Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"No, I mean you really seem to have a strong connection. " She heard the bitterness that tinged his usually teasing tones.

Pam couldn't think of how to convey to Jim how much the past few months had cost her emotionally, there were so many things to say. But all she could get out was a soft, "Not anymore. It's - um - it's completely over... now." She tried to convey to him just how over it really was, but more importantly why. In the past, he would have known, would have intuitively picked up that there was more to her words then what she said. Now however, he was shut down to her. He heard the regret in her voice, her words colored by sadness, but he refused to interpret anything, purely out of the fear of misinterpreting anything -- ever again. He had Karen, he wouldn't let her back into his heart or his head. Not again.

"We'll see." he bit off, chuckling without mirth. He felt spiteful, he felt angry that she would so easily go back to that oaf, one who just ...didn't see her or treat her as well as he knew she deserved.

Jim had seen her blossoming, coming into her own, and he loved it. Roy made her regress back into someone he didn't want to see again, for his peace of mind, and for her well being. He loved that she was gaining a new confidence, but just when things seemed to be somewhat back on track, Roy reappears. He had felt a surge of anguish and jealously when he saw them leaving hand in hand at Phyllis' wedding. But he pushed it down, why should he care. He didn't. I don't care. Except, of course, he did.

"I'm sure you guys will find your way back to one another someday." He turned to leave the break room, to try and leave thoughts of her and him behind, and concentrate on the new life he was carving out for himself. One that would lead him to New York someday perhaps, far away from jelly beans, and cardigans, and pranks on Dwight.

"Jim." One word stopped him. "I-I'm really sorry..." he inwardly cringed, he didn't want to hear what she was sorry about. He didn't want to care. For Roy attacking him? For not warning him? He didn't want it to matter. So he brushed it off as best he could, walked out of the room, and got back to work.

That was his salvation lately, work. Jim was able to slip into his salesman persona so easily that he found the more problems in his life, the more successful he became. It was an escape, he didn't have to think about Pam, or Roy, or even Karen. All he had to think of was tonnage prices, manila folders, receipts. Long gone was the guy who only a couple years ago said if he advanced any higher he'd have to throw himself in front of a train, because why would he want to work for Dunder Mifflin forever?

For obvious reasons, today was especially bad, so of course he got even more done. He stayed late , finishing up some purchase orders. He had made plans with Karen to meet for dinner at 8, and by the time he left it was just after six. He locked up his desk, and made his way out to the parking lot. Pam was waiting for him.

Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing
CHAPTER 2

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After Jim had brushed her off, Pam too had gone back to her desk, and did as much work as she could, trying to work up the courage to talk to him again. He was just... so cold to her lately. She understood why, of course she did. He was attacked. And by Roy of all people. At five on the dot, she slipped out the door, into her car and was halfway home before she abruptly turned around. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, she was angry. No not angry. Furious. How dare he. How DARE he! She was momentarily glad when she got back to the parking lot to see his car still in the parking lot. She pulled her car into the spot next to his, got out and leaned against her hood, and waited.

She didn't have to wait long. He came strolling out with a relieved look on his face but when his eyes rested on her, his face darkened. Suddenly, instead of the semi-relaxed, tired look he had, it was resigned, angry, and cold. Pam felt her righteous indignation start to quickly ebb and she knew she needed to get this out before she lost her nerve.

"Ok look. I know you're mad at me, or disappointed, or ...whatever. But I need to say some things, and-- you need to hear them."

"Can we not do this now? I need--"

"No. We're doing this now. Mostly because I need to tell you some things you might not want or be ready to hear. You had your chance, now it's my turn."

"Pam-"

"No. First... You have to realize, I had been with roy for ten years TEN years....I've never known anything else. So when you told me.... what you told me last may, I panicked."

Jim felt the walls he had constructed between his feelings for her and himself start to crumble, and he realized he needed to get out of there. Now. He really couldn't deal with this.

"But, you woke me up. I realized you were right, I needed to take a chance on something. So I did. Or I tried. And then you came back with Karen. And that's fine...whatever, but you need to know...the reason I left with Roy was because I couldn't leave with you. I'm in love with you, and seeing the two of you every day, it hurts, but I can deal with it. But at Phyllis' wedding, seeing the two of you so together, so happy, it was like something broke." Pam rushed through her words, never looking up, but her voice was stronger and more clear than Jim could ever remember hearing it before. "I can handle the fact that you've moved on, but Jim you were my best friend before you left, and now you won't even really talk to me, and that....sucks. I miss you."

"Pam-" Jim started, almost warningly, still feeling the anger he'd been harboring ever since he saw the two of them together at the wedding.

She looked up. "What?" she asked abruptly.

"I- look, I gotta go..meet Karen." He said almost pointedly, not believing her words, trying to brush them aside. It's too late.

She bristled. "Great, well, you go do that." and with that, Pam quickly got in her car and left him in the darkened parking lot.


Idiot.

Disclaimer: Of course I own nothing :)

Pam felt humiliated. she couldn't believe she said all that. It wasn't planned exactly, she knew she had to talk to him, but what she meant to say was that she wanted to be friends again....she hadn't meant to tell him she was in love with him. as far as she could tell he didn't harbor any of his former feelings for her.

All she was trying to do was to get him to talk to her, and what does he do? he throws his relationship with Karen in her face. She fought a war within herself on that long lonely car ride home. on the one hand, she was glad she said what she did, it's all in the open now, he can do with that information what he will. on the other hand, to strip herself of all her defenses like that, to let go of her air of detachment she had going for her, she wasn't sure how she'd deal with that. For so long she had played the supportive friend, even helping out Jim with his Karen problems.

Now all of that fell away. What would this mean for them? When she got home, she plopped heavily down on her "fancy new" couch, and despite all the thoughts swirling around in her head, and the early hour, the emotional exhaustion she felt lulled her into a deep dreamless sleep almost immediately.

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Jim stood in the darkened parking lot for a minute, picking up the pieces of his now shattered anger, he tried to be spiteful, even hurtful to supposedly his best friend, because once again, she didn't do what he wanted her to. And what exactly was that, genius? Did you want her to be alone forever? To tell you you're the only one for her? cuz unless you didn't notice, SHE DID He realized he was doing what he always did when something got too intense for him. He distanced himself, became angy, withdrawn, or he ran. It had been these character flaws that had dictated his last few relationships, ever since he met Pam. Katy was a Prime example. He was cruel to her, because he really wanted Pam, but she was unavailable.

Jim got into his car, and started driving home, lost in thought.

He started thinking over the past few months, how Pam had tried to be a friend, even when he tried to distance himself from her, starting with that coffee invite on his first day back. She pulled pranks with him, helped him with Karen, became friends with his girlfriend. wow suddenly he realized what it must have cost her to do that. He couldn't contemplate ever being friends with Roy... how did she do it? ....amazing As he turned into his driveway he discovered that his anger had mostly melted away, leaving a mild feeling of guilt, and a stronger one of remorse. He remembered the look they had shared at Phyllis' wedding, just before she'd disappeared only to reappear with Roy. Did she.... But no...maybe. and for the first time in a long time, he allowed himself to hope.

Jim was still sitting on his couch lost in thought when his cell started buzzing in his pocket Shit!!! Karen! He'd forgotten about dinner. "Hey," he answered softly.

"Halpert where are you?" She asked, sounding impatient.

"Yeah-sorry, I got stuck at work and got home a little while ago and just lost track of time."

"Oh -hmm, well are you coming now, it's almost nine already." Her voice softened, though there was still a tone of amused impatience in her voice.

"Actually, do you mind if we took a raincheck? I'm not feeling up to my usual effervesent self"

"Um-yeah sure, Halpert, you okay?" Karen sounded concerned now, albiet disappointed.

"Yeah I"m fine, just tired. I think I'm just gonna get some sleep"

"Okay, if you're sure... I'll see you tomorrow I guess. Bye Jim"

"Bye Karen." Jim hung up feeling even worse than before. He knew he had some thinking to do, but he knew he had to do a bit more talking first.


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She awoke to a gentle pounding on her front door, a mere five feet from her previously comfy couch, and presently sore neck. ow... see now this is why people have beds She looked through her peephole to see the last person she would have expected standing in her doorway. greeeat. more drama

Slowly opening the door, she asked him resignedly "Jim, haven't we done enough of this for tonight?" He seemed, lighter somehow, less drawn and controlled.

"You have, yes. But I haven't." Pam looked like she was about to protest, but Jim squeezed past her, and held up a hand to stop her. "No." He said softly, "You've had your say, now here's mine." Pam said nothing as she slowly closed the door and stood opposite him in the middle of her tiny living room. She braced herself for whatever he had come here to say. "Here's the thing. When you-- when I left last year, I was...broken. I never expected to come back, to see you everyday. The thought of that, it terrified me. Because I wasn't over you, because even after you weren't with Roy, you still didn't want to be with me."

He saw Pam was about to protest, but stopped her before she could "No. So when i came back, I distanced myself. I tried not to team up with you on pranks, I said because I wanted to start over, but really, I couldn't get stuck in my old patterns. The thought of going back.. to that place, to being "just friends" forever, I knew I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it."

He looked unwaveringly into her eyes as he was talking, wanted her to see how difficult this was for him, to lay it out there for a third time. "So when you say to me that you felt like something broke, I get it. Believe me. But running back to Roy isn't the answer. Pretending you don't care isn't either."

He took a step closer "However, what we're doing now, that is. I can't be who you want me to be right now. I am involved with Karen. That's going to take some time to resolve, and I wouldn't start anything with you while she still thinks we're together. She doesn't deserve that and neither do you." At this Pam felt a tear escape and roll down her cheek followed by another. But she wasn't sad. She felt hope and relief for the first time in a long time.

"We can start," Jim said very seriously, as Pam nodded and brushed her tears away "by you showing me that fancy new kitchen of yours." They both grinned and knew that they were starting to find their way back to each other.