm sorry everyone, I need to talk to Pam for just a minute."

"What?" Karen looked completely shocked.

"We'll just be a minute."

"Um. Jim, I think--" Pam attempted before being cut off by Karen.

"No! You know what? I think I'd better have a word with Jim first."

"Well, in that case why don't Pam and I leave you two alone for awhile, I'm sure we can think of somewhere else we'd rather be, right Pammy-cakes?" Andy leered.

Pam's jaw was practically on the floor. What was going on?

"That's not necessary Andy." Jim quickly replied.

"Jim, I need to talk to you now!" Karen snapped.

The two headed out the front door of the restaurant as Pam tried to collect herself. After a minute or so she looked over at Andy to find him still eyeing her intently. This was not good. She had expected that having Jim and Karen along would help to act as a buffer for this very situation. With them gone for who knew how long she'd just have to come up with something herself.

"Can you excuse me, for a minute? I need to use the restroom."

"By all means, my lady. And don't worry I will be right here all night, waiting for you."

She shuddered as she closed the bathroom door behind her. She wasn't sure how much worse one date could get.

*** 

8:04

I'm taking this opportunity to reflect for a moment on the evening. My Pamelady is in the john, and we finally managed to ditch Karen and the Tuna for a few minutes. Not that I don't love the guy, but he can be a real mood-killer sometimes. No wonder he's had so many relationship problems. The dude needs to get help. Michael told me once that the Tuna was involved with someone before he came to Stamford, or maybe they weren't dating, but he was like in love with her, or something. But as far as I know that ended up being a no-go. Personally, I wouldn't mind giving him a few pointers. I mean, you gotta feel sorry for the guy. He obviously doesn't have a clue how a successful relationship works. Management training taught me a lot about that actually.

***

"I thought you said we'd be going on a date!"

"What are you talking about? This is a date!"

"Oh right! So watching you stare across the table at Pam all night is considered a date now?" Karen huffed before turning around and walking down the street. Jim just watched her for a minute annoyed at her, but mostly at himself. 

"Karen, stop. Where are you even going?" he asked, easily catching up to her in her heels.

"I don't know, but I know I'm not going back in there."

"Seriously, stop. You can't walk all the way home!" His tone was softer, he really didn't want to provoke another scene.

Karen stopped, turned toward him, crossed her arms against her chest and just glared.

Jim understood why she was upset, and he knew he would be too if he were in her position. He let out a sigh.

"Look, just get in the car and I'll take you home, okay?"

 She still didn't say anything but she followed him back to the restaurant and across the parking lot to his car.

***

It had been 45 minutes since Jim and Karen had left and Andy was driving her insane. She excused herself again and headed for the bathroom.

She didn't know who else to call. Not for the first time, she regretted the fact that she hadn't bothered to make many friends outside her office.

"Please Angela. I know it's late, but I'll pay you for the gas."

"I just don't understand. How could you have gotten stuck at a restaurant? How did you get there in the first place?"

"It's a long story and I really don't want to talk about it. I swear I'll make it up to you."

"Don't swear. It's a sin."

"Sorry." Pam rolled her eyes, great she thought there goes my chance for a ride. She was about to offer Angela half of her next paycheck when she heard what sounded like some intense whispering coming from the other end of the line.

"Fine." Angela said. "I'll be there in 20 minutes. Please wait out front so I don't have to get out of my car." 

***

The drive to Karen's apartment didn't take long, but it felt like forever to Jim as neither of them broke the tense silence. When he pulled up on her street and turned off the car he expected her to climb right out without a word. But when she kept sitting there he figured she was looking for an apology.

"Karen, I'm sorry," he began.

"No. Don't. You're not sorry, I don't think you'd even know what to be sorry about, so don't lie to me." her voice was surprisingly calm, but she was staring out the windshield as though determined not to look at him.

"Okay. I won't." he said.

"Jim, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sick of trying to make this work when I feel like I'm the only one who's trying. I liked you, I mean I really liked you, I moved here for you, but it's just not working. I don't know if it's you or Pam or whatever," she hesitated for a moment, then continued. "Honestly I don't really care anymore, so you can go do whatever you want, because I'm out."

Jim was at a loss for words. He knew he should have paid more attention to Karen over the past few weeks, but somehow he still hadn't expected this. He was tempted to make another attempt at smoothing things over, to do whatever it took to keep her with him, but was that really what he wanted? And was it fair to her? He realized he'd been quiet too long.

"I don't know what to say, Karen. You're right it's just not working, and I'm sure that's mostly my fault, but you should know that at one point I really wanted it to work too."

"Yeah, I do know that. That's what makes it so hard now."

Apparently his mouth had just made his decision for him. And now that he considered it a bit more, he realized that this really was what he wanted. Karen had been quiet too, and when he glanced in her direction her head was turned and he knew she was trying to keep him from seeing her tears

"And I am sorry that I hurt you." he added.

"I know." she sniffed "I'd better go."

"So, what now? I mean, I guess I'll see you at work?"

"Um. Yeah, probably, but I don't really think I'll be in Scranton for too much longer, to be honest. I don't really have any reason to stay."

"Right." he murmured.

"So, goodbye Jim." she turned to him then and put her hand on his cheek. He thought she was about to kiss him goodbye, but instead she just softly ran her thumb over his lips, closed her eyes for a second, and then let him go. She turned back once as she was walking away from the car. In the light from the street lamp, he could see a small smile on her face. He waved, and then started the car and drove away.

***

10:35

I think Pam might be having some sort of problem in the bathroom. Or maybe she's anorexic or whatever you call it when you throw up everything you eat. But that can't be it because she's not super skinny. Weird. Anyways, I came up with another plan to get Michael to make me his number three. I'll have to go shopping tomor

"Andy?" Jim watched Andy's look of surprise as he quickly closed up a little notebook he'd been writing in while sitting by himself at their table.

"Tuna! How many times do I have to tell you it's Andrew!"

"Where's Pam?" he asked ignoring both the notebook and Andy's comment for now.

"Bathroom." he replied nonchalantly. "Where's Karen?"

"I took her home, she wasn't feeling too well," said Jim. "How long has Pam been in there?"

"Uh... I don't know. Half an hour?"

"Right. Well, I just wanted to grab my jacket. I think I'm gonna call it a night."

"No problem Big Tuna. I can definitely handle it from here," he said with a wink.

 ***

He didn't really want to talk to her. In fact, he would've just gone straight home, but even when she was clearly trying to torture him he couldn't keep himself from making sure that Pam was okay. Just as he suspected, the waitress reported that there was no one in the women's bathroom. Poor Andy, he thought as he walked back to his car. The guy just had no clue.