Up. Left. Right. Down.

Her continuous pattern of fidgeting with her engagement ring. She was thinking.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She remembered basketball. How he'd been pushed down. His nose bleeding. She could do nothing but watch by the side lines. She remembered him shooting and scoring after that and how it had made her want to jump and and yell "YES!". She couldn't.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She remembered him and and her on their first 'date'. She denied it was even remotely close to a date. It was just 2 friends, eating dinner while stuck in the office. Although, of course, she was lying. She couldn't admit that it was a date and admit how wonderful it was compared to her first date with Roy. She just couldn't.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She remembered him looking at her with on the cruise ship. She could tell he was waiting. Waiting for something to happen between the 2 of them. She was too. She had to leave. Before something big happens and they'd be uncomfortable forever. She couldn't bring herself to lean in and just kiss him and take a risk for once. She couldn't, at all.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She remembered when Jan came into the office for the female of the workplace talk. She was offered the amazing opportunity to do something she loves. Painting. Drawing. All of it on one single piece of paper. Roy rejected the idea of her going away. He said there wasn't enough money. She remembered Jim's reaction. The happiness in his face and his eyes. Although, when she told him that Roy didn't let her go for it, she saw his face fall. He thought she needed to take more risks. She said she makes fine choices. She was wrong. She knew she was. She was being tied down to her receptionist job. She couldn't just break free from the chains. She just couldn't.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She remembered Casino Night. She remembered him stating his love for her. She wanted to scream it back at him. But she was engaged. She had to turn him down. She can't just say that she was in love with him too. She let him walk away. She saw that single tear falling off his cheek. She saw all his hopes and dreams, shattered, in that single tear. She couldn't tell him how much she loved him back because of Roy. If she told Jim she did, one heart would be left untouched and the other shattered. If she didn't, it would be the same. She was always bad at making decisions and this is possibly the worst decision she's made. She just couldn't choose.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She remembered his kiss. It was against his table. It was full of passion and love that wasn't in Roy's kiss. She could feel sparks fly everywhere. This was what it should be like, she thought. But, even then, she turned him down. She couldn't say that this was what she had been waiting for her whole life. That this was what she needed. No, she said she was going to marry Roy. She let him go away to Stamford. She couldn't just pull his wrists again to kiss him, resulting in her cheating on her fiancée again. She just couldn't do the things she wanted to.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

After thinking of all of these moments, she realised something. She realised how many wonderful moments Jim had given her and how many bad moments Roy had given her. She thought about her future with Roy and she saw nothing. She knew what she had to do. The door creaked as it opened. No more fidgeting. No more bad decisions. She pulled the ring all the way off her finger.

"Roy, we need to talk."

The decisions she had made left 3 hearts broken to a thousand pieces.

Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Please Hold

She was bored. There was nothing to keep her busy. Jim and Karen went off for their interviews in Corporate. Michael was repainting his office. She had nothing to do. She decided to think of a few moments. Mainly heart-breaking moments in this office. She didn't like her job much, so why not think of completely heart-breaking moments that left her almost in tears most of the time? Everytime she answered the phone, she thought.

Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Please Hold

She remembered the time Jim came back to the office. How she put on more make-up than usual, made herself look pretty. All just to win him back. She was on a mission to bring him back, the man she loved. She remembered his first step in the office. He just gave her a hug and said nothing extremely important to her regarding Casino Night. She knew nothing would ever be the same once he stepped into that office. She felt a silent tear fall down her cheek. He had moved on. She had to accept it.

Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Please Hold

She remembered the day she saw Karen rubbing his back. She put 2 and 2 together and figured out that they were dating. She was not really happy for him. Later on, when they were leaving, he told her he was seeing someone. She actually told him the opposite of what she felt. "You can do whatever you want." she said. They had kissed. Why couldn't he just talk about it to her first, before seeing someone else? Right when she entered her car, tears started stinging her eyes and before she knew it, tears came streaming down her face like a waterfall. She had to accept him not wanting her the least bit. She had to accept that their friendship was, from then on, extinct.

Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Please Hold

She remembered when Michael came back from Jamaica. She remembered Jim coming to her with his problem. Also, it was the first time in a long time that they talked more than usual. She gave him good advice too. But, she was the reason that they were together again. Now, he'll never be with her and they'll never talk to each other like they did. She ran out of the warehouse. She sat down and she took out her hanky. She cried. She could only do that. She realised that she had to accept that they weren't friends anymore but just colleagues.

Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Please Hold

She remembered Phyllis' wedding. She had gone home with Roy. How stupid was she? She broke up with him. Why get back together with him? It was all because of Jim. He talked to her. They had a nice conversation too! He said that her being a dorky dancer was kind of cute. She had that small glimmer of hope. But, when she saw Jim and Karen, slow dancing, she couldn't take it. She just fled from the ballroom. She learnt to accept that he wouldn't want to dance with her, or even have anything to do with her.

Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Please Hold

She remembered Beach Day. She had given that speech about missing Jim. It only came up because of that day. She saw Jim and Karen having so much fun and she was just left alone. He didn't come up to talk to her, not even a bit. Not a 'hello' or a 'how are you'. He was having fun with Karen the whole time. She was so incredibly lonely. She was taking notes. On beach day! Everyone had fun, but her. Then there was her speech. The speech that had spewed out all her thoughts without thinking. As her burning feet were on the cool sand, she turned to Jim, and had said, "I called off my wedding because of you." She ran after her speech to the sea. Her feet felt better after soaking them in the salty, cooling sea and then Jim met her. They had become the close friends they were after Pam said "Well, I wish you would." Though, not as close as before, she was pretty happy. She accepted that maybe her lack of courage was the reason for every heart-wrenching moment that happened to her.

She thought about all these moments. She never had looked back but now that she had, she realised how everything that happened was her fault. But just as she was about to think about it more, she was called into the conference room. She was asked who she thought would get the job.


She knew Jim would. He was smart and ambitious. Just as she was stating her reasons on why he would get the job, someone came barging into the room.

"Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?"
"Yes."
"All right. Then... it's a date."
"I'm sorry, what was the question?"

Just as she was about to accept that maybe they have no future, he asked her out. She was just glad she didn't accept it just yet.

Up. Left. Right. Down.

Angela. Angela Martin. Angela... Bernard? Angela Schrute? Angela.

Andy wanted to have the wedding 2 months after the proposal and she was just not happy (that being an understatement). She'd wanted to write an e-mail 2 days before her wedding night. She knew exactly to who. She needed to tell someone something quick. But she couldn't think of what to say and that resulted in her nervousness and her twisting her engagement ring.

Dwight, I wanted to to tell you...

Up. Left. Right. Down.

Dwight always did respect her the way should respect a woman. Andy did not respect people, he kissed-up to them. He never respected her but she didn't mind; It was Andy. No one could really rely on him. She thought back to her times with Dwight. How he held her, how he was always there for her, except when Sprinkles died. She decided not to take that into consideration, however. Andy wasn't as considerate as Dwight was and probably never would be.

Dear Dwight, I think that...

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She didn't know why she said yes. Maybe it was to make Dwight slightly jealous and angry. Maybe it was just because she couldn't say no to a guy she'd been dating for so long. Maybe she wanted to get back at Dwight because they had been together for so long and he never proposed. But, it couldn't have been his fault. If it were his fault, they wouldn't have been together very night, would they (she could hear Phyllis saying 'who's the office mattress now?')? Angela even went up to Dwight the next day and said that she was just feeling out of it that day and that them sleeping together meant nothing.

Whatever it was, the way Andy proposed wasn't the way she wanted. Dwight would've proposed simply and in private, which was what she liked. Public displays of affection was not her thing. Dwight wouldn't have had a big proposal.

My Dwight, please don't...

Up. Left. Right. Down.

Sure, the way Andy had asked her out was great. The many ways he used to ask her out were all nice. But after she'd finally said yes, it seemed like the relationship was swerving towards a dead end. She was purposely acting impossible just so that he could probably break up with her and save them both from this dead relationship. But, she couldn't break off the wedding.

She thought about how much money he spent on the damn thing. He insisted on a big wedding. It was not what she liked. She always had dreams of her own wedding (even Angela had fantasies, dreams and wishes). She would be wearing a simple gown that emphasized on the right parts. She would have her hair down and her cats would be next to her parents who would be standing next to her. She wanted a church wedding with just a few close people there with her. Her man of her dreams would be standing in front of her and smile adoringly at her. The people invited would look at her with their full attention. She would be the queen that day.

However, this wedding and their wedding was not even the same. She knew that what little girls dreams of would never come true when they grow up. But, she thought at least one part of her dream would come true. Nothing was the same as her dream in the wedding. Even the guy wasn't her dream man. Dwight would have made sure to have the wedding the way she wanted it.

Dwight, I love you...

Up. Left. Right. Down.

She finally just lost it and got up furiously. She took off her glistening diamond ring and threw it on the oak wood table. She also wrote a note saying:

Dear Andy,

We're over. I'm leaving your cassette of songs sung by you on top of your shredder at work tomorrow.

She realized it was harsh, especially since it was this close to their wedding day. But she didn't care. She had wanted to say that for so long and with adrenaline pumping through her veins, she took her car out and went somewhere.

She knocked on the door.

Knock. Knock.

Finally it opened.

"Angela, what are you..."

But, before he could finish, her lips were firmly planted against his and he passionately kissed back. It was the rashest thing she had ever done before but she knew it was worth it.