"I feel like I should be...ashamed of myself." Jim said finishing off a slice of pepperoni pizza.

 

Pam giggled, peering up at him from under her lashes. She felt a little drunk, even though she hadn't had anything to drink at all. In fact she'd specifically declined his offer of a glass of wine when she'd arrived. She wanted to know that any other gutsy moves she pulled tonight were a direct result of her new moxie, not liquor.

 

So far, it was working. "Why?"

 

"Oh I don't know...maybe because we're eating pizza?...On our first date....there's something so unbelievably lame about that," he said looking down.

 

Pam smiled and leaned back against Jim's couch. It was pure happiness that was making her feel tipsy.

 

She picked at the crust of her slice and popped it into her mouth. "Pizza's ok...pizza's good."

 

Jim leaned back against the edge of the couch and just stared at her for a moment. Just long enough to remind her - as if she'd forgotten - that they were on a date. And she'd told him...she'd honestly told him that she'd called off her wedding for him.

 

"Really?" He asked, his voice taking on that gravely tone that made her want to just grab him sometimes. A tone that she'd had to ignore for so long...

 

Pam nodded, and gazed back at him. Their eyes held for even longer this time. So long that she had to blink. She smiled again and felt her throat start to close. Oh no...not again.

 

Why did this keep happening? All day long she'd been at it. Even before he'd asked her out today, she'd felt just on the verge of tears...and of course after he'd asked her out, she'd been pushed completely over the edge.

 

Pizza was just fine. This...all of this - was just fine.

 

Clearing his throat, Jim leaned forward, throwing his uneaten crust in the cardboard pizza box on the coffee table.

 

"Oh...did - did you want more?" He asked, suddenly nervous again. "I'm sorry."

 

Thank God he was nervous too.

 

Pam shook her head. "No...I'm fine."

 

He leaned back against the couch again. "Yeah?"

 

"Yeah I..." her voice got caught in her throat and she shook her head. "Wow..."

 

Jim tilted his head, watching her silently. She could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something but maybe his mind was going a thousand miles a minute like hers was. Maybe the words were getting trapped in his throat too. Maybe...they'd spend all night here just looking at each other. That would be alright too.

 

Finally after a sigh, he spoke..."You know how you've got in your mind like the perfect thing that you want to say...but when you try and put it into words you just know it's gonna come out like Charlie Brown's teacher is saying it?...And you also know that as soon as the person leaves you're gonna know exactly how to say it. You'll actually say it to yourself like a crazy person, just to prove that you can do it."

 

She nodded. Yes. She was experiencing that, this very moment. That coupled with the lump in her throat left her paralyzed.

 

Jim smiled. "Why aren't you talking?"

 

"Because I'm gonna cry," she said, choking on the words. It was if she'd taken the stopper off of something the night she'd come clean at the beach. Something that couldn't be corked now even if she tried.

 

When he moved to touch her shoulder, she had to pull away, her voice still thick even though a smile. "Don't...because then..." she got up without finishing her sentence. "Can I use your bathroom?"

 

"Oh...yeah," Jim said following suit as he stood up. He swept his hands along the front of his pants anxiously. "Just...down the hall - first door on the right......Pam, it's -"

 

She took off down the hall as fast as she could move without actually jogging.

 

Jim sat down on the couch and let his head fall into his hands. Ok...well this was going well. He'd made her cry on a first date.

 

Very good, Halpert. A new record to be proud of.

 

He got up slowly, paced around for a bit, debated going to knock on the bathroom door, ask if she was ok...obviously she wasn't...but maybe she needed time. Maybe she was trying to figure out more ways to tell him how much he'd hurt her over the past several months. He ran his hand through his hair and then shoved his hands into his pockets as he moved into the kitchen.

 

Jim popped the top on two beers. When almost 10 minutes passed without any hint of Pam and he'd watched a slew of water droplets roll down the beer bottles at a painfully slow rate, he knew he couldn't give her anymore time. He had to know...

 

It couldn't be that bad right? She'd agreed to go out with him afterall. She couldn't be that angry...that hurt...

 

But she had every right to be.

 

He stood there for a long moment, letting the moment finally hit him. After he'd asked her out, he'd gone through the rest of the evening in a panic filled frenzy. He'd run home, washed the city off of him, and set about trying to figure out where the hell he would take her. He hadn't even unpacked for God's sake and he was asking her out. He was planning his entire weekend around what might be. An all too hurried break-up with Karen and then...bam - there he was asking Pam out.

 

It didn't feel like ‘bam' though. It felt like a long time coming. It felt right. And Pam had to have thought so too. This had to be the start of something different - something pretty damn close to perfect.

 

She'd called him about an hour after he'd initially asked her out, and offered to come over to his place - taking mercy on him after he'd driven back and forth from the city. It was that kind of thing - that kind of caring and sweetness that had always drawn him to her. Even when he tried to deny it, it had always, always been there. Pam was the kind of girl who would prank someone and then afterwards when her conscience kicked in, would let them know that she'd brewed their favorite flavor of coffee in the break room.

 

They hadn't been able to decide what to eat...and so they'd ordered pizza. Maybe he should have taken that as a bad sign to begin with. Pizza + crying + hiding in the bathroom = BAD DATE.

 

Pam's sniffles on the other side of the door broke him out of his thoughts. He had to say something. He had to start clearing the air...There was so much freaking air to clear.

He knocked but didn't wait for an answer before he decided to start talking. To really talk. If she could do it, he could do it. There was no turning back now.

 

"I knew about your art show......you probably knew that. I knew about it, and I didn't go......intentionally. To hurt you......And I - I don't have anything to say about that...other than..." Jim's voice cracked and he waited a beat. "Other than...that night, I sat in this apartment and stared at the stupid flyer and just..." he put his hand on the door, and then pulled it back. "Pam, believe me I know you exist....and that night was the closest I ever came - since I've been back...to actually coming back....

 

"I wanted to be there, truly. But I knew that I couldn't....not that way....it just wasn't something I could watch because...I was...I was so proud of you and not...I couldn't feel the way I felt - and see you go through that entire experience - while I was supposed to be somebody else's boyfriend. I just...it's stupid - I know that...I known it was selfish, but I...that's the way it was and I didn't want to be there with you...that way......and I'm sorry."

 

She opened the door, and the streaks that her tears had stained her cheeks with made his breath catch. She leaned for a moment against the doorframe. A little bit like she might fall...but then...it was the oddest thing - because then they were kissing.

 

"Pam, I'm really -

 

He tried speaking around her mouth, but didn't really try. Not when this felt a little bit like being transported in time...only better. Better because there was no question now as to whether she wanted this. She wanted to kiss him. She'd initiated it, she was furthering it...she wanted this as much as he did.

 

But maybe she hadn't heard him correctly, he'd just admitted to intentionally hurting her...

 

When his back hit hard against the opposite wall it was pretty clear that talking was the last thing on her mind. Instantly he felt himself start to go under...His heart beat a distorted sound in his ears.

 

His hands wove through her hair, and he moved then, and it was her back that was suddenly to the opposite wall, next to the bathroom. She mumbled something and he pulled back.

 

Breathless, and shaking his head at the moment, at himself, at the both of them. "I wanted to go Pam...I did -

 

"It's ok."

 

"No...Seriously," he said again, holding her face in his hands. "I know that we've got a lot of stuff we need to talk about and I just...I want you to know that, ok?"

 

She smiled. "Did you think I was crying because I was sad...or..."

 

"What? No, I ....Yes...Beesly, I'm not entirely sure what the hell is going on with either one of us anymore...I just thought I needed to say it -

 

"Because I wasn't," She said, cutting him off again. "I was happy. I am happy...God you should talk to Dennis. It took me about 15 minutes to get myself together after you left my talking head today...He can't even use most of my footage because I was completely inarticulate...an absolute wreck."

 

"Really?" He felt himself light up like a Christmas tree, so he manually whipped the smirk off of his face and she laughed. The sting behind her eyes started again...oh stop.

"My emotions make you ecstatic...that's so nice," she said sarcastically.

 

Jim shook his head. Fancy New Beesly...She was being so damned forthcoming that he wasn't quite sure how to react to her lately. First with her admission on the beach, and then that note during his interview. Just thinking about that note again, sped his pulse up. Or maybe that was a direct result of the way her lips looked right then...

 

Maybe both.

 

He licked his lips. "That picture you drew of Dwight..."

 

"Yeah?" She said, when his failed to finish his sentence.

 

His eyes focused on her mouth. "Nothing...it was...This is gonna be really hard..."

 

She smiled and for the first time knew that she knew exactly what he was thinking. He was thinking he wanted to kiss her again. She was thinking she wanted him to and it was going to be hard not to let him. But it wasn't nearly as hard as pretending she didn't want to in the first place.

 

The dim light coming from the kitchen cast his eyes in shadow, but the light bounced off his skin and she just...

 

He looked at his shoes. "I just...I feel like we have a lot to say...or I have a lot to say...and I don't wanna mess -"

 

"No...I...yeah....I know," she said nodding. "We should talk. Absolutely... I want to."

 

Neither one of them moved from that dimly lit spot in the hallway.

 

She smiled. "Maybe we need to go somewhere aside from this apartment."

 

Jim's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Really? You wanna leave?" He faked acceptance in a heartbeat. Anything to get this night to go exactly right. "That's cool. I mean -

 

"No!" Pam said quickly. Too quickly. "Not really. I just...I meant like the porch."

 

Jim extended his hand and she took it in hers. They were on a date....a real life - date. Yes, they'd kissed just moments ago...but there was something about holding his hand that suggested - no proved - that this was it.

 

He gestured with his head towards the front door. "Follow me Beesly."

They were there on the porch for hours. The sun went down, the stars came out, and goose bumps broke out in a fine spray all over her arms. When Jim came jogging outside with a hoodie, she smiled up at him and took it from his hands.

 

"Thank you....I'm sure it won't be too big."

 

Jim smiled back at her and sat down on the step next to her as she pulled it on over her head. It was his favorite black hoodie and now it would smell a little like her...a little like tonight - jasmine blooming like crazy all around them, her hair...pineapple?

 

He pulled the hood up over her hair and used the moment as an excuse to touch her, tucking a lock of her hair inside the hood. "There you go..."

 

Every instinct he'd been denying, was suddenly back with a vengeance all because she'd said a few words to him in front of a bonfire. All because he'd asked her out and she'd said yes. All because they were finally being honest. All because of a damn yogurt lid. All because she was Pam and damn it this was how they were supposed to be.

 

The hoodie fell down past her denim covered knees and she played with the hem before looking up at him again. He was reaching for the hood again, picking something...a leaf...off of the top of it.

 

"Halpert stop trying to cop a feel."

 

"That was not copping a feel Beesly...if I was trying to cop a feel you'd know."

 

"Oh really?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Are we really having this conversation?" Pam said, almost enable to get out the last word because of the giggle in her voice. God she felt like she was 13 years old again.

 

Jim licked his lips. "Well I'm not the one who so obviously wants to get felt up...so..."

 

"Oh you so do."

 

He shrugged. "Yeah...I guess. But not tonight...I don't put out on the first date, so."

 

She smiled at him. That was for her. She knew it was. She may have had limited experience with men other than Roy, but she still knew the signs. She knew what that look in his eyes for the last couple of hours meant. He wasn't fooling anyone.

 

But she also knew what a sweetheart he was. How he said things sometimes (it had been a long time since he had) just for her benefit - to make her feel better.

 

Pam glanced up at the stars above. A blanket of gemstones on blue stretched over them. She couldn't remember a night quite this spectacular. Or...yes she could.

 

"This reminds me of that time on the roof."

 

He looked down at his own knees and nodded slightly, then looked up to catch her smile. "You mean the firework extravaganza?"

 

"I mean that time I said that it wasn't a date."

 

"Wow," Jim said leaning away, he rested his head on the railing that surrounded the porch. "Beesly you are much too fancy for me tonight, I'm not sure I can keep up."

 

"Try."

 

He shook his head. "I guess....now that you mention it. I do remember you saying that..."

 

"It felt like a date...I mean..." she pushed her hands inside the large pocket on the front of his hoodie. She could lose herself inside this sweater. Find herself...maybe. "It felt more like a date than a lot of other things did..." she shook her head. She wasn't going to talk about Roy - not yet.

 

"Well...you can't classify it as a date now because this has been officially christened as our first date...so sorry - you snooze you loose."

 

"I wish I could."

 

He stayed silent, his eyes on hers as he bent forward.

 

"I wish...that I could go back and explain myself better....That night and the night of the...casino thing. I..."

 

Still he waited, his eyes wide. They hadn't gone here at all. Not to this territory. And the thought of going there now, made his heart leap into his chest. It lodged itself there and thumped like crazy...waiting....

 

It was like going back to the scene of an accident and knowing it was gonna hurt just as bad talking as it had actually experiencing it in the first place.

 

"I just ...I always wanted just a couple of things growing up...and I thought I could have those - I thought that if I just held on long enough that Roy would pull through for me...and when he set that date - when he finally set that date...all I could think of was - ok...it's happening. I'm going to be happy now - really happy...like it was some magic happy pill or something......So when you said...when you told me how you felt, I was almost...I was almost angry?"

 

Jim found himself laughing a little. He wasn't sure exactly why at first, but as he replayed her words in his head, he figured it out.

 

"That's how you said it that night...like a question. Like you didn't quite know..."

 

"What do you mean?" Pam said, frowning.

 

He paused for a moment, expecting her to figure it out, but it became clear in seconds that she honestly didn't know. He felt a little like an ass for laughing...but then again...he didn't.

 

"That night..." he said licking his lips. "You said something like....I can't. But it sounded like a question...like you weren't sure...and you did it again - just now."

 

She swallowed hard. "I'm trying...this is...this isn't easy for me."

 

He was an ass. But damn it how could she not know exactly how she felt! The whole time he'd been with Karen he'd at least known. Hell he may have fooled everyone else, but he'd never fooled himself - not deep down. Deep down he'd known it would always be Pam. He could try and deny it, try and force himself to move on...but it was all horseshit.

 

How could she not have known?...The thought lingered, and he shook his head. This wasn't about going back and blaming. This was about taking a shot at what they could have now.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"I really felt like you were going to...ruin everything."

 

Great. "Well thank you."

 

"No, I...it wasn't...you....it...I forced myself not to see it because if I did....This life that wasn't even really...real...would just...fall apart, and I couldn't trust myself to have what I..." she still couldn't get it out. Even now it was so hard...

 

Her voice was getting tight. He could have pulled her hand out of the pocket, held it tight, told her not to worry about it. That they could just move on...but he couldn't. He needed to know. He'd spent countless nights in another city, replaying this conversation in his head and for the life of him he'd never been able to figure it out. Had he truly imagined it all? All the feelings that he'd felt...a misinterpretation?

 

"Jim, you were my best friend...and I pretended that I wasn't attracted to you...because I was afraid. Because I.......at the very least I had familiarity with him...he...I know it doesn't make any sense. But even our bad times were reliable. I knew when to let him off the hook, when to push, when to back off...I'd been living the routine for so long that even though it was...dumb - it was comfortable."

 

Jim frowned. Who the hell wanted to be comfortable? "I don't understand that."

 

Pam rubbed her ankles. She knew this would happen sooner or later. They'd get to a point in the evening of their first date where they weren't able to laugh things off. Too close to the truth to rely on kisses and too far away from what they'd been, not to rely on the truth that was coming.

 

"It was 10 years Jim...10 years and I'm not stupid...I know that I sent you signals that weren't exactly clear."

 

"So I didn't misinterpret? That's good."

 

He was angry. Really angry. It shown like a fire in his eyes, but she didn't look away because there was so much more than that. When she really looked it wasn't anger...so much as disappointment, so much as a lingering sadness.

 

"I deserve that.........Jim, I felt like I needed to protect what I had...

 

"From me?"

 

"Yes!...Are you listening to me?...I know that it's not what you would do...but I also know how I felt, I was SO close to being where I wanted to be, and the thought of giving that up....Giving that up in an instant, without even thinking about it....which was what you wanted to do -

 

"No. That -

 

She pulled back as if he'd struck her. Her mouth open wide... "Jim."

 

"Pam."

 

She pulled her hands out of the pocket on her stomach and pushed herself to standing. She spun around so quickly that she knocked over the empty beer bottle on the step in her haste to get inside. The front door slammed behind her.

 

Jim stared after her, his own front door baring them from each other.

 

"That went well."

 

 

She was pouring herself a glass of wine when she heard him walk in. Already an argument with Jim was a lot different from an argument with Roy. Roy usually didn't come looking for her when the dust settled. Roy usually took her walking out of the room as a very good sign. A sign that he was off the hook. A sign that he could go back to watching TV or drinking his beer or whatever else he'd been doing.

 

Jim somehow knew she needed a minute...but also knew it wasn't the end. That she didn't want him to give up. All she really wanted was a few minutes to get herself together and collect her thoughts.

 

The front door clicked ever so softly closed behind him, and she loved him a little bit more than she had a few moments before. He was Jim and he wasn't running away. Not from this - not now that they were right on the verge of something amazing.

 

He sat her empty beer bottle on the counter opposite of hers, and leaned against it. His elbows propped in front of him. Jim turned towards her after a few seconds of silence. Their eyes met...held.

 

"Hey," she whispered.

 

"Hi."

 

He watched her smooth one socked toe along the linoleum in his kitchen before she spoke again. "It wasn't a decision I could make in 2 seconds," she whispered. "I wish I was like that - like you -

 

"Oh," he said holding up a hand with a wry smile. His head moved back and forth. "Believe me...I - Pam it took me years to tell you how I felt. I'm not some expert at seizing the moment."

 

She tucked her hands inside the pocket of his sweater and for some reason that made him inordinately happy. She wasn't so angry that she was pulling it over her head - throwing it at him.

 

"...I," Jim paused, chose his words carefully. "It wasn't that I expected you to leave him immediately...I just...God, Pam...I just wanted you to acknowledge what it was that was going on between us...To just look at me and tell me the truth...But you passed it off like I was some kind of infatuated kid...and then you said you were drunk -

 

"I told you I'd wanted to kiss you too!"

 

"And then you said you were still going to marry him, I -

 

Jim cut himself off. Pushed him self away from where he'd been leaning against the sink and moved closer to her. "If you could just please know...that this is not the way I typically conduct a first date...that...that's just very important to note."

 

Pam blinked a few times to rid herself of the coming tears. "Wow...special treatment."

 

He tilted his head and sighed. "I'm so sorry...Can we start over again? I mean...go to a restaurant or something? We would have never have gotten into this in public."

 

There hands were mere centimeters apart against the cupboard and she wrapped hers around his.

 

"I'd rather be having this conversation then not having it."

 

He squeezed her fingers back. "Yeah....me too."

 

When he reached out to pull her close, she melted against him. God, he was so warm. Pam nestled against his chest, shutting her eyes as she stood under the kitchen lights with him.

 

Jim's voice was gravely and soft and when he finally spoke, she could feel it vibrate against her ear. "Small talk always wears me out."

 

She giggled. "How do you even make it to second dates if that's your version of small talk?"

 

"Well that's not a nice question."

 

"You know what's so great about this?" She said finally looking up at him, and he trailed his thumb along her chin. She was with him. Seriously with him. Not just because they got along so well and they'd finally admitted an attraction, but because they wanted to be together. Through this kind of stuff too...the hard stuff.

 

This was actually turning out to be not such a bad date.

 

"My appliances?..."

 

"No...this date"

 

"You found something good about the date, too huh?"

 

She smiled up at him. "Yes...How many people do you know who get this kind of stuff all aired out at the beginning of their relationship? I mean no one right...how lucky are we?"

 

"Uh...I don't think that's how it works Pam. Most people don't have all this stuff to work out on their first date."

 

"Suck it."

 

"That's...you're really unpleasant at..." he glanced at the clock on the wall behind her. "2:45 a.m."

 

"Guess it's time you found that out now..."

 

He lifted his eyebrows, and she immediately started to blush. She hadn't meant that to sound a suggestive as it had...but it wound up sounding that way just the same. She'd basically implied that one day he'd be seeing more of her at 2:45 a.m. That maybe he should get used to her....

 

Actually, it wasn't such a bad implication. Actually...she was glad she made it.

 

"Thanks for the head's up, Beesly," he said, his voice full of laughter.

 

She traced a pattern through his sweater with her finger and reveled in that fact that argument or not, she was still in his arms. How many minutes had they been standing like this in the middle of his kitchen?

 

"That night...that was my very first kiss from anyone besides my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my aunt Linda, and Roy."

 

Jim stared at the top of her head for a moment, watching the caramel highlights glitter. That night had been huge for her. It had been huge for him, but even huger for her. That was what she was trying to say. He'd expected too much, too soon.

 

No matter what he wanted her reaction to be, whatever he'd expected....it required some kind of action. An action she hadn't been ready to take. But now she was.

 

Now she was.

 

He nodded. "I'm honored."

 

She blushed again and looked down.

 

"I'm serious...Pam, I just...this is the last I'm going to say about it all night...You're right - I did expect a response...but - but I just... I couldn't think straight anymore. I just..." fuck. His throat got tight and he felt like he'd felt that night. Just on the verge of losing it. Do not cry damn it.

 

Pam's eyes glittered with the same tears as he sighed and looked away.

 

"You know...I kind of want to tear Karen's hair out..."

 

His sudden burst of laughter that came from him seemed to echo in the small pace. The comment had come out of nowhere. He'd been on the verge of tears of sadness, and suddenly he was laughing so hard that he couldn't speak. He could hear her giggling as he pulled away from her. He doubled over with laughter. When he tried to talk he sounded like he'd been smoking for 20 years.

 

"What?" He said laughing. "I'm pouring my heart out and you're...."

 

She leaned against the countertop and smiled at him cheekily, twirling a curl around her finger. "Sorry...I couldn't help it. You looked so sad..."

 

His eyes widened and he shook his head, his face red, tears in his eyes.

 

Pam glanced out the window and chewed on her bottom lip, "She lives a few blocks that way, right? Maybe I could go beat her up."

 

Jim took a deep breath and straightened to his full height. "Calm down Beesly...She's probably still in New York and believe me...you've got nothing to worry about anymore."

 

All silliness aside now, Pam waited for him, her eyes wide and expectant. They hadn't really discussed what had happened. At least not in any real detail.

 

"It's...it's over."

 

She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."

 

"Come on..."

 

"No," She smiled a little in spite of herself. "I mean...really...this is so...Everything happened so fast and I am...I'm sorry you're hurting."

 

He found her eyes. "I'm not hurting so much."

 

Pam smiled wanly. "Yeah?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Bashfully she looked up at him from underneath her lashes. "You look tired."

 

He made a face. "That's ridiculous....I've only been up for...." He thought about how they'd left for the city as the sun was coming up. "Hours."

 

"I should let you get some sleep."

 

He shrugged. "I...Listen, you can't leave now. I mean we're just hitting our stride here."

 

She smiled.

 

"And besides it's almost 3 in the morning...you should just stay...I can't let you drive home this late."

.

A part of him harbored a very real fear that he'd go to sleep tonight, wake up, and realize this had all been a dream. A part of him wanted to hold her all night so that fear became an impossibility.

 

"I can't."

 

He realized by her expression that their expectations of a sleep-over were entirely different. "Oh...oh no! Pam, that's not what I meant. I'm not...jeez Pam, what kind of common hussy do you take me for? I'm suggesting that we just...you know...hang out...on the couch or something...play Parcheesi."

 

Pam smiled. "Snuggle?"

 

"Obviously...who doesn't wanna do that?"

 

"Seriously?" She said, when he started to move towards the couch.

 

"Pam, I'm not giving it up tonight so just...give it a rest."

 

She laughed and followed him when he held out his hand, taking it in her own. God, she loved that...holding his hand. It was her absolute new favorite thing. When they sat on the couch she could think of other favorite things...things they hadn't done yet. Thing she knew she'd love just as much...

 

Before she started to blush again, she tried to change the subject. "Are you gonna let me sleep on this with you? What if I steal all the change in your couch?"

 

"That is an odd question............besides, I only keep my change in my bed so,...since you won't be seeing that - I have nothing to worry about."

 

"Why do you have change in your bed?"

 

"Um....the Tooth fairy."

 

"Oh I thought maybe you'd been entertaining very cheap hookers."

 

"Stop."

 

She giggled nervously as they got comfortable on the couch. So close...they'd never sat this close before. Wow...

 

"Sorry," she whispered, instantly starting to play with her fingers.

"No...no, I get it...suddenly things get a little romantic and this is what we're gonna do...we're gonna pull out the shtick."

 

Pam's mouth fell open. She hadn't thought of that. "Really? You think that's what's happening?"

 

"Oh yeah. It's either that or fight."

 

"Or make out."

 

"Yes."

 

"So what are we gonna do?"

 

He turned towards her, his arm on the headrest behind her. He reached up, wove his fingers through her hair for a moment. There was so much silence...anything was possible.

 

He licked his lips. "I just got Nintendo Wii."

 

She shook her head. "No...I'm too good. You'd cry."

 

"Shut up...I don't think so. I think I'd win and you would.......oh - see look...look how quickly we fell back into it....did you see that," he said gesturing between them.

 

"But I like our shtick...I don't wanna give up our shtick."

 

"No, I do too...believe me Pam. I have nothing against good banter. But seriously...we're gonna have to like you know - talk like normal people and not be you know...us all the time.

 

"Well what would two normal people do right now?"

 

"Oh you mean like well adjusted, forthright, honest, witty, insanely attracted to one another people?"

 

"Yes...yes, what would they do?"

 

"They'd have sex."

 

"Shoot."

 

"Or maybe..." he said putting his feet up on the coffee table and pulling her close. "They'd just sit here in each other's company and like...wait for the sunrise."

 

"Oooh I like that."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah......but that's still a couple of hours away. What do we do in the mean time?"

 

Jim rolled his eyes around, mulling it over. "Do I have to think of everything?"

 

"You're the man I expect you to plan the first date."

 

He grinned widely. "Did you enjoy that pizza?"

 

She giggled. "Of course...that's exactly the kind of plan I meant."

 

"Well....we could get snacks."

 

"No. That would involve you moving...and I don't want you get to get up. You're comfy," she said laying her head on his chest.

 

"Oh...ok. Hmm. Well there are card games or -

 

"No...you suck at those."

 

"Pam -

"But...you're a good kisser."

 

He smiled in the dark.

 

She reached up and pushed some hair away from his eyes. "I really like your new big haircut by the way...I know I told you already - but I meant it."

 

"Come on..."

 

"No, I do...I liked the old one too, but you know...sometimes it's nice to be new - fancy."

 

"Sometimes."

 

"And sometimes it's nice to do something old too....So I like both haircuts."

 

"That can not possibly be. They are too completely distinct styles."

 

"Oh really Vidal? My bad."

 

"Insult me all you want, but it's an impossibility."

 

"It's not. I love both hairstyles because I love your hair....because I love you."

 

Silence settled between them for few moments while Jim reveled in that little revelation. Of course that's what all of this meant, or alluded too...but to hear her say the words aloud. That was...that was everything.

 

Finally - everything was ok. Who gave a crap about before? Suddenly none of it seemed to matter at all. All that mattered was the here and the now and the future.

 

She loved him.

 

Jim touched her face. "I...I think we're gonna make out."

 

"Really?"

 

"No - yeah...I think we have to."

 

"Well...alright.......But neither one of us are allowed to put out tonight."

 

"See...the old haircut...you woulda totally put out."

 

Pam laughed as he kissed her...but very quickly laughter was the last thing on her mind as they fell into one another. Seconds turning into minutes, which turned into more minutes.

 

Moments passed and he whispered things to her like how he thought her skin was amazing, and she tried to find out what he meant by that - what made it so amazing. But who cared for talking when they could have this. And when she wanted more...when she wanted to go back on what she'd said earlier about putting out, he wouldn't let her. He'd shaken his head and said things like...I don't want you to regret it...and we've got time...and I'm not going anywhere.

 

She liked that last one a whole lot. Neither one of them were going anywhere.

 

So they kissed until their lips were a bit sore, they napped a little, and they woke when a streak of gold lit the room. A new day cut through the apartment and they cuddled together to watch it before falling back to sleep on the couch...together.

 

Fancy and new....but just the same as they were before.