I.

This cannot be happening. 

Jim had lost track of how many times he’d looked around this conference room and had that exact thought. This time, though, was different. This time it wasn’t Michael saying something so offensive that the whole company should have been shut down on principle; it wasn’t a party celebrating something ridiculous, or Dwight attempting to establish a dictatorship. It wasn’t even one of the unreal moments of happiness he’d had lately, when he and Pam would slip into the empty conference room for a quick kiss or a few minutes of quiet conversation.

This was way beyond any of that.

“C’mon, Jan. Let me take you to the hospital.  Michael can meet us there.” Jim curved his neck to make direct eye contact with Jan. With an effort he kept the panic out of his voice. He reached out and placed a hand on Jan’s lower back to steer her out toward the door.

“Don’t touch me, ” Jan hissed. Wild-eyed, glistening with perspiration, the normally lovely face of Jan Levinson looked up at him with determination. “I am not going to have this baby without Michael,” she repeated loudly.  Her features contorted and she sucked in a breath with a harsh whoosh as another contraction started. Jim stared at her helplessly until the pain passed. She continued, her tone no gentler: “I’m going to wait right here until he gets back, do you understand me?”

 This cannot possibly be happening.

II.

“Any luck?” Jim leaned down onto Pam’s desk, desperation etched into his face.

“Nothing yet. I’ve left messages on his cell and at his house, with every customer in his Rolodex, at Poor Richard’s, at Hooters, and at Chili’s. I called his mom. I even called the magic supply store. No one’s seen him. I hope he’s OK.” Pam shook her head a little as if to ward off her concern.

“Yeah, well, I’m more worried about us right now,” Jim sighed. He ran his hand through his hair tiredly. “She still refuses to let me take her to the hospital. The contractions are four minutes apart now…that’s bad, right? I mean, that means it’s close, doesn’t it?”

Pam grimaced. “I think that means it’s time to find a catcher’s mitt.” A low moan came from the conference room and Jim and Pam turned bleakly to look in that direction. With a sigh, Jim straightened up to go back to his patient. Pam reached out and placed a gently restraining hand on his arm. “You know what? I’ll go check on her,” she said, standing up.

Jim placed his hand over Pam’s and squeezed. “Thank you,” he said with a half-smile.

While she’d been talking to Jim, Pam hadn’t noticed that Jan had gotten company in the conference room. Standing by the pushed-together chairs that were serving as Jan’s sickbed, Dwight and Angela were deep in conversation.

“I don’t care how many alpacas you’ve bred, Dwight, it is inappropriate for you to be involved in this.”  Angela was glaring at Dwight, her arms crossed tightly in front of her.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Birthing livestock is almost exactly the same thing. Jan and Michael need my help!” Dwight had the serious, almost pleading note in his voice he always had when attempting to make Michael happy.

“I will help her,” Angela replied. “I’m the safety officer, and I’ve supervised the births of several litters of kittens. And you…you shouldn’t be anywhere near Jan’s…private areas.”

“I appreciate your concern, Angela, but…” Dwight lowered his voice, although Pam knew he hadn’t yet noticed her in the doorway. “I assure you that in her current state, Jan’s private areas are not attractive to me in any way.” Despite the severity of the situation, Pam had to bite back her laughter as Angela’s expression softened.

Her amusement was cut off by Jan’s hoarse yell. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here! And I don’t want you anywhere near my ‘private areas’ or my baby, Dwight. Or you, either, Angela. Get out of here and go find Michael!”

III

Pam entered the break-room, where most of the office had followed Jim to find out about the situation. “We have to find Michael,” she said wearily. “Of course, Jan is convinced that I know where he is. At least, she thinks I might know of some special places “we” used to go together.” She shuddered dramatically as Jim frowned.

“Did you try calling corporate?” Phyllis asked. “Maybe he had to go up to New York for something.”

Stanley didn’t even look up from his crossword puzzle as he chimed in: “Did he know she was coming here? Maybe he ran away.”

“I always wanted to run away to join the circus,” Andy added.

Jim raised his eyebrows in a typical expression. “Did you call around to all the circuses, Pam?”

 “That’s ridiculous,” Dwight said shortly. “There are no circuses in Scranton.”

“That’s why it’s called running away to the circus, Dwight,” Pam said, straight-faced. She touched Jim’s arm lightly and turned back toward her own desk. “I think I will call Grace up at corporate. That was a good idea, Phyllis.”

Phyllis smiled, and turned to Jim. “Jim, don’t you think we should just call an ambulance?”

Jim shrugged. “Jan says she can’t afford it. But if she won’t go to the hospital soon, that’s what we’re going to have to do.”

“You should do it sooner than later, Jim,” said Kevin. “Me and Oscar were just googling childbirth, and it’s gross. It’s really, really gross. You don't want her doing that in the conference room.”