Summary: With apologies to Charles Dickens, here's the real story of what finally prompted Pam to call off the wedding. 1. Prologue by nqllisi
2. Present by nqllisi
3. Future by nqllisi
4. Past...and maybe future by nqllisi
God Bless Us Every One
"Paaaaammmela Beeeeesly. Paaaaaaam Beeeeeeesly." Pam’s head jerked upright. Despite it being just one week before her wedding, she’d been in the middle of her normal Saturday night ritual (dosing on the couch in front of “Legally Blonde”). She was not quite aware that she had fallen asleep, but hearing her name had jolted her awake.
“Roy?” It hadn’t sounded like Roy, but who else would be there? The voice had been familiar, but…
“PAAAAAAAAAM BEEEEEESLEY.”
The voice was clear, close, and unmistakable. Springing from the sofa, Pam spun around in fear and anger. “What the hell are you doing here, Michael!?” she shrieked.
He was standing very close, and very still. Totally aside from the fact that he was standing in her living room (which he had never done before) in the middle of the night (which was wildly inappropriate) and that she had no idea how he’d gotten in (which was freaking her out), there was something really weird about Michael’s appearance. For one thing, he was dressed in a simple white outfit that resembled hospital scrubs. For another, he was wrapped up in a large, heavy-looking chain. For a third, he was slightly transparent.
It was when she noticed him being transparent that Pam actually relaxed a bit. She was dreaming, that was all. She’d been having very vivid dreams lately, as the wedding drew closer. None had featured transparent Michael, but some of them had been intense and some had featured co-workers doing things more inappropriate than being see-thru.
“Hey, Pam. I’m not exactly Michael. I’m a spiritual manifestation of Michael’s heart.” Yep, she was dreaming.
“Nice to meet you?”
“Thanks. I mean, no. No, it is not nice to meet me, because of why I’m here. You’re in danger, and I’m here as a warning.” Pam was glad she knew she was dreaming because that was creepy. DreamMichael looked so serious, and so sad. He continued, “These chains are all my regrets. I have to carry them around all the time, even though no one else can see them. There’s one link for every bad decision, every time I chose what was safe instead of what would make me happy, every time I was too scared to take a risk. I’m here to warn you that your chains are already bigger and heavier than these, even if you don’t see them yourself…” He shook the chains to make them rattle ominously. “I just don’t want you to be chained like this, Pam.” He stopped and looked at her expectantly.
To fill the awkward silence, Pam forced herself to speak. “You are a dream and I don’t know what you are talking about,” she managed to say, although not confidently. “I’m going to lie back down and you will go away.”
“Fine, I’ll go. But I’m going to send three of my lackeys to try to change your mind. Expect the first one when the clock strikes midnight. Oh, and Pam? I like your sheep pajamas. Rowr!” And with a small popping sound, he was gone.
Pam shook her head slightly to clear it. Weird dream, she thought. She turned off the television and went to bed. “I don’t have any regrets,” she whispered to the empty bedroom. It was a lie and she knew it. She regretted the way things had ended with Jim. She couldn’t be with him (she was engaged, she was getting married), but she’d never wanted to hurt him. She regretted handling things in a way that meant they couldn’t be friends anymore. She regretted giving in to his kiss the night of the casino fundraiser…
That’s a lie, too, she thought as she snuggled under the covers. You don’t regret that at all.
The Michael dream had been unsettling, and Pam wished fleetingly that Roy would get home before she fell back to sleep. She knew that was highly unlikely. This was the night of his big bachelor party. One week from this moment she’d be leaving her wedding reception, officially married to Roy. She was already more than half asleep, so she didn’t hear the sigh that escaped her lips when that thought crossed her mind.
Disclaimer: Still own nothing'.
Present
“Paa-aam!” A deep voice, somehow simultaneously sing-song and monotone, startled her awake for the second time that night. Her eyes were facing the clock as they snapped open, so she saw that it was exactly midnight. “Wake up, Pam.”
She recognized the voice. This, then, was a nightmare. “Kevin, why are you in my bedroom?”
“Heh.” Pam could make out Kevin’s customary creepy grin in the slight glow. The glow was emanating from Kevin himself, she noticed. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Pam, although that would rock. I’m not really Kevin. I’m the spirit of June 3rd Present.”
“Excuse me?” She must’ve eaten something weird to produce dreams like this. Not only that, but this was starting to sound familiar.
“I’m here to show you what is going on tonight. Then two of my fellow spirits will, uh…show you other stuff.”
Recognition kicked in. “You can’t be serious. That’s what going on? I’m Scrooge? I am not Scrooge.” Pam was highly indignant with her subconscious. She’d been a little bit cranky lately, but she wasn’t a bridezilla, and she certainly wasn’t Scrooge!
The Kevin spirit shrugged. “Come on. I gotta show you this.” He waved his hand toward where she still lay in the bed, covers pulled up to her chin. A sensation of falling captured her for a moment and then she realized she was standing in the middle of a crowded room.
It wasn’t a room, it was a bar. Actually, it wasn’t a bar, it was a strip club. Mostly unclad women were dancing on the stage, while others worked their way through the crowd. Pam felt acutely uncomfortable in such an environment, mostly because of her rather un-sexy jammies, although she knew she was invisible to the crowd.
“Cool place, huh?” The spirit was clearly not paying attention to Pam anymore, with all the other distractions around.
The music was loud and the place was hazy with smoke, but Pam had no trouble finding Roy. He was the center of a small crowd, uproariously laughing as a gorgeous blonde tried to tempt him with a lap dance, paid for by the rest of his buddies.
“Nah, none for me, thanks.” The guys jeered a little bit, laughing. Pam couldn’t help but smile, a bit surprised that Roy was passing it up.
One of the guys Pam didn’t know started giving him a hard time. “Your old lady’s got you on a short leash already, eh, bud?”
“Aw, hell no! I just don’t want this fine lady fresh in my mind on my wedding night. Don’t want the bride to suffer in comparison!” The stripper rolled her eyes good-naturedly while the guys roared in laughter. Roy was clearly joking…wasn’t he?
“Why did you finally cave in, anyway?” Pam was really starting to not like this guy, whoever he was. “You’ve been with what’s-her-name for years, right?”
“Yeah. I figured, why not? It’s not going to change anything but it’ll get her to stop worrying about it. And it’ll make taxes and insurance and stuff easier, especially if she gets knocked up.”
Pam felt a shiver of despair. It wasn’t as though she expected Roy to bust out with some romantic ode to her, but…she knew him well enough to know that he was a direct, plain-speaking person. If someone asked him a question, he answered it. He didn’t have the flair for sarcasm or verbal wittiness that …some people had, but his honest, simple way was very appealing. Except, of course, when he was talking about marrying you for tax purposes.
“It’s not going to change anything.” She repeated his words to herself, shivering again. Pam turned to the spiritual manifestation-thingy of Kevin, who was using his incorporeality to do something truly disturbing in the vicinity of a petite redhead on the stage. “Excuse me, can we go now?” she asked.
“Fine.” The spirit waved his hand again, and Pam felt the same falling feeling. Expecting to return to her own bed, she was surprised to find herself again standing in a crowd. She recognized this place; it was the bar area at the Chili’s in Scranton. She turned to ask the apparition why they had come here (since she assumed that her lifetime ban also included astral projection), but instead saw the answer. Kelly and Ryan were sitting next to her at the bar.
Ryan was quietly sipping a beer. Kelly was talking. This was not a surprise. “Oh, wow, tonight’s Roy’s bachelor party. You know that Pam isn’t having a bachelorette party? I offered to throw her one, but she said no. Isn’t that weird? I mean, I really think she needs to get out more. She’s nice, but she’s been so gloomy since Jim left. I guess it must be wedding nerves, but the timing is a little bit suspicious for her to suddenly get depressed, don’t you think? I think he had a crush on her, don’t you? Oh, my god, you don’t think that’s why he’s transferring to Stamford, do you? Wow, that would be weird. I mean, Roy’s all dependable and has dimples, and everything, but Jim’s way cuter. Not to mention how they have the same weird sense of humor. Jim and Pam would make a much better couple than Roy and Pam, I think. Of course, neither of them is as cute as you, Ryan. I’m having such a good time, aren’t you?”
Pam didn’t wait to hear Ryan’s response, if any was forthcoming. “That’s enough. Take me home,” she said shortly to the appearance of Kevin, who was grinning again.
“Yeah, OK. But don’t ignore what we’re showing you, Pam.”
“All I’ve seen is that Roy is faithful and dependable, and that people noticed that Jim and I were friends. Take me home, Kevin, or whatever you are.” Pam often used anger to mask her inner turmoil. Kelly’s words had shaken her.
Upset as she was, Pam was yawning as she found herself again in her bedroom. “Try to get some rest, Pam. My…colleague will be along shortly.” Kevin disappeared, and Pam sank into the bed, too exhausted to be afraid of what was coming next.
Disclaimer: Aren't you glad I own nothing associated with Dickens or The Office?
Future
Pam didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, although it felt like a long time. She felt refreshed and rested, and mostly amused at the bizarre dreams of the night before. Opening her eyes slowly, she was surprised to find that it was still dark. She’d been sure it was morning. She turned to the clock, and watched the display turn from 12:59 to 1:00. Rolling over to go back to sleep, she instead sat straight up in bed. A slightly shimmering version of her co-worker Toby was standing next to her bed, smiling in his normal melancholy way.
“Sorry, did I scare you? I didn’t mean…I mean, um. Hi.” Toby was really nice, but it was seriously unsettling to have him watching her sleep- even if he wasn’t really Toby. “I’m, uh, the Spirit of June 3rd Yet To Come.”
“OK. But- wait a minute. This is out of order, isn’t it? I mean, if my stupid subconscious has me being Scrooge, shouldn’t we have started with Past, and then Present and then Future?” Pam wasn’t really sure why this was bothering her, all things considered, but she was a detail-oriented person.
The vision of Toby smiled slightly. “Good catch. Yeah, we have the order changed around. Dramatic license and all that. I mean, none of us are ghosts, either, if you think about it.”
Pam nodded. Weirdest dream ever, she thought. “So. The future, then?”
“A possible future, yes. There is no fate but what you make.”
“That’s from Terminator 2.”
“Yes, well, your subconscious has a lot of random stuff in it, Pam.” DreamToby shrugged and made a gesture similar to the one the previous spirit had made, and Pam had the same feeling of falling. She landed in her living room.
It was dusk, and the windows were open, letting a cool summer evening breeze in. Pam’s eyes grew round with indescribable emotion as she watched…herself. She was walking aimlessly around the room, one hand holding the cordless phone to her ear.
“When-?” was all she could manage to ask her spirit guide. She felt an overwhelming sense of dread, for no reason she could put her finger on.
The spirit answered softly, “Three years from now.” The answer was shocking. The room, the furnishings, even future Pam’s pajamas, all were exactly the same. Pam walked quickly out of the living room toward the spare bedroom, the Toby apparition trailing behind her.
She reached the room and sagged against the doorframe. The small room had been re-painted, but had not been decorated in any other way. Her future self walked by her on endless circuit around the apartment, still talking on the phone.
“Yeah, Mom, of course I’m a little disappointed but there will be other houses. I wasn’t that thrilled about living in Michael’s neighborhood, anyway. I see him plenty at work. It just isn’t the right time to buy right now, I guess. Besides, we really don’t need a bigger place yet, with it just the two of us...Oh, don’t start. You’re way too young to worry about being a grandma yet, right?....Yes, he’s out, but it’s fine. It gives me a chance to watch my shows…I’m fine, Mom….yes, I’m sure.” Three-years-older Pam was doing a good job keeping her voice firm, but her eyes were full of tears. “I miss you, Mom. Talk to you soon…love you, too. ‘Bye.” She hung up and walked into the living room. She stretched out on the couch and picked up the remote. She hit the Play button and “Legally Blonde” started up.
Pam stared at the woman on the couch, and then back at the Toby spirit. “Nothing changes at all? In three years? I’m still sitting here alone in this apartment in three years? I let him go and all it gets me is more of this?” The Toby apparition was apparently no more loquacious than the real version; he just looked at her and raised his eyebrows in a way that suggested a shrug. “Do you have anything else to show me? I’ve seen enough of this place.” He nodded and waved his hand.
The falling, the landing. They were now in yet another bar, although this one was the kind in a very nice restaurant. With a sudden intuition about what she was there to see, Pam took a steadying breath before looking around. Jim.
He looked mostly the same. His hair was different, somehow, but still unruly and touchable. He was dressed nicely, in a sweater and shirt combination that reminded her, painfully, of a moment that was doubly in the past. He was also, of course, sitting across from a beautiful young woman.
Pam hadn’t seen Jim in a few weeks, but she could tell immediately this was a version of him she’d never seen. He looked confident and relaxed. He also looked successful, somehow- maybe it was the new haircut or the updated clothes. The woman was talking animatedly, and Jim was laughing and gazing at the woman in affection. His laughter sent a pang through Pam, as did the sight of Jim reaching over and taking the striking brunette’s hand. Suddenly, though, Pam turned to the spirit.
“Is he OK?” There was something wrong. Aside from the fact that she wasn’t sure if she wanted this future Jim to be OK with this pretty girl, Pam knew immediately that all was not as it seemed.
“He’s fine, Pam. Look at him. This woman changed his life. She knew she wanted him and let him know it. His career is going well, his relationship is stable, and he knows where he’s going in life.” The vision of Toby was watching the couple, not looking at Pam.
“But, Toby, or whatever you are, he’s not happy. Look at his eyes. Watch how he looks at her- there’s no…something’s missing. He doesn’t look at her the way –“ Pam stopped.
“The way he looks at you? No, Pam. Jim is fine, and he is happy, but that young lady there isn’t ever going to make Jim have that look. Trust me; you only get one chance at that. And, uh…you were his chance. Ready to go?”
Pam nodded, and they made the mystical trip back to her room. Toby’s face smiled sadly at her. “Think about it, Pam. It doesn’t have to turn out that way. For either of you. You’ll get another visit in an hour, but you may have time for a nap, if you need it. Good-night, Pam.” He disappeared with a pop.
Disclaimer: I love all of these characters but profit from none of them in any way. No harm or infringement intended.
Past...and maybe future
Pam was tired, no doubt, but she didn’t sleep. She stared at the clock (which somehow still read 1:00 when the spirit of June 3rd Yet To Come left). She was contemplating what she had seen. Her joyless, unchanging future stretched out before her. Finally, 2:00 came.
She was listening for the pop this time. She turned to face her last spirit guide, wondering what awful specter her dreams would conjure up for this last, worst vision.
It was Phyllis, and she was luminous. “Hi, Pam. You ready for a trip down memory lane?” She smiled sweetly, and made the gesture to whisk them both through time.
When they landed, they were in the Dunder Mifflin office, by the elevator. Phyllis spoke softly, although of course no one could hear them. “This was one year ago, Friday, June 3rd, 2005.”
The past Pam emerged from the elevator wearing her pink blouse and gray skirt. The two visitors followed her into the main office area, where she sat down at her desk. Pam, again, found it incredibly bizarre to see herself from the outside, although she figured this would be how it would feel once the documentary started to air. “I don’t remember anything special about this date last year. What are we here to see?” she asked the spirit.
“Just watch, Pam.” The vision Phyllis smiled cutely, just like the real Phyllis sometimes did. At that moment, Jim entered the office.
“Good morning, Pam,” he said cheerily, flashing his best smile. “It’s Friday!” He leaned his upper body toward her, resting against the tall reception desk. Pam’s eyes filled with tears at the simple greeting. She’d missed him so much since those awful, awkward moments after they’d kissed. She missed this smile, the one that was just for her. She’d missed these little moments of friendship and camaraderie.
Past Pam smiled up at Jim. “Thank goodness! Not that I have big weekend plans. Roy and his brother are going camping, just the two of them.” She was looking down at her computer screen, and didn’t see the flicker of longing in Jim’s eyes, but the Pam who was visiting saw it.
“Well, you can call me if you get bored. I don’t have anything going on.” His tone was light, but his expression was so hopeful, so open. “There’s an art exhibition at the local history museum that looks interesting. I mean, I thought it did, but you’d know more about that than I do.” He stood straight and grabbed some jellybeans. “You know; if you get bored.” Jim strolled back to his desk and sat down to work. The Past Pam just smiled and continued checking her e-mail.
Pam and the apparition of Phyllis watched them in silence as Michael came in for the morning, making some stupid jokes at Pam’s expense until Jim distracted him. They watched as Jim enlisted Past Pam’s help in a minor prank on Dwight. They watched as the morning went on with sporadic, meaningless chit-chat and constant exchanged looks and smiles between the receptionist and the salesman. She saw the light of the Past Pam’s grin and the look in Jim’s eyes as they talked and laughed.
Suddenly, Pam turned to the spirit. “There was nothing special about this day, was there? But he was here. He was here with me.” It might not have been the real Phyllis, but it was certainly her kind smile on the spirit guide’s face. “He wanted to spend time with me. He wanted to share my interests. He valued my input. He took a risk for his own happiness and mine…Oh, how did I let him go?”
With those words, Pam looked down and suddenly saw, as well as felt, the heavy chains around her. Regret was weighing her down. “Help me, Phyllis! What can I do?” Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she realized what she’d given up.
“I can’t tell you, dear. But the only way to be rid of those,” she gestured to the chains, “is to live from now on with no regrets. Don’t add another bad choice, Pam.”
“I can’t move like this. I can’t move!” Pam was panicking, and struggling violently. She was trying to get to the Jim in her vision but her efforts were futile. He just stared in love and anguish at the Pam sitting obliviously at the reception desk.
“I can’t!” Pam shouted, sitting straight up in bed. She was completely entangled in her bedclothes.
“Can’t what, babe?” It was Roy, reeking of beer and cigar smoke, finally stumbling in after his bachelor party.
“Huh? Oh, nothing. I was dreaming…take a shower before you come to bed, OK?” she said quietly. Pam heard the shower come on as she huddled back into the blankets.
“I can’t marry you,” she whispered. She’d say it louder in the morning. "God bless us, every one."
The End.