“Oh my gosh, Jim! It was, like, so romantic. Ryan took me to, like, the nicest restaurant in town. And then, you’re not going to believe this, but he said we should be exclusive. That was his word ‘exclusive.’ That’s a good sign. Right?” Kelly bounced up and down on her black stiletto heels. They killed her feet but were so cute. Like the cutest shoes ever!

She and Jim had been talking for ten minutes. Actually, Jim wasn’t saying anything but he was listening as he stared with a worried expression on his face. Kelly was used to Jim not saying anything while she talked. He was such a good listener. In her enthusiasm, she shook his arm. A few drops of coffee spilled out of his mug and onto his hand. The heat of the coffee forced him to look at Kelly.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“Jim!” she pleaded. “I was just telling you about the, like, most romantic night of, like, my entire life. Ryan is finally, like, totally into me. He didn’t say he loved me though. And I didn’t say it back. Do you think that’s OK?”

Jim looked down at his coffee mug. A small stain was forming on his shirt where it had spilled. “Uh, yeah.”

Kelly tried to look at Jim’s face as she spoke softly, “So what are you and your girlfriend fighting about?”

He was still looking at the stain on his shirt. “Her ex-boyfriend keeps calling her and… What a minute! How did you know I have a girlfriend?”

She made a face at him. “Hello, female intuition. Do you want to talk about it? I’ve been told that I’m a really good listener. I’ll just listen to you and not give my opinion, unless you want it. Seriously, just tell me all about your problem and I’m all ears. There is nothing better than having someone to complain to when you need to share. Oprah says that the greatest gift you can give someone is listening.”

He turned to walk out of the break room. “You’re right. I feel so much better. Thanks for listening, Kel.”

She beamed, “Anytime!”

She smoothed out the slight wrinkles of her baby blue close-fitted sweater. She was wearing baby blue to remind Ryan of babies, which of course would remind him of marriage. It was tight, to remind him of sex, which would of course remind him of marriage. She was so glad to be back together with Ryan. They had been back and forth for months, but he finally decided that they should definitely be a couple. The months that they hadn’t been together were so hard for her. Her weight fluctuated a few pounds every other week. One week she was binging on the dairy aisle, the next she couldn’t bare the thought of eating. She had even considered chopping all of her hair off. Thankfully, a friend reminded her of the bad “Jeff dumped me” pixie cut of 2001. It took her months to grow her hair out. She really didn’t want to relive that memory again.

While she and Ryan had been on the rocks, she tried to commiserate with the newly single Pam. However, the last thing Pam wanted to do was talk about her breakup. If Kelly had just broken up with her boyfriend of several years, she would want to talk about it to everyone. Everyone. However, Pam wasn’t Kelly.

She walked over to Pam’s desk, making sure to pause ever so subtly by Ryan’s desk so he could see her legs in the skirt she was wearing.

“Hey Pam,” she smiled. Pam returned her smile as she looked up from her computer. “I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch together. Actually, I thought we could go out and have an all girls’ lunch.”

Pam paused, “Um, yeah, that sounds like fun.” Kelly clapped happily and went off to invite the other women in the office.

Kelly, Pam, and Phyllis sat in a booth at a local deli. Meredith couldn’t make it because of yet another parent-teacher conference. Kelly had forgotten to invite Angela. Actually, she went to accounting when Angela wasn’t there and then forgot to go back when she got back. Kelly had been rambling on about her fabulous date with Ryan for over thirty minutes.

Pam pushed uneaten salad around on her plate, half listening to the conversation. When Kelly paused to take a sip of unsweetened iced tea, Phyllis patted Pam on the arm. “What’s wrong, dear?”

Pam looked up, frowning slightly. “Oh nothing.”

Kelly put her drink down and thoughtfully gazed at her, “Yeah right.”

Pam shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Kelly and Phyllis continued to look at her with sympathetic eyes. “OK, OK. Its nothing really.” She took a deep breath before speaking slowly. “I’ve been…seeing this guy and he’s…wonderful. But we had a big argument last night because Roy left me a voicemail saying that he wanted to talk.”

“So he’s jealous that Roy will try to win you back.” All of those afternoons Kelly spent watching Dr. Phil were finally paying off.

Pam shrugged. “I guess. He has nothing to worry about though. But I can’t just drop Roy completely out of my life. He was a very important part of me for a long time. He’ll always be in my life in some way.”

Phyllis smiled sweetly, “I’m sorry your boyfriend is being this way. I had always wished that you and Jim had gotten together. He would have understood.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he would,” Pam replied sharply.

After lunch, Kelly recounted her lunch to Ryan. He was staring at his computer, nodding or saying “That’s cool” occasionally. She totally knew he was listening to her. She smiled to herself because she knew him so well.

A hush fell over the office when Roy walked up to reception. “Please Pam, I really need to talk to you. You haven’t returned any of my calls. Please.” She silently nodded and Roy followed her out of the office. Jim rubbed his temples before standing up. With his hands rolled in a fist, he walked into the break room.

Kelly decided to take advantage of Pam’s absence. Kneeling behind the reception desk, she rummaged through the drawers and looked for wedding magazines. She just knew, knew in her heart, that she and Ryan would be together forever. He wanted to be “exclusive,” that was a teeny tiny step away from being engaged. Kelly found what she was looking for when Pam walked over to Jim, who had just returned to his desk.

“Jim, would you help me carry some boxes up here from the warehouse?”

Dwight jumped up from his chair. “I’ll help you.”

Pam looked at him with a glare. “No, I need Jim’s help.”

“But why? I have the physical stamina necessary for carrying heavy loads. Jim is a weakling compared to my capa-” Pam cut him off with a icy look. Dwight meekly sat back down in his seat.

Jim followed her out, hands stuck in his pockets. Kelly remained kneeling at reception when she heard voices coming from behind the large potted plant in the hallway. Clutching a handful of Winter 2006 wedding magazines to her chest, Kelly leaned against the doorway of the office and eavesdropped.

Jim, his arms crossed, stood a good distance away from Pam behind the potted plant. She tried to touch his arm but he shook her off.

“Please Jim. You have to trust me. There’s nothing going on with Roy. I swear. He just wanted to let me know that his uncle offered him a job in Allentown. He’s moving there this weekend.” Jim’s body visibly relaxed as he dropped his arms. Pam took a step closer. “Jim, you have to understand. I don’t love Roy anymore but I’ll always care about him.”

Jim placed his hands gently on her shoulders. “I know. I’m sorry that I went into ‘crazy jealous boyfriend mode.’ Its just that, for so long, I dreamed of you and me being this - ‘us.’ I trust you, I just don’t trust him. This whole thing, you and me, is still unbelievable to me and I’m so afraid that one day, I’ll lose you.”

Kelly put a hand over her mouth to smother the squeal that was dying to escape.

Pam whispered, “You’ll never lose me.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. Jim rested his forehead against hers.

From the doorway, Kelly quietly bounced up and down. Oh, she just had to tell someone about this! She knelt and whispered in Phyllis’ ear. Phyllis’ eyes lit up and giggled. They were still whispering when Jim and Pam walked back to their respective desks.

As Jim sat down, Dwight spoke without looking up from his computer. “Where are those boxes you were supposed to pick up?”

“Uh…” Jim scrambled to make up an excuse.

Dwight pushed his seat in as he stood up. “You’re so unprofessional! I’ll go get those boxes. I should have gotten them in the first place.”

Kelly giggled as she skipped over to Ryan’s desk to tell him the latest news.

Creed climbed into the front seat of his beat-up early 1980’s model van. It used to be white but was now a dingy beige color with mismatched doors. He looked over at the blonde corporate lady, chain-smoking in front of Dunder-Mufflin. She took a deep breath and glanced up at the sky, a small smile on her face. Oh man, she was pretty when she smiled.

He wondered if he could bum a cigarette from her, but he couldn’t. One of his ex-wives forced him quit years ago. Laverne? Lucille? He couldn’t remember which one it was. They were sisters though - he definitely remembered that.

The corporate lady had come by today to lecture the branch about something. He couldn’t remember. When she opened her mouth, he only heard the voice of Charlie Brown’s school teacher, which also sounded a lot like Laverne or Lucille. He closed his eyes and was asleep before she finished her second sentence.

After three tries, the van cranked up and Creed pulled out of the lot. He liked to eat his lunch at the park a few blocks away from the office. That way, he didn’t have to hear the Indian girl chattering on and on and on about her boyfriend.

He pulled his thermos out of a grocery store bag. Today was leftover pea soup from the shelter. He smiled. There was nothing better than cold pea soup. He also pulled out his big scores of the day - a bag of chips and a candy bar which had gotten stuck in the vending machine. Couldn’t let perfectly good, already paid for food go to waste.

Creed looked up and saw a couple eating at the picnic table in front him. It was that cute receptionist and the young salesman with the hair. He couldn’t remember their names and didn’t really care. They sat on each side of the picnic table, chatting and joking.

Man, that receptionist was cute. She reminded Creed of his first wife, Kim Lee, whom he had met during one of his journeys through Cambodia. She was so sweet and shy. He was pretty sure they had a kid together. A boy, maybe? He wondered how he could make a move on the receptionist. Maybe he should leave a vinyl copy of “Midnight Confessions” on her desk with a note. Did anyone listen to vinyl anymore? He wasn’t sure.

The receptionist threw a balled plastic sandwich bag at the young salesman. He pulled a mock angry face as she kicked off her shoes and ran away. The young salesman was tall and his long legs quickly caught up with the cute receptionist. He playfully grabbed her around waist and kissed the back of her neck. She giggled and wrestled herself out of his embrace. He ran away from her, running slowly so she could catch up. She tripped him and he took her in his arms as they tumbled to the ground. As he rolled her over on the grass, the young salesman began kissing the cute receptionist.

Hmm, guess she’s taken. Oh well.

Creed closed his eyes and when he woke up forty-five minutes later, he had forgotten all about the cute receptionist and the young salesman with the hair.

----------

Creed walked back into the office fifteen minutes late. As he passed by the reception desk, he heard Dwayne talking to the young salesman. Creed would never forget Dwayne’s name. The young salesman had paid him five dollars to call him that - easiest five dollars he ever made. Well, if you excluded the plasma he gave on a regular basis.

“Jim, you are so unprofessional!” Dwayne exclaimed.

The young salesman looked up slowly. “What did I do now, Dwight?”

“You don’t dress properly for this job. Look at your shirt, there’s grass stains on it.”

The young salesman looked down at shirt and blushed. He smiled slightly and picked up his phone. “Well, do you have any excuses for your attire?”

The young salesman glanced briefly at the cute receptionist, whose face matched his in amused embarrassment. “Nope.”

Creed was almost to his desk when he heard the corporate lady’s voice. “Michael, thank you for meeting with me today. Yes, it was a successful meeting.” Then she lowered her voice, “No, I will not have dinner with you tonight. Goodbye, Michael.”

Creed reached into his suitcase and pulled out something. He walked swiftly out of the office. The corporate lady had stopped by the large potted plant to look through her purse.

“Excuse me?” Creed said politely. “You dropped this.”

“What?” The corporate lady looked at him and then at the vinyl album in her hands.

Creed winked at her. “Yeah, that’s me.” He smacked his lips and walked back into the office.

Michael stepped out of the elevator in his newly purchased black Italian suit. Jan was coming that morning for a important meeting. As he passed the large potted plant in the hallway, he heard voices coming from stairwell door. In full Agent Michael Scarn mode, he crouched down behind the plant to eavesdrop, pressing his hands together like an imaginary gun.

A male voice spoke, “My problem is that I’m really frustrated. We’ve been together for months, so why can’t we tell anyone?” The voice sounded vaguely familiar but Michael couldn’t put his finger on who it was.

A female voice that also sounded familiar responded, “Just…because. I’m not ready to tell the world about us.”

“Come on. He’s not here anymore, if that’s your excuse.” Michael couldn’t hear the woman’s response, but the man spoke again in softer tones. “Its just that I love you so much. As clichéd as it sounds, I want to shout it from the rooftops.”

A huge smile spread over Michael’s face. A secret office romance? He loved the “crazy sexual tension” in this place. His office was a breeding ground for illicit activity.

Back in his office, Michael made a list of possible romantic attachments, but he was drawing a blank. He was usually so good at this. He had, after all, made out with Jan. Who could it be? Kevin and Angela? Oscar and Kelly? Toby and Meredith? Ha, Toby in a relationship - he would just get divorced again! Dwight and anybody?  Cross off Stanley - he’s married. Phyllis was dating Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Jim and Pam? No! His good buddy Jim would have definitely told him if anything had happened with Pam. Besides, those two weren’t even friends anymore.

Michael glanced up and watched as Ted, the camera operator, recorded the latest Dwight-Jim debacle. He wondered if he could ask the documentary crew if they had seen anything that suspiciously resembled an office romance. He couldn’t though - he had received enough notes from Diane, the director or “dictator” as he called her, asking him to stop acting and be natural in front of the camera. What a hard thing to ask a born entertainer like himself!

How was he expected to work when a mystery surrounded him? An idea popped in his head - a bonding activity that would definitely answer his question. Jan would love this!

Michael gathered the employees into the conference room.  He clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “OK, team. Today, we are going to bond.” A groaned filled the room, but he ignored it. “This is an affirmation building experience. Pam, do you have the manila envelopes?” She raised the envelopes above her head.

“Good. OK, each of you has an envelope and throughout the morning, all of you have to write something about what each person brings to this office. I’ll use myself as an example.  Someone could write me a note that said ‘Michael, you are a wonderful boss-slash-friend. But your greatest gift to this office is your talent of bringing joy through laughter and entertainment.’”

Almost everyone bowed their head and nodded uncomfortably. He continued, “After lunch, you will be able to read the affirming messages your co-workers have written for you.”

Dwight raised his hand, “Question: what about criticism?”

Michael shook his head. “No, say something nice or don’t say anything at all.” Dwight muttered disapproval under his breath. “Alright gang, let’s get the affirming on!”

Twenty minutes later, Jan arrived at the office. She paused at the reception desk, speaking to Pam about the graphic design classes. Michael waited awkwardly by Jim’s desk until Jan was ready. “How’s it hangin’, Jimster?”

Jim didn’t look up from his computer. “Working on the Harrison Motors’ account.”

“Good stuff, important client. Yep, yep.” He put his hands in his pocket and bent over too closely to Jim, looking at the screen. Jim leaned away from Michael and sighed. Michael didn’t notice. “So, what’s the 411?”

“What?”

Michael stepped back from the computer. “The 411. Do you know about any good office gossip?”

“I have to send this information to Harrison’s by noon. I’m really busy.”

“That’s what she said!” Michael laughed uncomfortably even though he knew the joke didn’t make any sense. Jim shot him a confused look as Jan came walked over.

Jan and Michael were in his office for most of the morning. He had no idea what was going on in the conference room, but if he did, this is what he would have heard:

“I feel like I’m in elementary school, you know, when your mom makes you give a valentine card to every kid in your class,” said Toby. He wrote “good job” on a pile of post-it notes before sticking the notes in the envelopes, conveniently forgetting to put one in Michael’s.

“This is so much fun!” replied Phyllis, who spent over an hour writing personalized messages to her coworkers.

Kevin scratched his head as he tried to think of subtle dirty comments.

Creed glanced around cautiously before putting a hand in Meredith’s envelope. He pulled out a pile of messages and pocketed them in his suit jacket.

In between reception calls, Pam concentrated as she drew a caricature for each of her co-workers.

Jim chuckled to himself as he handwrote a letter. Dwight eyed him suspiciously.

Back in Michael’s office, Jan seemed pleasantly surprised by his idea of the employee affirmation. During the meeting, she told him how pleased corporate was with Scranton’s recent performance. In fact, the branch had been responsible for rising the company’s profits by 3 percent. Corporate was considering giving raises to everyone in the branch, but especially to the regional manager.

Jan smiled sweetly at Michael. Immediately, he forgot about his serious relationship with Carol (and by serious relationship, he meant occasional sex - but he was never one to kiss and tell).

“Hey, do you want to have an encore of that night in the Chili’s parking lot?” Jan’s smile quickly faded.

----------

After lunch, the Dunder-Mifflin employees sat in a circle in the conference room. Next to Michael, Jan sat with her arms crossed across her chest. Michael leaned in to smell her perfume, but instead caught a strong whiff of cigarette smoke. He wrinkled his nose. Pam sat on the other side of him and was about to hand out the envelopes when Michael stopped her.

“Hold on there, Quick Draw Beesly. I decided to change the rules up.” There was a consensus of rolled eyes. “Well, sort of. You can choose an envelope in the hopes it might be your own, or I can choose it for you. Either way you might get yours…” His eyes gleamed. “Or you might not. Anyway, whichever one you choose, you have to read the messages out loud.”

Next to him, Pam shook her head vigorously. “No, this is a really bad idea.”

Michael was offended. “No Pam, I think it’s a great idea! Come on, who’s first?”

Kelly raised her hand. “I’ll go first.”

“Great, Kelly Belly.” She shot him a glare. “Deal or no deal?”

“I’ll take that one.” Pam handed Kelly an envelope and she read aloud. “Um, the first one says, ‘Oscar, you’re a really great accountant.’ The next one says, ‘Oscar, thanks for doing an excellent job in accounting.’ This one says, ‘Oscar, good job!’ Th-”

“Boring!” Michael shouted. “Someone else’s turn.”

Meredith went next and read messages for Stanley that included, “Stanley, you’re good at your job,” “I enjoy sitting across from you,” and “You sure talk on the phone a lot.”

Michael clutched his throat. “I’m dead. I died of boredom. Who wants to go next? How about it, Temp?” Ryan shrugged. “Deal or no deal?”

“Just give me one.” Pam handed out another envelope. Ryan pulled a wad of messages out of the envelope.

“ ‘Jim, I like your hair,’” Ryan began.

Pam jumped, “No! Let’s not read any more out loud.”

Michael looked at her questionably, “Why not?”

She didn’t meet his eyes, “I just don’t want anyone to be embarrassed.”

“We can’t interrupt this affirmation activity. Continue, my guy Ry.”

Ryan shook his head. “Um, this one says, ‘Jim, you are an adequate salesman. You have the potential for excellence, if you applied yourself. If you are interested, I am willing to tutor you in the secrets of a master salesman.’ Its signed D.K.S.”

“Dwight, you weren’t supposed to sign your name!”

Ryan continued reading the rest of Jim’s messages until he got to the last one. He unfolded a note written on Dunder-Mifflin letterhead. As he skimmed it, he folded it back up and started to hand it to Jim, who reached out for the note.

Michael stopped him. “What? You have to read all of them in front of us.”

Ryan shook his head for the umpteenth time. “This is a personal note for Jim.”

Michael snatched it away. “We’re a family. Families don’t keep secrets.” Jim was still in mid-grasp when Michael began reading. “ ‘Dear Jim, You have the potential to be a great salesman… Hehe, sorry, I searched through your envelope and found Dwight’s note. I agree though, you would be a much better salesman if you stopped staring at the receptionist all the time. Though I have to say, the receptionist spends most of her day staring at you because you’re so damn adorable.’” Michael paused to glance at Jim, who leaning forward in his chair, his lips pursed together. Pam hid her face behind her hands.

Michael continued reading. “ ‘But seriously, Jim, I want to tell you how much you mean to me. You are my best friend and yet, so much more than that.  The past few months have been incredible. I never thought that I would ever experience love like you’ve shown me. For the first time in my life, I feel so beautiful and its because of you. You care about my every thought, no matter how silly. You inspire and challenge me in so many ways - like encouraging me to pursue my artwork. I feel like I’m finally living my dreams and its all because of you. I’m sorry we fought this morning. You’re right, you know. Why shouldn’t we tell everyone about us? I think I’m almost ready. But until then, Jim Halpert, I want you to know how unbelievably in love I am with you. Love Always, Your Pam.’” Michael’s jaw dropped as he realized what he had just read. How could Jim not tell him? How could he miss what was going on right in front of him?

A dozen pair of eyes fell on Pam as she blurted out, “Jim and I have been secretly dating for months.” Jim looked at her, his face mixed with shock and undeniably of love.

Everyone spoke at once. “I’ve known for a while.”

“You guys aren’t very good at hiding.”

“Yeah, Oscar and I caught you guys going at it.”

“Kevin!”

Stanley crossed his arms and said gruffly, “Well, the janitor told me. Now, can we get back to work or are we being paid for this?”

Michael stood up and waved his hand dismissively. He was upset that he was the last to know, but tried to play it off. “Yeah, you two were so obvious. I mean, I was the first one to figure it out. Everyone, I think we’ve bonded enough for the day. Get back to salt mines.”

The employees congratulated the happy couple as they filed out of the conference room. Pam was leaning against Jim’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He whispered something in her ear when Michael said that he wanted to speak to them.

Though he was upset, Michael smiled graciously. “Jim, Pam, I am so happy that you are finally dating. The tension was unbearable for all of us. I mean, we’re a family here. I’m like your dad and you are my kids. I can’t tell you how happy I am that my children are in love. I give you my blessing.” Then he turned and waited for Jan. He could tell by their faces how much they appreciated his approval of their relationship. In reality, they were horrified and speechless.

Jan paused briefly and said purposefully. “You two have to sign a consensual relationship form for corporate. Toby will give it to you.” Then she lowered her voice and smile softly, “But I have to say that I’m really happy for you guys. I’ve had my suspicions ever since you turned down the transfer to Stamford, Jim. You two are precious.”

Jim placed a light kiss on the top of Pam’s head. “Thank you Jan.”

Jan knocked on Michael’s door. “I think we have finished all of our business today, Michael. I’ll talk to you at a later time about the raises.” Michael waved a quick goodbye to her. He was still upset that he was the last to know about Jim and Pam. Still, he should be excited that he, Agent Michael Scarn, solved the mystery. He opened his envelope and read his messages.

One said, “I think you’re really cute.” The handwriting looked vaguely familiar.

Placing his hands behind his head, he leaned back in his chair and smiled.