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AS LONG AS IT'S NOT WHORISH


“Jim, I need to speak with you, it is of the utmost importance,” Jim sighed as Dwight entered his office quickly and closed the door behind him. This was not what he was after today. Fresh back from Puerto Rico he had expected to enjoy the rested feelings of his honeymoon for at least a week. Unfortunately Michael's revelation about Pam's mother, as well as falling in the koi pond, had put a damper on things. And now, the joy of Dwight.

“Dwight, I am not writing anybody up or listening to any suggestions for company improvement today. Just submit it to me in writing.” Dwight's eyes narrowed briefly.

“Despite my disgust at your lack of leadership, I have in fact come to you for a different reason. I require guidance.” Jim's mood lightened considerably at the opportunity to mess with Dwight.

“Of course, what can I do for you?” Dwight's eyes darted around the room as if checking for listening devices which, given last week, was not so surprising. He leaned forward.

“I have decided to make Angela my wife. However I am informed that simple demanding of this is not appropriate, that proposing is some kind of “big deal” to women. Whilst we Shrute's normally simply inform the woman of the change in arrangements, I understand this is no longer acceptable. You have proposed to, gotten married to, and impregnated a woman. So I require guidance from you.”

Jim's eyes bugged out of his head as he took in Dwight's words. The man actually came to him for something like this? Although his initial instinct told him to convince Dwight that women liked bathtubs full of onions instead of engagement rings, he fought it down. Dwight had actually come to him for help, for something important. Even if he didn't have the threat of a slightly overemotional pregnant woman who would pound him to a pulp if he messed up something so important, he still felt compelled to do the right thing.

“Ah, ok, first you need a ring.” Dwight, the ever attentive pupil, immediately produced a box, opening it to reveal a modest diamond on a gold band. Jim leaned in closed to see that miniscule cats were engraved around the edge of the band.

“Wow, ok, very organised. Just so we're clear you and Angela are now dating again?” Dwight looked at the ring briefly before smiling smugly.

“We have an arrangement.” Jim suppressed a shudder and continued.

“Look this sort of thing is usually more for the woman than the man. Basically she says yes and we're happy. But for girl's it's different.” Dwight, having pulled out a pad halfway through his sentence, was scribbling and nodding furiously. Jim sighed, he had no idea what to say now. This was more of a girl thing. A thought occurred and he smiled. He pressed his intercom.

“Erin will you have Pam come in here please?” Dwight looked up sharply, about to protest when Jim said, as sincerely as he possibly could, “You need a woman's perspective here.”

Dwight looked like about to argue before nodding. Pam entered, looking confused as Jim requested she shut the door. As he filled her in on the situation he noticed Pam tearing up. Another side effect of her pregnancy was finding everything extremely moving. Last week she had cried over a spaghetti commercial.

“And so we need a woman's perspective. Any thoughts?” Pam glanced out to where Angela was sitting, before looking back to Dwight. She looked down thoughtdully before looking up with a slow smile.

As she began to speak Jim was in awe of the brilliance of his wife. Yes. That was perfect.

Dwight stared intently at Pam as she unveiled her idea. It was simple.

It wasn't too flashy.

It was most definitely not whorish.

It was perfect.

It had taken him a weekend to organise everything perfectly. It had seemed a ridiculous amount of work to go to for this but Pam assured him that it would be worth it. She reminded him of the importance of telling his own children something like this, and he deferred to her experience.

He'd actually called Pam six times in total, and despite her sounding tired and irritated, she had answered as best she could, and had been extremely helpful. He thought back to all the ridiculous pranks they'd played on him, laughing at his frustration. But the two had come through for him spectacularly, and Dwight made a note to send them a coupon for a free weekend and his beet farm.

Monday arrived. He was anxious, sweating, when Pam pulled him aside around lunchtime.

“Stay calm Dwight, this is perfect for Angela. And you two...well you're not made for anybody else.” Dwight had smiled at her kind words, wishing for her a male for their first offspring.

The day had passed extremely slowly, his anticipation growing. As the clock hit four thirty Pam quietly left the office, just as planned. Jim came out from his office and wandered over to accounting.

“So listen Angela, I'm going to need you to go through the expense reports for the last six months. We're worried there might be an anomaly and we need you to check them for three branches. Angela glared, the sight filling Dwight with joy.

“That will take hours, I'm due to leave soon.” Jim shrugged. “Take the break room at five fifteen, everyone will be gone and you can spread out. Just get it done.” He walked away, ignoring her protests.

Everyone began leaving at five, and the rush of people leaving meant Pam slipped easily into the office without being noticed, and nobody commenting on the basket she carried. She waited in the women's bathroom, coming out when Dwight texted her that everyone had left and Angela was in place in the breakroom.

Pam set about her task as quickly as possible, realizing that time was of the essence, and quickly departed the building, nodding silently at Dwight who was now hiding behind reception.

Everything was in place.

Now, like any good hunter, he just had to wait until his prey came to him.

Angela frowned as she went over the reports. She honestly couldn't see what on earth Jim was talking about. The stupid man had probably made it up as some kind of joke. Suddenly she heard a noise from the corner of the room. It sounded...was that a kitten mewling?

She rushed to a small basket she found in the corner, opening it to find a tiny white ball of fur. She held it close, confused, until she spotted something around it's neck. There was a tiny note.

“You are so little and petite,
But to me you are extra, extra sweet.
Stanley's desk.”

She smiled to herself, confused but pleased by this tiny present. She grabbed the basket, which was laid with a soft blanket, and put her tiny bundle back into it, before walking through the kitchen to Stanley's desk.

There, sleeping on the keyboard, was a tiny ginger and white tabby. As she gently picked up the sleeping kitten she saw another note.

“Your eyes flash in anger so fierce,
The hardest shell those eyes would pierce.
Conference room.”

Placing her next small present carefully next to its basket mate she went to the conference room. There, playing with several balls of paper someone had rolled, was another beautiful kitten, this one a pale grey with a sleek coat. She smiled as she caught him easily, almost laughing as his tiny paws tried to play with her necklace. She easily removed her third note from her new feisty friend.

“No better woman to call my own,
The strongest mate I could have known,
I want my home to be our home.
Your desk.”

She was now smiling openly as she gently placed the fiesty youngster in the basket with his brethren, heading quickly across the office to her own space. At first she found nothing but a small noise from under her desk caught her attention.

A brief glance under her desk revealed a small black kitten with shocking blue eyes, who slowly came towards her as she murmered soft words. Snatching him up gently she looked for her next note, spotting it around his neck. She gasped as she found along with it a stunning ring. Her eyes filled as she read the note.

“Monkey,
I could ask no better woman to be my bride. Marry me.”

She turned as she heard the dloor creak behind her. There stood her D, eyes filled with hope and fear. Clutching the kitten in one hand she slipped the ring over her finger, nodding as her tears spilled over. His relief was palpable, and she quickly put her last tiny gift into the basket, before moving towards him.

They stared at each other a moment, eyes intense, before he swept her into his arms, kissing her fiercly.

Jim and Pam quietly moved from behind Michael's desk and out of the office, their exit failing to draw any attention from the newly engaged couple.

As soon as they arrived in the elevator the grinned at one another, holding hands. Jim looked at his wife.

“That was...inspired.” Pam grinned at Jim as she replied. “I always hoped they'd get together...if only to save other unsuspecting people from that.” Her eyes softened as she glanced at her own wedding band, and then at Jim's. Her husband smirked.

“Yeah, that's why you did that, it had nothing at all to do with wanting them to be happy together.” Pam smiled up at him, her eyes dancing with happiness and delight.

“Yup, nothing at all.”

Pam had expected her baby shower to be awful. When Michael had announced it she had shuddered, expecting ridiculous antics and people to complain since she was married to a boss. She was pleasantly surprised.

The entire conference room had been decked out with pale yellow streamers. A small table replaced the usually large one, and it was weighed down by a stunning cake with plae blue and yellow icing, surrounded by tiny sugar ducklings.

Gifts surrounded the cake and the floor around it. As she entered the room she heard “Isn't She Lovely” floated from the radio, and felt her eyes fill with tears. Her stomach was now huge, their little one due only a month from now. Even Michael's antics couldn't dissuade her, since whenever he seemed to get close to offensive, Dwight somehow had distracted him with something of grave importance. Finally Michael had simply said “I will forever be awed and jealous of what the two of you have found. There is no luckier baby in the world.” Pam grinned broadly at Jim, who had smiled at his wife's tears of happiness.

Presents were doled out immediately, and Pam was amazed at the generosity of the people she worked with. A beautiful cot, hand knitted baby clothes, useful household items, and several homecooked meals from Phyllis. The older woman smiled, “Freeze them, you'll want something easy to heat up when you have other things to worry about!” Pam had smiled at the thoughtfulness.

One present came with a card that was unsigned. It was a small baby rattle, but it had been coated in bright gold. The card was simple also, an old poem:

“Make new friends,
But keep the old.
New friends are silver,
Old friends are gold.”

After some games and cake, Pam finally found who she had wanted to speak to. Angela was sitting quietly in the corner, attempting to look disapproving but failing as a small smile graced her face. She made no motion as Pam sat in the chair next to her.

“Angela, this is amazing, you have honestly outdone yourself. Thank you so much.” Angela glanced over and nodded slightly, before turning her gaze away. Pam pressed on, “I just want to know, why did you go to so much trouble?”

Now Angela finally turned and looked at her fully, and there, behind severe hazel eyes, Pam saw what she saw in her own face everyday,

Happiness.

Pure and unadulterated.

Joy.

Angela drew in a breath, glancing around the room to check who was listening before speaking.

“It's not outdoing myself. Not for you. Don't think I don't know what you did.” She glanced down to her engagement ring, a ring that in two months would be matched to a simple gold band. She looked back up.

“Pam, I think you are gold.”

With that the tiny accountant stood, crossing the room to speak politely to her fiance. Pam felt the tears spilling down her cheeks. Jim came over, concerned that Angela had said something awful, when Pam smiled up at him.

“I think Angela just called me her friend.” Jim smiled and sat next to his wife, placing one had over her rounded belly, where his child lay resting.

“As long as she didn't call you whorish.”