I stopped regretting it about a week after it happened, because you tried to break dance with a dirty band of hoodlums and my first thought was “that’s not my fiancé.”

*

Sometimes I wonder if you’ll say his name in bed, not because I think you still love him, but because you were with him for so long and it might just be a habit.

*

You know I don’t mean it when I say ‘I’m sorry’, and it’s the only time in my life I wish I could apologize sincerely.

Please forgive me.

*

I eat other people’s food in the office refrigerator, even though I do notice that it’s labeled with a person’s name. Most of the time I’m not really that hungry, but I eat it anyway and I don’t know why.

*

I think I started dating you because I wanted to be a mother so badly and you were the closest thing to a child I could find. Now that I’m pregnant I wonder what will happen to us.

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Sometimes I get jealous of refrigerators.

*

I always thought Brittney Spears was a total slut and that she couldn’t sing, but I never said anything because my friends thought she was cool.

*

Most of the time I hate being a boss.

*

I think some higher power has it out for me, because I pined for just as long and he still got the girl. Maybe I just didn’t deserve her.

*

I take comfort in the fact that he falls asleep first and if I had to I could always sneak out the window or smother him with a pillow.

It’s the little things that get you through the day.

*

I went to community college for two years before I transferred to Cornell, but no one except my parents knew because I spend a kit-and-caboodle on Cornell paraphernalia to throw them off the scent.

*

When we were dating, most of the time I hoped you’d realize you were too good for me and leave me.

But you didn’t, and I think that’s my biggest regret.

*

Often I wonder if I’ll be able to occupy myself when I retire. One can only do crosswords and eat pretzels for so many hours of the day.

*

There are days where I’ll wake up and think it’s two years ago, and it almost makes me ache when I see you sleeping next to me because finding myself (and you) was the truest, scariest, most painful and beautiful time of my life, and I wonder what it would be like to start all over again.

Again.

*