The first time Andy sees 'A Christmas Story' and his thoughts on it.
I am in a very Christmas-y mood, since it's the first of December, the first snow in my city, and the first 'Christmas Story' marathon of the year! So I whipped up some 55's about Andy and A Christmas Story. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
1. A 1957 Vintage Tin Harmonica with Flames Painted on the Sides by Big Tuna
2. The Flagpole by Big Tuna
3. Andy Rhymes with Randy by Big Tuna
4. Oh F-- by Big Tuna
5. The Leg Lamp by Big Tuna
6. One Scary Santa by Big Tuna
7. The End by Big Tuna
When Andy saw The Christmas Story, the first thing he thought was LAY-ame. An air rifle? What stupid kid wanted an air rifle? Andy knew what he wanted for Christmas:
A 1957 vintage tin harmonica with flames painted on the sides.
Now that was the ultimate Christmas present.
Too bad his mom said he’d cut his lip open.
That kid had to be dumb as bricks to stick his tongue to the flagpole. Even if it was a triple dog dare. On Andy’s way to school, he scoffed when he saw a pole. He then glanced to see if anyone was watching.
His tongue was stuck for twenty minutes before the firemen came.
Andy could definitely connect with Randy, and not just because their names rhymed. He knew what it was like not to be able to move properly because of the stuff his mother forced him into.
But while Randy was bundled in snowsuits and scarves and mittens, Andy’s mom had gotten on of those child leashes.
Andy didn’t understand what fudge meant. Wasn’t it a type of chocolate? Ralphie’s mother must have been cleaning his mouth out with soap because he ate too much fudge. Maybe Ralphie had asked for fudge, and the soap was fudge flavored.
But if fudge was bad, the nothing in the world seemed right to Andy.
Andy thought that leg lamp was smoking’ hot. If he had that lamp, he wouldn’t put it in the front window like Ralphie’s dad; he would put it in his front yard. Yes, that’s what he’d do. The maybe all of the men on his street would stare at it in stead of his mom’s legs.
Amen.
That was one scary Santa. The Santa Andy saw in the mall promised him that he’d get him a 1957 vintage tin harmonica with flames painted on, if he was a good boy. Andy hoped that knocking Grandma’s ashes into lat night’s dinner didn’t put him on the naughty list. It was an accident.
Sort of.
The ending was way too cheesy for Andy. Nothing blew up and no one hit a high C, kind of like this story. The End.