"I feel like I should be...ashamed of myself." Jim said finishing off a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Pam giggled, peering up at him from under her lashes. She felt a little drunk, even though she hadn't had anything to drink at all. In fact she'd specifically declined his offer of a glass of wine when she'd arrived. She wanted to know that any other gutsy moves she pulled tonight were a direct result of her new moxie, not liquor.

So far, it was working. "Why?"

"Oh I don't know...maybe because we're eating pizza?...On our first date....there's something so unbelievably lame about that," he said looking down.

Pam smiled and leaned back against Jim's couch. It was pure happiness that was making her feel tipsy.

She picked at the crust of her slice and popped it into her mouth. "Pizza's ok...pizza's good."

Jim leaned back against the edge of the couch and just stared at her for a moment. Just long enough to remind her - as if she'd forgotten - that they were on a date. And she'd told him...she'd honestly told him that she'd called off her wedding for him.

"Really?" He asked, his voice taking on that gravely tone that made her want to just grab him sometimes. A tone that she'd had to ignore for so long...

Pam nodded, and gazed back at him. Their eyes held for even longer this time. So long that she had to blink. She smiled again and felt her throat start to close. Oh no...not again.

Why did this keep happening? All day long she'd been at it. Even before he'd asked her out today, she'd felt just on the verge of tears...and of course after he'd asked her out, she'd been pushed completely over the edge.

Pizza was just fine. This...all of this - was just fine.

Clearing his throat, Jim leaned forward, throwing his uneaten crust in the cardboard pizza box on the coffee table.

"Oh...did - did you want more?" He asked, suddenly nervous again. "I'm sorry."

Thank God he was nervous too.

Pam shook her head. "No...I'm fine."

He leaned back against the couch again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah I..." her voice got caught in her throat and she shook her head. "Wow..."

Jim tilted his head, watching her silently. She could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something but maybe his mind was going a thousand miles a minute like hers was. Maybe the words were getting trapped in his throat too. Maybe...they'd spend all night here just looking at each other. That would be alright too.

Finally after a sigh, he spoke..."You know how you've got in your mind like the perfect thing that you want to say...but when you try and put it into words you just know it's gonna come out like Charlie Brown's teacher is saying it?...And you also know that as soon as the person leaves you're gonna know exactly how to say it. You'll actually say it to yourself like a crazy person, just to prove that you can do it."

She nodded. Yes. She was experiencing that, this very moment. That coupled with the lump in her throat left her paralyzed.

Jim smiled. "Why aren't you talking?"

"Because I'm gonna cry," she said, choking on the words. It was if she'd taken the stopper off of something the night she'd come clean at the beach. Something that couldn't be corked now even if she tried.

When he moved to touch her shoulder, she had to pull away, her voice still thick even though a smile. "Don't...because then..." she got up without finishing her sentence. "Can I use your bathroom?"

"Oh...yeah," Jim said following suit as he stood up. He swept his hands along the front of his pants anxiously. "Just...down the hall - first door on the right......Pam, it's -"

She took off down the hall as fast as she could move without actually jogging.

Jim sat down on the couch and let his head fall into his hands. Ok...well this was going well. He'd made her cry on a first date.

Very good, Halpert. A new record to be proud of.

He got up slowly, paced around for a bit, debated going to knock on the bathroom door, ask if she was ok...obviously she wasn't...but maybe she needed time. Maybe she was trying to figure out more ways to tell him how much he'd hurt her over the past several months. He ran his hand through his hair and then shoved his hands into his pockets as he moved into the kitchen.

Jim popped the top on two beers. When almost 10 minutes passed without any hint of Pam and he'd watched a slew of water droplets roll down the beer bottles at a painfully slow rate, he knew he couldn't give her anymore time. He had to know...

It couldn't be that bad right? She'd agreed to go out with him afterall. She couldn't be that angry...that hurt...

But she had every right to be.

He stood there for a long moment, letting the moment finally hit him. After he'd asked her out, he'd gone through the rest of the evening in a panic filled frenzy. He'd run home, washed the city off of him, and set about trying to figure out where the hell he would take her. He hadn't even unpacked for God's sake and he was asking her out. He was planning his entire weekend around what might be. An all too hurried break-up with Karen and then...bam - there he was asking Pam out.

It didn't feel like ‘bam' though. It felt like a long time coming. It felt right. And Pam had to have thought so too. This had to be the start of something different - something pretty damn close to perfect.

She'd called him about an hour after he'd initially asked her out, and offered to come over to his place - taking mercy on him after he'd driven back and forth from the city. It was that kind of thing - that kind of caring and sweetness that had always drawn him to her. Even when he tried to deny it, it had always, always been there. Pam was the kind of girl who would prank someone and then afterwards when her conscience kicked in, would let them know that she'd brewed their favorite flavor of coffee in the break room.

They hadn't been able to decide what to eat...and so they'd ordered pizza. Maybe he should have taken that as a bad sign to begin with. Pizza + crying + hiding in the bathroom = BAD DATE.

Pam's sniffles on the other side of the door broke him out of his thoughts. He had to say something. He had to start clearing the air...There was so much freaking air to clear.

He knocked but didn't wait for an answer before he decided to start talking. To really talk. If she could do it, he could do it. There was no turning back now.

"I knew about your art show......you probably knew that. I knew about it, and I didn't go......intentionally. To hurt you......And I - I don't have anything to say about that...other than..." Jim's voice cracked and he waited a beat. "Other than...that night, I sat in this apartment and stared at the stupid flyer and just..." he put his hand on the door, and then pulled it back. "Pam, believe me I know you exist....and that night was the closest I ever came - since I've been back...to actually coming back....

"I wanted to be there, truly. But I knew that I couldn't....not that way....it just wasn't something I could watch because...I was...I was so proud of you and not...I couldn't feel the way I felt - and see you go through that entire experience - while I was supposed to be somebody else's boyfriend. I just...it's stupid - I know that...I known it was selfish, but I...that's the way it was and I didn't want to be there with you...that way......and I'm sorry."

She opened the door, and the streaks that her tears had stained her cheeks with made his breath catch. She leaned for a moment against the doorframe. A little bit like she might fall...but then...it was the oddest thing - because then they were kissing.

"Pam, I'm really -

He tried speaking around her mouth, but didn't really try. Not when this felt a little bit like being transported in time...only better. Better because there was no question now as to whether she wanted this. She wanted to kiss him. She'd initiated it, she was furthering it...she wanted this as much as he did.

But maybe she hadn't heard him correctly, he'd just admitted to intentionally hurting her...

When his back hit hard against the opposite wall it was pretty clear that talking was the last thing on her mind. Instantly he felt himself start to go under...His heart beat a distorted sound in his ears.

His hands wove through her hair, and he moved then, and it was her back that was suddenly to the opposite wall, next to the bathroom. She mumbled something and he pulled back.

Breathless, and shaking his head at the moment, at himself, at the both of them. "I wanted to go Pam...I did -

"It's ok."

"No...Seriously," he said again, holding her face in his hands. "I know that we've got a lot of stuff we need to talk about and I just...I want you to know that, ok?"

She smiled. "Did you think I was crying because I was sad...or..."

"What? No, I ....Yes...Beesly, I'm not entirely sure what the hell is going on with either one of us anymore...I just thought I needed to say it -

"Because I wasn't," She said, cutting him off again. "I was happy. I am happy...God you should talk to Dennis. It took me about 15 minutes to get myself together after you left my talking head today...He can't even use most of my footage because I was completely inarticulate...an absolute wreck."

"Really?" He felt himself light up like a Christmas tree, so he manually whipped the smirk off of his face and she laughed. The sting behind her eyes started again...oh stop.

"My emotions make you ecstatic...that's so nice," she said sarcastically.

Jim shook his head. Fancy New Beesly...She was being so damned forthcoming that he wasn't quite sure how to react to her lately. First with her admission on the beach, and then that note during his interview. Just thinking about that note again, sped his pulse up. Or maybe that was a direct result of the way her lips looked right then...

Maybe both.

He licked his lips. "That picture you drew of Dwight..."

"Yeah?" She said, when his failed to finish his sentence.

His eyes focused on her mouth. "Nothing...it was...This is gonna be really hard..."

She smiled and for the first time knew that she knew exactly what he was thinking. He was thinking he wanted to kiss her again. She was thinking she wanted him to and it was going to be hard not to let him. But it wasn't nearly as hard as pretending she didn't want to in the first place.

The dim light coming from the kitchen cast his eyes in shadow, but the light bounced off his skin and she just...

He looked at his shoes. "I just...I feel like we have a lot to say...or I have a lot to say...and I don't wanna mess -"

"No...I...yeah....I know," she said nodding. "We should talk. Absolutely... I want to."

Neither one of them moved from that dimly lit spot in the hallway.

She smiled. "Maybe we need to go somewhere aside from this apartment."

Jim's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Really? You wanna leave?" He faked acceptance in a heartbeat. Anything to get this night to go exactly right. "That's cool. I mean -

"No!" Pam said quickly. Too quickly. "Not really. I just...I meant like the porch."

Jim extended his hand and she took it in hers. They were on a date....a real life - date. Yes, they'd kissed just moments ago...but there was something about holding his hand that suggested - no proved - that this was it.

He gestured with his head towards the front door. "Follow me Beesly."