Kelly likes themed Christmases, because Christmas isn’t enough of a theme by itself. And besides, red and green is the most atrocious color combination ever thought of in the whole wide world, and tie-dye totally kicks ass.

This year, she and Andy chose “The Seventies” when awesome was in full swing.

It was going to be twelve groovy days.

“I have got the best present for the best woman. Ever. Seriously. You're awesome.”

Kelly tore off the paper and stared in confusion. “What is it?”

“An eight-track!”

“A what?”

“It’s like, the great-grandfather of the iPod.”

“So I can’t listen to it.”

“Nooo, uh, but it’s by… da DA! The Partridge family!”

“…”

“Get it? Partridge? A partridge in a pear tree?”

“I’m ready for my second preseeent!”

“You are going to love these.” Andy handed her a box, which she opened greedily.

“Two platform shoes!”

“I thought they would make your legs look even h-ah-tter.”

“Um, did they come in anything other than green vinyl?”

“Yeah, but these are hot.” He raised his eyebrows expectantly and smiled.

“So what does my groovy lady have for me?”

“Oh, I thought you were giving me a gift.”

“But I gave you the last two presents.”

“Oops. I’ll make three scrambled eggs for lunch?”

“Three French hens… three scrambled eggs. Brilliant! How’d you come up with that?”

“Oh, that’s the only thing I can make in the microwave.”

“Okay, so I made you the best gift.”

“Made?” Kelly asked skeptically. She wasn’t stupid; she knew the best gifts were store-bought.

“Yeah, I Be-Jeweled them myself.”

“What are they?”

“Four headbands!”

“I don’t think Be-Jeweling is very seventies.”

“Au contraire. My mom bought that Be-Jeweler to decorate my baby blanket, and it’s still perfect to sleep with.”

The next days’ presents consisted of five mood rings, six down pillows (“See? The geese are inside,” Andy explained), seven dangling earrings, eight disco ball key-chains, nine paisley blankets, ten sets of door beads, and eleven lava lamp magnets.

All of them given to Kelly, since she really likes receiving, and she knows that Andy loves giving.

“These ones are special, and you’re special, so duh. They’re perfect.” Andy knew what he wanted, and he knew that this was going to get him it.

“Andy! You shouldn’t have!” She tore open the light blue packaging, crossed her fingers, and whispered, “Tiffany’s.”

“Eleven sticks of incense?”

Andy loosened his tie. “Because you light my fire.”