~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have waited for this day for a long time.

I honestly started to wonder if it would ever arrive.

My three beautiful boys, now grown men, lined up at the altar, looking incredibly handsome, although I’m probably a little biased. My husband to my right, sniffling a little and trying to hide the fact that there are tears in his eyes. He won’t admit it, but he’s been waiting for this day, too.

I’ve experienced a similar scene once before, in the same church, a few years ago at Tommy’s wedding. My sons were standing in a different order then -- Tom in front, incredibly nervous and so happy all at once. His Best Man, Jim, beside him, the tallest of the three, smiling but looking slightly uncomfortable, as he usually does. And Peter, behind his brothers, who couldn’t seem to restrain himself from ogling a bridesmaid who was standing across the aisle.

But today is different. Not only has this day has been a long time coming, it has been a tough, messy road for everyone involved, not just my son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About three years ago, Jim drove over to our house one day while his dad was at work to tell me that he had accepted a job transfer and would be moving to Connecticut within a week. He talked of plans to break his lease, scrambling to find a new apartment, and if I thought his dad would mind if he borrowed the truck for a few days.

I have to say that I was shocked and saddened to see him leave, even though Jim tried to convince me that it was a good promotion with a significant raise, a management title and a chance to sell in a higher volume market, whatever that meant. He tried to lie to me, as if he could pull one over on his mother.

27 years of experience taught me that when James Halpert is trying to stretch the truth, his voice gets louder and his speech gets faster. He was talking about his plans to leave
Scranton at a mile a minute.

I learned later that day that he wasn’t really chasing a better job opportunity, but desperately trying to escape
something -- a love story that had taken a turn for the worse.

I knew a little of his situation with a girl he works with, whom he had developed feelings for over the last couple of years. I knew that she was engaged to someone else, and that her wedding day was rapidly approaching.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter teases me that Jim is like the daughter I never had, since I always seem to take more of an interest in Jim’s life, whether it’s welcome or not.

But each of my sons are different in their own unique way -- Tommy is the oldest and the natural leader of the group, always has been. Success in school, career, marriage and fatherhood had always seemed to come to him effortlessly. My baby, Peter, while not as ambitious as a mother would hope, uses his good looks and charm to fall in and out of situations with great ease. Though he dropped out of college in his second year, much to his father’s and my dismay, I have no doubt that once he finds where he truly belongs in life, there will be no limit to what he can achieve.

But my James has always been -- I wouldn’t say my favorite, since a mother isn’t supposed to say such things -- but I’ve always had a close relationship with him. It seemed like he’s let me into his life as an adult more than his brothers have. I think the fact that I’m a middle child myself helped us to become kindred spirits in a way. My husband says it’s because Jim still makes me feel needed as a mother, something that I have to admit I’ve missed since my boys all left home.

Don’t get me wrong, things had hardly been difficult for Jim growing up. He’s incredibly intelligent, the kind of kid who didn’t really have to study hard in school, but always seemed to turn up with As and Bs and even a few academic scholarships. He’s always made friends easily, his charming personality winning over nearly everyone, from his Kindergarten teachers to the high-voiced teenage girls that called our house until the day he moved out for college.

When he graduated from U of Scranton, though, it seemed that his life was sort of stuck in a holding pattern for a while. Jim started his sales job that summer, because “it’s not easy for English majors to find gainful employment, Mom,” he told me, trying to rationalize his choice. “I’ll be there a year, save up, then to go to grad school. Maybe go into teaching, like you.” I guess it’s a quite a challenge for someone who’s always had things come to him so easily, to finally have to figure everything out.

Short-term girlfriends came and went, as always. Nice girls, nothing too serious. No talk of being in love or future plans, until fate stepped in and knocked my son for a loop.

It was at Dunder Mifflin that he met and quickly befriended one of his co-workers, Pam. He said he didn’t mean to fall for her, that it happened by accident, but that he felt more of a connection with her than he’d ever felt with anyone.

Early on, when I would talk to Jim on the phone or he would be over at the house, Pam’s name would always be sprinkled into the conversation. I would hear of pranks they would pull on their co-workers, of how she was with an unappreciative man who didn’t deserve her, how they have yet to set a wedding date after three years of engagement.

A few years after these conversations, when I actually got to meet Pam, I felt like I already knew her very well. Jim was right about her being so warm and easy to talk to. I could see that she was a perfect match for my son, but I also knew to keep my opinions to myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That same day that he told me that he was moving to Stamford, I finally understood what was really motivating my son to leave town. I had a feeling it wasn’t job-related, and I needed to know why. I gently questioned him until he told me the truth. Jim seemed to physically deflate as he revealed that he finally expressed his feelings, that Pam told him no, that she still planned to marry her fiance.

The wedding was in two weeks, and Jim said that he needed to get far away from here as fast as he could.

He cast his eyes down, pinched the bridge of his nose, and said to me in a sad, quiet voice that I‘ll remember until I take my last breath -- “Mom, I just think it would kill me to have to see her in a wedding dress.”

My heart cried for my son that day.

Many mothers would automatically hate the woman who shattered her son so. The woman who, intentionally or not, drove him away from his family and the only life he‘s ever known. But I honestly never felt that way about Pam. Dave kept telling me that Jim would get himself straightened out, that he needs this experience to become a better, stronger man. My husband reminds me of our one and only break-up years ago, before we were engaged, when he was stationed at Camp Pendleton and I was still in Pennsylvania, going to college. We had convinced each other it was best to go our separate ways because the distance would tear us apart eventually.

It took three months of misery before we both realized we couldn‘t live without each other, and we’ve been together ever since.

David explained to me that sometimes the only way a man can tell if he truly loves a woman is when he realizes that she has the power to really break him. He tells me how I had that power over him when we were young, that I still do, but look at the happy life we’ve built in spite of that. If we hadn’t known the heartbreaking loss, we may have never truly embraced the joy of being together. It took all of those years for me to realize my husband really is a romantic sap.

Just a few months after Jim’s branch in Connecticut closed and he had to return to Scranton, I got one of the best pieces of news I have ever received. Jim was on the phone, chatting excitedly about how Dad and I were right, that things were starting to finally fall into place. I had to ask him what he was talking about, as I hadn’t even thought about Pam for a long time.

“It finally happened, Mom. Pam and I are finally together.”

I don’t think I’ve been that happy since Tom and Christina told me that I was going to be a grandmother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Like I said, today is a day that I’ve been waiting for.

A beautiful summer day, not too hot, just breezy and perfect, seemingly tailor-made for a such a happy occasion.

This time, Jim is standing in front of his brothers, tall and handsome in his tux and looking more like his father than I’d ever seen. If he would have been wearing Dress Blues, I would’ve sworn I was looking at a photo from my own wedding day, almost 35 years ago.

Jim’s hands are behind his back, but from this angle, I can see them wringing in nervous anticipation. He beams as the ring-bearer, my 3-year-old grandson, Evan, walks down the aisle with Pam’s adorable little niece.

When the fanfare blasts, the congregation stands, turning towards the back of the church to see the doors swing open, and Pam and her father begin their journey up the aisle. As they slowly walk towards the altar, all eyes are on the beautiful bride, but my eyes are on my son.

Jim is focused completely on her, the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face, his right hand swiping at a few tears that have escaped down his cheek, his little brother chuckling at the sentiment. I see the photographer capture Jim looking at her, and I’ll have to remember to order a print so that I can keep this image fresh in my mind forever.

One day, I’ll share my perspective on all of this with Jim, so that he can learn to listen and love as only a parent can, just in case his own son or daughter comes to him with a tale of heartbreak and despair. He will need to let them know that they shouldn’t give up hope, even when they think all is lost forever.

I’ll have to remind him of how he came to me, so destroyed, and said that he couldn’t bear to look at the woman he loved in a wedding dress, walking away from him and towards another man.

And then I’ll recount this wonderful day, of how I’m standing here, looking at my son, seeing his dream come true -- the love of his life in her wedding dress, letting go of her father’s hand and taking her place beside him, where she wants to spend the rest of her life.

I probably won’t, however, need to remind him that every once in a while, for the truly lucky, the love story does, indeed, have a happy ending.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~