THE COLD OPEN

INT. Rite-Aid Store, Aisle

MICHAEL is standing alone in the aisle of a Rite-Aid drugstore, with a shopping basket in one hand and a cell phone in the other. In the basket are several bags of candy and various cheap looking toys. He looks confused and overwhelmed, or at least more so than normal. The scene begins in mid-conversation.

 

MICHAEL

(talking into cell-phone)

No, I’m right here and I don’t see it.

(pauses for a moment listening)

I’m sorry, okay? But they don’t have the vaga- [beat] thingy. Hello? Hello?

(looks over at camera and continues in a stilted manner)

Right. Okay, that sounds good. I will see you later Jan. Yup.

(hangs up phone)

 

A moment after MICHAEL hangs up the phone, DWIGHT comes around the corner and into frame. He is also carrying a shopping basket, except his is filled with chocolates and a lot of candles.

 

DWIGHT

(concernedly)

Did you find the right medicine for Jan’s vagina?

 

MICHAEL

(angrily)

Dwight! God, gross. Don’t talk about her like that.

 

DWIGHT

(confused)

I thought we were here to buy some medicated-

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

We’re not! Okay, we’re not. Just [beat]

(changes tone)

why do you have so many candles?

 

DWIGHT

(pauses for a moment and looks at camera before he returns to MICHAEL)

Power outages.

 

MICHAEL

(mutters under his breath)

Weirdo.

 

MICHAEL walks past the cameras, and out of frame momentarily. The camera swings to follow him stalking off to another aisle, until he is out of frame again. It then swings back to its previous position to see DWIGHT standing with a package of condoms in his hand and a mortified expression as he looks at the camera. He hurriedly puts the package in his coat pocket. The camera stays with him for several seconds as he pretends to be interested in several items in the aisle, all the while attempting to surreptitiously move the condoms from his jacket to his basket, and then to under the various items in his basket.

 

CUT TO:
INT. Rite-Aid, Register Line

MICHAEL is standing in front of DWIGHT, who keeps nervously looking at the camera and re-arranging things in his basket. MICHAEL has all of items on the conveyer belt.

 

CASHIER

Did you find everything you were looking for today?

 

MICHAEL

(dejectedly)

No.

 

CASHIER

(surprised)

Oh. [beat] What was it that you couldn’t find?

 

MICHAEL

Um [beat] just some, uh, lawn and condo stuff. No biggie. Or anything.

 

CASHIER

Well we don’t really sell that kind of thing.

 

DWIGHT

(a little loudly as he is butting into the conversation from behind)

Or proper ointments for women’s—

 

MICHAEL

(turning around to face DWIGHT and interrupting with spittle-flying gibberish)

Shh-za-fazza!

 

DWIGHT

(resolutely)

They should be made aware of their shortcomings.

 

CASHIER

(looking back and forth between the two of them)

Do you two know each other?

 

MICHAEL

(shaking his head a little)

Nope. Just [beat] he’s been following me around the store and saying things about things [beat] buying lots of candles. I don’t know.

 

DWIGHT

Michael, you know me, we work together.

 

There is an awkward pause of two to three seconds.

 

CASHIER

Your name is Michael.

 

MICHAEL

Um, no. It’s Darryl [beat] Darryl Philbin.

 

CASHIER

(holding up MICHAEL’s credit card)

Then why are you using Michael Scott’s credit card?

 

MICHAEL

(looks at camera as it zooms in a little on his face)

 

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD [outside Rite-Aid]

You know, all I wanted was some Reese’s Pieces and maybe a matchbox car and some lady lotion. That’s it. Why does everything have to be so difficult? Its like Jan is all hormonal and acting crazy and I gotta drive three hours round trip to take her to Lamaze so that the baby knows how to breathe….

(sighs sadly and looks down at the ground)

….and its not even mine.

 

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD [outside Rite-Aid]

Yes, Michael ignored me at the checkout. It was not the first time that I have been disavowed. I understand why he does not want to be associated with me. [beat] My pheromones are overpoweringly strong at the moment.

(looks directly into camera)

I’m feral.

 

END OF COLD OPEN

 

 

 

ACT ONE

INT. The Office, Reception

PAM is sitting at Reception alone. The act begins with the phone ringing.

 

PAM

(picks up and speaks into phone)

Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.

 

PAM’s words become indistinct as the camera zooms in on her hand holding the phone. It is noticeably bare (should be made to resemble shot in the beginning of “Gay Witch Hunt”) We then zoom out slightly to see PAM looking at the camera and its point of interest. She twists away so that her back is to the camera.

 

 

 

 

PAM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

(voice over during flashback of Jim pulling out ring box/Andy’s proposal in “Goodbye, Toby”)

Um, yeah no I am not engaged. After the fireworks, and the whole Andy proposal, Jim told me how he was going to but that he didn’t want it to be the same night…[beat]

 

(CUT BACK to Office, END FLASHBACK)

(PAM stares at the camera for a quick moment, then looks down a little self-consciously at the floor)

or I guess the same week, right? [beat]

(looks back up at camera with a smile)

But it’s totally fine, I understand and, uh, its not like either of us is in a hurry or anything.

 

 

JIM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

(to person off-camera)

What did she say?

(there is a pause as JIM is answered inaudibly)

Right, but how did she say it?

(another pause, after which he leans back slightly in his chair, and looks at the camera tiredly)

Its [beat] she deserves something really special. I mean, Roy proposed to her during the halftime of a Super Bowl.

(sighs)

So…..

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, JIM and DWIGHT’s Desks

 

Both JIM and DWIGHT are working peaceably, and quietly. The calm is interrupted when MICHAEL comes out of his office, and stands to the right of JIM.

 

MICHAEL

(announcing loudly)

Everyone, I have urgently important news. It is [beat] very important and revolutionish. And it affects all of you.

 

The camera swings to show the entire office is paying attention to MICHAEL, and that KELLY and HOLLY have opened the door from the Annex and are walking into the Main Office.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

So everyone in the Conference Room in like 40, okay? I’ve got to go to the bathroom and make a Wendy’s run.

 

The camera swings again to show everyone is now frustrated. It then swings back to a satisfied MICHAEL.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(he points an index finger from each hand in the air at the office)

Good.

(to DWIGHT)

Put the thing up, but make sure to keep it covered.

 

Instantly, DWIGHT springs into action. He gets up from his desk, and races around JIM’s desk, past PAM at Reception, to the bewilderment of both, and out the door.

 

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Break Room

 

The room is empty except for ANDY, who is sitting at a table that is covered in magazines with brightly colored bookmarks, paper clippings, and notebooks. He is deeply engrossed in looking through one of the magazines when PHYLLIS walks in the room and heads towards the vending machine.

 

PHYLLIS

Hey Andy, what are you doing?

 

ANDY

Planning the big day.

 

PHYLLIS

(surprised)

Oh. You and Angela are still getting married?

 

ANDY

Still?

 

PHYLLIS

(quickly and slightly unconvincingly)

I mean, um [beat] I would have thought you’d just get eloped.

(turns away from ANDY towards the vending machine)

 

ANDY

(doesn’t pick up on Phyllis’ tone)

No, Angela and I are going to have a big wedding. Huge. I’m thinking Nantucket, Here Comes Treble singing the Wedding March, the whole office there, and my old fraternity friends from Cornell [beat] The University.

 

PHYLLIS

Wow.

 

ANDY

(happily)

I haven’t decided on the honeymoon yet. Angela doesn’t like the heat [beat] or the cold.

 

PHYLLIS

(while picking up a bag of chips from the vending machine, and looking at the camera)

Well maybe she can decide.

 

ANDY

I don’t know. She really isn’t into planning things.

 

The camera pans quickly to show PHYLLIS’ reaction to ANDY’s statement.

 

ANDY (cont.)

I asked her if she wanted Sunflowers or Tulips or Lily of the Valley or Birds of Paradise, but she said she didn’t care and that I could plan everything. But luckily…

(picks up beat-up looking notebook from table)

I’ve been scribbling some ideas down for a couple ten years or so.

 

PHYLLIS
At my wedding we had beautiful flowers…

(smiles in remembrance)

but I’m sure you remember.

 

ANDY

No, I was in anger management. I punched a wall.

 

PHYLLIS

(worriedly)

Oh, right [beat] because you lost your cell phone….

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Conference Room

 

Everyone is assembled in the Conference Room, where the table has been removed and rows of chairs have been put in their place. At the front of the room is an easel holding up something that is covered in a purple cloak. MICHAEL stands next to the mysterious object with a wide smile on his face.

 

MICHAEL

Alright, alright. So! It is now time to tell all of you the big news. I, your leader, talked to David Wallace about this branch.

 

At his words everyone simultaneously turns to look at PAM questioningly.

 

PAM

No, he did.

 

Everyone seems satisfied, and turn their attention back to MICHAEL, except STANLEY who remains oblivious with a crossword puzzle.

 

MICHAEL

(to PAM)

Thank you, Pam.

(to everyone)

I thought when Toby left that morale would reach a new high because he wouldn’t be here. He’d be gone [beat] and not here. What I didn’t think about was how Ryan’s arrest would affect us all.

 

KELLY

(interrupting)

He got what he deserved. I’m happy he’s going to jail.

 

MICHAEL

(points at KELLY)

See? Clearly she is still in shock. And you cannot work while in shock. I know you’ve all tried to be strong, and not cry at your desk [beat] or at night when you think about Ryan. But we all have….

 

Camera swings to show everyone unaffected by MICHAEL’s words, with KELLY nodding ‘no’ emphatically.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

…and that is why with David Wallace’s permission, I have created the best thing ever.

(points to mystery object)

Are there any questions before I continue?

 

JIM raises his hand.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

Jim.

 

JIM

Yeah [beat] where did you get a purple cloak?

 

MICHAEL

(matter-of-factly)

Magic shop. Any others?

 

KEVIN raises his hand.

 

KEVIN

Did you bring back frosties?

 

MICHAEL

No, Kevin I did not.

 

KEVIN

(aside to HOLLY who is sitting next to him)

I like to put my M&M on them.

 

MICHAEL

(to everyone)

Anything else? Alright! Strap yourselves on, here we go!

 

MICHAEL, in a flourish, pulls off the cloak to reveal a bright orange piece of poster-board. It is a chart, with everyone’s names (excluding MICHAEL) in the far left-hand column. For each name there is a row running the length of the poster-board, with fifteen additional columns intersecting them. At the top of the board in large block-letters written in glitter-pen it reads “Michael’s Golden Stars.” The dividing lines of each column and row are likewise created with the glitter-pen.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

Ta-da!

 

MICHAEL’s reveal is met with confusion and silence, except by DWIGHT, who attempts to begin a slow-clap over the course of four to five seconds, which nobody else follows.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(frustrated)

Alright, obviously it’s too sophisticated. See

(points to chart)

everyone’s name is on the chart, and there are fifteen slots for fifteen stars. The first person to get fifteen gold stars wins.

 

OSCAR

Wins what?

 

ANDY

How does one go about collecting stars?

 

MICHAEL

(enthused at the questions)

A-ha. Yes, well the gold stars will be handed out at my discretion for, you know, good deeds and helping to improve morale in the office. And…

(looks excitedly at camera)

there are prizes! Third place…

(MICHAEL beats his fingers against the easel trying to make a drumroll)

is a hug from someone of your choosing in the office! [beat]

(looks around the room at everyone seated)

Um, so probably either me or Pam, depending on your sexual orientation.

 

PAM

(interrupting)

Michael.

 

MICHAEL

Okay. Okay. If you choose Pam, it has to be clean, no rubbing up against her. No copping feels. Unless you’re Jim, because I guess they’re still going out. Or something.

 

The camera focuses on JIM and PAM. Instead of amused, they both look slightly annoyed at MICHAEL’s words.

 

MICHAEL(cont.)

Second place prize is [beat] a pizza from Alfredo’s….

 

At the mention of Alfredos, everyone excluding HOLLY, leans in slightly in anticipation of which pizzeria MICHAEL chose.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

Pizza Café.

 

Everyone murmurs their approval at MICHAEL’s choice, while he looks on smugly.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(happily)

I remembered. I remembered. Alright, and lastly, but firstly, the grand prize for the first person to collect fifteen gold stars is [beat] a week paid vacation!

 

 

The camera pans over to see that everyone is slightly stunned at the first place prize.

 

JIM

(skeptically)

David Wallace really approved this?

 

MICHAEL

Holly?

 

HOLLY

(to everyone)

Yes. He called me personally this morning.

(to MICHAEL)

Michael did a good job negotiating it.

 

MICHAEL

Thank you Holly.

 

ANGELA

(interrupting)

Is she eligible then?

 

MICHAEL

Yeah, of course. Holly’s cool.

 

 

The camera goes from MICHAEL to HOLLY and shows her smiling a little too widely at his words, before she realizes she’s being watched. She then stops smiling and looks away.

 

HOLLY TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

I think the gold star idea is really smart. I mean, I’ve only been here a week or so and I don’t really know how things usually go [beat] but everyone seems really sad.

 

ANDY TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

The gold stars are right up Bernard Boulevard. Last time I did this, I won first place, [beat] by seven stars!

(smiles and continues confidently)

Got five extra minutes of recess.

 

ANGELA TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

I don’t like Holly.

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, JIM and DWIGHT’s Desks

 

 

The orange Gold Star Poster is now hanging on the wall between MICHAEL’s Office and the Conference Room door. Meanwhile, DWIGHT is typing furiously at his computer, while JIM looks on curiously. After a second or two, the silence between the two is broken.

 

JIM

What are you doing?

 

DWIGHT

(still looking at his computer and typing)

Planning.

 

JIM

(nods his head in mock-understanding)

Yes [beat] me too.

 

DWIGHT

(looks to JIM)

It won’t matter.

 

JIM

Won’t it?

 

DWIGHT

No.

 

JIM

Right.

 

JIM looks at the camera curiously, and then gets up from his desk and walks to Reception. The camera swings over to see him leaning against the desk inaudibly talking to PAM, but it remains in its position and swings back to DWIGHT who continues to type. After seven seconds or so, JIM reappears in frame, and sits back down at his desk. Immediately DWIGHT’s phone rings.

 

 

DWIGHT

(picks up phone)

Dwight Schrute.

 

PAM

Hey Dwight.

 

Camera, once again, swings to show PAM on the phone, then back to DWIGHT.

 

PAM (cont.)

Laurie and Associates called, they said they needed to talk to you about an order they placed on the website a couple months ago that got messed up.

 

DWIGHT

(annoyed, and continues to type while he talks on the phone)

I can’t now. I’m busy.

 

PAM

(voice can be heard from Reception throughout the duration of the conversation, nevertheless they both remain on the phone)

With what?

 

DWIGHT

I’m creating a fourteen-point plan to win Michael’s gold star contest, and a week’s paid vacation.

 

PAM

(surprised)

You’d take a week off from work?

 

DWIGHT

Yes. I have, for a long time, wanted to go to Vermont [beat] its very romantic.

 

PAM

Okay.

(hangs up phone)

 

DWIGHT hangs up his phone simultaneously, JIM looks over at PAM (off-camera) and nods.

 

JIM

That’s what you’re planning for?

 

DWIGHT

(again, continues to look at his computer screen when he talks)

Yes. So are you.

 

JIM

(casually)

No, I’ve got an understanding with Michael on the gold stars.

 

DWIGHT

(stops typing, looks at JIM)

What understanding?

 

JIM

Oh, well [beat]

(stops and perks up slightly at imaginary noise)

Gotta go, Michael’s calling me.

 

JIM gets up from his desk, and turns to go to MICHAEL’s office as an astonished and confused DWIGHT looks on.

 

CUT TO:INT. The Office, MICHAEL’s Office

 

A continuing shot from the previous scene, JIM walks into the office, while MICHAEL looks up from his desk at him

 

MICHAEL

Wow. Perfect timing, I was just going to come looking for you.

 

JIM

(confused)

I’ve been sitting at my desk for the last hour.

 

MICHAEL

Yeah. Right, well sit down.

 

JIM

Um, actually I just came in here-

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

I know why you came here, because you’re my friend, and you knew I needed you.

 

JIM

(to camera)

Yes [beat] that is it.

 

JIM sits down.

 

MICHAEL

So, I needed to tell someone else other than Dwight about this.

 

JIM

Okay.

 

MICHAEL

It’s about Jan.

 

JIM

Oh.

(looks at camera in slight fear)

 

 

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD [Michael’s Office]

It’s amazing right? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, Jim and I have always had a sort of simpatica. But I think the fact that he knew I needed to tell someone that Jan is driving me freaking nuts.

(smiles knowingly at camera)

I think…

(chuckles nervously)

I don’t want to jinx it, but I think I may have found a co-best man with Packer for my wedding [beat] when I get married [beat] after I get a girlfriend.

 

END OF ACT ONE

 

 

ACT TWO

 

INT. The Office, The Kitchen

DWIGHT is staring intently at the refrigerator, while ANGELA is sitting at the small table adjacent to it. Neither looks at the other for the duration of the conversation, and they speak in hushed voices. The camera is filming them covertly from the Main Office, through the blinds.

 

DWIGHT

I bought candles.

 

ANGELA
What does that mean?

 

DWIGHT

For this weekend. I know you like the smell of cinnamon.

 

ANGELA

(steadfastly)
Dwight, I’m spending the weekend with Andy at his parents.

 

DWIGHT

I thought you were coming over [beat] I sent Mose away.

 

ANGELA

(tone changes slightly with curiosity)

Where?

 

DWIGHT

To the woods, he has a tree house there.

 

ANGELA

(reverts back to previous tone)

Dwight, I told you. What happened was a mistake.

 

DWIGHT

(after a short pause)

Then why did it happen again after the camera left?

 

ANGELA angrily gets up without a word and goes into the Women’s bathroom. After she does, DWIGHT turns from the refrigerator and looks at the bathroom door desperately.

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, The Annex, HOLLY’s Desk

 

HOLLY is sitting at her desk with some paperwork in front of her. It is clear that she is attempting to concentrate on it, but is being thwarted by KELLY, who is playing “Hate That I Love You” by Rihanna loudly from her desk. After a second or two, HOLLY gets up from her desk, walks around the partition separating them, and approaches KELLY.

 

HOLLY

(politely, but loud enough to be heard over the music)

Hey, Kelly…

 

KELLY

(turns around from facing her computer surprised)

Hey Holly, what’s up?

 

HOLLY

Do you think-

 

KELLY

(interrupting)

Oh! Did you see them too?

 

HOLLY

(confused)

See what?

 

Energetically, KELLY turns back to her computer and begins typing quickly. As she does, HOLLY turns back to the camera and looks perplexedly at it, before returning to KELLY.

 

HOLLY (cont.)

(quickly, while KELLY continues to type)

Do you think you could turn the music off?

 

KELLY

Oh, yeah sure.

(she clicks the mouse, and the music stops)

Anyway, I found some more…

(turns around again, and looks expectantly at HOLLY)

 

 

At KELLY’s look, HOLLY steps up next to her desk and leans in slightly to look at what is on her computer’s monitor. The camera follows, and shows a Google Image search gallery of Ryan’s arrest.

 

 

KELLY (cont.)

Ugh. Look at him [beat] with his little puberty beard [beat] and eyes that match his tie. Stupid.

 

HOLLY

(naively)

He used to work in Scranton right?

 

 

At HOLLY’s words, KELLY freezes for a moment in recognition of the opportunity presented. She then slowly looks from the computer screen to the camera.

 

 

KELLY TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

 

Oh my god. Okay. I have been so busy thinking about if I should wear velour when I visit Ryan in jail that I totally forgot that Holly doesn’t even know about us. I mean, that and I’m pretty sure that Holly buy her clothes at Sears…

(lowers her voice conspiratorially and continues cattily)

so I don’t think she knows much anyway.

 

CUT BACK TO OFFICE.

KELLY and HOLLY’s conversation is still going on, only its obvious some time has elapsed. HOLLY is now sitting in a chair next to her, with slumped posture, trying to listen attentively.

 

KELLY

And then I told him I was pregnant, but I really wasn’t, but I got a date with him! [beat] But I couldn’t drink margaritas during it. So that kinda sucked.

 

HOLLY

(after a moment)

Wow.

 

KELLY

Yeah, I know. I mean I’m totally happy with Darryl now and everything, but Ryan and I are like Hugh Grant and um, what’s-her-name from Love Actually.

 

HOLLY

(perks up slightly)

Oh, I love that movie.

(look of horror passes her face as she’s realizes what she’d just done)

 

KELLY

(giddily)

Me too! Oh, and the part where that guy shows up at her doorstop with signs and everything, I mean Keira Knightley seriously needs to eat something, but still, it’s like—

 

 

HOLLY TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

Um [beat] is that normal?

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, MICHAEL’s Office

MICHAEL is sitting at his desk with a yellow legal pad in front of him. He is writing on it, but it is illegible from the camera. After a moment, a knock is heard at the open door of the office. The camera swings to see PAM in the doorframe looking at MICHAEL.

 

PAM

Hey, Michael is now a good time?

 

MICHAEL

Yeah, yeah. C’mon in.

 

PAM enters, and sits in a chair in front of MICHAEL’s desk.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

What’s up?

 

PAM

(takes a noticeable fortifying breath)

Um, I wanted to ask you a favor.

 

MICHAEL

(leans back in his chair)

Reall-lly?

 

PAM

(firmly)

Yes. I-

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting and said while smiling)

Okay, but I can’t just give you gold stars because you asked, Pam. I mean, I like you and the way you dress now, but still-

 

PAM

(interrupting)

No, Michael, that’s [beat] I need to talk to you about this summer. Um,

(there is a pause of a second or two, longer than a beat)

I got into Art School in New York City and it’s from June to August.

(looks at MICHAEL expectantly)

 

MICHAEL

(stops smiling immediately and said in a hushed tone)

You’re leaving?

 

PAM
Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I mean—

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting with some emotion, which plays out on vividly on his face)

I’ll give you fifteen gold stars right now if you don’t leave.

 

PAM

No, Michael. What I wanted to ask was… [beat]

(looks down at her hands in her lap)

I know its probably impossible, but….

(looks back up at MICHAEL)

is there anyway I can leave for three months and still keep my job?

(squints slightly)

 

MICHAEL

(pauses for a moment, possibly in thought)

You’ll come back in August?

 

PAM

I promise I will.

 

MICHAEL

Okay. [beat] Then yes.

 

PAM

(surprised)

Really?

 

MICHAEL

Yeah. Pam, you’re extremely important to this office, and we’re a family. I mean, sometimes people have to leave for a while, like because they’re crazy, or because they got rejected by you….

(Pam’s happiness becomes visible awkwardness at MICHAEL’s words)

but they all come back. Because this is home [beat] and you can always go back home again.

(there is a pause for a moment or two, MICHAEL then looks at the camera and smiles as he finishes)

Plus, we’ll just hire a temp, and it’ll be cheaper anyway.

 

PAM

Yeah….

(camera zooms in on PAM’s face)

 

 

PAM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

Well, I guess I’m glad that I still have my job. Um, and its good to know that I’m extremely important to the office.

(nods her head slightly)

My job can only be done by me [beat] or any other random person.

(looks at camera deflated)

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Reception

PAM is sitting back down at her desk following her conversation with MICHAEL. As she does, JIM gets up and walks over to Reception. He fishes for a jellybean from the container as he begins to talk.

 

JIM

So how’d it go?

 

PAM

Bad…[beat]

(sucks in a breath)

Michael said I could keep my job.

 

JIM
(in mock seriousness)

I’m sorry.

 

PAM

I know.

 

JIM and PAM hold the others’ stare for a second, but then both chuckle at the joke.

 

PAM (cont.)

Ah…

(sighs)

no but its good. I’ll definitely need the money. School’s going to be expensive, and I’ve got to, you know, eat sometime in September….

 

JIM

(laughing lightly)

Eating is always good.

 

PAM

(smiling, but then stops slightly, but perceptibly)

And there’s always the rent for my apartment. So….

 

JIM

(eating jellybean, still speaking jovially)

Sleeping on a bed is good too [beat] I-

 

 

The camera quickly catches PAM’s slightly surprised and disappointed reaction to JIM’s words, but then swings quickly as a disturbance is heard.

 

DWIGHT

(exclaiming loudly)

What?!

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, JIM and DWIGHT’s Desks

DWIGHT is standing in front of the Gold Star poster, looking at the totals. JIM has five gold stars, while everyone has none.

 

 

DWIGHT (cont.)

When did this happen?

 

MICHAEL walks out of his office at the sounds of DWIGHT’s voice.

 

MICHAEL

Dwight, what are you yelling about?

 

DWIGHT

(now quieter)

Nothing. I was just asking when Jim got five stars?

 

MICHAEL

Like, forever ago. I don’t know.

 

PHYLLIS

It was thirty minutes ago, after they both came out of Michael’s office after talking.

 

DWIGHT

(very seriously)

Michael, I would like to go in your office and talk about you giving me five stars.

 

MICHAEL

(annoyed)

No, Dwight, that’s not how it works. It’s about improving morale, and Jim improved mine [beat] and I’m the boss so that means everybody’s improved.

 

DWIGHT

Then I would like to discuss my fourteen-point plan with you.

 

MICHAEL

(still annoyed)

No, I’m-no. This isn’t about plans, or points of plans, or planned points. This [beat] you know what…?

(to Reception)

Pam! Can you bring me a Post-It note, please?

 

The camera swings over to Reception, where JIM is still leaning against the desk. Behind it, PAM reaches for an unseen Post-It Note block and pulls off one. The camera sees her get up from her desk, and then swings back to MICHAEL and DWIGHT.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

I didn’t want to have to do this Dwight, but you’ve depressed my morale.

 

DWIGHT

(shocked)

I-

 

PAM comes into frame, with the Post-It Note, which is neon green. She looks at the camera emotionlessly, and hands it to MICHAEL. She then goes back to Reception.

 

MICHAEL

Thank you, Pam. Now…

(steps over to JIM’s desk and picks up a pen)

I’m subtracting two stars from your total.

 

DWIGHT

(confused)

But my total is zero.

 

MICHAEL quickly makes some unseen marks on the Post-It Note, and then moves and attaches it to the end of the Gold Stars Poster. The camera zooms in to see that he has made two additional boxes on it, and then pans over the length of the poster to see that its position corresponds to DWIGHT’s row.

 

MICHAEL

You now have minus two stars.

(looks seriously at DWIGHT)

 

There is an awkward silence of a couple of seconds as the two men stare at each other. The camera then swings to show that the entire office (excluding the Annex people) are watching. It swings back to show DWIGHT go to his desk, without a word, and sit down.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(breaking the silence)

Pam [beat] gold star for bringing me that Post-It Note. Good job.

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Break Room

STANLEY is sitting at a table by himself, doing a crossword puzzle and eating Jell-O. At another table PHYLLIS is sitting with ANGELA, both of whom are looking at STANLEY impatiently. He remains oblivious.

 

ANGELA

(turning her attention away from STANLEY)

You wanted to discuss [beat] some numbers?

 

PHYLLIS

(likewise, turning her attention away from STANLEY, and with a brief glance at the camera)

Yes. Its about the gold stars…

(slightly apprehensively)

I want to win the grand prize.

 

ANGELA

(dismissively)

So you can go to Ben and Jerry’s?

 

PHYLLIS

(now annoyed)

Bob and I want to take a tour of Southeast Asia [beat] and I want you to help me….

 

At her words, ANGELA gives PHYLLIS a very harsh glare across the table. It is clear that PHYLLIS is slightly fazed, but she nonetheless continues to stare back, and musters the courage to continue.

 

PHYLLIS (cont.)

….like you’re not helping Andy with the wedding.

 

ANGELA

(quickly glances at the camera, before returning her gaze to PHYLLIS)

Fine. But Michael is an idiot [beat] he’s already given Jim five stars.

 

PHYLLIS

I know, but I need the Party Planning Committee.

 

ANGELA

(shocked)

The Party Planning Committee?

 

PHYLLIS

For Michael.

 

ANGELA

(after a brief pause)

I’m still the chairwoman.

 

PHYLLIS

(after another brief pause)

Okay.

 

The camera lingers on the two women for a couple of seconds, as they silently stare at one another uneasily. Suddenly, the silence is broken.

 

STANLEY

You better not be throwing a party, I got work to do.

 

The camera pans over to STANLEY to see his disapproving look, and then back to ANGELA and PHYLLIS who are staring back at him.

 

CUT TO:

INT. Building Stairwell

The camera is at the top of the building’s silent stairwell. After a quick moment, it turns and moves slightly over the railing and tilts down to look at the several floor depth of the stairwell. In doing so, we see PAM, who is sitting on some steps a couple floors down. As the camera zooms in on her, she begins talking on her cell phone that can now be seen.

 

PAM
I don’t know.

(pause as she listens)

I mean, it’s not like…

(listening to phone)

….no, Mom, I know, but I mentioned rent for September and he didn’t say anything.

(listening to phone)

Well he did get cut off. It’s just [beat] why would he even bring it up in the first place?

(listening)

Yes.

(listening)

I know he does.

(listening)

I’ll try, yeah. Okay

(listening, but this time laughs a little, but from the sound its clear that she’s been crying some)

Okay! I will. I love you too, yeah. Bye.

 

PAM hangs up the phone, and still unaware of the camera, gets up and begins to walk down the stairs, and out of frame.

 

 

 

 

                                                                  END OF ACT TWO

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT THREE

 

 

INT. The Office, MICHAEL’s Office 

MICHAEL is sitting behind his desk talking to DWIGHT who is standing in front of it with his hands determinedly on his hips. They are wearing different clothes than the previous two acts, indicating that it is a different day. We come in mid-conversation.

 

 MICHAEL

Soft pretzel?

 

DWIGHT

No.

 

MICHAEL

(surprised)

Really?

 

DWIGHT

(crosses his arms)

You do not wear a wind suit if you do not want to sweat. [beat] And you do not sweat if you can’t make it to Bon-Tons.

(somewhat dramatically)

And you don’t get soft pretzels for trying.

 

MICHAEL

Dwight, its just mall walking. [beat] What did you let her have?

 

DWIGHT

I permitted her to buy a small porcelain figurine from the Hallmark store.

 

MICHAEL

Ugh. It wasn’t of a cat was it?

 

DWIGHT

No. It was…

(pauses for a moment, and pulls a small notepad from his back pocket. He reads off of it.)

…a Precious Memories figure, titled “Flowers and Friendship Are Best When Shared.”

(closes notepad, and puts it back in his pocket)

I found it kitsch.

 

MICHAEL

(sighs)

Alright [beat] tell Jim to put three stars next to your name.

 

DWIGHT

(quickly)

Last time he did it they were bronze.

 

MICHAEL

(skeptically)

The stars?

 

DWIGHT

Yes.

 

MICHAEL

(continued skepticism)

Where would he get bronze stars?

 

DWIGHT

I can type up a list of stores.

 

MICHAEL

(waves him off)

No, don’t [beat] just [beat] they’ll be gold, okay? Cause…

 

 

MICHAEL shifts in his chair a little to his left, and the camera’s right, so that he can see around DWIGHT. He is now looking through the doorway.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(loudly)

Jim!

 

At MICHAEL’s voice, we see JIM at his desk turn around and look through the opened doorway questioningly.

 

JIM

Yeah?

 

MICHAEL

Make sure Dwight’s stars are gold.

 

JIM

(in mock confusion)

What other color would they be?

 

 

At JIM’s assurance, MICHAEL looks at DWIGHT with an ‘I-told-you-so-look’. This spurs DWIGHT to a new height of agitation as he spins around and faces JIM.

 

DWIGHT

(angrily)

The last stars you put on my row were bronze.

 

JIM

(calmly)

That was because your glasses made the gold look darker.

 

DWIGHT

(confidently)

Then why did they still look dark when I took them off?

 

JIM

(matter-of-factly)

Because you can’t see without them.

 

DWIGHT

(turns back around to face MICHAEL)

Michael, this—

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

Do you want me to take away a star?

 

DWIGHT

(quickly calms down)

No.

 

MICHAEL

Alright [beat] then go away.

 

At MICHAEL’s request, a dissatisfied DWIGHT leaves the office, and closes the door behind him. The camera stays on the door for an additional two to three seconds. It is then re-opened by DWIGHT enough to be able to poke his head in.

 

DWIGHT

She also said she wanted you to call her.

 

Quickly, DWIGHT disappears and closes the door once again. The camera swings to an annoyed MICHAEL, who picks up the phone. He punches in a number, and then after a moment speaks into it

 

MICHAEL

Hey mom.

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Accounting

The three accountants are all at their desks. KEVIN and OSCAR are silently and somewhat diligently working, while ANGELA is agitatedly trying to get something to work correctly on her computer. It is clear that whatever it is, she is not able to do it. After a quick establishing shot, ANDY moves into frame.

 

ANDY

(sweetly)

Hello, Mrs. Bernard.

 

ANGELA

(flatly)

That is not my name.

 

ANDY

(apologetically)

I know…

 

ANGELA

(interrupting)

I told you I haven’t decided about taking your name.

 

ANDY

I know…

 

There is a pause of a second or two, during which ANDY looks uncomfortably at the camera, and then back to ANGELA, who has returned to her work on the computer.

 

ANDY (cont.)

Sooo [beat] I had a question…

 

At ANDY’s words, ANGELA tiredly returns her gaze to him, and away from her work.

 

ANDY (cont.)

(obviously trying to think something up)

And [beat] that question is [beat] what do you think of bubbles when we walk down the aisle?

 

KEVIN

(interrupting)

I like it.

 

Both ANDY and ANGELA look at KEVIN because of his interruption. The camera shows him smiling widely at the thought of bubbles. However, under their combined gaze, he quickly stops smiling and quietly goes back to work.

 

ANGELA

(impatiently)

Andy, don’t plan our wedding during work time. Only certain people do things like that.

 

ANDY

(confused)

What do you mean?

 

ANGELA

Like Pam.

 

ANDY

(excitedly)

Pam’s getting married?!

 

ANGELA

(quickly)

No, her and Ro—

 

Unfortunately for everyone, ANGELA’s words are cut off because ANDY immediately leaves Accounting and runs in front of Reception and over to JIM’s desk.

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, JIM’s Desk, Reception

The camera is situated to the left of JIM’s desk, as he sits at it, so that it has a clear line of sight to Reception and PAM. ANDY quickly and excitedly comes into frame.

 

ANDY

Jim!!

ANDY raises his hand to high-five a clearly bewildered JIM. The camera picks up PAM’s reaction, which is also clearly confused, though more amused than JIM’s. After a beat, JIM reluctantly and somewhat half-heartedly raises his hand, which is enthusiastically slapped by ANDY.

 

ANDY (cont.)

Congratulations!

 

JIM

Thanks. [beat] What are we talking about?

 

ANDY

Wha—You and Pam.

 

The camera swings around to show that ANDY’s volume and words have clearly attracted the attention of everyone in the office. It then swings back to see that JIM continues to look confused, while PAM’s amusement has clearly left her.

 

JIM

What about us?

 

ANDY

 You two are getting married! Oh!…

 

ANDY briefly pauses for a moment in sudden realization, while JIM and PAM share an awkward look with one another. Meanwhile, the rest of the office is beginning to react.

 

ANDY (cont.)

(in a softer and concerned voice)

Is there a Little Tuna on the way?

 

After a second of stunned silence, especially with regard to JIM and PAM, a shriek is heard from across the office. The camera quickly turns towards it, and sees KELLY standing in the doorway that leads to the Annex, her hands covering her mouth.

 

KELLY

(in a high-pitched squeak)

Pam, you’re pregnant!?

 

The camera then swings back to show PAM, JIM, and ANDY.

 

PAM

(clearly flustered, and now standing behind her desk)

What?! No [beat] we’re not [beat] we’re not even engaged.

 

ANDY looks confused. Simultaneously, ANGELA quickly but determinedly walks into frame. She is clearly embarrassed and upset.

 

ANGELA

I was talking about Roy, her first husband.

 

PAM

(determinedly)

We didn’t get married.

 

Following PAM’s denial, MICHAEL walks out of his office and into frame. He steps behind JIM at his desk.

 

MICHAEL

Who didn’t get married?

 

ANGELA

Pam and Roy.

 

MICHAEL

(confused)

Duh, everyone knows that. What are you all talking about?

 

CREED

(from across the office)

Jimmy knocked up Annie.

 

MICHAEL

(still confused)

Who’s Annie?

 

There is a pause for a moment as everyone is reeling from the combination of events, and the question asked.

 

STANLEY

(in a dower and annoyed tone)

He means Pam.

 

At STANLEY’s words, MICHAEL freezes for a half-second and then a look of realization hits him. He begins smiling widely and looks extremely happy. He bends down and awkwardly hugs JIM from behind, who is still sitting in his chair.

 

MICHAEL

(slightly muffled into JIM’s shoulder)

Can I be the Godfather?

 

JIM

(tiredly)

No.

(MICHAEL stands back up in reaction and JIM begins to speak to the entire office)

 Everybody? Pam and I are not engaged yet. Okay? And, nobody is pregnant. And [beat] yeah.

 

PAM

(nodding)

Yeah, we’re [beat] just dating.

 

JIM

(taking slight umbrage at PAM’s phrasing)

Well, not just—

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

What the hell people?

 

The volume fades out as the camera shifts from MICHAEL to JIM, who is looking tensely to Reception, where PAM is now looking down at something on her desk.

 

 JIM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

(determinedly)

I am not going to screw this up.

(pauses for a moment, and looks off camera for a moment before returning to it)

More than I already have.

(sighs)

I mean [beat] I’ve got to just stop thinking about it being perfect and do it, you know?

(pauses again for a moment, and then continues in a slightly lighter tone)

Or just kill Andy. [beat] Or maybe both.

 

CUT BACK TO OFFICE

 

The previous scene continues with MICHAEL behind JIM’s chair, and next to the stars chart.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(addressing office)

Alright, Creed, I’m subtracting….

 

MICHAEL turns around and faces the chart, however he freezes as he looks at it. The camera shifts to show that CREED’s row has fourteen stars in it.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(surprised)

How did you get fourteen stars?!

 

CREED

(calmly)

You gave them to me.

 

MICHAEL

(pauses for a moment considering if he actually did)

No [beat] No I didn’t. Alright, you know what Creed?

 

CREED

(still calm)

Yes?

 

MICHAEL

(overly and exaggeratedly exhales)

You’re disqualified.

(holds up his hands to temper the non-existent reactions of everyone)

 I don’t want to, but cheating kills morale.

(very seriously to CREED)

 And now [beat]

(points to Reception)

you can’t hug Pam. Or win the grand prize.

 

DWIGHT

(stands up)

You should be ashamed of yourself Creed.

 

MICHAEL

Sit down Dwight.

 

DWIGHT immediately sits back down at his desk. The camera then shifts from him across the office to show CREED.

 

 CREED TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

The bossman said that Creed was disqualified. He didn’t say anything about aliases, nom de plumes, or the names on my passports.

(leans in towards camera slightly and speaks in a low voice)

I can grow a mustache in three days [beat] how’s Annie going to recognize me then?

 

 DWIGHT TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

No, I did not notice Creed’s malfeasance, I have been [beat] busy doing other things.

Using the internet I found a campground in Vermont that is only accessible by boat, has no public water, primitive toilet facilities, and…

(looks at camera with a cocky smirk)

I’ll be bringing scented candles.

(pauses for a moment)

Love will be in the air.

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Conference Room

PHYLLS is sitting at the head of the table, while ANGELA, PAM, MEREDITH, KELLY, and HOLLY sit on either side. We come in at the beginning of the meeting.

 

 ANGELA

Why is Holly here? She’s HR, and nobody knows her.

 

PHYLLIS

She’s been working here for over a week and I asked her.

 

PAM

Yeah, she’s really nice Angela.

 

MEREDITH

I don’t know, I don’t like her much either.

 

HOLLY

(looks at camera quickly before speaking)

Um, I-I’m right here.

 

There is a silence in the room for a moment after HOLLY’s words, as everyone attempts to not make eye contact with one another.

 

PHYLLIS

Okay, so as you all know we’re having a morale boosting party tomorrow for the office. [beat] Which is being sponsored by Vance Refrigeration.

 

KELLY

Why is our party being sponsored?

 

 PHYLLIS

I thought we might be able to have a better one that way.

(smiles)

 

ANGELA

And so you can win a week’s paid vacation.

 

PHYLLIS

(annoyed)

Maybe.

 

ANGELA

You’ve only got five. Jim and Holly both have twelve.

 

PHYLLIS

Yes—

 

ANGELA
(interrupting)

Even Pam has seven.

 

KELLY

(quickly)

How many do you have Angela?

 

ANGELA

(looks over at KELLY for a moment and then turns away)

One.

 

PAM

(said with mock curiosity)

And [beat] how did you get it?

 

ANGELA

(with controlled anger)

It was laundry day [beat] and all I had to wear—

 

PHYLLIS

(interrupting)

Okay.

 

KELLY and PAM both smile at each other a little covertly, while ANGELA rigidly turns back to PHYLLIS.

 

HOLLY

(interrupting)

Can I just ask something quickly? Um, why is everyone on the Party Organizational [beat] Group….

(ANGELA visibly grimaces)

….a woman?

 

At HOLLY’s question, everyone is silent and look at one another for a specific answer to the question.

 

MEREDITH

Oscar was on the Committee once [beat] because he’s gay…

 

Before HOLLY can answer, MICHAEL comes into the Conference Room, smiling happily and picking up where the conversation stopped.

 

MICHAEL

And Mexican! Because we celebrate all cultures or ways of, you know, doing it. But, that is an excellent question, Holly, gold star.

 

HOLLY

(smiles)

Thank you, Michael.

 

ANGELA

(flustered)

How did that improve morale?

 

MICHAEL

(talking down to her)

Because Angela [beat] she allowed me the opportunity to [beat] you know, talk about how fabulous Oscar is.

(to PAM)

Is that the word, Pam?

 

PAM nods back in reply, and the camera stays on her as the conversation resumes amongst the people at the table.

 

 PAM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

A little while ago, Michael decided he needed to know some, um, special words when he talked to or about Oscar. And, uh, yeah, so I guess he started watching a lot of television, or something.

(shakes her head a little)

 I don’t really know where he got them from….

 

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK: INT. The Office, MICHAEL’s Office

MICHAEL is sitting at his desk, reading off a piece of paper to PAM, who is sitting on the other side in a chair.

 

MICHAEL

(off the paper and then looks for a reaction for each word)

Fierce?

 

PAM

Mmmm. Maybe.

 

MICHAEL

Cosmo?

 

PAM

(confused)

Like the drink?

 

MICHAEL

(confused)

Maybe. [beat] Um, okay, fabulous?

 

PAM

(nods)

That one’s nice.

 

MICHAEL

(smiles)

Yeah, I like that one. Do you think I should snap my fingers when I say it?

 

PAM

No.

(looks at camera)

 

 

END FLASHBACK, CUT BACK TO SCENE

 

 

MICHAEL has now pulled up a chair and is sitting at the table between PHYLLIS and ANGELA. We come in mid-conversation.

 

 MICHAEL

Alright, so this party—

 

PHYLLIS

(interrupting)

Which is being sponsored by Vance Refrigeration.

 

MICHAEL

Yeah, whatever, so…

(PHYLLIS frowns)

….we can’t have another one outside again [beat] the police said.

 

PAM

You need a permit to shoot off fireworks, Michael.

 

MICHAEL
(frustrated)

We know that now, Pam. Thank you.

 

MEREDITH

(interrupting)

And to have a Ferris Wheel.

 

MICHAEL

(stares at MEREDITH for a second, then continues)

So what are we doing for this one?

 

PHYLLIS

Because it’s being sponsored by Vance Refrigeration…

(looks over carefully at MICHAEL, who is looking at the ceiling and not paying attention)

…and its summer time, we’re going to do a cool theme.

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

Obviously it’s going to be cool, Phyllis. It’s Dunder-Mifflin, and I’ll be there.

 

PHYLLIS

No, Michael, I mean, cool as in cold, like a refrigerator [beat] from Vance Refrigeration.

 

MICHAEL

(still oblivious to PHYLLIS’ product placement)

Oh. Right. I was thinking more like, you know, summer-time, bikini…

(trails off and looks down the table slightly at HOLLY who is watching him, he then stops and coughs a little roughly)

…yeah, winter-time, bobsledding thing. Okay. Good job, meeting adjourned.

 

MICHAEL smiles a little too widely, and then gets up from his seat and walks out of the Conference Room. The camera stays where it is, however.

 

PHYLLIS

(to everyone)

I guess we can start now. 

 

END ACT THREE

 

 

 

 

ACT FOUR

INT. The Office, Main Office

The act opens on an establishing shot of the Office, which is decorated for the party, signaling that one day has passed from Act Three. The theme of “cool” or “cold” is represented in the decorations. Handmade paper snowflakes are taped liberally to the walls and windows, especially around or near the Conference Room. There are several signs, which are a combination of professionally and homemade ones that announce that the party is sponsored by Vance Refrigeration. Additionally, several of the office employees can be seen eating Snow-Cones, while others are drinking an obviously clear liquid. The centerpiece of the Main Office is a partially blowup Snowman decoration which was built to be put on front lawns at Christmas time and which is now threatening to take the ceiling off.

The camera focuses on JIM and DWIGHT who are both standing near the stars chart, between the Conference Room and MICHAEL’s Office. DWIGHT is wearing a black bulky looking Carhartt jacket, and eating a Snow-Cone, while JIM is dressed normally and is sipping from his drink.

 

JIM

That’s a nice jacket Dwight.

 

DWIGHT

(scoffs)

I know.

 

There is a momentary pause as JIM sips his drink once again, while DWIGHT exaggeratedly bites into his Snow-Cone.

 

JIM

You a little hot in that?

 

DWIGHT

No.

 

JIM

(nods to himself)

Right. [beat] How many Snow-Cones have you eaten?

 

DWIGHT

Four [beat] ‘teen.

 

JIM

Yeah.

 

DWIGHT

I’m saying hydrated for the final push. I’ve got eleven stars…

 

JIM

(interrupting)

I’ve got thirteen…

 

DWIGHT

(re-interrupting)

…Holly’s got fourteen, she only needs one more.

(looks at JIM seriously)

We can’t let that happen.

 

JIM

(casually taking another sip)

I don’t know, everyone seems to like her.

 

 DWIGHT

(matter-of-factly)

Angela doesn’t.

 

JIM

(looks slightly surprised by DWIGHT’s mentioning of ANGELA)

Well [beat] yeah.

 

DWIGHT

Neither do I. She’s shifty. Last Friday she wouldn’t file a complaint I made because it was past five.

 

JIM

(curiously)

What were you complaining about?

 

 At JIM’s question, DWIGHT suddenly looks uncomfortable and is unable to make eye contact with him. The camera lingers on the two of them for several moments. As it does we see JIM smile faintly and walk away towards the Kitchen. Meanwhile, DWIGHT, after surreptitiously looking to see if JIM is gone, takes a small step forward towards the star chart, unzips his jacket a little, and takes another big bite of his Snow-Cone. 

 

JIM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

Yeah, last Friday.

(smiles a little bit to the camera in spite of himself)

Um, I may or may not…

(Talking Head becomes voiceover on flashback of JIM doing the exact act that he is coyly talking about possibly doing. It ultimately ends with him looking at the camera and smiling)

…have super glued some My Little Ponies to Dwight’s keyboard and monitor [beat] and desk [beat] and chair. Possibly.

(CUT BACK to Office, END FLASHBACK)

Um, but in my defense, I was bored. [beat] Hypothetically.

 

 

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

(upset)

They’re health hazards! Every single one of them.

(As he names them, he holds each up to the camera)

Shenanigans, Peachy Pie, Rainbow Flash, Bumblesweet.

(pauses for a moment in frustration and then holds up one last Pony)

I could have choked on Toola-Roola!

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Kitchen

PAM is standing in close-proximity to KELLY, who is talking almost without stopping to breathe about RYAN’s upcoming trial, and the Juicy Couture Tracksuit she’s picked out to wear when she visits him in jail. PAM continues to take sips of her drink while KELLY talks at her. After a moment or two, the door to the Kitchen opens and the cameras swings around to see JIM enter, in a continuation of the previous scene. After taking another moment to size up the situation, he intervenes.

 

 

KELLY

(to PAM, not realizing JIM had entered the room)

…so, yeah, it’s powder-blue and so hot. I mean it totally looks great with the sunglasses I bought.

 

JIM

(interrupting)

Hey Kelly.

 

KELLY

Oh, hey Jim!

 

JIM

Um, Darryl is the Conference Room asking for you.

 

KELLY

Oh, okay, bye Pam!

 

 KELLY quickly leaves, leaving JIM and PAM alone in the Kitchen.

 

PAM

(with a teasing dramatic tone)

My God. Where have you been?

 

JIM

(motions towards Main Office)

Dwight’s wearing a winter coat and sweating Red Dye Number Nine.

 

PAM

Nice.

 

JIM

Yeah.

(there is a pause between them of  several beats)

 So, only one more week.

 

PAM

(inhales and nods slightly)

I know, I can’t believe it. I think the longest I’ve ever been away from this place is like a week and a half [beat] wow that’s sad.

 

JIM

(smiles)

You’re just dedicated.

 

PAM

(rolls her eyes)

Yeah, dedicated. That’s one way to put it.

 

JIM

(trying to lighten the mood)

Well, hey, don’t worry about it because I’ve already made sure Michael knows your cell phone number, so it’ll be like you never left.

 

PAM

(laughs a bit but notices JIM is not)

Wait. Did you [beat] you didn’t?

 

 JIM noncommittally shrugs his shoulders at PAM’s words, and smirks at her a little.

 

PAM

(now staring intently at JIM, but continuing teasingly)

Jim. I don’t want to have to leave for New York single.

 

JIM

(in mock-thought)

Mmmmmm, I don’t think you’ll be leaving like that.

 

PAM

Oh really?

 

JIM

No, I think it’ll be the opposite in fact.

 

PAM

(tries to maintain a teasing tone, but there is an obvious shift towards trepidation)

Opposite?

 

JIM

Yeah, because [beat] oh you’ve finished your drink, let me get that.

(JIM reaches out and takes the glass from PAM who doesn’t really move)

 

JIM turns with PAM’s drink in hand, which is in fact not empty, and heads back to the Main Office through the door. The camera follows him slightly, but then pans back to PAM who is staring at the doorway, but then turns towards the camera with a nervous smile.

 

PAM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]

(obviously a little rattled)

No, I’m not going to [beat] I mean, no. Look, whatever happens [beat] you know? Yeah, so…

(exhales sharply)

…whatever.

 

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Conference Room

The inside of the Conference Room is likewise decorated for the party. Snowflakes dangle from white string attached to the ceiling, white streamers hang as well, and the table is covered in a white tablecloth. Notably, setting on the table are two mini-fridges, with small plaques above them noting their donation from Vance Refrigeration, and each contains the ingredients for the Snow-Cones.

 Several members of the Office are milling about inside the room, including ANGELA, MICHAEL, HOLLY, OSCAR, and STANLEY. Notably absent however, is ANDY.

 

 MICHAEL

(eating a Snow-Cone haphazardly)

Mmm. This is…

(part of the Snow-Cone falls to the ground, and he looks down at it sadly)

…oops.

(looks back up to everyone)

Phyllis, I bequeath you two stars for this party [beat] it isn’t as lame as I thought it would be.

 

PHYLLIS

(cautiously)

Just two, Michael? I—

 

HOLLY

(interrupting)

Oh, that’s nice of you.

 

MICHAEL

(nodding to himself)

Yeah, it is isn’t it?

 

PHYLLIS

But, I thought—

 

As PHYLLIS attempts to bring up the subject of how many stars she should get for organizing the party, and for Vance Refrigeration’s sponsorship, DWIGHT comes into the room rather animatedly.

 

DWIGHT

(concernedly)

Did you give Holly a star?!

 

There is a brief pause from everyone in the room as they look at DWIGHT.

 

ANGELA

(sternly)

No, Dwight.

 

DWIGHT

(to everyone)

Oh [beat]

(turning to ANGELA)

Hello Angela.

 

ANGELA

Hello Dwight.

 

The camera stays momentarily on a wide shot of the Conference Room, and the reactions to DWIGHT’s disturbance. They primarily consist of head shaking, eye rolls, and quickly returning to whatever they were doing before he came in. It then changes to a closer shot of DWIGHT and ANGELA, while the noise of other conversation or of activity is muted. ANGELA is standing near the door, away from everyone else, while DWIGHT is standing behind her left shoulder. She doesn’t turn around during the length of their conversation.

 

DWIGHT

This is a nice party, Angela.

 

ANGELA

(dejectedly)

Phyllis organized it.

 

DWIGHT

(quickly recovering)

But not as nice as you would have made it.

 

There is a momentary pause of awkwardness between them, with neither knowing what to say next. However, it soon passes as DWIGHT takes a step closer to ANGELA and speaks to her in an almost whisper, which persists throughout their conversation.

 

DWIGHT

I’m sure you would have made a proper party.

 

ANGELA doesn’t say anything, but it is clear from her reaction that DWIGHT’s words have affected her somewhat.

 

DWIGHT (cont.)

One that was organized efficiently.

 

ANGELA

(touching her own neck slightly, but still trying to appear unaffected)

Yes [beat] I’m sure I would have.

 

DWIGHT

With lists on index cards and flow charts.

 

ANGELA

(with a slight tremor to her voice)

Flow charts?

 

DWIGHT

(stepping even closer to her now till he is almost whispering in her ear)

Color coded.

 

ANGELA

(said softly with tremor)

Oh.

 

The camera suddenly shifts to a wide-shot of the Conference Room and to everyone staring at DWIGHT and ANGELA. There are several seconds of silence, wherein the two of them notice that they have an audience, and ANGELA blushingly leaves the room in a hurry.

 

MICHAEL

(disdainfully after a moment)

Dwight, three stars off for creeping Angela out. Ugh.

 

 

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Kitchen

JIM and PAM are sitting at the small table adjacent to the refrigerator talking to one another. Almost instantly, the door from the Main Office is heard opening and the camera swings over to see a red-faced ANGELA storming through the doors. As soon as she sees JIM and PAM she stops short, unsure of what to do for a moment. She looks at the camera and then proceeds to go to the refrigerator as a cover. The camera then swings back to JIM and PAM who look curiously at one another and to the camera.

 

PAM

Um, are you okay Angela?

 

Before she can answer the door opens again and DWIGHT comes in briskly. With the door to the refrigerator open, he does not see JIM and PAM, and addresses ANGELA.

 

DWIGHT

Monkey, I’m sorry but you—

 

ANGELA

(interrupting)

Dwight! Not in front of—

 

ANGELA stops abruptly, and motions in the direction of both the table and camera.  DWIGHT looks and sees JIM and PAM for the first time. The camera swings over to the table, where both JIM and PAM look increasingly uncomfortable. It then swings back to the two of them.

 

DWIGHT

(hesitatingly)

I-

 

Without waiting for him to finish, ANGELA quickly goes into the Women’s Bathroom to escape the moment, resolutely refusing to look at the camera as she does so. After a second or two, DWIGHT takes a step towards the Bathroom as well, as if to follow her in.

 

JIM

Dwight, I don’t—

 

At JIM’s words, DWIGHT stops moving towards the Women’s Bathroom, and looks at JIM and PAM.

 

PAM

(softly and after a quick uncomfortable glance at the cameras)

Maybe you should give her a moment, Dwight.

 

As DWIGHT’s weighs PAM’s suggestion, the door from the Main Office is heard to open once again and the tension and drama of the situation is broken as MICHAEL comes in smiling.

 

MICHAEL

(excitedly)

Good news! Operation Morale Boost [beat] Lift has been achieved!

 

The camera swings back to DWIGHT, PAM, and JIM none of whom are smiling or look happy at all as a result of the situation with ANGELA. MICHAEL doesn’t seem to notice however.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(happily)

Everyone back to the office.

 

Without waiting for a response from anyone, MICHAEL turns and goes back into the Main Office. With a look towards the Bathroom door, DWIGHT reluctantly follows him, while JIM and PAM get up from the table and trail behind as well.

 

 

CUT TO:

INT. The Office, Main Office

Everyone, excluding ANGELA, is now assembled in the Main Office. With Snow-Cones, and drinks in hand, they alternate between sitting at their respective desks and standing. The camera focuses in on MICHAEL, who is in front of the star chart and grinning.

 

MICHAEL

(excitedly)

Alright, I want to thank you all for coming.

 

There is a brief pause as several people, including JIM and PAM, look at each other in confusion at MICHAEL’s words. Others like MEREDITH and STANLEY don’t seem to notice.

 

MICHAEL (cont.)

(said somewhat dramatically)

I am happy to announce that the winner of the contest, and the week paid vacation is…

(turns around to face the star chart and puts fifteen and final star in HOLLY’s column)

Holly!

At MICHAEL’s words, there is hesitant and somewhat half-hearted applause from everyone. For a moment the camera focuses in on a clearly embarrassed and slightly bashful HOLLY, who is smiling. It then returns to MICHAEL.

 

MICHAEL

(genuinely)

Only here for a couple of weeks and already doing more than whats-his-name ever did.

 

OSCAR

Toby?

 

MICHAEL

I don’t remember [beat] 

(looks at camera for a moment)

Anyway! Great job Holly.

 

HOLLY

Thank you, Michael.

 

At HOLLY’s words, her and MICHAEL share a protracted moment of eye contact, which is not enough to garner a reaction from anyone else, but enough to be noticeable. Eventually, MICHAEL breaks it, but HOLLY’s eyes remain on him for a second longer.

 

MICHAEL

(slightly rattled, but slips back into previous tone as he talks)

Right. And, there’s also second and third prizes too. Uh,…

(turns around again to face star chart)

okay, so second place, with some delicious ‘za, is Jim!

 

This time nobody claps, except PAM, who does so lightly. She stops embarrassingly when she realizes she’s the only one doing it. JIM shakes his head mockingly at her, and she smiles and punches him lightly on the arm.

 

MICHAEL

And third place, with a hug [beat] probably from Pam, is Andy.

 

ANDY

Yes!!

(does a fist-pump in the air)

I knew buying everybody Koosh balls was worth it! Morale…

(mimes next word with his hands, while raising the pitch of his voice)

higher.

 

 MICHAEL

(pauses for an awkward moment after ANDY’s words, but then continues triumphantly)

You know what everyone? Just [beat] take the rest of the day off…

 

The camera quickly moves from MICHAEL to the clock near the door that leads to the Kitchen and zooms in, showing that its 4:41, and therefore there’s only nineteen more minutes left in the workday anyway. It then returns to MICHAEL.

 

 MICHAEL (cont.)

…morale is too high to work. Take a Snow-Cone for the road, on Phyllis…

(points to PHYLLIS)

 

The camera follows MICHAEL’s gesture and pans over to a clearly annoyed and frustrated PHYLLIS who is sitting at her desk. Her organization and execution of a party to win a week off for a Southeast Asian vacation with Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration has failed. The camera then pans back to MICHAEL.

 

 MICHAEL (cont.)

(happily)

…and get out of here, all of you.

 

The camera pans back over to everyone in the Main Office who have gone from subdued and somnambulant, to alive and revived at an excuse to leave early, now matter how little it is. As they begin to shutdown their computers and move towards the door, the camera returns to MICHAEL, and zooms in on him slightly as he watches the good moods of everyone.

 

 MICHAEL [MICHAEL’s Office]

What a great day. Just [beat]…

(Talking head becomes voiceover as montage of clips are shown)

 

…morale has been so low because of Ryan and everything….

(clip of KELLY staring sadly and vacantly at her computer monitor which has pictures of RYAN’s arrest on it)

 

…and everyone’s been acting all sad and down and stuff…

(clip of ANGELA leaving the Woman’s Bathroom, whilst still refusing to look at the camera)

 

…but that’s not how I run an office, you know? This is a place to, um, escape everything else….

(clip of various employees munching their Snow-Cones or drinking during the party)

 

(continues slightly awkwardly)

….[beat] and, uh, I’m glad Holly won ‘cause [beat] I mean she deserved it, she really raised morale.

(clip of HOLLY and MICHAEL at the party smiling and laughing, albeit slightly awkwardly, with one another)

 

So….

(MICHAEL’s phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up and it continues to ring, he then explains to the camera)
....it's Jan.

(looks at camera with a suddenly fatigued expression)

 

 

 

CUT TO:

EXT. The Office, Parking Lot

As it is nearly five o’clock, the Parking Lot is strongly illuminated by the Sun as the last cars of the office workers pull out of it to leave for the day. Therefore, the lot is almost completely empty. As the camera follows the cars leaving from the street, it quickly refocuses on the entrance to the building, whilst still remaining a good distance away and hidden from view. Through the doors, JIM and PAM walk out into the Parking Lot. After taking a few steps out the door they stop.

 

PAM

So what are we getting on our pizza?

 

JIM

(playfully)

Our pizza? Pam, did you sit and listen to Michael talk about Jan for, like, an hour?

 

PAM

(teasingly)

Alright, I guess that’s fair….

 

JIM

I promise no mushrooms.

 

PAM

(smiles)

Thank you [beat]

(changes to a more solemn tone with a sigh)

That’s so messed up though, I mean, I feel bad for Michael.

 

JIM

I know me too. But at least he likes Jan, I mean Dwight—

 

PAM

(interrupting)

I know. Wh-What was that today?

 

JIM

(shrugs)

I don’t know. I, uh, guess he’s not [beat] over her? I mean she’s engaged, so…

 

PAM

(lightly sarcastic)

Well there’s no hope then.

 

JIM

(smiling in response to PAM’s tone)

Not unless he tells her how he feels, I guess.

(pauses for a moment then shifts to seriousness)

But [beat] doing that kind of thing isn’t easy.

 

PAM

(seriously)

No [beat] no it isn’t. [beat] I just hope he doesn’t wait too long though.

 

JIM

Yeah…

 

There is a pause of a couple beats between them as they continue to stand in the parking lot, and look at one another.

 

JIM (cont.)

(voice suddenly sounds slightly nervous and softer)

Hey, um, do you still have your mic on?

 

PAM

(surprised)

Uh, yeah.

(reaches and takes mic and mic-pack off, as she does all sound suddenly goes dead from her)

 

JIM

Let me—

(JIM then copies PAM’s movements, and takes off his mic and mic-pack, while switching them off as well. There is now absolutely no sound)

 

The camera stays where it is concealed, but zooms in yet closer to see that JIM and PAM are still talking. They continue to talk for several moments, and it is clear from PAM’s face that the conversation has turned very serious. Then, after another moment, JIM drops to one knee in front of her, and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a small box, and holds it in front of himself with one hand, while gesturing to PAM with the other, demonstrating that he is talking to her.

PAM, however, is standing without moving while looking at JIM, and her face betrays a breathless shock. After several seconds, JIM raises the box a little closer to her, and the camera is zoomed in just enough to see PAM crying. She then begins to nod, but her lips don’t move for a second, until they do, and even with no volume it’s obvious she is saying “yes.” JIM stands up, and PAM takes a small step forward and hugs him tightly. They then disengage slightly, and kiss, with their arms still wrapped around one another.

 

 

END OF ACT FOUR

 

 

 TAG

 

 

INT. The Office, MICHAEL’s Office

MICHAEL is standing inside his office, looking out his window, through the blinds, towards Reception. The camera moves slightly to look around him, and see that a young female Temp, probably around twenty-two or twenty-three or so, is sitting there on the phone. After a moment, she hangs up and writes a quick message on a yellow Post-It Note.

 

MICHAEL

No, no…

 

MICHAEL moves back to his desk, while still looking out the window, and picks up his phone. He punches fewer then the normal amount of buttons, indicating that whomever he’s calling is on speed dial. He then puts the phone on speakerphone, it rings several times before the person answers.

 

PAM

(all dialogue on speakerphone)

Micha—

 

MICHAEL

(interrupting)

Pam, it’s Michael.

 

PAM

Yeah, I know. Is—

 

 MICHAEL

(interrupting)

I need you to call Reception again, she used the wrong color Post-It Notes.

 

PAM

Michael I [beat] have to go to class, okay?

 

MICHAEL

(matter-of-factly)

You don’t have class today until two.

 

PAM

(surprised)

What? [beat] How do you know that?

 

MICHAEL

Jim told me. I—

 

PAM

(interrupting)

Did he?

 

MICHAEL

Yeah, look—

 

PAM

(interrupting)

Michael, you have to tell her yourself, okay? You’re the boss.

 

MICHAEL

Yeah Pam, the cool boss. The one who used to drive a Porsche, and [beat] I just [beat] okay? I can’t complain about Post-It Notes.

 

PAM

To her?

 

MICHAEL

Yes.

 

PAM

(sigh)

Fine. Just [beat] put me through.

 

MICHAEL

(stares at phone uncomprehendingly)

Uh [beat] I don’t [beat] just call back. Thanks.

(hangs up phone quickly)

 

After a second, from MICHAEL’s Office, a phone is heard to ring in the Main Office. The camera zooms in on Reception through the window, but the Temp doesn’t react whatsoever. It then shifts through the open door of MICHAEL’s Office to JIM’s desk, where he is picking up the phone.

 

JIM

(sweetly)

Hey…

(listens to phone)

Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I—

(listens to phone, and turns to look into MICHAEL’s Office)

Yeah, I didn’t realize [beat] I’ll tell her about the Post-It Notes. Okay. I love you too.

 

JIM hangs up the phone, but holds it in his hand for a moment while looking at it. After a moment he smiles, and then gets up and walks towards Reception.

 

JIM

(while walking towards Reception)

Hey, Michelle....

 

END OF TAG

 

END OF THE EPISODE