Cold Openings by kgreene

Summary:

Ideas for Cold Openings (the pre-title gags) always pop into my head. So these will be just a bunch of teasers that, hopefully, you will find funny. I don't know how many I will post but I'll keep putting them up as they occur to me.

Categories: Other, Present Characters: Ensemble
Genres: Humor
Warnings: No Warnings Apply
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 74 Completed: No Word count: 43087 Read: 274604 Published: September 18, 2007 Updated: August 20, 2010

Baby Food by kgreene

Author's Notes:

I actually wrote this about three weeks ago but posted it only on the Life in the Office Forum because it had to do with the baby and I don't like to be out of show continuity too much. I figured I would hold on to it but I didn't expect to be using it THIS quickly. They got the whole "Office guys knowing about the baby" stuff outta the way fast.

So this was a short C/O that came to me one morning. Hope you like!

INT. THE OFFICE-KITCHEN
Jim and Pam are leaning against the counter, talking.

PAM
(laughing)
He actually believes that?

JIM
Yep.

PAM
There's gotta be at least.... eight different pranks
in there.

JIM
(laughing)
OH, yeah.

Just then Michael enters. He smiles at both Jim and Pam and then bends down to talk to Pam's belly.

MICHAEL
(loudly)
HELLO! HELLO IN THERE!
(lower to Pam)
You think the baby can hear me?

PAM
(dryly)
I think Heidi Klum's baby can hear you.

MICHAEL
(getting coffee)
Wow. I still can't believe it. Pam
has a pig in a blanket.

JIM
Um.. I think you mean bun in the oven.

MICHAEL
No, I mean pig in a blanket. Haven't you
heard that before?

JIM
Yes. At parties. You eat pigs in a blanket.

MICHAEL
Whoa, whoa! What are you a cannibal?
(laughs to camera then looks at Pam)
Wow, you better watch this kid around
Mike Tyson over here. Buns, ovens,
babies... He's already got a recipe!

JIM
What... are we talking about?

MICHAEL
Hey, you said it, not me.
(bends down to yell at Pam's stomach)
SEE YA, BABY! STEER CLEAR OF
DADDY! HE'S A FREAK!

JIM
Very nice.

Michael leaves. Jim shakes his head to the camera and then looks at a pouting Pam.

PAM
(holding her stomach protectively)
He called our baby a pig.

JIM
(putting arm around Pam)
Ignore him.
(beat, then pats Pam's stomach)
Both of you.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

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